I just wanna be loved gently and not feel so gross and like I’m gonna be abandoned every second

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I just wanna be loved gently and not feel so gross and like I’m gonna be abandoned every second
Can’t explain my emotions because I feel like I should be publicly executed at that moment
I hate being lonely all I want is to share earbuds with someone and go thrifting, antique shopping, to books a million/barnes and noble sigh I need to yap
I know to never love anyone that hard again
so basically me
I hate when people get in relationships and act like their friends just don’t exist anymore like okay I guess
when will I stop feeling alone
I feel like such a loser compared to people my age i disgust myself I can’t be social without feeling like I’m weird n I cant figure out what I wanna do