#rb whatever

[lesbyterianchurch]

In which I'm literally Chidi Anagonye

In college

Go to conference with professor

still don't have a thesis for my final paper of entire degree (nbd)

the topic of which I decided on after abandoning previous subject at last minute

Make comment about how paper topic in other class fell apart

Professor jokes: that seems to happen all the time to you

>implying I can never make up my mind

I am fake writer.

Imposter syndrome happening again

Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad

[satoruvt]

→ why does this keep happening? i keep suffering. over and over again. and it’s all on me. no one else. i do this to myself. why?

you remind me of summer. green grass, yellow flowers, the sound of bikes riding past. soft guitars. warm breezes. you are summer, you’re sunshine, your smile keeps me warm and makes me melt, you remind me of freedom. you are everything i have ever wanted. i am not sure when you became everything i wanted, so please don’t ask me when, but all i know is that you are. she is winter. not cold, never brutal, only beautiful. she is snow glistening in the sun, she is that of beautiful white. she is so opposite to you that you are drawn to her, like a moon in orbit. she keeps things interesting, she’s different, and oh so beautiful, so who are you not to go to her? i cannot stop you. you were never mine. i can’t keep you from wanting to see that snow up close, although she may melt. i never thought you would try to get so close, i never imagined you would even be able to touch her. you seemed hesitant, like something was holding you back. perhaps it was strictly morality, but my heart is willing me to believe that you loved me first, and that you didn’t want to leave me. but how could you have loved me when i was never yours?

i am almost identical to you. i am summer, but i am firey. i will burn if you are not careful and i will not hesitate to spill my boiled blood. i am warm, yes, i am blue and cloudless skies, but i am also blistering sunsets and pink cheeks. i am almost like you, i am so close, and we get along so well, so why aren’t you with me? have i been too reckless with my heat? have my rays pierced your skin and made you second-guess everything? we are both summer. how could i let you slip through my fingers?

i suppose i should have told you when i thought you might have felt the same. i know the chances are low, but i’m praying you will come back to me as if you were mine in the first place. my mind is smolduring; conjuring images of your lips on mine, hot and heavy, of me laying on your chest, of us slow dancing to stupid love songs. if i keep denying, if i keep forgetting, it never happened. it never happened. it couldn’t have happened. It never did.

except it did happen, and it broke my heart. the heat that i am is higher than ever before; a burning fever. i only want to be near you, your sunshine, your smile. i adore the way you speak of the things you love, and one day, even now, i hope to be one. i used to tell myself that being near you, even just as your friend, would be better than never having you at all, but i’m not sure if i can anymore.

we are both summer. why won’t this work? i only want to be yours. kiss me under starlight and tell me i’m your universe. i know you are mine.

- a

[space-outlaw]

yooooooooooo to all 2 of you who see this I made new side blogs @van-hoe-nheim for like anime, animal crossing, and professor layton @moritzstifled for musical theatre