#rdpost

[indigosfindings]

also i love when tv shows signify that a new scene is immediately post-sex by cutting to a shot of two characters falling face-up into bed next to each other. it always makes me imagine that for them, sex must have taken the form of levitating supine above the mattress shoulder-to-shoulder, staring at the ceiling & not touching or acknowledging each other

[indigosfindings]

every episode of riverdale has a scene where a teen with too much hairstyle confronts a diabolical adult like "listen up bozo, i know you think youre all tough and comfortable running the show & calling the shots. but here's a newsflash for you, you goddamn monster: we're sick and tired of you using our town as your personal junk pool. i will hunt you down and stomp on your world. arrivederci, you bastard" & all throughout this the adult looks completely disarmed, scared shitless, terrified for their life, then two scenes later the adult will walk up to the teen & shoot them in the head point blank with a pump action shotgun. that's the cliffhanger, & the next episode opens with the teen in the hospital recovering from a mild contusion

[indigosfindings]

the RiverdaleVerse also has a recurring play (as early as the first minutes of episode one!) where a straight girl character's Gay Best Friend will see her straight guy love interest and start raving about how he's Soo Hot & whatnot. & like, half the time he just isnt. it feels almost deceptive. like you cant fool me katy keene, your caricaturish gay character cannot manufacture consent for thinking that horribly styled man is attractive

[indigosfindings]

i like how netflix episode summaries are like "john experiences mounting difficulties. rebecca reveals shocking information. marybeth issues a challenge." like what does this tell me, what do i now know about this episode. if i was looking for a specific episode i dont think "hubert learns new information" would really help. might as well say "various humans breathe & stand in this epsiode"

[indigosfindings]

theres this really funny thing riverdale & both its spinoffs do where they make active efforts to like, sexualize male characters while pointedly avoiding sexualizing female ones. & it strikes me as a mix of like, trying to appeal to the expected audience and trying to cultivate a reputation for like Respecting Women & Being Progressive. but then part of the way they try to look Progressive is by depicting women as like, owning their sexuality & being sexually empowered & whatnot. which leads to some strange moments (betty's pole dance scene where her lacy lingerie is like, dark, formless, & unrevealing, and the camera has no interest whatsoever in anything below her shoulders) but also produces this recurring thing where with minimal exception gay man relationships are characterized as like, heated, hyperpassionate, almost animalistic, two guys unable to pry themselves apart, while lesbian ones are comparatively super chaste & restrained & delicate, even sex scenes having the detached & dispassionate air of like, porcelain dolls. Which Brings Its Own Set Of Issues,

[indigosfindings]

anyway. so i watched season 1 of riverdale

[indigosfindings]

im like two episodes into the netflix sabrina & i was going to say something like "this just makes me wish i was watching the 90s sitcom instead" but truthfully ive seen very little of that show & dont remember whether it was any good. what i actually wish is that i was reading the "manga-inspired" sabrina era where everything looked like this

[indigosfindings]

chilling adventures of sabrina season 1

straightforwardly terrible. worse than riverdale in every respect. that it got a second season at all beggars belief

i really like that the title sequence is 2000 hours long & also quite bad

why is this show so uninterested in witches & witchcraft. i expect it to be leading with like, how magic interacts with sabrina's life--casting spells to tie her shoelaces & such--but instead the opening beats are like, sabrina talking about how she's a witch & experiences Witch Problems, then instead of showing that she just. goes to a movie. she goes to a cafe. she goes to school. like seriously the magic comes up so infrequently & there is never any visual or narrative substance or emphasis. sabrina doesnt even get to Witch School until like 4 episodes in. they describe the school as containing like, infinite rooms modeled after Sacred Geometry or whatever, but that's basically just a mumbled tidbit, there's no illustration of this, no chase scene or "wrong turn" plotline taking advantage of the concept. even something as dull as doctor strange at least knows how to indulge a little in the visuals. like i cant overstate how much this show does not care about magic. the witch world feels so small & pithy, no sense of wonder or fascination. it's all perfunctory, it feels like watching a filing cabinet. it's written & plotted & shot as if the budget was literal pocket change

the visual emptiness extends beyond magic. in conversations characters just stand still, arms at their side, talking vaguely in the direction of one another

deeeeep in the shadow of supernatural. the red angel shit in the midseason finale hints at a kind of episodic monster-of-the-week adventure structure that this show just does not have

the first foot forward is sabrina talking about the difference between Fast Zombies & Slow Zombies, and this is positioned as like, really niche in-depth information signaling her as a Real Horror Afficionado

it's sort of maddening that hilda & zelda's entire appearances & personalities are completely 100% swapped from what they are in the comics. was there like a typo somewhere on the way or what

the aunts are probably the strongest characters. zelda (hilda?) as A Bree Van De Kamp is fun, she's honestly better than the show around her. hilda (zelda?)'s loneliness/romance subplot was sweet & compelling (until of course it ended up being corked unceremoniously)

the visual haze throughout all of part 1 is too much. sort out your focal length immediately

the colour grading!!! girl get some contrast NOW

they want to have character subplots like riverdale, but it's also overwhelmingly clear that the show only cares about one character

there are substantial gestures toward the idea that this series is (or involves) Horror (the music cues, all the allusions to horror movies (recreating johnny depp's outfit from a nightmare on elm street?!), the title...). & well, not only are the "horror" elements scattershot, sporadic, & routinely fumbled, 90% of the time it's only done to characters deemed to "deserve" it: tedious, unscary, puerile, etc

qua horror: i liked the scene where lilith's stupid fucking jason voorhees homunculus attacks sabrina in the bathtub (a solid, tense scene which lasts, like, a few seconds) & the sequence where zelda (hilda) sends a live mouse through a meat grinder (quite gruesome, although it being A Mouse is itself a punch-pull)

"the heroes got back at these bullies by tricking them into being gay! isnt that awesome??"

the scene where sabrina puts the black bully character in her place by threatening her with hanging is. well. i dont think the optics were considered

when i was a kid i always thought hilda & zelda were supposed to be like, gay. i thought they were a couple. this show missed such a strong opportunity. if you insist on making them siblings then make them ianthe & corona or die

im obsessed with the anti-pope plotline where sabrina rushes to present him her doctrine of Misogyny Is Bad before faustus can present his doctrine of Misogyny Is Good. obsessed with the idea that the anti-pope is just on the fence between these two positions & will be instantly swayed to whichever one he hears first

this series is so Fake Woke. it wants desperately to Be About Misogyny but has absolutely nothing to say about misogyny, just a bunch of really shallow soapboxes. every episode an EvilGuy will say "women should not have rights" then a woman will arch one eyebrow & say "ohoho...... men are so foolish... they always seem to forget that girls rule..... & boys drool.."

related: the show constantly wants to have its cake. punch-pulling is pretty much nonstop. sabrina keeps making choices that are described as monstrously scandalous, reputation-shattering, life-ruining, & potentially dangerous, & there is just never any laating consequence or fallout. she always says "i want to have it both ways" & then she just. does. she signs contracts then breaks them & nobody cares. witches are sworn to secrecy, but they all reveal themselves to mortals without issue

similarly: the Witch Church is both supposed to represent a libertine sensibility wrt romance & polyamory while also depicting multiple characters extremely concerned with spousal fidelity & primogeniture. it's both a(n excruciatingly unsubtle) 1:1 stand-in for everyday irl patriarchy & a liberatory alternative that allows the yoke of patriarchy to be shaken off. incoherent to say the least

it's all tell, no show. grand gestures about sabrina being The Ultimate Super Cool Witch Who Will Tear Down The Walls, but she never like. does anything. all her Coolness comes from her parentage.

elaborating on that: this show is first & foremost about Discussing power & coolness & conflict. they posture about the fights they will have, then they dont fight. they discuss the rules they will break, then they either dont break the rules or dont face consequences. they describe all this powerful & exciting magic that theyre not using. all these conflicts & struggles & fights just never start & never end

theo's entire plot thread is. terrible. he has no wants, interests, conflicts, plot beats, or topics of conversation outside of being trans. the what-if segment where he uses Evil Magic Transition which causes his body to Become Mutilated was deeply mean-spirited

roz's blindness plot is also terrible. the prospect of being transferred to a school with disability accommodations is presented as if it's like, tantamount to killing her

they really really really want harvey's dad to be both blue-collar & bourgeois.

i like prudence's voice

noticing that both this show & riverdale are constantly circumspect about bisexuality. it's always like, rhetoric & metaphor & oddly pointed talking-around, a similar sort of flighty, evasive register that they use for discussing race. i can accept moose not using the word "bisexual" because he's portrayed as repressive & ignorant, but i dont buy it for any of the others

noticing also that in both shows black characters only seem to enter relationships on rebounds

sabrina being Evil Jesus is soooooooooooo stuuuupiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. cant we just have a plot where sabrina tries to help harvey with his homework & accidentally turns it into an Algebra Goblin & then everyone has to deal with the Algebra Goblin

the "feast of feasts" episode was probably the strongest. the sequence of sabrina showing prudence around the high school actually got a couple of laughs out of me. the extended debating about the virtue of suicide qua ceremony was the closest this show's ever gotten to strong characterization. the cop-out conclusion was the exact sort of abject cowardice the series has displayed at pretty much every opportunity

the needledrops are so funny. every song is just like "i am a witch. i cast spells. i will ensorcel you with my Techniques"

ok you want to have a psychic power that's a knockoff of the shining. thats ok youre allowed to do that. but you cant--no look at me. look me in the eyes. you cannot call it The Cunning. look at me. you cannot keep saying The Cunning. you cant do that.

here's what it comes to: for all its flaws riverdale has never bored me. it has never felt like dragging my feet or made me say "i wish i wasnt watching this"