A Promise - Part 3: Inner Struggles
Author's note: Original characters are creations of this author. The others are owned by Pixelberry Studios. Book: Desire & Decorum (modern day AU) Pairings: Prince Hamid x MC (Daphne), Prince Hamid x F!OC (Sibel) Rating: T Word count: 3766 Reading time: ~15 min Summary: On the way to Hamid’s family’s home, bittersweet memories lead Daphne to a painful conclusion. Based on the prompt: AUgust 2020 - Childhood friends AU + Arranged Marriage AU
Warning: This piece contains adult material (substance abuse - alcohol) that may be disturbing/offensive for some people. Reader discretion is advised.
Istanbul, August 2020
The rain began to cease when the taxi driver sped up and drove off through the streets of Istanbul with no traffic jam. In the backseat, Daphne chewed on a nail. Mixed feelings clouded her mind as she re-read the last messages exchanged with her best friend. She needed to see him before the wedding, but uncertainty consumed her. Encouraging Hamid to get married was the safest choice for everyone. But deep inside her, she knew it meant lying not only to him but to herself. Still, a recurring thought came to her. If he knew everything, would he change his mind? Would he give up the life path his parents planned for him and choose her?
"God, what am I thinking?" She shook her head. "I can't ruin his wedding day. I can't!"
After what happened between them, she kept repeating to herself she had no right to interfere in his life anymore. Letting him go was the right and only thing she could do.
London, May 2020
Flashes and bright lights illuminated the spot reserved for the happy couple whilst they changed poses for the camera. Plastering his trademark charming smile, Hamid held Sibel by the waist with one arm as she turned on one side and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Harika, efendiler! Çok güzel!¹" The photographer cheered.
Along with him, guests stood nearby showering the couple with praises. But not all of them were so inclined to gush over the soon-to-be bride and groom.
From afar, Daphne took the last of her champagne glass in one single gulp and stared at them. She didn't dislike Sibel. Ever since the first she met her best friend's fiancee, Daphne found her a lovely person. Daughter of a business associate of Hamid’s father, Sibel Soyer was smart, graceful, with a great sense of humour, gorgeous face and legs for days. Of course he'd choose another tall girl. Like all human beings attracted to women, Hamid always had a thing for women who look like they just stepped out of a catwalk. But unlike his other exes or girls his parents pushed over him, Sibel was the first one who never pretended to be kind to her just to be in Hamid's good graces. Sibel was successful, beautiful, the perfect Muslim girl madam Raisa wished for her only son.
A part of Daphne was happy for Hamid. He deserved a joyful life, the highest position of his family company and to have a beautiful perfect family. But another part of her, the part that wished she was bold enough to profess her feelings for him, was slowly being numb by the many glasses of champagne. Otherwise, she certainly couldn't make it through the awfully perfect engagement party.
"Ugh... Where's the waiter?" She grumbled.
"Easy there, girl. We're on family-friendly territory. Save it for the nightclub later," Bartholomew said, hoping to comfort her with a smile.
"Are you sure we can't sneak out now? I mean, who would ever notice if we leave anyway?"
"The groom, a.k.a. your best friend for almost seventeen years?" Bart gave her a knowing look.
Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending."
"Then maybe you shouldn't have designed and sewed Sibel's engagement dress. Nor offered to give her the wedding gown."
"I just wanted to show them my support. And you know this is the perfect opportunity to show off one of my designs and my brand. Many of the richest families of Europe and Middle East are here."
"You could've bought them a nice silverware. And you're a British lady who often designs dresses for the Queen Jade of Cordonia. It's not like the entire Europe doesn't know you or W. F. Designs," he protested.
"But I want everything to be perfect for him."
"Yeah, I got that part. But what about you, Daph? Don't you deserve a perfect and happy life too?"
"Perfection is overrated..." She replied, giving her shoulders. "As long as he's happy, I'll be fine." She then glanced at Sibel adjusting Hamid's tie as he smiled fondly at his fiancée. "I have to."
"Did anyone ask for stronger drinks?" Yusuf chimed in carrying a small tray with three narrow glasses and a bottle of rakı².
"Finally!" Daphne blurted, taking one of the glasses to her lips and drinking half of it.
"Daph, Yusuf was going to add water to it!" Bartholomew called out.
"I'm glad you didn't, Yusuf," she replied, drinking the rest of the beverage.
"You might want to take it easy with it. Rakı is as strong as whiskey."
"I know. That's why I asked you to search for it in the pantry."
"Ooh, can I have some?" Sibel's voice startled the three friends as she approached the table. "It's been a while since I drank rakı."
"Yeah, join us! If there’s someone who deserves to get everything they want, this person is you!" Daphne pointed at the bride with exaggerated enthusiasm, slurring the words a bit.
"How sweet of you, canım³," Sibel commented, oblivious to the lady's drunkness. "Pardon! Bakar mısınız?⁴" She chanted, gesturing to a waiter passing by.
"Daphne, slow down a bit. People will start to notice your current state," Bartholomew whispered. "You never know who's going to come to our table..."
"I sooooo don't care," she murmured to her friend.
"Come on... Wait a couple more hours. Then we can go somewhere no one will judge you for getting sloshed at a party."
"What are you two whispering about, huh?" Sibel smiled slyly.
"We’re just chatting about fashion, hun. I hope you don't mind if we roast your guests a little," Bartholomew joked to change the subject.
"I do if you don't share your thoughts with me," Sibel playfully scolded and changed seats to be next to Daphne. "Spill!"
Whilst the four of them chatted, Daphne's eyes eventually scanned the area, searching for Hamid. No matter how much she tried to fight it, she always looked for him. When the waiter returned with a glass for Sibel, Yusuf poured rakı and some water and the four of them clinked glasses.
"Okay, now I remember why I don't drink rakı so often." Sibel shook her head and grimaced slightly.
The four of them laughed.
"Are you trying to get my fiancee sloshed?" Hamid tsked whilst he sauntered over to the table and took a place next to Sibel.
As Sibel's fingers intertwined with Hamid's, Daphne took a long sip of the drink.
"We would never!" Yusuf mockingly gasped.
"Speak for yourself, Yusuf. I want all the deets and dirt I can get from Sibel Soyer," Bartholomew teased.
They laughed once again.
"I have nothing to hide." Sibel smiled proudly.
"Very well then." Bartholomew stood up and offered his hand to Sibel. "Shall we take a little stroll around the garden, Sibel hanım⁵?"
Sibel took his hand and winked. "Call me yenge⁶ and I'll tell you everything."
"I like her," Bartholomew commented as he laced arms with Sibel and turned to Yusuf with a knowing look.
"I'm not gonna lie, I'm curious to see how that turns out," Yusuf commented.
Sibel giggled and beckoned to Yusuf, who stood up and followed.
By herself with Hamid for the first time in weeks, Daphne's hands began to sweat as he switched seats to be closer. She couldn't recall when this feeling of uneasiness began. Yet, she constantly found herself yearning for it.
"Hey, where have you been all week?" He asked.
"At work, at home... I told you my week would be a bit hectic," she said, lifting the glass of rakı once again.
"Yeah, I can see that," he retorted, snatching the glass from her hand.
"I don't know what you're complaining about. I texted you back," she grumbled.
"Text?!" He stared at her in disbelief. "Daphne, I wanted to see you. Why did you have to disappear on me when I need you the most?"
Her eyes widened as she moved closer. "What do you mean? Tell me what happened," she begged, reaching for his hand. "Is it work? Are you worried about the wedding?"
"And then some..."
Daphne frowned. "Hamidciğim, why didn't you tell you needed to vent?"
"Because it wasn't the kind of stuff I wanted to talk through text or voicemail when I've been here in London all week," he explained, heaving a tired sigh. "Look, I know you're busy with work, but I still need my best friend. I miss you."
Daphne shifted uneasily in her seat as guilt trickled through her. She did have a busy week. But not answering every single one of his texts and calls was a conscious decision she made. Perhaps to protect herself from more heartache. Or to get used to the idea of losing her role as the first person he'd always run to. She was well aware of how much putting this distance between them would hurt her. What she didn't foresee was the fact that he could feel the same.
"I miss you too... And I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you."
"It's all right... Just don't do this again."
"I won't."
As he squeezed her hand softly and their eyes met, a calmness settled between them. That familiar feeling of bliss, of being understood, accepted, safe. A feeling she rarely had with anyone else. But with him, it came so easily.
"You look nice," she said, fixing the handkerchief in his pocket.
"So do you."
"I doubt you'd say that if you saw how big the dark circles under my eyes are."
"You're beautiful regardless of how tired you are, canım."
"Thank you," she replied with a coy smile.
As other guests passed by and watched them, Daphne pulled her hand away. The last thing she needed was to cause a scandal.
Luckily, Hamid didn't argue about it and changed the subject. "So how come you became the third wheel tonight?"
"Lots of things happened today. Ann and Briar are running late, but they're coming. My date had a stressful morning and his blood pressure was too high, so I told him to stay at home and rest."
"Your date was Lord Vincent?" He arched an eyebrow.
"Yeah."
He shook his head in disapproval.
"What? I've gone out with dad my whole life and I can assure you he's the best date anyone could ever ask for." She lifted up her chin proudly.
"How Freudian..." He teased.
"Stop it!" Daphne shoved him playfully.
"Fine, I believe you when you say Lord Vincent is a good company, but I thought you'd come with someone else."
"Who?"
"Ernest."
Colour drained from her face as she tried to figure out who told him about Ernest. "Why would I come with him?"
"Because you've been seeing each other lately."
"We just went out because he wanted to thank me for recommending an architect to redecorate Ledford Park."
"Did he have to thank you three times?"
She stared at him in shock. "How do you even that?"
"You're part of British nobility, Daphne. People talk. But the real question is why didn't you tell me."
"Because there's nothing to tell."
"Nothing?!" He furrowed his brows.
"I'm telling you. Ernest and I are just friends."
"Well, I think it's a shame."
"Is it?"
"Yeah... Ernest is a good person, a loyal friend, your families have centuries of history together. He could be a good fit for you."
She swallowed hard. A tightness spread in her chest as she felt her heart shatter and tried to hold the broken pieces together. Of all the things she expected to see or hear that night, the last one was how Hamid felt about her going out with Ernest Sinclaire.
"Do you think so?" She managed to ask.
"I do. You deserve someone who appreciates you and I know he does. If you're willing to open up to him, I think he could make you happy."
Their eyes met once again for a brief moment, but his expression was unreadable. They rarely talked about romantic relationships. Neither of them had long dating histories, but most of all, there was always this strange discomfort between them whenever the subject came up. To see Hamid encouraging her to date was more than a shock. It felt like he was no longer bothered by the idea of seeing her with someone else.
"I should've known you'd be here," Raisa plastered a smile to Daphne and placed a hand on Hamid's shoulder. "Oğlum⁷, we still have guests to greet. You two can catch up later. I'm sure Daphne will understand."
"Of course." Daphne forced a smile. "Go greet the other guests.
"We'll talk to you later, okay?" He said as he stood up.
Daphne nodded in silence and lifted the glass of rakı to her lips once again, but she barely felt anything as she chugged the drink down. The tightening in her chest built up again as her eyes found him greeting guests with Sibel beside him once again. He seemed relaxed around her, completely in his element. No matter how tired he was, Hamid never turned down a chance to enjoy a party, especially when he was in the spotlight.
Taking deep breaths, Daphne went to the nearest ladies' room. But as she walked into one of the stalls, she could no longer contain the pain. Hot tears streamed down her face as she sat down and hugged her legs.
She had no idea how much time has passed when her phone rang. She had no intention to pick it up, but given that most of her friends were there, she couldn't hide in the ladies' room forever.
"Hey, Briar..."
"Girl, where are you? Bartie and Yusuf said you're here, but Ann and I have been looking for you for almost fifteen minutes!"
"I am, but—"
"Were you crying?"
"What?"
"You were crying, weren't you?" Briar sighed. "Where are you?"
"The ladies' room..."
In a matter of minutes, Briar stepped into the ladies' room with Annabelle, who closed the door behind them.
"Daphne?" Briar called.
"I'm here."
The door to the stall in the corner opened and the two friends approached it. Despite the nearly intact makeup, Daphne's reddened eyes gave her away.
"I told you this was a bad idea..." Annabelle grumbled as her arms enveloped her friend into a hug.
"I was fine. I thought I could handle it..."
Briar crouched down and placed a hand on Daphne's knee. "Sweetie, you're hiding in a ladies' room sloshed. You're anything but fine."
"I swear I was fine before he came in..." Daphne sniffed.
"Who? Hamid?" Briar asked.
"Yeah..."
"What happened?"
"We were drinking, then he showed up and the guys left me alone at the table with him. He was upset we didn't talk much this week."
"No kidding... Who knew he'd notice you stopped answering him right away when until last weekend you two texted each other all day?" Annabelle pursed her lips.
Briar gave Annabelle a look.
"But was he mad at you?" Briar asked.
"No... He was sad, but he didn't realise I did it on purpose. He just said he needed his best friend."
"Okay... It wasn't all bad, I guess," Annabelle concluded as she handed Daphne a tissue.
"It was." Daphne crumpled the tissue in her hands. "He asked about Ernest."
"Oh shit..."
"Briar!" Annabelle called out.
"Sorry... Daph, we told you he'd find out sooner or later. Then what?"
"I told him it was nothing and he—" she paused as her eyes swam with tears again. "He said Ernest would be a good fit for me."
"Aw, sweetie..." Annabelle hugged Daphne tighter.
"I'm so sorry, Daph..." Briar said, holding her friend's hand.
"I feel so stupid. How could I ever think he has any feelings for me?" Daphne wailed.
"We all thought he did..." Annabelle gave her shoulders.
"But think about it. Hamid was never close to any other woman but you. He ended relationships just because his exes didn't like you or when you didn't like them. You two talk to each other more than I talk to Arthur. And let's not forget he just got engaged to a woman who kinda looks like you, except she's tall, extrovert, Muslim and Tatar⁸ descendant."
"Briar, stop saying that. Sibel is nothing like me."
"Okay..." Briar raised her hands defensively. "But she is..." She mumbled.
Annabelle glared at Briar once again.
"Even if she is, it doesn't matter. I always knew I'm not the one for him. I have to move on. That's why I was avoiding him anyway," Daphne declared as she dabbed the tissue on the corners of her eyes.
"Exactly. You're not ready to date anyone and that's fine. It's time to focus on yourself, on your thriving career," Annabelle rested her hands on Daphne's shoulder.
"On how busy we'll be in three months to show W. F. Designs spring and summer collection on Milan fashion week," Briar cheered.
A small smile crept on Daphne's lips.
"You just reached a huge achievement in your career, Daph. Don't let it be overshadowed by this love you know it's never going to happen," Annabelle reasoned.
Daphne sat up and nodded. "You're right. I have to move on. And I can't stay here anymore."
"I'm going call an Uber and we'll go to that new nightclub I told you about."
Annabelle fished out her phone to open the app when Daphne touched her friend's arm.
"No. I want to go home."
"Are you sure?" Briar asked.
"If you two want to join the guys, that's fine. I just want to go home."
"And leave you by yourself? You wish... I'll be glued to you all night and get you sobered up with junk food and trashy TV shows." Annabelle smiled fondly at her friend.
"Me too."
The two friends helped Daphne up and after a quick inspection in the mirror, they left the ladies' room to say good night to their friends to stay over at the Foredales townhouse.
Daphne was about to climb into the car when a familiar voice called her name. She froze in place as another conflict of emotions took over her again. It’d be easier to pretend she didn't hear it and just leave. But this wasn't some random guy she was trying to avoid. It was Hamid. As she looked back over her shoulder, she then realised she wasn't the only one in a dilemma.
"Do you really think you can leave without saying goodbye to me?"
She gulped. There was something about how he enunciated those words. It was almost as if he knew he could permeate her every waking thought anytime he wanted to. And he always did, even if he never meant to.
"I texted you."
"You know I deserve better than that."
"Hamid, you're busy. You have guests."
"Enough with the excuses. Why are you leaving?" He studied her face for a moment. "Were you crying?"
"No… My eyes got irritated because I spent all week wearing contacts."
He brushed a lock of hair away from her face and stared at her, scrutinizing. She had to find a way to leave fast or he'd know something was wrong.
"Hamid, I had a long day, a long week, I drank too much. I'm tired."
As dejection became visible in his features, that same pang of guilt she felt before grew stronger.
"But everything was lovely. You and Sibel look amazing together, the rings ceremony was so beautiful. I'm happy for you."
He replied with a weak smile.
"I have to go now. But you're staying until Sunday, right? If you have time, we can catch up tomorrow. Maybe have lunch?"
"Sure..." He replied without any conviction.
"You're not mad I'm leaving, are you?"
"No. Of course not. I just..." He shook his head and plastered a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. "Nevermind... Lunch at the Greenhouse?"
"Sounds good to me. Congratulations on your engagement, Hamidciğim."
"Thanks."
As his arms wrapped around her frame, she replied to the hug with hesitation. She wanted to fight against all her instincts and not lean into his touch, not bury her face in his chest and be intoxicated by the scent of his cologne, to savour the warmth of his body, to feel safe under his touch. But it was like fighting against the waves of an ocean she would give anything to dive into.
"Daphne, the driver is getting old here!" Annabelle chanted from the car.
They pulled away from the hug abruptly. As she gave him an apologetic smile, he shoved his hands in his pockets.
"See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow."
She then climbed into the car and watched him from the rearview mirror standing outside the venue as the car drove off until he disappeared from view.
Istanbul, August 2020
Daphne sat back and gazed at the clouded sky. Hazy memories of the day after Hamid’s engagement came to her. Whenever it was just the two of them chatting, making jokes and reminiscing about their childhood they barely noticed the time pass by. Despite the tightness in her chest, that moment brought her some hope. She could handle it. He found someone worthy of his love, he was going to be happy and they still could be friends. She just had to give herself time to get over him.
As the car drove into an upper-class neighbourhood, she opened her purse to find her phone when it started to buzz again.
"Good morning, Bartie!”
"Hey, how could you leave without me?! Did you forget I’m your plus one?"
“No, silly! I was going to leave you a message. I had to leave earlier because Sibel asked to come over and adjust her gown. She lost some weight since the last fitting."
“Wasn’t that a week ago?”
“Yeah.”
"Wow… Good thing her gown is heavy or the wind would carry her away."
"Don't be mean... She's just having pre-wedding jitters. I'll drop by to check on the bride and groom and see you at the wedding venue, okay?"
"Bride and groom? Daph..."
"I'm fine."
"Last time you said that it took five people to get you out of bed, shower and eat."
"That is so last week, Bartie."
"My point exactly. What's stopping you from going right back to that place again?"
"I just need closure, Bart. Once he's married, I'm done."
"Are you sure?"
"I am."
"If you say so... I'll see you soon."
"See you soon."
As the car rolled to a stop before Hamid's parents' manor, she bit her lip as her eyes darted to one of the windows. This wasn't how she wanted things to end. But she had to move on for good.
___
¹ “Harika, efendiler! Çok güzel!”: Excelent, sir and ma'am! Very beautiful!
² Rakı: Turkey's national alcoholic beverage
³ Canım: dear
⁴ “Pardon, bakar mısınız?”: Excuse me?
⁵ Hanım: madam
⁶ Yenge: sister/aunt-in-law
⁷ Oğlum: my son
⁸ Tatar: an umbrella term for Turkic ethnic groups from East Europe and Nothern and Central Asia.