After it hollowed you out and left you a shell of the man you longed to be.
Yet here you were.
A deep sigh escaped from your chest as you took it all in. Old habits really die hard because there she was once again, in all her glory, staring right back at you in pure misery.
Your gaze hardened as you analysed the scene. You could see and hear everything now. Not a single secret could be kept from you.
And in this moment you wondered, Is this what it felt like to be omniscient? Is this how Barbara feels half the time? Dear God, this is awful. You should really get her a hamper or free tickets to a show or something.
The poor attempt at humour left you cringing. A terrible distraction from the hunger brewing within you.
hurt/no comfort,,, feeling a little meh lately and decided to come up with something like this … please don’t hate me…
rafe’s brain is throwing him for a loop. ward has had a cement hold on him from when he was little, which led him to telling himself that he’s not good enough and doesn’t deserve to love somebody.
that no one can love him, that ward would fucking kill him if he found out he was putting time into a lover rather than the family business at his age. that you will end up finding someone else to give you the care and love you deserve, that it won’t come from someone who has fucked up thoughts in his head every waking moment of every day because why would his brain lie to him? it must be true.
rafe knocks on your apartment door and in the most care-free, condescending, heart-breaking tone of voice ever, he breaks up with you. he tells you that he doesn’t love you anymore.
which couldn’t be further from the damn truth; he was pacing the foyer of tannyhill before he came over, running his hands furiously through his buzzed hair, wondering how he’d be able to say something so fucking detrimental make it sound real.
at first, you think he’s joking, giving him a chuckle and rolling your eyes. but, your brows furrow and your face drops when rafe doesn’t laugh.
“you are joking, right? because i don’t think i can handle it if you weren’t.”
rafe stays silent and leans against the threshold with his arms crossed in front of his chest. he just gives a little shrug of his shoulders and his lips do that frown thing, almost like a facial ‘i don’t know’ expression. he doesn’t say anything either and just looks down at his feet.
your brain is going a million miles a minute. you turn around and start pacing the small entry way of your apartment. you start breathing heavily, borderline hyperventilating. you walk back slowly in front of rafe and just look at him. tears are free falling down your face.
“so that’s it, huh? you’ve just fallen out of love with me, is that it?”
rafe stays silent.
“because i don’t believe that for a second.” your voice breaks at the last word.
“if it’s me, i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i’ll fix whatever i did wrong. i can’t lose you, rafe.” you’re begging, pleading. you’re hysterical.
rafe just closes his eyes tightly, not being able to look at the woman who’s heart he just shattered.
“no. no, don’t do this to me.” you whisper. you raise your arms and place your hands on top of your head, face twisting up in such heartbreak.
rare opens his eyes, wet with tears.
“i know. i’m sorry.” he’s straight faced, barely looks at you for longer than a second.
“please, rafe. i know you still love me. you do. lie to me. do something. you can’t do this to me.” you step closer to him, tips of shoes touching tips of house slippers.
rafe steps back.
he readjusts himself and pulls out his wallet. he opens it and pulls out the very first Polaroid you both took together after you started dating three and a half years ago.
“here, i don’t want it. keep it.” he hands it to you and shows no such emotion, even though he’s two fucking seconds away from crumbling to the ground and hugging the your pajama covered legs.
you just look at him. stare at him in disbelief because how the fuck is this real life right now?
you softly grab the picture from rafe’s fingers, grasping it carefully as if it’s a piece of freshly spun glass; scared to shatter it completely.
“i don’t… rafe, please. i don’t — c’mon, dude. please.” your words are wet, throat thick, the tears won’t stop streaming.
rafe just shakes his head twice.
“you, uh… take care of yourself. i’ll… i’ll see you around.” he turns around and walks down the seemingly never ending hallway of your complex before turning left and disappearing from your view.
walks away with your heart in his back pocket.
you close the front door and slide down it, screaming as loud as you can. you scream just like that day when you got that phone call, thinking that that was truly the end of who you were.
you wrap your arms around yourself with the picture still tucked firmly in your palm, and just scream, cry, wail. so many thoughts are running through your head.
you fall asleep against the door, your arms wrapped around yourself, legs tugged up under your chin, your heart walking around in rafe’s pants.
