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Can't Stop The Bleeding (Deal - Canon Divergence AU)

A/N: I leep thinking about this moment and I couldn't help myself. Set literally just before Matt is shot in ‘Deal’. Also, I'm no medical expert, Google doesn't have all the answers I needed but I tried to do my best with the medical side of things. I’m sorry if any of it is wrong.

I'm the worst person for writing this, I know, I'm sorry.

(gif is mine)

Prompt(s): "I can’t stop the bleeding."

Pairing: Matt x Reader

Word Count: 5,761 (Sorry, it got VERY out of hand.)

Warning(s): A shit ton of angst, a little fluff.

Hope you enjoy it! And as always, feedback is appreciated. :)

Leaving the courtroom after winning a case was always satisfying, and tomorrow would just be another day at the office. You walked down the road with Matt, Alesha and young Kaden Blake who you'd been helping for the case, and Matt had identified with him more than any young adult you had worked with.

Matt stops in his tracks, and takes a moment to talk to Kaden, leaving both you and Alesha stood a few feet away. What happened next was just like the movies, you expected it go fast like a blur, but it didn't. You didn't know why Matt pushed Kaden out of the way, you expected it to be for a silly reason like a bug or something. But that theory was almost immediately shattered when two gunshots came and Matt hit the deck after having both of them inserted into his chest, now him pushing Kaden out of the way made a lot more sense.

“Matty!” you screamed, feeling you throat get sore just by screaming so loud.

Everyone surrounding the court crouched to the deck in fear, you looked towards where the gunshots came from but the car had already gone. You rushed straight over to Matt not thinking of your own safety, you knew the gunman could still be on the loose, but you had to help him. You took off your coat, despite it being your favourite one, and immediately apply pressure to his gunshot wound. There were two, so you tried your hardest to apply the same amount strength to both gunshots, “No, no, no, no.” you panicked as blood starting escaping from his mouth. “Alesha, call an ambulance.” you tell her, she didn't respond, frozen in shock. “Alesha. Ambulance.” you reiterated, snapping her back into the real world and her shaking hands took out her phone and called the emergency services.

You saw Ronnie rushing forward out the corner of your eye, all of your strength was on the wounds but the bleeding wouldn't stop, “I can't stop the bleeding, Ron.” you sob but your hands didn't move. His chest was still moving up and down, but you knew his breathing wasn't normal, it was laboured and he was struggling more with each breath. Ronnie moved one of your hands away helping you try and stem the bleeding, “Don't you dare give up. Don't die on us.” you pleaded, your voice was almost garbled due to the fact that you couldn't stop crying. You had no idea where the ambulance was and you was starting to get frustrated that they weren't getting here quicker to help Matt.

Matt's eyes closed, and his breathing slowed, his chest was barely moving as opposed to the breathing his was doing moments earlier. “No no, come on Matty, you gotta keep those eyes open.” Ronnie instructed him, you could barely see him with the tears clouding your vision but you had to let these bout of tears fall just to clear your eyesight.

Seeing his eyes close just made the tears fall from your eyes even more. You felt the pulse in his neck, it was there, but incredibly weak. He needed medical attention and fast, and you knew that you and Ronnie wasn't providing it. “Matt.” you spoke, he didn't respond causing you to look at Ronnie. You wanted to scream louder than probably humanly possible but you couldn't, “Matt, please. Come on.” Ronnie tried to find his pulse and though he could also find it, it was still horribly weak; and it was getting weaker by the second and you knew he probably didn't have long left. The ambulance needed to get here.

The ambulance had arrived a few minutes after Matt closed his eyes, arriving at the hospital was touch and go. They managed to get him breathe with help but he was far from out of the woods, and he was likely going to need a blood transfusion too, not to mention surgery to remove the bullets in his chest.

The blood still covered your hands, the coat you used to stop the bleeding was still draped over your arm but you couldn't hold it any more; it was just a reminder of what happened, a reminder of what could still happen. It wasn't a certainty that he was going to make it. You dropped the coat to the floor and something clanged to the ground, a silver chain poked out from underneath the coat. Picking it up, you knew it was Matt's St Christopher necklace, despite the fact the medal was covered in his blood. You felt the tears pool in your eyes, people wear them to keep them safe, and now Matt was in such danger, more danger than you could bear. You tried to wipe some of the blood off but a lot of it had dried and set within intricate design of the medal; just like the blood had begun to dry on your hands, caked in the lined crevices and around the fingernails.

Your whole body slumped to the floor against the wall and Ronnie rushed over. Ronnie seemed more composed than you were, but inside, he was just as broken. Matt was like a son to him, a son that wanted to be a part of his life, unlike his daughters who decided to keep their distance. Your cheeks were covered in the moisture from your tears, tears that wouldn't stop falling. Ronnie joined you on the floor, groaning in his advancing age. He didn't say anything, he knew nothing would make you or him feel better and empty promises wouldn't do anyone any good. Your hands sat in your lap, one hand tightly squeezing Matt's necklace and your free hand was soon taken by Ronnie and he just held it comfortingly.

You didn't know how much time had passed, it felt like hours and it probably was that long. The doors at the end of the corridor opened. A single nurse came out and you both stood up, you couldn't speak, it was still like a bad dream, “He made it through surgery.” she informs you both and you breathe a sigh of relief and the tears started to fall again as you sat yourself down on the bench. “He's not out of the woods yet. We've removed both of the bullets from him and we've also had to carry out a blood transfusion due to the amount of blood he lost.”

The door opens again and bed is wheeled through with Matt on. You knew you weren't able to see him yet, but seeing him that way was horrible. He looked pale and wires came from many different places; he was hooked up to a ventilator with a tube escaping from his mouth to help him breathe overnight, a chest tube was insert to try and make sure that blood, fluid and air didn't surround his heart and lungs. Not only that, IV drips were placed in his arm.. The panic set in, seeing him that way made it more certain that his chances weren't looking good, “What are his chances?” you asked, squeezing his necklace even tighter making the chain leave an imprint on you palm.

“It's very hard to say at this stage. I wouldn't like to guess.”

“What about in the long term?” Ronnie questioned the nurse.

“Again, it's very hard to say until he's woken and we can monitor his condition more thoroughly. While he's in the condition he's in, it's incredibly difficult to even speculate any long term damage.”

You had stopped taking things in once Ronnie asked the question; you could see Matt through the doorway, another nurse tending to him. But you noticed when she stopped talking, “Can we see him?”

“Of course.” the nurse nodded. You didn't mean to appear rude when you pushed past the helpful woman, but as soon as you were able, you wanted to get to Matt; you wanted to hold his hand, hoping he knew you and Ronnie were there.

As soon as you reached Matt's bedside, you took his hand in yours and placed his St Christopher in between your hands. Matt wore it constantly, so you thought it would be nice for him to have it back. You looked at him, at least he looked peaceful being able to sleep despite what he's going through. All of a sudden, all of the memories you have with Matt came flooding to you. Your desk was opposite his at MIU and you remembered all the fun times you had together and you couldn't imagine never having them again, there was so much life he had and it's almost being snatched away. “What if he doesn't make it, Ron? What am I – I mean 'we' gonna do without him?”

Ronnie came behind you and placed a hand on your shoulder, “He's a fighter, our Matty. We just gotta wait just like the nurse said.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled. “I just... It's just... Seeing him like this...” you sighed. Your eyelids felt heavy as the time approached 3am, you didn't want to sleep, you couldn't. Ronnie goes to another chair as you stay in the position you've barely moved from. You didn't want to let go of his hand, but you knew nothing was going to happen tonight; he wasn't going to wake up, and you just had to pray nothing else happened. You shuffled the chair closer, and made sure your fingertips still touched Matt's skin and you allowed yourself to sleep for a little while.

The smell of coffee made it's way up your nostrils and you immediately woke up. You followed the arm attached to the cup, and Ronnie smiled, “Thank you.” you said, wiping the sleep out of your eyes. Hospital coffee wasn't the greatest you had tasted, but it will do for now.

You hoped that yesterday was some kind of horrible nightmare that you just hadn't woken from but once you had woken up and you reassessed your surroundings, it was obvious that it was very much real. Looking over to Matt, his ventilator was still doing the breathing for him and wires still attached to him like he was some kind of piece of electrical technology. You had remembered that the ventilator was only for overnight use and they were later going to try and take him off of it; it worried you. Not just because it might not work but in some ways, it worried you that it would; not knowing the long term damage that he could have suffered by the shooting.

Matt's St Christopher shined in the sunlight that burst through the window. It was draped over his hand that sat palm down by his side, and the medal kept sliding off the plastic clip on his finger that measure the oxygen in his blood. His breathing was more normal but you knew it wasn't really him doing the work, the machine was doing it for him but at least it was an improvement on before. Sitting at Matt's bedside made time feel like it was much slower than usual, and there wasn't much you could do but just sit and wait.

“Come on, Matt. We need you back.” you spoke softly grabbing his hand once more. Ronnie watched as you spoke to Matt, watching for any movements he might make. It was the same thing he did almost every waking moment, “What are we going to do without you, eh? I'm gonna need to back opposite my desk; making jokes about Ronnie's eating habits, moaning about whatever it is you moan about – which is more than you realise you do.”

Ronnie scanned Matt's body, he thought that him being spoken to might provoke some kind of reaction from him. The nurse had said that he could hear. A twitch came from Matt's finger as you spoke, but Ronnie wasn't sure if he was imagining it, so he waited.

“But I also want you back because I lo --” his finger moved again, more so this time.

“[Y/N]!” Ronnie interrupted, almost yelling. Your head turned abruptly, looking at him worryingly. “His finger moved.”

“What?!”

“Talk to him again. Tell him how really feel about him.” Ronnie tells you. You frowned, and turned to Ronnie again, “Come on, you really think I didn't know?” he paused and looked at you, the same way your dad did whenever you were upset. Ronnie could see the hurt in your eyes whenever you looked at Matt, even when they weren't it was like a constant pain that Ronnie could see. “He knows too. Tell him. Even if you don't tell him that, say something to him.”

Your eyes lowered back to Matt's hand and you draped his St Christopher back over it, “Remember when we first met? The first time I walked into MIU as a DC on transfer. One of the first people I saw was you. You were talking to the DCI about some case, and I was introduced into your office and the only empty desk was the one opposite you. So that's where I sat, where I still sit. The way you kept looking at me was in a way nobody has ever looked at me before. You know, the first case that you had when I joined, I solved and you looked at me when you realised I was right; you looked at me with such awe that I could solve the case. It was like you were surprised, but --”

Matt's finger moved again, followed by another quick movement and this time you saw it. Ronnie knew this time he had to get someone, so he rushed out, finding the nearest nurse he could. He rushed in, followed by the nurse on duty on the desk. “It could just be an involuntary muscle movement.” she states as she checks his eyes. “But seeing as we plan to take him off the ventilator today. We could try and do it now.”

The nurse left and brought two doctors with her and you and Ronnie moved to the corner of the room. You almost wanted to shout at them to stop, you couldn't help but worry that he'd stop breathing all together. The nurse made her way over to you, she could see both you and Ronnie were worried, “What if he stops breathing altogether?”

“Mr Devlin was put on a ventilator overnight with sedation and we've been gradually withdrawing it overnight without any problems. The majority of breathing he's been doing over the last hour or so has most likely begun to be his own work. We also managed to perform a few checks on while you've been out of the room or asleep. We believe he's ready.”

You were unaware that Matt had been getting weaned off the ventilator, it must've been happening while you weren't totally with it. It gave you a bit of peace of mind that Matt shouldn't have any problems but you couldn't help but cling to Ronnie like a small child as they started to fuss around him. You wished you could just hold his hand while it was happening, but neither of you wanted to get in the way.

You could hear the two doctors performing checks once again to make sure Matt was ready to be taken off the machine. Eventually you saw them remove the tube from Matt's mouth that had been down his throat and they fixed a nasal cannula instead. They also moved his bed so he was sat up more rather than being lay down flat. “How long until he wakes up?” you asked.

“Could be anything from 10 minutes to 10 hours or more.”

“Thank you.” Both you and Ronnie said with a smile. Now it was just a case of waiting for Matt to wake up. You sat by his bed and grabbed his hand once more. Ronnie sat on the other side and you both watched Matt like a hawk. Your eyes barely moved off him making sure that his chest was moving with each breath, the only times your eyes did move was when you checked the screen of machine next to him making sure that his heart beat was normal.

Your head had found it's way on to the bed as you were uncomfortably bent over in your chair. A tickling sensation brushed against your cheek that woke you up, you thought it was a strand of your own hair or part of the cover that was over Matt. But it wasn't, Matt's finger had slowly been caressing your cheek.

Sitting back up in your chair, you looked over at Matt whose eyes where slightly opened and he smiled at you. “Matt?” you beamed. Ronnie jumped up from his own sleep and immediately leaned forward.

“Hello.” he rasped in a light whisper but he still managed a little smile. His voice sounded like he hadn't had a drink in weeks, and it made you feel a little sad. It was nice to see him awake, and that little smile made it even more worth it.

“Hey.” you grinned back, squeezing his hand. He squeezed it back for the first time since you held it whilst you've been at the hospital. “I would ask how you're feeling but I think I can guess.”

Matt chuckles and quickly grimaces when he realised it was a bad idea. “Well...” he begins as he attempts to shuffle in the bed. You stand up, and try to carefully help him sit more comfortably, but you knew you had to be careful. “Ouch. I feel like I've gone many rounds in a boxing ring and gone out for drinks with the lads from football all at the same.” he laughed again, but it was hushed, barely any sound escaped his mouth. “So, what happened then?”

“You don't remember?” Ronnie asked.

“I remember leaving the court with [Y/N], Alesha and Kaden. Then nothing.” Matt wasn't wearing a shirt as several bandages covered the majority of his chest. “I'm guessing this has something to do with it.” he continued as he tugged gently at the bandage.

“You were shot. Twice in the chest.” you told him and Matt's face turned to shock. He looked as if he honestly had no idea that is what had happened.

“So that's why it feels like the world's strongest man has used my chest as a trampoline?” It was encouraging that Matt still felt able to have a joke. Matt directed his attention to Ronnie, “Shouldn't you be going to see you daughter?”

“Daughter? Is she okay?” you asked, looking back up to Ronnie.

“Yeah, she's fine.”

“She had a baby, Ron. I remember you telling me that.” Matt says.

“Well, why didn't you say anything? You could've gone to see her. ” you told him. Ronnie slightly shook his head. “Go. Now.”

Ronnie looked at you, before looking over at Matt who smiled wearily, “I'll be alright, Ron. Go.” his hushed voice rasped. “Besides, I'm hardly going to be here totally on my own am I?” he said before turning and smiling back at you.

He looked hesitant to leave. He knew that Matt was in the best place possible and that Matt would be glad to have you there with him but he still didn't want to leave the room. Ronnie grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and made his way out of the room, giving you a kiss on your head and shaking Matt's hand as he left. “Don't let him get up to any mischief, will ya?”

“Oh, yeah, I'll be running riot through the halls before you know it.” he jokes. He winces in pain and again attempts to shuffle in his position to make himself more comfortable. Ronnie gave another small smile before leaving the room and going to see his daughter and new grandchild.

Ronnie hadn't long left and you thought he'd be tired enough to sleep, but if he was, he wasn't going to take that opportunity this time, “Was it really bad?” he asked. You didn't want to answer, you didn't want to relive it, and you didn't want Matt to remember any of it. You looked down and Matt moved his hand, directing you to take hold of it which you did.

Your thumb caressed Matt's hand as you held it. You didn't know what to say but the silence was worse. “We almost lost you, Matt. It was – It was horrible.” your voice almost broke by the end of the sentence and Matt could see that it distressed you. He didn't realise how much you had seen, how much anyone had. Upsetting you by bringing it up was the last thing he wanted but a part of him needed to know what exactly happened, though he was willing to wait for the answers.

You remembered Matt's necklace was now in your pocket, “I have something of yours.” you told him as you took the necklace out and passed it to him. You didn't want him to see the blood on it so you cleaned it up earlier before giving it to him.

He took it off you and looked at it, “These are supposed to keep you safe.” he scoffed. Matt's comment made you feel sad; he was right, they were, that's why people wore them and he was the one hurt. He didn't put it back on, instead he just put it on the table next to his bed. You couldn't help but look at it as it sluggishly was placed on the desk. The fact that he didn't even feel like wearing it anymore when he had wore it for longer than you have known him; and the fact the didn't feel like it could keep him safe any longer when it had just failed him.

“But you are safe. You're here.” you said with a quiver in your voice. You had to try and keep the emotions hidden. It didn't matter when he was asleep, he couldn't see how you felt. It wasn't just the sadness of what had happened to your friend, but to you, he was more than that; you loved him.

Matt's eyes lowered, and his jaw jerked; a little tick you noticed he does when he was sad. He licked his lips, another nervous, sad tick of his, “You said I almost died, [Y/N].” You hated hearing Matt talk like this. He was right, you did somewhat say that, but you weren't going to lie to him.

“Yeah, but I – I wasn't going to lie to you, Matty.”

Matt's head lowered to his lap once again, “I know.” he mumbled. Raising his eyes back up to you, he licked his lips again to try and return some normality to his voice, “I'm glad you told me.” he smiled slightly.

Whenever Matt tried to move, the discomfort and pain became unbearable, but whenever he stayed in the same position for too long, the stiffness he started to feel was even worse. Shuffling again, a few groans escaped his mouth and you got back up to help him move around in the bed. Despite the pain relief, he still felt the soreness from the surgery he had; it was throbbing through him like several drummers pounding around his wounds.

He finally managed to feel comfortable again and after a few deep breaths to help get through the pain, he settled back down. “What were you going to tell me anyway?” he asked before taking large gulp trying to take away some of the dryness in his throat from the ventilator.

“What? When?” you asked.

“I don't know. I'm just sure I heard your voice. But I don't remember when.”

Matt saw you when you frowned but he waited for you to speak before he said anything, “I was speaking to you earlier but you were still unconscious. You heard that?”

Matt shook his head and shrugged lightly, “I dunno, maybe.” he whispered, but not by choice; it was only the dry throat from the ventilator that was still making his speaking sound rough. “What did you say?”

You didn't know whether you wanted to tell him what you planned to say but you wasn't sure what to tell him either. “I was just reminding you of when we first met. Ronnie thought it might provoke a reaction from you.”

“Oh, yeah.” Matt chuckled, “Ow.” he said immediately after, realising again that laughing was a bad mistake. “I was making my way back from interviewing a suspect with Ronnie, and I stopped to talk to the DCI. You were waiting to be assigned on transfer and they – unfortunately for you – sat you in front of me. You stole our thunder and solved the case.” his voice rasped.

You laughed in disbelief, “I stole your thunder?” you scoffed. “You should be lucky I was there.”

Looking back at Matt, he smiled at you and used his thumb to weakly stroke your fingers as your hand was still in his. After a few moments of looking at each other, “We were very lucky.” he smiled. Matt turned away and lowered his head sadly, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, course.” you replied with a little smile.

“Who was there? When it happened?”

Your little smile quickly faltered and you , not wanting to remember what had happened, but you also didn't want to lie to him. “Me, Alesha and Kaden. Ronnie was talking to another officer and he was walking out when the gun went off.”

“Then what?”

“You pushed Kaden out of the way, got hit. I ran over, took off my coat and used it to try and stop the bleeding, but I couldn't. Ronnie came over too and helped but it still wouldn't stop. Then the ambulance arrived.”

Matt frowned, his head tilted slightly, “So... I'm still alive because of you two?”

“I kept checking your pulse. I wasn't – I couldn't let you go.” your voice cracked through the emotion and Matt could see the tears gather in your eyes. “But, the hospital did all the work. They're miracle workers.”

He slowly grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly and even managing a little smile - it was always something Matt did – especially when he knew you needed it the most. This time it was his little way of apologising for making you upset; he knew that it must've been a horrible thing for you to witness and he would've felt the same way if he had just watched anyone he cared about being shot.

“Come up here with me.” Matt requested as he shuffled closer to you as he sat in the bed and you were next to it in the chair.

You let out a little chuckle, “What? I can't.” you replied, not knowing if he was being serious.

“Why?”

“There's quite a few wires for starters.”

“Don't be silly. I'll move more this way, you come on this side, there's less here.” Matt tried to move a little bit more, being careful of his injuries but he did grimace a couple of times when the pain ached through his chest.

You eventually agreed to Matt's request and you made your way around to the other side of his bed and you climbed up to lie next to him on his right. You weren't really sure the best place to put your hands but Matt soon took hold of the one closest to him and lifted it up and you did the rest, allowing him to carefully snuggle next to you. The hand closest to you slowly made it's way to sit on your thigh; the back of the hand was covered in medical tape that held the IV line needle in place. Matt was quiet and he barely spoke, and only hummed when you asked him questions. It was a little unusual to hear him so quiet; he'd usually have some kind of joke to crack or some sarky comment about something but since you joined him on the bed, you could only hear the distant chirping of the birds outside the window, and looking down at him briefly, you saw the sadness in his expression.

His fingers bent slightly as he moves the tips slowly and caressed the material of your trousers in small circular motions. The feel of his body slowly rising and falling against yours was calming but his silence was speaking volumes. You moved your hand over to his and your own fingertips gradually ran across his free knuckles and towards his own fingers and your interlocked yours loosely with his. Matt was sat lower than you, his head settled on your shoulder facing towards your chest. As you lowered your head towards his hair, you placed your lips through it and planted a kiss on his head.

You heard him let out a shaky breath and his fingers moved loosely through yours, being careful of his IV. Asking him if he was okay felt futile, you knew he wasn't and you wished you could make it better but you hoped that simply being there was enough for him to feel a little less scared a lonely. Matt started to move a little in the bed and sat more upright instead of being slouched towards you, “Sorry.” you said.

“No, no, it's not you. I just can't sit like that for long it seems.” he responded. His eyes met yours and the sea blue colour of his irises seemed brighter than usual, and his eyes shined in the glassy appearance of them and you knew he had been trying to stop himself from letting his emotion show too much. The look lingered and you chuckled nervously as you looked away. Matt lifted his hand carefully and used his finger to lightly turn your face back to him before his finger moved slowly to your cheek and he caressed it.

It was a rather calming feeling. The way the palm of his hand cupped your jawline as his fingers glided over the skin of your cheek. You were lost in the moment, being able to briefly forget everything that had happened, even if it was just for a moment. Lifting up your own hand, you allowed it to meet him. Your own fingers settled on his collarbone briefly before travelling upwards and you ran them along his own jawline, it seemed less refined than usual but you just allowed your fingertips to slide up and down his jaw and neck.

“You asked me earlier what I said to you when you weren't awake.” you started, and Matt stopped caressing your skin and frowned instead, “Before Ronnie cut me off, I was trying to – I was – I was going to say that... That I love you.” you blurted out, almost as if you weren't in control of what the words.

Matt took a few moments while he just looked at you, making you immediately regret your brain's decision to blurt it out. A smile soon slowly began to form on the detective's face and his hand moved to caress your cheek once more. After a few light strokes of your cheek from the gentle skin of his hand, he leaned his face closer and your lips met, pressed together for a passionate kiss. “Thank god.” he said after breaking it off, “I thought it'll be up to me to say it first.” You both chuckled and it was the first time since this happened that he seemed to give a genuine smile of happiness.

You both mutually leaned closer for another kiss, though it was cut short when the door started to open. Alesha came through the door and she saw a glimpse of the kiss, smiling to herself. “Look who I found outside.” she announced as she held the door open and James walked into the room.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” James asked Matt as he placed his coat at the end of his bed.

“I'm not too bad, despite the two bullet holes in my chest. But, I've had decent company the whole time so I guess it's been worth it.” he responded, flashing a smirk your way.

While Ronnie was spending some precious time with his Grandson, James and Alesha stayed for a few hours before leaving. When they left, Matt tried to encourage you to go home and sleep in a proper bed, but you refused. He made you join him back on the bed again, and when you did, you looked at him and the corners of your mouth turned upwards as you began to smile. “Well, if you're not going to go home, you could at least let me offer you half of a bed.”

“Okay, I can accept that.” you grinned.

You both sat like you were before, hands together, fingers interlocking and his head on your chest. As you were just about to speak, you realised the quietness between you both, and when you looked down at Matt, his eyes were closed and his chest gentle went up and down as he slept peacefully. You were glad he was finally getting the sleep he needed; he must've felt exhausted and you just wanted him to heal as much as he could. Seeing Matt sleep so calmly made your need to sleep greater and soon, you too had drifted to sleep; Matt's hair brushing lightly over the skin on your upper arm and the warmth of him making sleep much easier.

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