#really personal stuff

[yeahnorightsure]

Just realized that literally all my humor is based on carly's brother from iCarly.

[strawberrygalaxykitten]

so something special because i found out my dancers are following me now. Thank you cade and tyler for joining us to do this K.A.R.D dance/vocal cover!!! Also Thank You Stephine, Lilly, Dave and kita for being our Spitfire 1 years <3 to this and many more! I love you dorks <3 

[khazhra]

Sexual health-related tmi stuff that you probably don’t want to hear about below the break

So I’m going to the clinic tomorrow because I’ve been having sort of a dull, constant pain in my right testicle for the past few days. I’ve done a bit of online research, and I’m really hoping it’s Epididymitis. Most of my symptoms line up with it, and it can be easily treated with antibiotics over the course of a few days. It’s more than likely not some of the more serious possibilities like torsion (which has a sudden onset of intense pain) or cancer (which generally has no pain and has the archetypal ‘lumps’). But it’s also more than likely not simple bruising either, which apparently subsides within a couple of days, during which the pain lessens, whereas this seems to be getting worse. I know people probably don’t want to hear about this kind of stuff, but honestly...I’m kind of scared. This is the first major health-related crisis I’ve experienced. Hell, the last time I was in a hospital was after a sledding accident like thirteen years ago. Coupled with the fact that I don’t have health insurance, it makes for an altogether unpleasant scenario.

[pupuseriazag]

After some rather good months after 2 years of constant trauma, I am thinking about how much my life has changed.

I cannot be the same that I was back then. Although I miss being them. I miss coming back from uni at 10 am to put on my headphones and sleep until 12. I miss the excitement I felt when my boyfriend at that time said he did wanted to be with me. I miss having those little moments of gaining more and more privacy and going out by myself and feeling "an adult".

But you know what I dont miss? I dont miss my ex telling me he didnt wanted to wait 3 years for us to graduate uni. I dont miss my ex before that one shitting on my special needs and my mental health. I dont miss crying myself to sleep because of how much sadness and loneliness I went through for 2 years. I dont miss being a person who couldnt defend themselves and didnt vocalized their emotions in fear of conflict.

I still miss my toxic ex best friend, because I truly loved and care for her... I still have dreams about her, even though its been 3 years since I cut her from my life.

I miss still being in my ""comfort zone"" because I was dragged out of it by force, and now I am able to go back there, slowly and finally feeling some peace

I would never change the best friends I have now for my ex bff. I would never change my boyfriend for all the exes I had. I wouldnt change my chattiness for the silence I used to have around my mom in fear.

I had some really rough years emotionally, and Im still afraid of what can come... But at least I want to enjoy this peace

[counterbalancing]

My grandpa is on his last few days. he’s 92 and very sick, they believe it’s cancer. he’s so thin right now, I hate it. I talked to him this morning and it really felt like he was looking at the finish line. it’s so upsetting because he’s a fighter. he was 87 when he broke his hip and he was back up walking again in only 6 months with no physical therapy, he just had the willpower to get back to being independent.   I have been crying for 30 minutes now, just while listening to music. I felt like I needed to vent some of it here I’m sorry.

[counterbalancing]

I’m so... sad... angry... something else,

I don’t know if he could make it through this.

I know this is scary for him too. he’s not ready to die yet.

[she-is-dizzy-blog]

She-is-randomadjectivegenerator

-So I cut for the last time. I got blood on my fluffy socks, which is a nice metaphor which I won’t ever be able to claim.

-It hurts, but kind of in a good way.

-I feel so fat.

-I sent these emails to myself which are just reminding me that I suck, but I’ll post them here because this is an obscure accountability blog which I both want and don’t want people to find.

-Email 1:

(She-is-dizzy) is a worthless human being. Why?

1. She has no self-control. She stayed up late and redownloaded Love Nikki and picked a fight with a year nine.

2. She is envious. She is envious of the relationship between Amelia and Ryan despite not being deserving of such a thing herself.

3. She is an attention seeker. (She-is-dizzy) slits her ankles(ewww) to get attention from others. She exaggerates her first world problems in order to get others to feel sorry for her. She sits in the corner looking sad so that people ask her what's wrong.

4. She is loud and obnoxious. (She-is-dizzy) often talks just to hear the sound of her own voice, which is whiny and annoying. She says nothing of substance.

5. She is lazy. She browsed the internet for several hours wasting time when she could have been doing something constructive.

How to fix this pathetic snivelling child:

1. Make her go to bed early. Make her sleep like the mature woman that she isn't. Don't let her play that stupid game again.

2. This one is defective. Too bad we can't send it back to the factory. I'd say tell her to keep away from level three where they usually are, but that would make the worm feel even more sorry for itself. The bitch can stay, and she'd better not be silent and sullen, she'd better act like the sweetest girl you've ever met in your short and miserable lifespan, and she'd better be ESPECIALLY nice to both of them.

3. Disgusting. Cover it up, make sure nobody sees it so that she doesn't get the chance to attract pity she doesn't deserve. She can get on with her pathetic life and stop wallowing in self-pity for once. Cover up those hairy legs too. Yuck.

4. (She-is-dizzy) can bloody well act like a normal person. Not a fucking ice princess, not a bloated loud mouth, a NORMAL, NON-DETRIMENTAL TO SOCIETY HUMAN BEING.

5. She can go read a book or whatever. Worm.

-Email 2:

Reasons why (She-is-dizzy’s) problems are invalid:

(She-is-dizzy) doesn't even have any problems. She's just blaming her flaws on other people. Oh, boo hoo, my mother yelled at me a couple of times seven years ago, she was ABUUUSIVE! No, bitch, she wasn't abusive, you just need to get over the fact that you're making up excuses for why you're such a horrible person. Your experiences are invalid because they're hardly even fucking experiences. Wow. GET OVER IT IT HAPPENED OVER A DECADE AGO STOP USING IT AS AN EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!

- I’ve run out of excuses. I punched somebody in the ear. Time to grow up.

-Tomorrow things will change!

[child-of-delirium]

Holy shit my sister just got here and her kids are seeing her for the first time in over a year and I’m crying too much to actually go join them. They’re so happy to see her and she’s so much better and like this is the first good holiday in literal years