Today’s anonymous review not a flame, just... confusing for me, personally.
This was definitely NOT rated K. This shouldn't be for kids.
For “Dandelions and Pomegranates”. Aka, one of the softest things I ever wrote? Like? It’s literally just Nico and Persephone bonding? Her giving him love-advise? Whaaat about that was not suited for kids...? Seriously. It’s like. Literally the most harmless shit I might have ever written??
I mean. Lemme be real for a second, the main reason most my fics include smut is literally just so I could rate them M and not break my fucking brain trying to figure out the American rating system.
And I’m not joking. That is liiiterally the reason I started including smut in most fics. Because I could slap one easily understandable rating onto it and be done with it.
Seriously, why must you Americans do everything so fucking complicated?
“Meters? 100 centimeter forming one meter? And 10 milimeter forming one centimeter? How logical and simple. Ew. No. Have a foot, that is twelve inches and an inch is like 2,54cm. That’s better!”
“Wait, why would we want to use Celsius? An easier readable and more logical way of measuring temperature? Here, have some Fahrenheit.”
No. Stop it. Just... Why? I swear, you’re the country where microwave companies get sued because idiot users microwaved their dogs, because it was not explicitely stated on the description that you shouldn’t put your animal into this. How do you not just adapt the easiest and most logical system for all the things...?
We, in Germany, have a very simple and logical rating system.
It goes 0, 6, 12, 16, 18. Which literally are the years it is advised for.
For the smallest, most innocent kids. For the big bigger, cleverer kids, for pre-teens, for teens, for adults. Easy peasy. Everyone’s been those ages, everyone remembers what’s appropriate to be confronted with at those ages. No lengthy explanations needed.
And then there’s this shit.
K: Intended for general audience 5 years and older. Content should be free of any coarse language, violence, and adult themes.
This one. Nothing then? I mean, what exists without violence? I can literally not name a single children’s movie or book I ever read or watched that’s without violence? Not. A. Single. One.
K+: Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.
Whaaat in the world is “minor” violence? And why do you think 9 year olds can be confronted with it? Have you gone to kindergarten? That’s a heap of not just minor violence? And what’s an unserious injury...? Also what the fuck does “Coarse language” even mean? Coarse is a word used to describe... sand? I distinctively remember ever only hearing that word in the context of “Worst Star Wars quotes ever”.
T: Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.
Sooo. The same as before. But this time “minor suggestive adult themes”. What the ever-loving fuck does that even mean? What constitutes as an adult theme? What makes such a theme suggestive? And how can it be minor?
M: Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with possible strong but non-explicit adult themes, references to violence, and strong coarse language.
...How are adult themes strong, but not explicit? The only way to make them strong is by making them explicit?? And “references to violence” is literally what is like filed under K+, that whole “minor action violence” is stronger than if you just make a reference to violence...? What the fuck is this?
Rated 16 in Germany is just... violent shit. Like. The line’s explicit sex, that’d make it rated 18 and that’s the end of it. Otherwise, anything goes.
How do you even make M content? How is that possible? How do you make “strong but non-explicit adult themes” and how do you possibly think that 16 year olds can’t handle explicit violence so we can only make a reference to it?
MA: Content is only suitable for mature adults. May contain explicit language and adult themes.
Hooonestly, the whole name of this one is simply a joke. “Mature Adults”. That... “Tall Giants” and “Short Dwarves” and the “Salty Sea” would like to fall in line with this. You literally slap one word in front of the other where both mean the same thing? And still has no one explained to me what those dubious “adult themes” are. Is it sex? Were we just talking about sex the whole time? Can’t you just say sex? It’s got less letters than “adult themes”, I’ll tell you that.
Seriously.
It just fucks with me to even think about what the American rating system is supposed to mean because it literally makes no sense at all. That’s why I really like AO3. It doesn’t give you bullshit ratings with dubious words, it tells you clearly how it is. Even a total moron, or someone from a country with a sensible rating system can make heads and tails of it.
