red
15x18 coda fic
Rated: T | AO3 link | Words: 1043 | Beta: None | Tags: Major Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Pining, Second Person POV
A special thanks to @fingergunsbidean and @louxisalhama
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There’s the desire to go over all the times you had with them and wonder if you should have said something, or not have said something, or did something, or should have held back something.
What if you had managed to say something at a different point in time with them next to you, would things have turned out differently?
Would both of you have changed and the loss would have been put on hold for a little while longer?
Was that one thing you had been holding close to you worth it?
Would that other person have benefited from what you had to say, but wouldn’t let out of your mouth?
At the time of withholding, your reasoning made sense. Fears of rejection and pain, not wanting to hurt someone yourself, lack of confidence behind your words because you had been told by others that they were wrong and all your feelings were not valid.
But once the person intended to hear those words leaves, the reasons seem superficial and easy to move past. You’re angry at yourself for not having the wherewithal to push past those small barriers and say what should have been said.
It could have made a difference.
Read more on AO3 [pictures embedded for extra pain]