█ drabbles meme.| Graveyard: My character will visit your characters grave▒ acceptance status: O P E N. ☾ sending it out to: rebelisms ☽
by this point, everyone had been to the grave except for murphy. there were different opinions on WHY that was. some thought it was because he didn't CARE but octavia knew the true reason, so did lincoln && raven && clarke. they knew about T H E M.
&& how bellamy even being gone was ripping him into a thousand indistinguishable pieces.
but now that they were moving on to a new camp, a new place, he had to visit before he couldn't.
he had to get the chance to say GOODBYE.
steeling himself, he felt bile rise in his throat at the freshly turned over earth appearing before his vision. bellamy was - he was DEAD. he just -
"even in death you manage to piss me the fuck off!" murphy ranted, throwing his hands up. "you didn't - i didn't -"
tears stung his eyes as the reality of it sunk in. he wasn't going to see bellamy's gaze on him anymore. there wasn't going to be anyone to push back when he pushed. there wasn't going to be anyone to CARE enough to always reach out for him.
it was ironic, really, it was the death of bellamy to really pull him back into the fold. even raven was being nice to him. it was unsettling. they were friends, yes, but usually the shit stirring kind, now she was treating him with careful hands as if he was about to -
falling onto his knees besides the grave, murphy felt as if his entire chest had caved in on him && he couldn't breathe. he couldn't do this - he couldn't -
"you weren't - you were a-always so invincible, bell, this has to be a joke. something. god, you are so -"
he wiped angrily at his eyes, imagining how mocking bell would be that he was c r y i n g over him. like a school girl. like a person who was in -
"i - fucking - love you && i never got to tell you. i never got - you DIED. what are we - what am i going - bell, this has to be a - this is a joke. it has to be. you wouldn't believe how sweet tav is being. like i'm fam-"
he couldn't push the rest of the word out of his mouth, giving a watery hiccup.
&& the next morning that's where they found him, curled up next to bellamy's grave, lincoln having to pick him up to bring him along with the others because he couldn't m o v e but he'd bitch later. for now, he was too numb to even care what they did to him.
