DISPOSITION AND TEMPERAMENT.13. How do they greet the world — what is their typical attitude towards life? How does it differ in different circumstances, or towards different subjects? Why do they take these attitudes, and why do they change? How do these tend to be expressed? Erin is dedicated to fostering a world that is objective and fair. She is fiercely determined, knows precisely how intelligent she is, and is motivated by the desire to constantly refine and improve upon the world she lives in. She wishes to expand not just her own intellectual potential, but the potential of the world around her. After being so ineffectual and undervalued throughout the course of her life, Erin needs to make a meaningful impact on the world by exposing the truths of the paranormal. To this end, science and the supernatural are Erin’s two great loves. She sees the potential for these two previously isolated factors to entangle, to redefine what she believes to be normal and rational and true.Nothing excites Erin more than discovering something incredible and being the difference in the world. By that same token, however, Erin deeply cares about the impact she has on a more personal level. She places a high priority on the relationships she forges with others, and is taking great pains to nurture them. Finding a balance between the two is a challenge, but Erin is determined. It’s just a shame that Erin still allows them to be so easily compromised when she is presented with the promise of wider acceptance by society and her esteemed peers.14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed? First and foremost, Erin is a scientist. She believes in empiricism, reason and tangible data. Much of what Erin believes about the world and knows to be true is steeped in the principles of quantum logic; observations on the world cannot be made without impacting the world; the more precisely a fixed entity is known, the less precisely it can be predicted; the validity of one proposition can completely destroy the validity of another. Pursuing the world with a cool collectivism enables her to completely formulate her ethical standpoints and to assert them. Morally, she’s a little flexible. Erin has been known to abandon meaningful relationships out of fear and personal interest; while the remorse continues to destroy her, what destroys her more is her potential to do it again. Despite this, Erin dedicates her life to bettering the lives of others through her work. Having very little personal faith in herself, the only thing Erin perceives to be of any worth is what she can contribute scientifically. Ghostbusting satisfies Erin’s desire for knowledge, and her personal debt to society; believing in someone who has been spurned by all others is a deeply personal and empathic cause, and is what Erin believes she was always meant to do.15. What kind of inner life do they have — rich and imaginative? Calculating and practical? Full of doubts and fears? Does it find any sort of outlet in their lives? Inside, Erin is a mess. She’s wrought with anxiety and the pervasive fear of failing, of disgrace and of inadequacy. Most moments are spent comparing herself to others or to a fictitious conception of herself, and the struggle to remain together is unending. No amount of praise will ever be completely sufficient, but every shred of recognition has the potential to mean the world to her. She goes from the lowest lows to the highest highs in a matter of moments, and it is solely dependent on the way others treat her.16. Do they dream? What are those dreams like? Erin dreams. Infrequently, but she does. Her dreams are normally a manifestation of her anxieties and insecurities, tend to reflect upon the real world, as Erin knows it, and are fairly narrative and brief. They aren’t austere enough to be nightmarish, although they are enough to cause errant restlessness. Although Erin doesn’t dream much of her childhood trauma anymore, her conscious feeds of the motif of the paranormal. 17. Are they more shaped by nature or nurture — who they are, or what has happened to them? How have these shaped who they’ve become as a person? The ongoing debate between nature, nurture, quantum mechanics and impulse is contentious, but Erin’s autonomy is more of a product of situational factors and the agents of socialization. Though naturally and inherently intelligent, Erin was forced to apply her critical mind in order to rationalize her traumatic paranormal experience as a means of her asserting dominance over her own mind. Experiences define Erin, and continue to define her: she has fought her entire life to convince others, as well as herself, that she isn’t completely mental, and as a result has determined her own potential within the academic arena. She withdrew from socialization as a result of the trauma it has caused her for her entire life; though she was always a quiet and introverted individual, Erin didn’t suffer crippling anxiety until the world turned on her. Erin is dedicated to defying the most unfavorable of her qualities that she perceives herself to be predisposed to. She wants to be brave; she wants to make meaningful and lasting relationships. Better. Always better. She can’t be better without combating the factors she feels are changing her for the worse.18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why? Erin dreams of a version of herself that she can wholly love, accept and respect. One who belongs to others, who makes a meaningful impact on the world, and who is important not just to science and society, but to herself. Erin has such low self worth, even after achieving such profound validation that her belief in the paranormal was not misinformed, that there might even be no coming back from that. But I, as someone who thinks for this iteration of Erin Gilbert, want her to be the Erin Gilbert that tries. I want her to acknowledge her patterns of self doubt and to work to fill the voids they create with meaningful relationships, with self care, and with positive steps away from the need to be validated. I want her to be the Erin Gilbert who isn’t selfish, who doesn’t fixate so completely on how others perceive her, and who will let go of the tight grip she has on her honor. (Being me, however -- because I am a terrible asshat with a penchant for drama -- I’ll probably play more into that insecurity and implicit need for personal success. I’ll make her suffer for it, too, just because I can. You fuck up everyone’s lives, Gilbert.)
