#record scratchings

[teacuptanuki]

i hope this email DOESN'T find you well

because i'm lost. help

[teacuptanuki]

i think kesha was onto something when she invented women

[teacuptanuki]

id rather be with my abuser than be alone as i feel right now

even if it was to only control and hurt me, at least he'd never abandon me

[teacuptanuki]

im tired of having to swallow my own emotions for others comfort. i keep trying to ask for help when i'm at my fucking breaking point and i just get pushed off.

i dont even have my own friends. im living in all the other alter's shadows. i feel like im not allowed to be my own person, feel my own emotions or even be cared about.

i dont know. i just want one kernel of originality in my being. nothing about me is unique and it. makes me so upset. i'm a fictive, i don't have any friends i made on my own, my emotions are just entirely my personality disorder-

I just can't fucking win. I want to be a person. I feel like I deserve that, but I know I'll never be taken seriously. Ever.

i really wish that therapy office would fucking call me back.

[teacuptanuki]

mom i DONT wanna go to be barbeque! im SPLITTING ON PEOPLE!!!!

[teacuptanuki]

im literally so fucking in love i physically cannot handle it

i am just fucking sitting here, shaking in my bones about how happy they both make me and i just want to kiss and hold them and watch the stars and know that everything in the world will be okay

nothing compares to the light they both bring me and im just on the verge of tears just thinking about them and i just dont know what i did to deserve either of them

they make me feel safe and happy, as i fucking deserve

[teacuptanuki]

i dont know why i let anyone into my life anymore

i cant count on anyone except for myself. all of my bridges will burn and i'll die as i lived.

alone.

anytime i let anyone close, my head cant even function before trying to bite anyone who even thinks of ignoring me.

theres nothing for me out there. no one.

i'm just waiting for everyone to fade away and leave me like i expect them to.

[teacuptanuki]

i look in the dsmp tags for some fanart and forget the fandom is full of teenagers doing edgy sad boi edits to literal minecraft screenshots and that shit makes me die laughin shit dude, i regularly forget i'm from a funny haha minecraft stream but when i remember it's like a bag of fucking bricks