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When everything you’re creating feels like it’s rubbish and no matter how hard you try it still feels like you yourself must be a pretty rubbish person too.Positive thinking is just harder some days than others #inbetweentimes #harddays #trying #recoverychallenges #bpd https://www.instagram.com/p/BoJxHSwFLJj48vlYlwAcmSAF1wgv3W6rr1blsQ0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ivf2x1c9nhy7
Today got off to a bad start. Let’s face it there were going to be a few bumps when the honeymoon period at home started to wear off. My Social anxiety is really high at the moment and I’ve been very overwhelmed. I didn’t manage the fittness class or coffee with a friend. that I’d planned. I hate letting people down. My mums been amazing as ever and helped me to make the choice to regroup for the day. I’ve been trying so hard since I got home and really pushing myself and really needed to give myself a break but felt like a failure to admit that. Mum helped me do some baking and took me to get some craft bits(no stressful socialising or rooms of strangers.) Tomorrow I will get back on the bike again. Today I will accept I can’t do everything I want to do all at once. #regroup #downbutnotout #recoverychallenges #bpd #socialanxiety #baking https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnoe4g-lEyWEjqttKG_fzJztvvfMq9NDxUHnKc0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ige7horlteh7
The last night in hospital !! As of tomorrow I’m going back home to continue my recovery in the community The world and a future awaits! #discharge #newstarts #bpd #recoverychallenges #theworldcalling https://www.instagram.com/p/BnW15CcFZNeWomi3DqkuHHwOTHqcAMvH9ctOoI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1hdpc0yccpa0i
Today I had to face one of those days where my art is going wrong and I feel like I achieved nothing all day,i know the reality of life outside hospital will have many more days like this. It’s tough because it brings up old feelings and urges but I know I have to try and act differently. I’m dreading having to go back to gateway tomorrow, the blessing is it’s for ONE LAST TIME! I have to be strong 💪 I can’t wait until I come home for good on Thursday. My worst days at home will always be better than my best days at gateway, recovery is worth #recoverychallenges #informalpatient #bpd #bpdproblems #ilovehome #idontwanttogoback #keeponkeepinon https://www.instagram.com/p/BnR4kUZFnTAzv7bNTVx5AAtuohvKHKpaCG6g3o0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jmpnp3yiiw1q
The first book I’ve had the concentration to read the whole of in over a year #concentration #book #bpdproblems #recoverychallenges
The pile of things I’m not bothering to unpack into my “new room”,it’s hard to believe the amount of stuff I have and that’s just my bedroom and not the art room. Just moving room feels unsettling and there is so much change coming up, I don’t realise just how much I rely on external fixators to try and orientate myself through my disassociation until they shift. #recoverychallenges #bpd#bpdproblems #section3
I had the best weekend leave ever. Its always hard to leave, (not as hard as not going would be though) I managed to get all the way back to the gateway using mindfulness tactics to keep me calm distracted and calm. I had a meltdown on my return once safely behind closed doors. I’m proud of myself for taking prn and not harming myself though, day 5 self harm free! I was so upset they threw every medication I can have at me in one go and I crashed for an early night. Things are tough but I’m determined to be tougher. I’m back on unescorted 3hr leave today and trying to focussed. I’m still waiting on news about the cassel but I now have confirmation that it’s definately in the pipe line in terms of my CPN and the cassel dr being in touch. Yesterday’s church sermon reminded me again about Gods timing and our time and how different they are. I just want to move on with my life,sick of being sectioned so far from home. #section3 #section17 #bpd #bpdproblems #impatient #recoverychallenges
My three hours unescorted were hard but they passed...got a newspaper to read in the local cafe and strolled through the local park. The ward is pretty unsettled which isn’t helping. I can’t make hot drinks anymore due to other patients incidents with the hot water,I hate feeling like a child who can’t even drink without having to ask. Pressing on but towards what I don’t know. Swerved a shower tonight, couldn’t face it. Feeling very lonely here these days. I hope Cassel get in touch soon as I really want to press ahead and move on rather than being tempted to revert to old habits that surround me. #recoverychallenges #bpd #bpdproblems #section3 #hospitallife #rescuemeplease
