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Oh my gosh
So after taking a three week break from the gym my min/mi sucked. Went from an average of 11:39 last month to 14:20 today. Hoping to improve that this coming month and start strong again.
It's been such a hard month for me and my husband. We were robbed when we came home from Labor Day weekend and then my husband hit a gas line when he was mowing the lawn and I have been searching for a better (hopefully less stressful) job.
let's make a list of things my mom said to me today • kill yourself • start paying for your own food • you eat too much • you need to get a job and move out • you're disgusting • i'm not your mother
my mom just told me to wait for her to be done cooking dinner or to just not eat at all yikes
Why do my stretchmarks make me feel so insecure? I've never had stretchmarks and all of the sudden I do and it makes me feel so disgusting and unworthy of love. I know that they don't make me less than but they just make me feel so gross. I know that if this is where my body needs to be right now than so be it but I just wish I was thin again. I wish that I could wear my size 6 jeans and have my muscle tone back. I hate the way my body looks. I want my old body back.
Feeling guilty today. Had a 450 calorie cookie and had fries with dinner. I know I shouldn't feel guilty and that food is fuel and that it's okay to have play food. I've just been feeling so huge lately. I feel like my mind is still connected to my eating disorder and my body is back to normal.
Recovery confession
When you feel so fat and huge and fluffy jean shopping. Doubling in sizes from where I was when I was somewhat healthy to where I am now it sucks.
"Fall in love with yourself all over again." ... Wow. I still haven't even said "I love you" to myself yet. "Again" would imply I already love myself.
You know you're struggling with an eating disorder when you open up food just to smell it
