a collection of drunken confessions
@reddawnmultimuse/Deidara said: "you were my first love. not that you needed to know that."
It felt more like, for once, he was the one caught in an illusion.
ㅤSo many things were unlikely about the present circumstances, the fingers of a hand wouldn't suffice to count them all.
ㅤFor a starter, the fact that both of them were here, alive. In a very strange coincidence, that both of them survived death at the hands of Sasuke as it was; one deliberately, the other by accident. Then, the fact that they would meet again, out of pure chance, in a tiny rural village in the middle of nowhere. Itachi during one of his lighthearted journeys to have his body slowly getting used to normal life again, after months in a coma and then months upon months of recovery and physiotherapy. Deidara because- ...he wasn't sure, really. He hadn't asked yet; and might or might not, depending on how the conversation developed.
ㅤAnd then... of course, what his former coworker had just said. Just like that, dumped it on top of that bar table like it was just pocket change. Everything about this was the worst idea ever. They shouldn't be here, drinking together like old buddies, ready to catch up, ready to share tales and anecdotes. It was borderline surreal. Itachi himself did not need the extra push from alcohol for his body to have reasons to flare up in inflammation all over again, and Deidara did not need it to... spill out earth-shattering truths, to use an understatement.
First love.
ㅤIf the younger shinobi [was Deidara still a shinobi?; he hadn't asked, either] had punched him square on the face instead, it would have been so much easier to deal with. What do you even say to this? What face do you put on?
«I-»
ㅤI'm sorry, was the first thing that dumbly came to mind and that almost made it out - but, fortunately, the lingering taste of sake on his own tongue slowed it down enough that the thought eventually vanished. What was he even going to apologize for? For everything, Itachi supposed. For basically having kidnapped the boy that Deidara had been back then, under the guise of recruiting him to the Akatsuki; following orders, yes, and if it had not been him it would have been either Sasori or Kisame and the end result would have been the same - but the weight of that responsibility / guilt wore on him even now. Itachi had always been incredibly talented at shouldering tragedies that did not belong to him, after all. But also... I'm sorry that you fell in love with a lie?
«You-»
ㅤIt was also probably the first time that Deidara would get to see him grasping for words in such a way that it bordered on half-pathetic and half-hilarious. And, likely, the first time Deidara would get to see so much emotion showing on his face? The mask had been discarded, finally; thank fuck for that. No more need to pretend to be a demon. No more need to hide his true nature, his true thoughts, his true care. But did this make things better or worse? Technically speaking, shouldn't it give Deidara reasons to hate him all the more? So many questions and not a single answer in sight.
ㅤNot that anything at all was in sight for Itachi anymore, to use a very poor joke. Yet another reason why drinking was the worst idea ever; if he ended up tripping on his own feet on the way out it was going to be one hundred percent on him. But that was a problem for his future self; the present self already had enough to make his head spin, literally and figuratively. «I've always known you have terrible tastes in general,» was the sorry excuse of a comeback that eventually came out, his slender fingers clutching the porcelain cup so tight the knuckles were even paler than usual.
The most eloquent.
ㅤCould he be blamed, though? All things considered? Blind gaze falling absently on the surface of the table, for a moment, Itachi heaved a quiet, barely audible sigh. There was a ridiculous urge in him to laugh at how mind-blowing all of this was, an urge to run the heck out of this bar and only stop once he was back at Konoha, an urge to curl up under the table and cover his ears and just go to sleep pretending he'd heard nothing. And, at the same time, he wasn't sure why it had startled him so much. The kid who used to have his locker filled to the brim with love letters from classmates, panicking because an old friend of sorts confessed his feelings to him? Maybe the long years of wearing the mask had ruined his capacity to react like a normal human being more than he'd realized. Looking up again, not that it made a difference but at least it was more respectful, Itachi pursed his lips and decided that, since they were here anyway, making real the worst idea ever, he might as well see where it'd lead them.
ㅤ«...When did that happen? Had anybody asked, I would always have told them that the only thing you wanted of me was to fill my mouth with your clay and then detonate it.»
