#redefining relationships

[not-so-radicalacceptance]

As bad as this is

Where did we go off the tracks?

So far from the start

And now I can’t remember

Sometimes it’s gentle

Sometimes it’s easy

Now I wonder if

I’ll make it to December

There are days that I’m sure

We can only go up

Before we turn a sharp curve

And find a new low

Is waiting just for me

I can’t find the end

Or if it does end

Though now I am afraid

it’s your new beginning

I ask, you don’t know

Can’t say, or won’t say

It’s only us two

Stuck here on this ride

How did the odds get so stacked?

But I’ll keep trying

To reach for your hand

So i won’t miss it

If you decide to reach back

But so many twists

And turns come so fast

I’m doing my best

To hold out for you

But I get turned the wrong way

Rough patches shake me

Sometimes I feel sick

But I’ll hold it in

Hide my mess with edges frayed

I feel so dizzy

So I close my eyes

And I remember

What we looked like

When the journey meant something

But we’re stuck here now

Going nowhere fast

The wind burns my eyes

And tears swept away still sting

Nowhere left to run

So I pull inwards

But then so do you

Bound to each other

Stuck in our self-made restraints

As bad as this is

Neither of us leave

Living on old dreams

Of together, a warm embrace

So we’ll keep reaching

Because just the thought

Of apart must be a worse place

[not-so-radicalacceptance]

Welcome to the wallow.

One day there might be something worth having under all this muck that buried my life, and there is only one way to find out. I’m laying out all the messy feelings-what made made the shit circumstances and what it looks like now- reporting live from the middle of it. One day it might look more like wading than wallowing.

That’s the hope anyway.

[aragamah]

Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. They’re never total fits or misfits.

Diane Ackerman

[aragamah]

Instead of always striving for closeness … couples may be better off cultivating their separate selves… There is beauty in an image that highlights a connection to oneself, rather than a distance from one’s partner. In our mutual intimacy we make love, we have children, and we share physical space and interests. Indeed, we blend the essential parts of our lives. But “essential” does not mean “all.” Personal intimacy demarcates a private zone, one that requires tolerance and respect. It is a space — physical, emotional, and intellectual — that belongs only to me. Not everything needs to be revealed. Everyone should cultivate a secret garden.

Esther Perel explores in Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

[aragamah]

There are surprisingly few poems about the complexity of long relationships. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that there are fewer poems about long-term relationships and parenting teenage or adult children than I need. Without poems to light the way, a path is even harder to discern and/or invent.

Rachel Zucker

[aragamah]

Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals. Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter. When people become fused — when two become one — connection can no longer happen. There is no one to connect with. Thus separateness is a precondition for connection: this is the essential paradox of intimacy and sex.

Esther Perel explores in Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

[aragamah]

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.

Ursula K. Le Guin

[aragamah]

Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. They're never total fits or misfits.

Diane Ackerman