#coping with change

[wanderingmind867]

Okay, I just got out of the shower. The pimples underneath my nose feel like they've gone away a little bit, so that's something. And my stomach still doesn't feel very great, so that's awful. But I've made a grave miscalculation in all my vent posts. I've been assuming that I'm getting new glasses tomorrow. But that might not be true. I know I'm definitely getting an eye exam/eye test tomorrow, but new glasses? That might not happen until next week. It's hard to say right now, sadly. But my dad said it might take a while for me to get my new glasses.

I picked out the new model of glasses I wanted a few months ago. And okay, I didn't actually love the new model of glasses. They're nowhere near as flexible as my old pair of glasses. But they are roughly as easy to ignore when they're on my face, and they were the best I could find on short notice. So I settled on them largely because of that. And I think I've always been assuming I'd be getting the new pair tomorrow. And that's been really stressing me out.

Listen. The new glasses are okay. Or they seemed okay when I saw them months ago. And I know I need new glasses. This current pair are wearing are nearly 10 years old, and they're also many prescriptions behind the prescription I need. But whenever I compared them to this old pair of glasses I wear now, this probably close to ten year old pair I've been using for so long that I've sat on them twice (and they somehow survived all that!)... Well, I've kind of formed a deep emotional attachment to these glasses. They feel like they're a part of me. An extension of myself. To think of using something new...it just feels wrong. It feels really wrong. And agreeing to get new glasses...I can't believe I've agreed to it, and I don't know how I'll cope with this!

I know I need glasses. I do know that. But still...I'm really nervous to change them out. And I've been building this up more and more in my own head lately, until tomorrow has basically become a looming stressor for me. I've been assuming I'm gonna get new glasses tomorrow, and that's been freaking me out. Knowing I'm gonna have to get an eye test is already bad enough. Because I know my eyes are bad. They're really bad. I know that, and that's why I'm worried I'll feel embarased in public tomorrow when I have to get my eye test. That's already bad enough, but then the idea of getting the new glasses tomorrow...it feels deathly terrifying.

But now I have some salvation. My dad says the new glasses probably won't arrive until next week. They'll need to fit my new glasses with my new prescription, which could take a week. And so I've got one nore week with my old glasses. That feels way more like a good thing than you'd expect, honestly. But even still... getting the new glasses next week still doesn't feel much better. It's still all about needing to change my glasses, abandoning something I've formed a deep emotional attachment to. It's just so awful.

I don't have much more to say right now, honestly. But yeah, I'm scared for tomorrow. And I'm still feeling really bad knowing I'll have to change my glasses. Adapting to a change like this is likely going to be hellish. I just wish I didn't have to deal with it! Gods, change is the defining issue of my life. Struggling with change and the trauma of it is basically the story of my life. sigh...

[desi-lulu]

In the mood to make some ugly deranged art

[free--therapy]

[notsofine]

9.11.18

Another Friday has rolled around.

With lots of encouragement (seriously no one seems to think it’s a good idea for me to stay at work instead of take off at my usual therapy time) I did as T and I had planned and scheduled some errands and then a nice thing to do to so that I wouldn’t be spinning out of control during my old therapy slot.

I left work as usual but instead of going for therapy (because T is not T anymore 😭😭) I went for a foot massage and then dropped off clothes at the charity store, did a small grocery shop and replied to a message that I had been putting off. I checked in with Him and he was home by the time I was done with all that so it was safe to return.

I still feel a bit empty and that things are. Or right and i am dreading next week when I see the new T for the first time but for now i am safe and I am okay and this will have to be enough.

[ophelia-network]

Many of us simultaneously desire and fear change. We want to grow and develop in ways that only change can bring, yet we are anxious and uncertain when that time comes. Many of us try to control the unknown. We try to use our mind to project into the future what could or should happen. Then, based on what we decide “should” happen, we worry that it won’t. We spend enormous amounts of energy trying to figure out how we can manage things in order to ensure that change happens according to the plan we created. This, more than the change itself, is what drains our life energy. 

By trying to control the way change happens, we run the risk of losing the transformational potential inherent in it. When we control change, we use the mind—which is programmed by past conditioning—to make choices about the future. Whatever those changes are, they tend to be made in reference to the past.

The second type of change is that which we allow to happen. We may manage it a little here and there, and we may even have a general idea about the direction that change is moving in. But there is no attachment to the specifics of how the change has to show up in order for it to be considered “successful”. We simply move in a certain direction, and allow for the unexpected to show itself.

This is the realm of the unknown. It is the place where true transformation occurs. What comes from the unknown is not a product of the past; it is not a product of a mind that is programmed by the past. It is the place where the divine can enter our lives and transformation happens from that place beyond the confines of the logical mind. -  Kamini Desai

Menton Matthews

[askanautistic]

Hi. My cousin haa autism and just turned 18 - he no longer goes to the school for autistic children. He now spends his days at home. As a background, he is not very verbal - he understands but normally answers in 1-3 words. We are worried that he is going through some stages; he has been pulling at his hair, putting his hand down his throat (sometimes to the point of vomitting). He has also started muttering to himself more. How can we help?

The change in routine must be very unsettling for him.It might be useful to try to find other ways he can communicate so he has more opportunity to communicate his worries and his needs. There are lots of free apps you could look into.You could also look into whether there are any activities he’d like to do to give his day some more structure again, or services for autistic adults (day services he can attend where he’ll have routine and can learn skills and take part in activities and make friends, or other schools that allow autistic students to stay on longer, or colleges for young autistic adults. This might replicate the kind of routine and experience he had at his school).If family members are unable to do so or aren’t able to do so regularly, you could also look into getting him a support worker or finding a befriending service so that he can have some assistance with accessing services and activities within the community (going to the shop, going to the gym or swimming pool or cinema etc). Whatever options you find, offer him a choice and make sure he has familiar support when initially visiting any new places so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed or too stressed by yet another change.If you’re stuck you could contact his old school to ask them if they know of any services that are useful for their ex students (and it migh also be useful for them to know that there is possibly not enough transition support to help their students cope with leaving).

[mentalillnessmouse]

(1/2) I've been under a lot of stress lately to the point where I've been having panic attacks every day. My job is very stressful, and I'm going through significant life changes on top of that - I'm moving away from my abusive parents next year

(2/2) and moving in with my partner of 7 years. I’m also graduating from college after 9 years. It’s a huge life transition for me. I’m autistic/bpd/avpd as well as a trauma survivor. Is there any way for me to calm down during this time? Tag as KV

It does sound like you are going through a lot of transitions! And of course that is going to be stressful for so many reasons, and it can be difficult to cope with at times. Something my therapist recently reminded me about are vulnerability factors-things that make us more likely to experience mental illness symptoms or lead to instability. We want to try to minimize those vulnerability factors as much as possible so that we can minimize the risk of struggling with symptoms. A lot of these things overlap with ideas of basic self-care and include: eating nutritious food regularly, sleeping enough, showering regularly, hydrating, taking your meds regularly, getting exercise, being social etc. You may want to make a note for yourself of which things you struggle with and what small steps you can make to improve those vulnerability factors so they can become less of a risk. 

Following along with the theme of self-care includes utilizing your support network (including therapy, if possible) and reaching out for more help when needed. You may also want to write up a safety plan if you struggle with any impulsive behaviors or if you are prone to quickly feeling emotionally unstable. One other coping skill that has been helpful for me when under more stress than usual or during times of transition is utilizing a creative outlet. Sometimes for me, that is singing, blogging, journaling, doing crafts, or drawing. Find what works for you. And remember you are allowed to take some time for yourself. 

Take care,Ari

[askanautistic]

I'm 16 and 2 yrs ago me and my parents moved out from my grandparents' home which was on the countryside (we were living a few years together bc we couldn't afford a house for ourselfs). We finally moved into a flat in a small town. I rly didn't like it. First I tought I'll get used to it but now after 2 yrs I still feel 'wrong' in this place. I still feel bad and depressed. {Part 1/2}

I often wonder around the town or drive with the bus out of the town to go on a walk bc I don’t want to go back home after school. I also feel uncomfortable and kinda numb in my own room. I always felt that the house of my grandparents was my real “home” and I rly want to get back there. But I know I can’t bc now my school isn’t as far away as before and my parents have jobs here and want to live in their own flat. Is there anything I can do to feel more comfortable in this place? {Part 2/2}- Try to make your bedroom more like your old bedroom.- Personalise your room as much as possible. Put up posters, fairly lights, create some kind of den. Make your room a safe and interesting place that you enjoy being in.- Find ambient sound generators that have sounds that will remind you of living in the countryside to play. This might help you feel more relaxed and comfortable.- Ask your grandparents to send you things that will remind you of your old home. Postcards, items from their house that they don’t mind parting with, local flowers or photos of the house and surrounding area.- Try to spend more time there. It might help to think up something to do immediately on returning from school just to get yourself home earlier. Perhaps you could plan to write a letter to your grandparents, or to speak to them on the phone.- Plan trips to go back and visit/stay there. It might make you feel less homesick if you have visits to look forward to and plan for.- Try to become more interested in your town so that you might start to like it more. Learn about the history of the town, for example, or try to become more involved in community activities so that you feel more like you’re a part of things if this is something that would appeal to you.- Talk to your parents about how you feel in case there’s anything they can do to help, or talk to your school. Perhaps you’d benefit from some kind of counselling to help you come to terms with this particular transition in your life.