I am kits horrible husband, and will be fighting in the hopes to make it so im not her ex husband.
There are no excuses for the things I have done
Kit thinks im fighting because she said i thought the grass wasn't greener. In truth its because it took everything i did to slap me back into reality of everything I was doing was wrong.
I got caught up in an emotional vulnerability from feeling unseen in my marriage. I said a lot of exaggerated mean things to this other woman about kit to try and gain "more love and empathy" and those words were coming from loneliness and hurt but they were still thoughts I had. Which I know hurt her more than me meeting this woman.
No one has to believe me but I did not doing anything with this other woman besides hug and cuddle. I was missing my love language in my marriage which is physical touch.
I met up with this woman on Monday afternoon. She tried doing things with me Monday night and it didnt feel right and it kind of grounded me back into reality what i was truely doing. I stayed with kits grandma on Tuesday and this woman was gone Wednesday morning.
Instead of fighting kit over money and property im hoping I can earn back her trust and maybe even obe day if it takes years. Earn back her love.
Its going to take time. What I did was not right. I will be seeking therapy this year when my insurance starts with work. Im working with her to make sure I can help her keep the house for our daughter and for her.
Maybe she is a single mother right now but she is not going to be left alone by me. I will be fighting for years to undo the hurt I caused in 3 short weeks. That took years of my sadness to get to.
She might not believe me but I still love her very much. Kit and I have shared 23 years of our lives together. I loved her when we were 13. I loved her when she left me for her ex husband. I loved her and kept her in the back of my mind for 5 years. I loved her when she called me crying because her ex husband was becoming abusive. And I flew her back to be with me. I loved her when we've had our little arguements over the years. I loved her when we were having our little girl and getting to grow older being parents together.
It sucks that it took this, to slap me back into reality from everything I was doing and somehow I will at least fight to make surebshe doesnt hate me for everything I said.
And I will fight to try and earn back her love that i threw on the ground. She deserves better. I will be better.
She has always been there for me. I hour I can be there for my family and her.
Im not saying this because im trying to gain a pity party. I need her to see i want to try. And that this isnt just a thing im trying to do because idk "i miss that I had it good" or something.
So if you do read this kit. I still love you to the moon and back. I'm sorry that it took me hurting you. Hurting our 10 year marriag. Hurting our 23 years of friendship, so bad for me to see that still.
