I try to act/be like this worldly, wise person but nothing could be further from the truth. I've never had a relationship, never really fought for anything or raised my voice outside a place where that's all you're supposed to do... I'm truly a very naive person and that's totally scary moving on. I've depended so much in those around me for all sorts of guidance and relied on them to save me from self destructive tendencies. And I won't be far from home next year but it's really hitting me that everything will be new. I've grown with the same people my whole life and my sappy ass can't handle one night alone without listening to sad music and swirling into thoughts about my future. I'm not sure how I'll do. All these expectations are on me to do great things-- mainly from myself-- and it's terrifying to think that my best shot and worst enemy moving forward is myself. I'm actually really scared high school is going to be my best years, because I did well there. I'm scared I'll forget the day to day stuff that is so important to me -- impromptu trips, night hikes, supporting people and being supported... It's already fading. My whole life up till this point is already a memory. Time is passing too fast. It's fucking July and I don't have a job. I'm seventeen and have never even held hands with anyone. I know I fall too easily, too hard, in too many ways. I'm scared that I'll cling to one thing and never try new things, or that I'll try to keep my options open and never do anything. I'm scared. And sad. And uncertain. And I can't do anything to change it.