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So I came out a WHILE ago to my parents, and my mom hasn't really said anything at all about it, but last night she sent me a bunch of tiktoks by a girl w a very short haircut and said, I quote, "I feel like she could be my daughter in law? Like, no expectations, no pressure, but I would welcome her energy into the fam?"
??? Some person just messaged me on Tinder with *one* phrase from my bio (where I called myself a vibe curator) and asked if that meant I was a leo with taurus/aries placements and I've never believed in astrology but what the actual fuck how did she know ???
I just want someone that will love me lots and teach me cool facts and appreciate nature with me,, is that too much to ask??
Me, to an acquaintance in class: YES I'm PUMPED for the PDX cherry blossoms this year. It's been my dream to live in Portland when they're blooming and it's finally happening!!
Her: Oh my God you need to take pictures in with the cherry trees, here I have a camera you can borrow it whenever just find someone to take pictures of you with the cherry blossoms
I was p drunk last night and suuuuper sleepy. I was lying on my couch wrapped in a lil blanket and my friend kept trying to get me to go to my own bed because "you'll be so happy you did" but I really didn't want to so what did he do?? He grabbed all my pillows and blankets and basically tucked me in so I wouldn't be freezing and unhappy when I woke up and that's why you need real friends
I want my soul to be a sunset but the it's prolly more like a lava lamp
I think both the saddest and most valuable thing someone has told me is, "even if your feelings are hurt, what does it matter? What can it change to sulk? It happened. It's done with. Being angry or sad won't change that."
I try to act/be like this worldly, wise person but nothing could be further from the truth. I've never had a relationship, never really fought for anything or raised my voice outside a place where that's all you're supposed to do... I'm truly a very naive person and that's totally scary moving on. I've depended so much in those around me for all sorts of guidance and relied on them to save me from self destructive tendencies. And I won't be far from home next year but it's really hitting me that everything will be new. I've grown with the same people my whole life and my sappy ass can't handle one night alone without listening to sad music and swirling into thoughts about my future. I'm not sure how I'll do. All these expectations are on me to do great things-- mainly from myself-- and it's terrifying to think that my best shot and worst enemy moving forward is myself. I'm actually really scared high school is going to be my best years, because I did well there. I'm scared I'll forget the day to day stuff that is so important to me -- impromptu trips, night hikes, supporting people and being supported... It's already fading. My whole life up till this point is already a memory. Time is passing too fast. It's fucking July and I don't have a job. I'm seventeen and have never even held hands with anyone. I know I fall too easily, too hard, in too many ways. I'm scared that I'll cling to one thing and never try new things, or that I'll try to keep my options open and never do anything. I'm scared. And sad. And uncertain. And I can't do anything to change it.
