Continuity Pornography
As Joey finishes watching yet another tedious episode of “Wake Up, San Fransisco!”, she gets up to go grab some food out of the fridge, which is a difficult task to pull off when you lack hands but actually lack feet. Having collected a left chicken breast to feast on, Joey passes an oblivious DJ who is masturbating to various photos of her boyfriend Ricardo as well as a drumset slathered in Lysol. Thinking nothing of it, Joey plops back down and changes the channel to NBC, prepared to watch an episode of Friends.
Unfortunately, she’s unable to concentrate on the TV as Danny loudly spanks Jared right behind the living room couch as a coked up Rebecca watches. Having forgotten about her on-the-road job, Joey realizes his life is a failure and joins in with Jesse’s poker game. Ever the one to bluff, Joey continues to lie about boning Danny’s dead wife, but nobody, not even Steve Urkel and his cheese sticks, believe her. Frustrated by all the lying, Juan gets up to grab a soda, but ultimately reverses his decision when he passes a drunk Danny on the floor erotically licking the nose of Danny DeVito as Brian May watches.
Meanwhile, Rebecca’s various satanist rituals get in the way of Michelle, who is now a bar of soap, from cleaning people without them knowing. As a compromise, the two of them burn down Joey’s Pizza Place a fourth time and collect the insurance money. Unfortunately for them, Brian Wilson was watching the whole time and threatens to call the police. Eventually, the three of them reach a compromise: on the second annual “Sleep With Someone While Your Daughters Work Day”, Mr. Wilson will cover various Beatles songs in a humorous punny fashion while Rebecca licks Jesse’s tattoo and Michelle cleans off Lucifer to her pleasure and demonic joy, thus satisfying Rebecca’s ritual. As Jesse’s next court hearing fast approaches for his copyright infringement, he summons the ghost of General Cornwall Tanner and the ghost of Mr. Woodchuck to deal with the incoming doom, but neither of them really want to do anything and join Joey on the couch just as an episode of The Golden Girls begins. Completely astonished, Jesse takes a choking Comet and has him throw up soap suds on Cornwall’s new suit. As is typical for all Tanners, Cornwall is obsessive about the ruined suit and declares the day “Sleep In A Tanning Bed Day”, not realizing that it had already passed last March. Finally, while finishing his cleansing of Jared’s gay gay Gay gayness, Danny gay puts him down gay for another gay reunion gay. Comet, excited to finally act like a dog again, puts on the dog suit and declares the day “Sleep While You Get Spanked By Danny Day”, not realizing that it had already passed yesterday. To compromise, Dr. Literal Pickle is called up by Danny to see if they could work something out with Joey’s sex change so Comet can be spanked. Dr. Literal Pickle decides the best thing to do is to undo Joey’s sex change and pass it on to Juan instead, who is facing statutory rape charges in the midst of all the chaos in the Tanner household. To celebrate, Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his...