Full Housze

the cutest and funniest unproduced episodes

[fullhousze]

One Danny For Another Denny

When Danny is mysteriously replaced with Denny from hit cult film “The Room”, Joey and Jesse finally feel vindicated when the trio all now have names primarily rooted in the letter ‘e’.

Meanwhile, Danny is transported to a universe where he lives in San Francisco with his two best friends, Joay and Jassa.

[fullhousze]

Brain Damaged Danny

When Danny gets the good old brain damage, he has to figure out what part of his brain he damaged so he can go talk to his doctor about the side effects of huffing Swiffer cleaning mix. When the doctor tells him that he needs to lay off the cleaning, Danny has to choose between his cleaning compulsion and being able to live another day with his family.

Danny chooses cleaning and dies in his bed holding his Pine-Sol bottle.

[fullhousze]

A Little Baby, A Little Care

When Danny finds a tiny baby in a bundled basket, he decides to take it under his care and raise it as his own. Joey and Jesse, having been babied by Danny for decades, immediately get jealous and plan to kill the baby through wacky hi-jinks. After a serious of comedic misunderstandings, the two confess and Danny and the two hug it out in a heartfelt moment where Danny says nobody can replace them in his heart.

Then he calls the police because they tried to kill a fucking baby

[fullhousze]

Snoop Pig & Ass, As Usual Icey

When Danny figures out cold fusion, he consults the “Dr. Robotnik’s Guide To Fucking Your Favorite Fusion Flaps” book which tells anyone who invents cold fusion to put it in the fridge. CBS fired Robotnik because he was stupid and fat and stupid and I am a ghost and wow it’s Danny he found himself... finding himself.

Meanwhile, Michelle figures out old fusion, which allows her to transform into Grandma Michellio, who proceeds to die from interacting with cold fusion while barehanded. I am a small horse.

[fullhousze]

Joey’s Pizza Place... Revisited

Season 10 Finale

After realizing he is ultimately worthless in the vast scheme of things, Joey decides to take some time and re-open his long forgotten Pizza Place. Unfortunately, his lack of funds, a job, and any semblance of a remotely functioning work ethic force him to collect loans from random strangers.When that doesn't work, Joey decides to enlist the help of a mysterious person named "Marcus Yates" who can get enough money from everyone to rebuild the small business. Successfully, he's able to get enough cash from Danny, Jesse, Rebecca, DJ, Stephanie, Michelle, Danny's zookeeping sister Wendy, Steve, Kimmy, Vicky, Gia, Denise, Teddy, that obnoxious kid Aaron who you actually sympathize with when you re-watch ths show, Derek who is really gay for a 10 year old, Danny's Mom played by Doris Roberts, that fucking metal guitarist Viper, Kathie Santoni, Walter "Duckface" Last Name, Rusty and his absurdly white mom Cindy, The Beach Boys (all of them, but then eventually just the ones that don't care to run the entire band into the ground), Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, The Band, The Cars, The Doors, The Kitchen Appliances, Paul McCartney, Ringo Stairway, John Deacon, Roger Taylor, Brian May, Geddy Pussy Fingers Lee, Alex Lifeson, Neil Peart (not the shampoo, Peart like "P-ear-t"), Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Nick Mason, Red Tom, Blue Jenny, Metallica, Iron Maiden, David Grohl, Kurt Cobain, Krist Novelselic, Beck Hansen, Soundgarden, Foo Fighters (yes, David Grohl twice), Smashing Pumpkins, Sparks, Talking Heads, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, Joey, Janince, Gunther, Rachel's divorced parents, Ross and Monica's overbearing parents, Chandler's hilariously divorced parents, Elizabeth that student Ross had an affair with, Richard, Kathy the girl Chandler pined for while Joey was dating her, Barry the dentist Rachel left at the altair, Susan, Carol, Emily, Ross's son Ben, Ross and Rachel's daughter Emma, Emma from Degrassi, Manny, Toby, JT, Liberty (what kind of fucking name is LIBERTY GOD SHE'S A FUCKING NERD FUCK), Snake, Snake's new wife who is Emma's mom, Ashley I think her name is Ashley, Drake the musician but also he plays some wheelchair dude in this, Spinner, Rick who shot up the school and put Drake in the wheelchair, JIMMY that was Drake's fucking name in the show I don't know why I kept calling him Drake, Phoebe's eccentric brother, Phoebe's eccentric brother's wife who's way too old for him, Kitty, Red, Eric, (Hot) Donna, (Michael) Kelso, (Steven) Hyde, (?????) Fez, Jackie, Donna's dad Bob I think, Midge whom he divorced because she represented the feminism of the '70s or something I dunno I forgot, that guy who tried to hit on Donna in the Star Wars episode that gets his nose punched in by Eric, Eric's gay friend Buddy, Eric's hot cousin, Red's asshole mom who is ungrateful and also an asshole, Marion, Richie, Potsie, Fonzi, Chachi, Howard, Joanie, Lori Beth, Roger, Arnold, Mr. Miyagi, Daniel, Ali that FUCKING bitch, Jennifer, Marty, Dr. Emmett L. Brown, Einstein (not the fucking scientist the dog), George McFly, Lorraine Baines McFly, Marty's Dumb Fucking Ass Brother, his slutty slut slut of a sister, Biff Tanner, Biff's grandson Griff, Buford Mad As A Fucking Dog Tanning Bed, Mr. Strickland, Needles, Donnie the feral boy, Eliza, Tim Curry as the dad, the mom who was worried about the damn foundation like FUCK YOU you're in the fucking forest go worry about fountains somewhere else you whore bitch, Little Debbie the sister's good cakes, Darwin the monkey, Darwin the fish, Gumball, Nicole, Richard, Anais, Penny the peanut antler angel ghost chicken, her dad Patrick, Alan the goody good fuck balloon, Carmen the cactus he's dating, Tina the DINOSAUR LIKE FUCK ME THAT'S A DINOSAUR HOLY SHIT, Tobias the Rainbow Kid, his sister Rachel that only appears once and then never again because nobody liked her, Banana man the Banana Banana Joe, Carrie, Bobert, Masami the CLOUD she's a rich ass CLOUD, the weird ice cream creeper girl Sarah who dressed up as the fucking Majora's Mask Moon, Majora, the Skull Kid, Young Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, Great Deku Fucking Ass Tree That you GO INTO IT'S HOLY SHIT A SPIDER QUEEN AAHHHHHHH, spiders, I hate spiders, fuck spiders, all of the Rugrats, every single Hey Arnold character including Phoebe the fucking smart asian french girl, Helga she had a crush on Arnold, Arnold himself, Geraldo, and Harold who is not Gerald's twin I found that out the hard way, Spongebob, Padded Rick, Mr. Crabs The Warthog, Cow, Chicken, Mom, Dad, Every Single Alias That Fucking Devil Piece of Shit Used, Dexter, Deedee, Mandark, their parents, that one fat balding teacher that had a reoccurring role despite having no real importance to anything, Johnny Bravo, his momma that loves, Suzy the girl next door, Carl, and Pops the Diner, Frasier, Niles, Martin, Daphne, Roz, Gil, Bulldog, Sam, Diane, Coach, Woody, Norm, Cliff, Carla, Paul, Al, Jerry, Kramer, George, Elaine, Elaine’s dad, Mr. Cooper, Mr. Cooper’s roommates, that girl who was played by Raven-Symoné, Cliff Huxtable, Claire, Theo, Denise, Vanessa, Rudy, Cockroach, Cliff’s parents, Cliff Clavin’s parents too, Louie, Alex, Elaine O'Conner, Reverend Jim, Lakta, Simka, John, Drake, Josh, Amanda, Manda, Manda, Manda, Show, Penelope Taint, Steven, Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Connie, Sadie, Lars, Clarence, Jeff, Sumo, Clarence's Absurdly Patient Mom, the teacher with glasses that is insanely awkward but adorable, the muppet ass kid who is rich and treats his mom like shit, Chelsea, Chelsea from That's So Raven, Orlando Bloom, Raven Symone, Clifford Huxtable, his wife Claire, uh their kids Rudy, Theo, Vanessa, and Sondra what kinda fucking name is Sondra, Master Will, Master Carlton, Uncle Phil, Vivian, Vivian after she got replaced, Ashley, Hillary, Geoffery, Jazz, Nicky, Nicky after he got replaced, and finally Joey's mom. The building burns down two days before it's built.

[fullhousze]

Our Very First Family Feud

Danny cooks a good flan but Jersey doesn’t like it so then JOey puts them onto Flanmly Fluid hosted by Steve Havery and he’s black and he yells at them for saying “poopoo in the but” and haven’t you heard my new story it’s a good one by Rebbeca DOnsaldson

[fullhousze]

America’s Funniest Home Pornography

Meanwhile, Danny licks his ballsack while Tom burgertron makes him do a 360 on the set of A Bear Hick Uh’s Funnest Dome Titty Whores. He came three times yehroeay

[fullhousze]

A Brieef Excerpt from "Danny Needs Bees"

Danny: I gotta say, investing in these bees was the best gosh darn squeakly clean thing I ever did done did.

Stephanie: Aren't bees really dangerous though, dad? What if they get loose and, I dunnoooo, kill Michelle...?

Danny: Now bees are mean, but they're also smart. I am their overlord, there's no chance in a limescale & rusted hell could they ever get out of their cage. It's a patented "sponge cage" I made myself using some old cleaning supplies! It's fool-proof, basically.

Stephanie: Uh... then why is there a giant, gaping bee-sized hole on the side?

Danny: Oh, that? I put that there to start with. It's a built-in security breach so that no one thinks to try and open it up themselves.

Stephanie: Dad... there are no bees in the cage anymore... probably because you put a hole in it yourself.

Danny: Nonsense, Steph! I let the bees free because I trust them, and because they trust me.

DJ: Dad, come in here quick, Michelle is on the floor and covered in bee stings.

Danny: ...I have been beetrayed...

Stephanie: Smooth, dad.

Danny: Sorry, couldn't resist. Let's hope Michelle's heart is still beeating.

Stephanie: Daaaaaad!

Danny: Okay, okay, I'll knock it off! Hah, geez Steph, take a joke once in a while.

DJ: DAD, MICHELLE IS PROBABLY DEAD

Danny: Yeah yeah, whatever. Steph, you gotta chill with these little puns, they're harmless.

[fullhousze]

Fortune Fortune, Good Times For Danny

When Danny needs money, he gets some money. Unfortunately for him, Michelle squanders it all on baby food because she forgot how to eat solid food and Danny punishes her by eating all the baby food himself while silently singing the Beach Boy’s #30 hit “Eating Mush Because It Tickles” to himself.

Meanwhile, Dr. Mario makes an appearance at the end to remind the viewers at home that if you eat too much food, you will die.

[fullhousze]

Danny Regenerates

When Danny has a stroke and passes away, Jesse and Joey pull some money together and order a new Danny through the mail. Sure enough, a new Danny (played by Eric Bauza) arrives through Postal People Shipping and surprises the duo with how “asian” and “fat” and “not Danny” he is.

He has a stroke and dies three days later.

[fullhousze]

Titties Hard, Palsy Manifesting

danny’s wieeeeener gets really long, and then nickelodeon helps him shaft the daft punk out of his urethra utilizing scientific breakthroughs in palsy

meanwhile joey deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng dies

[fullhousze]

Our Very First New Years

When Michelle accidentally destroys all evidence that New Years was ever a holiday, everybody just sorta rolls with it because Michelle can do no wrong and is incapable of being punished or thought of in a negative light.

As such, Jesse orders pizza yet again and has yet another average Friday night with his average Friday family. Friday.

[fullhousze]

A Full Thanksgiving

When Joey ruins Christmas by accidentally eating the turkey before he was supposed to, Danny gets all flustered and enraged and mad and butthurt and has no choice but to order Taco Bell for the holiday.

Meanwhile, the twins dress up as Scott for Halloween. All of the neighborhood children are scared out of their wits completely. Except Jesse. Since he’s a baby. Teeny tiny baby. WHOOPS.

[fullhousze]

Danny Needs Bees

When Danny wants some bees, he buys some bees. But then they get away and kill Michelle with their horrifically pointy pointer points that point at your pointing and point away the point.

Meanwhile, a bunch of bees kill one of Danny’s childre- wait fuck that’s the main plot, isn’t it? Eh, just put something about Electric Light Orchestra or something. Jeff Lynne’s a good guy, I’m sure he’ll guest-star for a brief moment. Or seven episodes. Preferably the latter.

[fullhousze]

Coke of the Walk

When Bill Cosby returns to the Rush Hour Renegades, he reveals on air that he has proof that he didn’t rape all of those women: it was actually just a bad dream. When coaxed for said proof, Mr. Cosby proceeds to just spill cocaine all over the mixing console. Initially, Jesse’s confused, but then he flashes back to the episode “Coke is It” and finally realizes the truth. Blow.

[fullhousze]

Continuity Pornography

As Joey finishes watching yet another tedious episode of “Wake Up, San Fransisco!”, she gets up to go grab some food out of the fridge, which is a difficult task to pull off when you lack hands but actually lack feet. Having collected a left chicken breast to feast on, Joey passes an oblivious DJ who is masturbating to various photos of her boyfriend Ricardo as well as a drumset slathered in Lysol. Thinking nothing of it, Joey plops back down and changes the channel to NBC, prepared to watch an episode of Friends.

Unfortunately, she’s unable to concentrate on the TV as Danny loudly spanks Jared right behind the living room couch as a coked up Rebecca watches. Having forgotten about her on-the-road job, Joey realizes his life is a failure and joins in with Jesse’s poker game. Ever the one to bluff, Joey continues to lie about boning Danny’s dead wife, but nobody, not even Steve Urkel and his cheese sticks, believe her. Frustrated by all the lying, Juan gets up to grab a soda, but ultimately reverses his decision when he passes a drunk Danny on the floor erotically licking the nose of Danny DeVito as Brian May watches.

Meanwhile, Rebecca’s various satanist rituals get in the way of Michelle, who is now a bar of soap, from cleaning people without them knowing. As a compromise, the two of them burn down Joey’s Pizza Place a fourth time and collect the insurance money. Unfortunately for them, Brian Wilson was watching the whole time and threatens to call the police. Eventually, the three of them reach a compromise: on the second annual “Sleep With Someone While Your Daughters Work Day”, Mr. Wilson will cover various Beatles songs in a humorous punny fashion while Rebecca licks Jesse’s tattoo and Michelle cleans off Lucifer to her pleasure and demonic joy, thus satisfying Rebecca’s ritual. As Jesse’s next court hearing fast approaches for his copyright infringement, he summons the ghost of General Cornwall Tanner and the ghost of Mr. Woodchuck to deal with the incoming doom, but neither of them really want to do anything and join Joey on the couch just as an episode of The Golden Girls begins. Completely astonished, Jesse takes a choking Comet and has him throw up soap suds on Cornwall’s new suit. As is typical for all Tanners, Cornwall is obsessive about the ruined suit and declares the day “Sleep In A Tanning Bed Day”, not realizing that it had already passed last March. Finally, while finishing his cleansing of Jared’s gay gay Gay gayness, Danny gay puts him down gay for another gay reunion gay. Comet, excited to finally act like a dog again, puts on the dog suit and declares the day “Sleep While You Get Spanked By Danny Day”, not realizing that it had already passed yesterday. To compromise, Dr. Literal Pickle is called up by Danny to see if they could work something out with Joey’s sex change so Comet can be spanked. Dr. Literal Pickle decides the best thing to do is to undo Joey’s sex change and pass it on to Juan instead, who is facing statutory rape charges in the midst of all the chaos in the Tanner household. To celebrate, Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his Danny licks his...

[fullhousze]