#reg ask

[intj-irl]

Is it normal for an INTJ to like someone when I have a thousand and one secrets, I'm afraid that if we get to know each other I'll have to tell them. If it comes to that, what do I do?

You don’t *have* to tell anyone your secrets if you don’t want to. People will have to accept that you are very private and don’t want to share your innermost secrets. A friend or lover who forces you to open up is not someone you should waste time on; either call them out on it and try to make them understand that you don’t want to, or move on.

Of course, if you want to get close to someone, you may want to think about sharing some secrets with them, since it is usually through secrets people bond; however, don’t feel forced to share secrets that you’d rather keep to yourself. Chances are you would regret it afterwards.

- Rain

[intj-irl]

Hey female Intj here. So I've recently figured out my type and it actually explains a lot. I have this problem- when I go out with a big group of people, after about an hour or two I just stop functioning and I get really irritated. My best friend is an extrovert and so are the people we hang out with, so I can't really escape this kind of situation. Any suggestions on how to make it bearable?

If going out with people is that unbearable for you, my advice is simple: don’t go out, or alternatively, go home before it gets to that point. You shouldn’t do things you don’t want to do just because other people think you should. Talk to your best friend and explain that you do want to hang out with them, but that this specific kind of socializing isn’t your cup of tea. If you still want to go out for a short while, explain that you might go early - not because you dislike them, but because you get overcharged with social energy (or the like).

- Rain

[intj-irl]

"Is there an effective way to manage your emotions as an INTJ? I am prone to quite frequent, but short bouts of anger when I don't mean it at all, which is surprising considering my normally placid nature. Do you have any advice how to manage this?"

Don’t forget that INTJs are allowed to feel just as much as any other type. When you get angry, that might be a sign that something bad needs to come out, so you shouldn’t always try to repress those feelings. Try to analyze why you’re angry; if it seems like a reasonable reaction in the current situation you’re in, don’t repress the anger, but if you come to the conclusion that it’s an irrational and unnecessary anger, try to calm down and look past what you’re feeling. This might be difficult in the heat of moment, of course. But it’s a method that has helped me sort out the “unnecessary” feelings from the necessary ones.

If anyone else has advice on how to manage your emotions, feel free to leave a reply.

- Rain

[intj-irl]

I've seen before that someone has said that by the submissions that we all can't possibly be INTJ's but I find that to be ridiculous. Of course not all the submissions will relate to you, and may not fit exactly in the INTJ box. That's because we are all individuals and unique in our own way and that truly is makes us rare.

Thank you for this. It’s nice to see this level of insight in an (anonymous) ask for once. I completely agree with you, and I think that this is something everyone should try to keep in mind. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is all about functions, and even though INTJs may often share a lot of things, two INTJs can still be very different in both behavior and way of thinking. It’s important to be aware of both the similarities and differences between us, and to remember that just because you don’t relate to something, it doesn’t mean that no one else will.

- Rain

[intj-irl]

Is it just me or does it just seem like the whole "INTJ's are basically incompatible" thing is kind of nonsense? I feel like a lot of other people are more abrasive or hard to be around and we just get a bad rep just because we aren't socialites.

Of course it’s nonsense. Immature INTJs may be difficult to be around, but so are other immature MB types. Many INTJs are great conversational partners and very nice to be around.

- Rain

[intj-irl]

please tell me some tips to help my stop maladaptive daydreaming. this has been going on for a long time and it has completely taken over me. help me.

You can find a list of possible treatments here. Keep in mind that maladaptive daydreaming is not an officially recognized illness, and there are no official treatment options. The above-mentioned list has been put together by people in the MD community.

Myself, I’ve found that forcing myself to socialize and talk to other people more has made my MD “sessions” less frequent/shorter. Try to analyze what it is that triggers you and explore different solutions from there.

For more info about MD and stories from people who suffer from it, try @maladaptivedaydreamingsupport, @thedreamersof and the forum wildminds.ning.com.

- Rain

[intj-irl]

When someone asks, "Be honest with me, what do you think?" What do you do? People don't want to hear my brutal honesty.

Usually when people ask you to be honest, they might not actually want a brutally honest answer. But this isn’t always the case, and you have an opportunity to change this social rule little by little. If someone wants me to be honest, I usually am, but that also means that my family and friends know that I will be completely honest and therefore they keep that in mind before asking. Most people appreciate my honesty, because they know they can trust me. Those who don’t appreciate it, well, I’ve started lying to them, which I see as their loss.

But here’s some advice: If an acquaintance or newly found friend asks you to give them an honest opinion, try to soften the blow if you want to keep them in your life. And remember that some subjects are more sensitive than others. Regarding those subjects, try to stay calm and rational and explain carefully what you mean in a non-offensive way.

The truth doesn’t necessarily have to be harsh.

- Rain

[intj-irl]

does anyone feel that their friends and other people usually seek their approval? my friends always try to ask me what do you think of this? and when I don't reply they genuinely get so upset.. I never understood that. Also, I always have people copying the way I dress, talk, and liking the same things I like. I'm not being conceited, its just an observation I've made over the past few years.

If people are asking for your approval it might be because your judgments and opinions are usually logical and make sense to them. Your Se, which is inferior, almost subconsciously collects data which Ni and Te then sort through and interpret with the use of both your intuitive conclusions and external evidence (and then Fi checks that processed data with your personal morals). This results in a neat, pre-made package which other people can then easily use and apply to their own situations.

Can anyone relate to this anon? Leave a reply.

- Rain