#relationship probz

[kbvoodoosstuff]

Me:

[amaru16495]

Expression

Why is it so hard for people to simply express how they are feeling ? Granted right now I am probably being the biggest hypocrite in the world because I tend to keep difficult emotions on lockdown but even so if someone asks me how I am feeling normally I am honest about it.

I also don’t understand why some people get their words and their actions jumbled. They say one thing but then act a completely different. Some people do it for the sole purpose of being misleading but I do not believe all people are being fictitious.

However no matter what your reasoning is for your misconstrued emotions it really leaves other people...to be blunt...losing their fucking minds.

I am going to tell a story from my own, very real, very current experience because I guess that’s why I am even writing this entry to begin with. I am very confused and getting more frustrated as the days go on.

I’ve been seeing someone for the last month, talking to him for more than that...probably close to two months now that I reallly sit here and think about it. Anyways he told me way back in the beginning that he is “emotionally stunted” and has a hard time expressing how he feels. Which is fine I get that. Which is why I never pushed him or was overly flirty like I normally am.

I am a person that when I am into someone I go full speed ahead. I focus on that one person. I am flirty, loving, I give them my full and undivided attention, in person I am all cuddly and cute, all about PDA. I’ve severely dialed that back with him.

Anyays e have gone out twice now. First date was a total bust, the place was too loud and crowded and we didn’t have much to talk about. We hugged at the end of it and that was it. Now when we text and stuff he calls me babe and compliments me to all hell. We talk about cuddling and kissing and all that crap but in person it is nooooooooothing.

Yesterday we went out for the second time and we cuddled in a bench which I guess that’s progress of some kind but again when we said goodbye no kiss or nothing. A long hug and he said something about wanting to make it last since we barely see each other but nothing. And I do not do noooot want to have to make the first move.

I am sick of doing that. It’s not my fucking job, not to be sexist or whatever but you are a man, please step it up a notch.

Plus my fear is that we are going to unintentionally friend zone each other because we’re both too scared to make any fucking moves. I really don’t want that to happen since I really do like him but I don’t know where he is at.

Normally I would straight up ask the person but I feel like it’s too soon. We’ve only gone out a few times and haven’t known each other that long, I don’t wanna push or scare him off I just don’t know what to do.

I know I should probably just remain calm and let the universe do what it’s going to buuuuut if we look back on past experiences we can see that that’s most definitely not the way intend to roll.

And the thing is I am not trying to rush anything. I am not ready for a ful, blown relationship yet. I am not ready for all the pressure that comes along with it, all the responsibility. Nope not ready but in the same respect I want to know where this is going. Do I drop all the other people I am talking to ? Should I be getting to know other people ? What am I doing with my life fool.

Like help lol. I’ve never been in this position before honestly. I have always been with someone who is completely open with how they feel and what they want. I’ve never had to really question it. And if I have had to question it I wasn’t afraid to do so. I wasn’t afraid to scare the person off.

I’m so lost and my girlfriends all tell me that I need to grow some lady balls and just ask him how he feels straight up. Which I understand pm they don’t want me to end up getting played or heartbroken. I’m just a chicken shit I suppose.

So yeah for the love of all that is good in this world be honest about your feelings. Be open with your thoughts. Make sure your words and actions line up.

[lexiedoodles-blog1]

Rants

 Okay. So I’m new to being in a relationship and I’m used to thinking of myself first when it comes to food. Yes, I understand that it would be nice, considerate and cool if I am to offer to get you something too but I’m just not used to sharing a gift card. I don't see how that makes me a selfish bitch for not sharing a gift. I even offered after if they wanted anything. And apparently I’m always a selfish bitch. So I guess from now on I won’t say anything:

- when I’m hungry

- when I’m tired

-when my body is in physical pain

-or just absolutely anything at all

 I’ll just bottle up all of my negativity and write it down in a stupid journal or something since that tends to be just about all that comes out of my mouth. I’ll put all my selfish thoughts and pessimism into that. So then all I’ll have to say to my best friend/ spouse is all rainbow and fairy dust. Because that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a real relationship works.

 Honestly, I do feel bad about the incident at hand; BUT, it was addressed completely wrong. I feel like in order to “blow up” about an issue, it should have been addressed multiple times or at least once. And not just like “Oh my gosh, you’re so selfish,” and then not further elaborate. It should be addressed like, “oh this thing you did...(example of selfish act).. was selfish”. So, then I could say ‘oh, okay. that is what yo think is selfish. I can now fix it and work on it so I don’t do it again and so I don't upset you.”  I do realize that indeed, we are not all perfect and what not but still. I didn’t even realize how I sounded because yeah, maybe I can be a little selfish and self-centered at times, but my gosh that is a atrocious personality trait that I would be willing to fix in a heartbeat. I just need to be called out when I’m being pessimistic and making things about me so I can fix it. I didn’t even realize that I was acting how I was. I’m a honest and genuine person and am willing to change anything and make anything happen no matter how hard it is for the people I love. I am the type of person who puts a whole year of thought into one christmas gift to make it the best gift they have ever received. I’ll also do anything to fix things or make things right between the people who do matter to me. I guess being in a relationship with the man I’m with I’m just going to have to keep this quarrel in the back of my head and add it on to my lists of:

a) many things to think about like all the time when I’m with him

and my personal favorite

b) the endless flow of things to work on to keep him somewhat happy with you.

 I realize that no one will probably read this or you might get annoyed. I apologize but I didn’t have and pen and paper laying around and I needed to get these thoughts out of my head and off of my chest somehow.

[zealousxo]

Ever felt bad because you know that this certain person is not in the mood and not okay and you badly want to cheer him up or make him talk about it as so you could lessen the hurt for him but you can’t do anything or can’t even ask him what’s going on because you know that he would rather not talk about it ugh

[aspasiaa]

When you wake up pissed for no reason I wanna slap you so hard, morning is my favourite hour of the day you can’t ruin it :@

[orionoriots]

My babe @lost-nova is in a different country right now and I just talked dirty to their drunk ass for 20 minutes before realizing that the heavy breathing was bc they fell asleep :/

[im-old-now-i-guess]

Part of me wants a boyfriend so we can cuddle and goof of and be adorable with. But the other part of me doesn't want to deal with relationship anxiety or drama. You feel?

[flyerthanyou-blog1]

😌👌🏾 it could all be so simple