Discover Top Posts Tagged with #remoras full

Remoras Full Chapter LV: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Nemesis

It was still early in the day. Soup was nice, but it wasn’t what I would call ‘breakfast’. When I landed on the balcony of the chateau and entered the dim room, three of Tony’s henchmen sat on the floor playing cards. I couldn’t tell what game they were playing, and neither could they.

“Got any threes?” Boxxy, called such because he was built like a box, asked.

“Go fuck yourself,” replied Fozzy, refusing to show his cards.

“Uno!” Oney (whose favorite number was one and his favorite game was uno) cheered. His name also sounded like ‘honey’, which was probably why he and Fozzy were boyfriends.

“Sup?” I raised one hand and waved to them as my armor retracted, revealing my cozy turtleneck sweater.

All three of them perked up.

“Hey, it’s Nemesis!” They gestured over for me to join them in their game.

“C’mere, lemme give ya a noogie!” Fozzy balled his hand into a fist and chuckled. He really was a bear of a man, furry and large as they came. Probably gave great bear hugs as well.

I was about to join in the merriment, but the man to my right at his desk, in the corner of the room drenched in shadow opened his mouth.

“Did you do the deed?” The don, Tony Falsetto, asked as he turned in his swivel chair. He had an iguana in his lap and stroked that iguana’s beard. I heard a muffled purr, something I didn’t even know iguanas could do, but I wasn’t about to try to wrap my mind around that one.

“Yep. Fucked that guy’s wife just like you asked. I don’t know why he said she was so hard to satisfy, I didn’t have any trouble. But lemme tell ya, I sense a divorce coming along.”

Tony growled. Guess he didn’t like my joke. Everyone’s a critic.

“That’s not what I’m talking about. Did you burn down the diner?”

As if.

“It was a roast, that’s for sure,” I shrugged.

“Good. They should be here in a couple hours. Go get yourself changed.”

“Changed?” I tilted my head. “Like turning a new leaf?”

“Eh…” He grunted, “there’s a tux and a pair of slacks on the desk. Go to the locker room and get changed.”

“What? Really? A tuxedo?” I balked.

“This is a formal event. I won’t be having someone on my payroll wear a tacky turtleneck sweater.”

“You’re so right,” I snapped my fingers and gave him a sharp smile, “I’ll go tux myself, then.”

I took the folded up clothes and walked off. He groaned and stewed in the perceived lack of seriousness I gave everything.

Cope with it.

“Hey Nemesis, how was that guy’s wife?” Fozzy nudged me as I passed him by. I turned and gave a chuckle.

“Please, call me Nemo. And let me tell ya, I’ve been told I’m quite the gentle lover. That said, a little bit of pain goes a long way.”

“Just get yourself changed!” Tony roared. I couldn’t help but cackle.

When it was all said and done, I returned to the room. My movements were stilted, I couldn’t stretch my legs too far or take wide strides. The collar of the tuxedo was so thin it seemed prime to suffocate me.

This is a different kind of pain than I’m used to.

I expected everyone on the floor, playing cards just like how I left them. I couldn’t have been gone that long. If I could take off a sports bra without lifting my shirt, changing into a tuxedo and slacks should have taken me like, a minute, tops.

Instead, everyone stood, including Tony.

“We’re going to the lounge to meet up with the don of the Tenor family,” Tony announced.

“Okay. Go. Don’t let me stop you,” I stepped to the side and ushered them away.

“When I say ‘we’, I mean you as well.”

“Oh, and here I thought you meant like a royal we.”

He made little doggy growl noises but of course I followed. Whatever I thought of the bastard was irrelevant; at the end of the day, it was a paid gig, and when it came to doing a job for a mafia family, I could do worse than protecting someone’s daughter.

When compared to the room I entered from, the lounge was much brighter. It had an ambient, fluorescent glow, with a sink, windows, and a microwave oven. On the large, navy blue rectangular table sat a box of donuts as well as a box of muffins.

“Are you hungry?” Tony asked.

“I actually stopped for some soup on the way here,” which wasn’t a lie. Just not something I had planned on.

“Bah. Soup’s not breakfast. Get yourself a donut,” he grumbled.

Who was I to argue with an argument like that? So of course, I took one of those donuts in the box. One without the holes. I wasn’t even sure why I chose the one I did and not one of the holed ones, as holes were the best. Regardless, I sat down at the leather sofa with my hole-less donut and opened my mouth wide. When I clamped down, I was shocked to find a sticky, fruity substance had made its way onto my face and across the taste buds in my mouth.

“What the…?” I gasped. What kind of flavor was that? Strawberry? Raspberry? Whatever flavor, it sure was a flavorful one. I could taste the acidic sweetness and something had awakened in me. I took another bite and noticed that some of the jelly filling had gotten onto my finger tips. So of course, I started to lick my fingers.

“Mm...oh my. My fingers taste delicious,” I couldn’t hold back my delight.

“Have you never had a jelly filled donut before?” Tony was unable to hold back his profound confusion.

“Never mind that,” I shook my head, “the only truth in this world is how good my fingers taste.”

“Well keep that to yourself.”

“More for me,” I shrugged, “got any more jelly ones?”

“Help yourself,” he grunted.

I was about to get up and do just that when the door to the lounge opened up. Another man, as well as two nondescript bald men with dark glasses, one quite pale, the other quite tanned, showed up. The man in front was scrawny, shorter than the two behind him, and had a curled mustache with a devious look about him. In other words, the face of a villain.

“Well, well, Tony. I couldn’t believe it when I heard who it was you hired, but lo and behold, here she is,” he announced with a series of slow claps.

My ears perked. He must have been referring to me, as there were no other ‘she’s’ in the room (to my knowledge). Still, I wasn’t about to give such a sniveling looking crook the time of day, so I kept my attention away from him.

“Your point, Jimby?” Tony asked.

“You haven’t heard? She took out the Treble family. Set their whole place ablaze.”

Tony stared my way, an eyebrow raised.

“Is that true?”

I wish I could take credit.

“Do I look like the kind of person who would burn down someone’s home?” I asked in response.

“Heh,” he chuckled, “good point.”

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” Jimby (I guess was his name) raised his hands into the air and paced about the room, “the great Goosewoman went from a hero to working with a group of villains.”

“I never considered myself a hero,” I growled while still refusing to look his way.

“Doesn’t matter. Most people who are declared heroes weren’t decided by the individual, but by the masses whose actions they affected.”

“All I wanted to do was fight those I considered wrong.”

I really ought to stop talking.

“Heh. Your actual name is much more intimidating than the alias you were using,” he continued, and like a fool, I continued to respond.

“The name was never important.”

“Maybe you’re right. So tell me, Nemesis: are you still angry after all those years?”

“Still angry,” I replied without a show of emotion.

“Good. Some things never change, do they?”

I made sure to stay silent on that. Not everything needed a response.

“I’m really surprised, Tony,” Jimby pivoted as he strolled over to the big man himself, “here I thought you would have checked into those you employ.”

“I’ve never been one to check women out,” Tony stated, “besides, she’s a good girl. She’s only here to protect my daughter. After that, she’s free.”

Gee, way to stick up for me, Tony. Wish you were more of a good guy, yourself, but I’ll be sure to remember that you have some good in you.

Jimby, on the other hand, coughed up a fit of laughter.

“Is this her way of atoning, I wonder? You couldn’t protect poor Gracie, so now you think you can protect little Heidi?” He glanced over to the side, right in my direction.

“I’m here to do my job. Anything else is conjecture on your part,” I replied in a low growl while my balled fists shook and I felt searing steam billowing within me.

Cool. Keep your cool.

“Very well. Just make sure you keep my son safe as well,” he waved off and after snatching a donut from the box (not to mention a jelly one, that fiend), swerved around and strolled toward the door, “after all, can’t have a marriage with only one person.”

He left the room and all I could do was crack a smile and turn to Tony.

“Permission to bash his brains in?” I asked.

“Permission denied. He’s the don of the Tenor family. In other words, the father of the groom, and soon he’ll be Heidi’s father-in-law.”

I huffed out a heavy sigh and smiled while shaking my head.

“Well he should mind his own business. How dare he know, or even claim to know anything about me?” I snarled.

“Are you okay?” He asked, some sort of mild sympathy, perhaps.

“Peachy,” I crossed my arms.

“Who’s Gracie?”

“Neither here nor there.”

“Hey, if you ever want to talk –”

“You want to talk, Tony?” I cut him off. “Sure, let’s talk. ‘How’s the weather?’ ‘Oh, a little cloudy, but a nice, sunny day. Perfect day for a wedding, wouldn’t you say?’ ‘Oh, yes. Perfect day for a wedding. I don’t see it raining.’ Good talk, huh?”

I got up and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” He asked with a cautious worry in his voice.

“Taking a tour of the place. I need to know the layout to make sure everything’s safe, do I not?”

“You’re right. Ray and the others should be here soon, as well as a whole host of guests. It may be tricky to spot the danger once the crowd picks up.”

I shook my head.

“Such things shouldn’t matter,” I told him before leaving the room.

Ray

We all sat together in the back of Cybele’s plane. There was little time to waste; soon we would arrive. Our plan would need to be improvised part of the way, but certain things could be planned in advance.

Sunny sat next to the window, with me beside her. Tigershark had the row in front of us all to herself, something which she couldn’t help but gloat about.

“I can lay down if I want!” She roared and beat her chest.

“Yes, but please settle down,” I cautioned her, “you never know when there may be turbulence. Do keep your seatbelt on at all times. All that jazz.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she replied as she kicked about in her seat, “I just can’t sit still. We’re going to a big wedding! We’re going to do a –” “Shh. You never know when someone might hear,” again, I cautioned.

“Oh!” She covered her mouth with her hands. I let out a soft laugh.

“Of course, I think we’re fine for now. Just know that once we’re in, we’re going to have to act normal.”

“Good luck with that. Demetria’s with us,” Tigershark retorted.

“Hey! I can be normal! I’m more normal than a little kid like you!” Demetria pouted and stuck her tongue out at Tigershark.

“Yes, but what about mature?” She teased.

Demetria, who sat next to Remora, both of their legs spread wide as if a show of dominance or something, had their arms folded. She heard that, huffed, then looked away.

Remora was toward the window. Both her and Demetria were the most silent of us up until the point where Tigershark decided to go on the offensive.

“Ah. That reminds me. Remora,” I addressed her.

“Yes?” She perked up and jerked her head in my direction.

“We don’t know who’s in attendance. While it may end up not being a concern, there may be those who know of your other self. If they do, they may not take well to you.”

“It’s a wedding. What are they gonna do, break out into a fight?” She countered.

“It’s doubtful. But at the same time, even if there’s nothing to worry about when it comes to you, I’m tasking you with searching for any points of interest. Which means you’ll be away from the group. Are you okay with this?”

“If that’s what must be done, I trust your judgment.”

“Good. I’d also like you to wear a cap and maybe put your hair in a bun so it’s not showing through so much. Oh, and sunglasses couldn’t hurt.”

“One thing at a time. Please, Ray.”

“Of course, sorry,” I chuckled, “on that note: I think we should also go with an alias for you. I’ll let you pick, but no pun names.”

“Jeez. I feel like I’m being pun-ished.”

“I just want to keep things simple…” I sighed. That, and having a pun name could have given her away.

“Hm. Let’s try Francine.”

“May I be frank?”

“No, I already picked Francine.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“OK. What did you mean?”

“I always pictured you more as a Bridget.”

“Ooh. I could be Bridget Erabithia!”

“Is that some kind of pun?” Demetria turned and asked.

“It’s Bridge to Terabithia! It’s classic literature!”

“It’s children’s literature,” I corrected.

“It’s also classic literature. Just because a classic is for children doesn’t mean it’s less valuable than something like Crime and Punishment.”

“But is it more valuable than Pride and Prejudice?” I countered.

“Beats me,” Remora shrugged.

“Anyway, let’s stick with Francine.”

“Aww, fine. You win.”

You wanted to be Francine, anyway.

At least we got that out of the way. There were still a bit of technical details to work out. Sunny and I both wore a suit and tie (per Tony’s request. If I had my way, I would have been just as fine in a red dress), as was Remora.

“Jeez, this thing’s stuffy,” Sunny complained upon putting it on. To my surprise, Remora didn’t seem to take so much issue with it.

“I’m a bit cold in it, but I can move about just fine, so I don’t see an issue,” was her only comment.

Tigershark and Demetria were the odd ducklings out; Tigershark wore a striped shirt and overalls. Demetria had a purple hoodie on and a pair of skinny jeans. I didn’t see a reason why Tigershark had to wear a tuxedo (or a dress) if she didn’t want to. As for Demetria…

“I’m not about to follow a rule if I don’t see a reason to follow it. There’s a dress code? Well I’ll just have to crack that code,” I think she declared. If Tony took issue with it, he could die mad about it. We were what, five guests out of possibly hundreds?

But all it took to crash a party was one, maybe two guests? So in that sense, we were more than qualified to do so.

Still, like any good relationship, communication was key. To that end, we all had earpieces to communicate with. Quiet enough and noise-canceling so that outsiders could hear our conversations and small enough to avoid detection (approximately smaller than a single chocolate chip morsel).

There were, of course, things to consider, like how even the most mundane of conversations between us could be picked up. That, and when we wished to relay plans to one another, we would have to be discrete enough not to be heard. All intricacies that would have to be figured out as we went.

I really wish I had an idea of the layout. That would make this whole thing much more of a breeze. That, and Sunny’s a seasoned explorer, but knowing Tony, he won’t leave her nor I alone for a second. It really is a shame that much of the active stuff will have to be performed by the other three. But I have full confidence in them. We all need to be ready to adapt to whatever complications may come. Knowing how uncertain everything is...I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t turned on by the danger.

“Attention! Attention!” Cybele called through her speaker, “I’ve always wanted to say that!”

I chuckled. Good for her that she could find some enjoyment in this as well.

“We’re going to be arriving soon! Um, Ray?”

“Yes, Cybele?” I called.

“Where should I park? On the roof?”

“No. That would make too much of a ruckus. Besides, how would we get down?”

“With Stella!” Sunny declared. “She can be a rope ladder!”

“What’s Stella?” Tigershark turned around and sat up on her knees against the seat.

“Glad you asked, kiddo! It’s my bracelet! It can turn into a rope and a whip and a…”

“Let’s just park off to the side somewhere! I’d like us to get out on the ground, thank you very much!” I called.

“Got it, chief!” Cybele replied.

“Hun,” groaned Sunny with puffed up cheeks, “huuuuun...you’re ruining my fun.”

“Trust me, sun of my life, it’s not just your fun I’m ruining.”

Sunny

Looks like we got the golden treatment: bouncers at the front door (or security guards, if you were feeling less flowery) and patches of plants lined up, little trees in a row beside those pillars of plants shaped like dinosaurs. Truly a treat for the eyes, as well as for allergies.

But that’s spring, isn’t it? The loveliest time of the year. Just after the coldest and before the hottest. When it could rain, or it could stay bright, but either way, it was a delight.

“Greetings,” Ray approached the bouncers.

“Name?” One of them grunted in his big gruff security voice.

“Ray Sunshine and Co. Or ‘Ray Sunshine and family’. Either one’s probably it. Or just Ray Sunshine. Go ahead, look,” my dearest (who wouldn’t let us climb down Stella) informed the guard.

He, with his soft, silky exterior and large, bulky build, shuffled through a stack of papers until he got to the second to last page.

“Ah. There you are. Ray and family. Huh,” he looked behind my husband and I to see the other three, “interesting family you got.”

“Thank you. I am in the service of interesting,” Ray stepped back and took a bow. Such a gesture inspired me to be polite as well.

“Hey bud, what’s your name?” I asked the bouncer.

“Benny,” he replied with a startle, as if not expecting anyone to ever ask him such a question.

“Do you like the jets by any chance?”

“What is that? A band? A sports team?”

“Like Benny and the jets! You know, Elton John?”

His gruff frowning demeanor turned to a goofy wide grin.

“Oh hell yes! I love Elton John! How did you know?”

“Just had a hunch,” I chuckled and scratched the back of my head.

“I even have a toilet seat with a picture of his face on the cover! I call it the Elton John!”

“Heh. Stay classy, Benny,” I held out my hand and he shook it.

“Thanks, um?”

“Sunny. Sunny Reyes. If it tickles your fancy.”

“You like Elton John too, Sunny?” He asked.

“Oh, no. I’m more into Sisters of Mercy. I just wanted to make small talk!”

His goofy grin lowered back into a neutral expression.

“Right. Well. Anyway, enjoy the wedding,” his tone turned flat.

We ushered ourselves in and found our way into the lobby. What we found were many folks in black suits, black dresses, black ties.

You’d think this was a funeral and not a wedding. On that note, you’re telling me there are people here not wearing tuxedos? Oh well, it doesn’t feel that bad to wear, so I won’t raise a stink. Still, look at those frilly dresses! What the fuck? I could have seen Ray in one of those!

“Are you going to mingle with everyone we meet?” Demetria grumbled from behind me.

“If the situation calls for it,” I replied.

“And when would the situation call for it?”

“Now, now. A little bit of friendliness goes a long way.”

“Sunny’s right, Demetria,” Ray, right beside me, told greenie.

“Of course I am!” I had my hands on my hips and boasted. I stood there, all proud, and the others walked past me.

“I can’t wait to eat wedding snacks!” Tigershark ran off into the crowd.

“Did you eat this morning, Dem?” Remora asked.

“Yeah. I had oatmeal,” Demetria answered.

“Good. Eating is important.”

“Um. Thanks for asking,” Demetria turned tail and ran off into the crowd as well.

Remora stood and looked to her left, then her right, “well, guess I’m off to be a loner,” she took a turn to the right and disappeared into the shadows of a nearby hallway.

Seeing as everyone had gone their separate ways, I slouched down.

“I knew we’d split up, but I didn’t think it would be so soon!” I whined. Just as I did so, I felt a series of pats upon my back.

“There, there. You still got me,” Ray stood beside me. “Now, let’s have a good time.”

As we took our march to blend ourselves into the crowd, we stopped and noticed a display:

“Wedding ceremony at 11:00 AM.”

Ray and I turned to each other and nodded. It was 10:30 AM at the moment. Didn’t leave us a lot of time, but just like country folks, we’d have to make do.

Tigershark

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Going back and forth between grandma’s and Ray’s each week had been a thing for a few weeks now, so even if it wasn’t the first time back with them, it still felt new. Not to mention how long it had been since we last did something as a group. What was it? Oh yeah. Fighting underground against an evil guy.

Lots of things happened and also not much. A lot of things were learned but some things it made me dizzy keeping up. And...it all still felt heavy. Like carrying something bigger than me. I was strong! I could probably do that! I could probably carry something twice my weight! So...what was it that I thought I was carrying?

None of that mattered and what was more important was the fact that I could fit black olives on each of my fingers (except for my thumb).

“Look! I’m an alien!” I turned back and had my hands out as if they were claws.

No one I wanted to show was there. Wasn’t sure who I wanted to show, but they weren’t there to see it.

I closed my eyes and nodded. Things like that couldn’t be helped. In times like these, all that was left to do was...eat the olives.

“Nom!” I declared, then ate each one from each finger. After they were gone, I checked the table with lots of other yummy goodies. Carrots and ranch dressing and little grape tomatoes. Oh, and cheese and crackers! Lots of cheeses and crackers I couldn’t even name.

I grabbed handfuls of whatever I could and shoved them into my mouth.

“What are you, a chipmunk?” A familiar voice asked right beside me. I turned and saw Demetria, leaned up against the punch bowl.

“Careful! You’ll spill it and get it all over you!”

She just shrugged and said, “eh, so I’d be a little fruity.”

“What are you doing over here, anyway? I thought you ran off.”

“O-Only because Remora asked me if I ate this morning,” she shuffled her feet. That whole excuse was too confusing. So? Having breakfast is important! And if she needed a reminder, that probably meant that she didn’t eat breakfast that often. Which is bad!

“Isn’t that a normal thing to ask?”

“Yeah! But it just surprised me! I mean...it made me feel things.”

“What? The feeling of shame?”

“No! You wouldn’t get it!”

She may have been small, but she was still an adult, and that was one of those annoying things adults liked to say. “You wouldn’t get it, you’re just a kid.” Blah, blah, blah. There really was no point in arguing. Especially when in this case, she was right.

“You’re right. I don’t get it,” I told her then started to walk off. In what direction, I didn’t know.

“Wait! Can I stick with you? I don’t know what to do right now and weddings are kind of boring in general.”

“Yeah, but the food is nice.”

“True,” she agreed while grabbing a handful of peanuts, “glad I don’t have any nut allergies.”

We both wandered around and shoved through the crowd. I’m sure we would have stumbled onto something fun sooner or later, but we then heard something in our ears.

“Yeah, our daughters Tigershark and Demetria are around here somewhere. They’re pretty excited about seeing the wedding ceremony,” came the smooth and heavy voice of Ray.

We aren’t really. At least Demetria doesn’t seem to be.

But it was Demetria who tapped on my shoulder.

“You know what this means, right?” She asked.

“It means Ray’s telling lies,” I told her right back.

“No. Well, yes. But also...we should watch this wedding.”

We walked over to this...what seemed like a dapper emperor penguin man with a big top hat and a single glass glasses thing on one of his eyes.

“Excuse me. What time is the wedding?” Demetria asked.

“Oh, in about twenty minutes. Though it could be longer depending on how the bride and groom are feeling,” he answered in a thick butler voice.

“Thanks.”

When we walked away from that weird rich looking guy, Demetria turned back to me.

“Come on. Let’s see if we can get some early seating at the chapel,” she looked around.

“What will we do then?”

“Beats me,” she shrugged, “I’m just assuming it will become clear once it starts.”

If there was one thing I had to say about Demetria, it was that she could be smart about some things.

Nemesis

My tie was too tight. There was no getting around such a fact.

“Hey Nemesis. Do you read me?” The crackling voice of Oney came through the pager Tony had clipped onto the slacks.

“Yeah. Sorry about losing my cool back there,” I picked up the pager and spoke into it.

“Aw, no worries. Most of us don’t like Jimby Tenor either.”

“Heh. I can see why. Anyway, what’s up?”

“Tony wants us to stay in the security room.”

What a drag. How am I supposed to patrol if I’m stuck in a small room with a bunch of monitors?

“Got it. I’ll be right there.”

The security room wasn’t far. It wasn’t a control room, and there wasn’t really much to do besides huddle together and watch various areas of the chateau on the many monitors. I struggle to even call it a room, as it was more akin to a closet space. It really was a miracle we could all fit in there.

When I entered the room, everyone was on the floor. Tony against the wall to my left. Against the wall to my right were the multitude of monitors. Sat next to them were the three henchmen I knew by name.

“How are you feeling?” Tony asked.

“Like a granny smith apple,” I answered, then sat behind the three henchmen.

“Good. We need to remain vigilant. Assassins could show up at any moment, and we can’t be everywhere to see them.”

Boy, was I lucky I didn’t have a drink in hand.

“Pfft. What? Assassins?” I spat. “You really think those exist?” Before he answered, a series of pounds came upon the door.

“DAAADDY!” Wailed what sounded like a spoiled princess. In other words, Heidi Falsetto. She had what many would call ‘strawberry blonde’ hair set in multiple buns. Not me. I didn’t call her hair color that. But many did. She also had a multitude of freckles which to an untrained eye, some may have seen them as acne. Then there was the wedding dress, which she already wore: a silk design with the pattern of a spider web which made it seem less like she wore a dress and more like she was a fly caught in a trap. All in all, not a bad look. Heidi barged in without another word and stopped dead in her tracks once she saw me.

“Sup Princess?” I greeted.

“KDKLSJFSKJ – HI!” She blurted gibberish out of her mouth, noises I didn’t even know a human could make. She then turned to Tony, “daddy! You made sure the DJ plays my song, right?”

“Yes, my dear Heidi,” he assured, “though I don’t understand your choice. ‘You Can’t See Me’ by someone named John Ce –” “It’s CONTEMPORARY music, DADDY! It’s high art!” She protested.

“Yes, yes, if that’s what you want...it just doesn’t seem like a wedding song to me.”

“It’s the perfect wedding song!”

“Whatever you say, dear. Now, that Prince fella, he’s got the perfect song. ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’. A true classic.”

“Yeah, yeah. He’s dreamy. But what about me?”

“You’re the perfect person, he’s the perfect taste in wedding tunes. That work?”

“Yes! A million times yes!”

I yawned. Father-daughter relationships. Wish I could say I knew what that was like.

“By the way, have you seen Prince anywhere? I hope he’s put on the perfect wedding tux!”

“Can’t say I have, dear,” Tony replied.

“Hun. We’re all wearing a wedding tux here. It’d be more impressive if he showed up in a fursuit,” I mentioned offhand.

“Please don’t give my dear Heidi any ideas,” Tony warned.

“NO! That’s great, daddy! He could wear a cow costume! He’d have the best milkers, don’t you think?”

Tony sighed and gave me a look like, ‘see what you did?’

“Will you be happy enough if he shows up in his tuxedo?” Tony pleaded.

“Yes,” she sighed, “I know. It’s too late to change now. But next wedding!”

“Next wedding? Are you planning a divorce?”

“No! But who says you have to only have one wedding? We can have many!”

“Yes dear,” Tony sighed. It gave me the impression that this one was trouble enough.

“Better watch out for the annual wedding assassins, too,” I joked.

The room fell silent.

“I wouldn’t joke about that,” Heidi said plainly, “I was almost murdered by one when I was a little girl. They broke in through the window and tried to cut my throat, but daddy’s guys shot him.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s okay! I’m a big girl now and I know you’re strong!” She scratched the back of my head.

But is it enough to be strong?

“Anyway! I’m off to recite my vows! Later, Nemesis!”

“Later,” I gave a short wave.

When she departed, I lowered my head.

“Sorry about that,” I spoke.

“You couldn’t have known. Do take these things seriously, though,” he reminded me, then walked to the door, “I’m going to get some coffee. I’ll be right back.”

Soon Tony left as well. He could have said, ‘you of all people should know better’ but he didn’t. Either because he didn’t have to, or he knew restraint.

We watched the monitors and the different sections of the chateau it covered. So far, nothing out of the ordinary. In the dining area, I could see a whole crowd of people. There were two smaller folks conversing. One, a child, the other…

Oh. A familiar face, I couldn’t help but smile. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

As annoying and as much of a waste of my time as she had been, meeting Demetria last spring was still a memorable experience.

And like it or not, that you confirmed you knew Remora was more helpful than you realize.

Then, something clicked. Something which should have been so obvious: Proserpina mentioned Remora going to a wedding. Here I thought she wouldn’t dare show her face in somewhere public, but could it be that she was here as well?

Remora. Wedding. Assassin. Heidi, I recited in my head. Let’s hope she wasn’t planning on tearing apart yet another family.

Remora

Everyone was probably having fun without me. Which, I didn’t mind. I was a boring person, weddings weren’t really my thing. People weren’t really my thing. But going through such vast halls sure was a lonely experience.

Not only that, but being discrete meant I had to keep myself away from the food and drinks. Yes, I had some pancakes for breakfast, but that wasn’t nearly enough. On top of that, I was thirsty.

As if I had found a holy grail, situated in the vast and empty hallway was none other than a vending machine. It looked out of place in the nauseating and checkered floor, with its flashy light display.

I should have some pocket change, I thought as I darted over to the vending machine.

My immediate choice would have had to be the club soda, because we were in a club and soda was fancy. So after putting in a few quarters, I entered the code.

While I’m out here, I should look for any hidden rooms. The stashed money’s probably tucked away.

After pushing the button for my choice, the little spiral spun back and the can of soda was closer and closer to the glass until…

It just stopped. I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t fall or anything. It just stopped.

I tried kicking the vending machine and a candy bar fell down, but damn it, I didn’t want a candy bar, I wanted soda!

I shook it for good measure and I wasn’t even lucky enough to get another candy bar down. I tried shaking it some more. Still nothing. Now, such efforts may have seemed futile, and if I had felt any emotion toward getting that soda, I would have been far more aggressive, but it should be noted that I’ve heard of people beating up vending machines to get stuff from it before. Where I heard that, I couldn’t remember, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was quenching my thirst.

“Easy, there, lady,” came the voice of a soft-spoken young man. I turned to see some dainty figure, tan leather pants, a bright purple tuxedo, and a dandelion hanging out of their lapel. He had combed, blonde hair, and long, fluttering lashes.

“Let me help you with that. These things can be quite troublesome,” he approached the vending machine, to which I stepped away and watched. He slipped in one quarter with a hole in it, tied to a string, then yanked the quarter back out. Lo and behold, my soda dropped. He leaned down and picked it up, then handed it to me.

“Thanks. I don’t really care for men, but you were okay in this instance,” I relayed my gratitude. He gave a soft laugh into his fist.

“Don’t mention it.”

I then noticed some security cameras overhead.

Crap. If there’s even a slight identifying thing about me, I’ll be spotted. It’s bad enough I’m probably shaking like a leaf.

“Hey. I’m kinda nervous about something,” I leaned in close. His eyes widened.

“What is it?” He whispered back.

“Well, let me whisper it in your ear.”

“Sure.”

After leaning in close, he gave a confused look, then nodded.

“Well, thanks for hearing me out,” I told him after I finished telling him the secret.

“What was the point of that?” He asked.

“Eh. Just felt like telling you,” I shrugged, then walked away. As we went our separate ways, I couldn’t help but smile a crooked smile.

Nemesis

For the past few minutes or so, the henchmen were just spouting philosophical musings to each other to pass time while I analyzed every monitor.

That was fine enough, until I got distracted by joining in on the discussion.

“There’s this saying, ‘I feel like a million bucks’, to man you’re feeling great. But, why are we putting prices on people? People aren’t money. What if someone only feels like a couple of bucks, but to them it means everything. It could be the difference between making rent and not. Are we to say they’re not feeling great, or they’re just getting by?” Fozzy asked.

“Hey Foz. How much am I getting paid for this gig?” I turned to him.

“A million bucks,” he answered.

“Then I feel like a million bucks,” I grinned.

“C’mon, why you gotta do this to me?” He pouted.

“Well how about this one?” Boxxy sucked up some air, “when I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I’m older and I wish I could be younger. What about you, Nemesis? Would you wish to be younger or older?”

I would only wish to be younger if it meant bringing back some of the people I love.

“Well...I’m 27 years old, so I’d say I’d wish to be...27. And what do you know? That’s how old I am!”

“Hey! Look at the screen!” Oney pointed. “There’s a couple of suspicious people in the hallway! They may be plotting an assassination!”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go investigate?” I tapped his back and pointed to the door.

All three of them ran out of the room on cue and once they did, I looked over at the monitor: there, stood a tall, shivering figure with glasses and a black baseball cap walking off. Even with such a disguise, her shiver gave her away.

There you are.

Walking away on the other end was the back of a shorter man, but I was less interested in him. There was, and always was, one target.

I ran out of the room, changed into my armor, and dived down the stairs, headed toward the hallway where my target was located. When I got there, I saw no such target. Just a vacant vending machine. I undid my helmet and walked toward the same direction she did. That’s when I noticed another hallway to my left where I otherwise have gone straight ahead. In the distance, to my left, I saw the body of Fozzy on the floor.

Did she kill him?

As if I really had to ask. To think she had made such quick work of him. I ran over to him and knelt down, then pressed the cold, metallic fingers of my armor against his neck. Soon, I felt the little beating. The clicking sensation.

There’s a pulse. He’s just unconscious.

I walked past Fozzy and let him lie where he was. Maybe the dude needed a nap, anyway.

She must be close. She might just be hiding somewhere.

“I know you’re close,” I rasped. No matter how fast she was, there was no doubt she could hear me, “so you go by Remora now, huh? Don’t worry. I’m not confusing you with your other self. I actually prefer this name more. Rhea is the name of a mother goddess. I doubt you know the first thing about parenting. But Remora? Describes you perfectly. You’re a bottom feeder. An opportunist. Oh, but don’t get me wrong, I’m sure your other self wasn’t any better. So what’s the problem I have with you specifically? Simple: you’re still alive.”

I paused. No movement. Not even the slightest hint that she was near. What if I had worked up this monologue only to find that the intended recipient wasn’t there to hear it?

I continued to walk and slowed my pace down to a heavy, lingering footstep.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are…” I cooed.

“What the HELL are you doing?!” Tony’s voice barked from behind me. I jumped in place and almost had a heart attack. When I turned around, there he was tapping his foot against the floor and looking quite irritated.

“I...I...I was playing hide and seek with your henchmen!” I worked up an excuse, too flustered to admit the truth.

“That’s not what I pay you for! Get back up there!”

“Okay…” I sighed, “but give me a minute. You startled me so bad, I need to compose myself.”

“Fine. One minute. And not a minute more.”

He walked off, slapped the face of Fozzy, and his two other henchmen, nearby, then once he was out of view, I walked a few paces forward.

“Don’t worry. I won’t kill you here. It won’t do me any good without probable cause. Just...stay on your best behavior, and I’ll stay on mine. Deal?”

I wasn’t sure if she’d hear the message, but it needed to be said regardless. Once those words escaped my breath, I undid my armor and walked back up to the security room.

Remora

Well, that was weird.

I stepped out of the broom closet I hid away in and looked around.

“Coast is clear. Man, that was close,” I muttered. As for the mysterious lady…it was nice she saw me as my own person, but having another enemy was such a chore. As if Cronus wasn’t bad enough.

Not only that, but she seems to know who I am. This doesn’t bode well.

Well, I could worry about that later. The cameras may have caught me for a moment, but it also caught that other guy. So some of the heat should be getting off of me real soon. Which meant I was just a little more free to snoop around.

I’m betting it’s not just gonna be a room with a code. That would be too easy. It’s probably gonna be a hidden room, THEN it’s gonna be a room with a code in that hidden room. That makes the most sense. OR it might be a hidden room, then a hidden door in the floor, THEN another room with a code.

“Hey Ray,” I spoke, “I’m pretty sure I’m close to where we want. It’s just going to take me a bit more time.”

“Ceremony’s about to start, you say?” Ray replied (but not to me). If I had to guess, he must have been around several people, so he had to choose his words carefully.

“I’m guessing once it starts, there will be less time to work with, as once it’s over, people will scatter about. Am I correct in some way?”

“Whole thing should last about half an hour. Maybe an hour if anything unexpected happens. People objecting to the marriage, all that. But hopefully no distractions.”

Yep. Hurry up, tell them where this place is located, then work from there. Got it.

“Oh, yeah. My two little ones will be in attendance. Gotta watch out for those two,” he continued, “they can be quite energetic.”

Aw, man. They’re hanging out together and having fun, aren’t they? I haven’t spent much time with either of them and I have to be stuck here, searching for some secret room. Wait. Energetic. Does that mean…?

Oh, Ray. Let’s see if this mess of a distraction works out.

Demetria

Tigershark and I sat in attendance next to a bunch of stuffy old folks, over half of which were probably criminals (I’d wager 75% of ‘em).

I miss books. I miss not having to sit for this crap.

“When’s it gonna start already?” Tigershark asked while she shuffled in her seat.

“Uh…” I didn’t have an answer for her. Hopefully the proverbial wheels were in motion and there would be some kind of purpose here. Otherwise I’d wither away into a husk.

Before she uttered another breath, a series of trumpets from the altar sounded and Tigershark and I covered our ears.

Then, a bombastic “dun-dun-dun-dun” played. Standard wedding fare.

“You can’t see me, my time is now –” The speakers blared and I turned to see a bun-haired lady strolling down the aisle in what looked like a giant spiderweb.

“Yep. Normal wedding music. Normal wedding dress,” I yawned, “I wanna cause trouble already.”

Tigershark nudged, then shushed me. I glared at her, but she then focused on the bride instead.

“Wow...she’s pretty…”

“Eh. Not my type,” I shrugged.

“And the music! It reminds me of wrestling! Grandma likes to put it on every day! She says it’s one of her soap operas!”

“You would be into wrestling, wouldn’t you?”

She turned back to me and grinned.

“NOW PRESENTING….HEIDI FALSETTO!” A thunderous voice from a man with a megaphone announced.

“This is all wrong…” Tigershark muttered, “they’re supposed to announce before they play their theme music.”

“Eh. It’s not that important.”

“Maybe not, but presentation is everything! That applies to food and that applies to wrestling!”

I waved my hand down in an attempt to get her to settle down.

Once Heidi stepped up to the altar, there was a minute or two of silence. Then, a familiar tune, one which sounded like an 80s song, and one of those dance songs, to boot, started to play. I couldn’t place where I heard it before, and before it got to any (what I suspected to be vocals), the record scratched and stopped.

Then, a series of murmurs upon the altar.

“Where’s Prince?” I think I heard one of them ask.

Tigershark and I turned to each other. Somehow, without even knowing the name of the groom, we just knew, in that moment, who Prince was.

So much for Prince charming. Couldn’t even show up to your own wedding?

Nemesis

When I made it back to the security room, I just about gasped upon seeing that blonde haired young man in the security footage tied up in a chair with Tony’s henchmen interrogating him.

“Who was that woman you were talking to?!” Fozzy roared his best bear roar.

“I don’t know!” The young man cried.

“What did she whisper to you?!” Oney’s sharp voice cut into him.

“She just said ‘I’m going to talk in a way that makes us both look suspicious’! That’s all!”

I blinked.

That’s...I don’t even know what to call that.

“Hey kid,” I chimed in.

He turned to me.

“Yes?” He whimpered.

“What’s your name?”

“Prince! Prince Tenor! I’m late for the ceremony! I’m supposed to be up on the altar!”

...Heidi’s almost-husband? Oh boy. What a mess.

I slammed my palm into my face and shook my head.

“Let him go,” I muttered.

“But Neme –” Boxxy began in his boxed up voice.

“LET. HIM. GO.”

They undid the rope tying him and he scurried off out of the room.

I shook my head again.

“What were you numbskulls thinking?! That’s the groom! Poor guy almost pissed himself!” I berated them.

“Sorry…” Boxxy hung his head low, “we just thought…”

“Yeah. It was a distraction. That lady played you guys like a fucking cowbell.”

“Should we look for her?”

I’d rather be the one to do that, I thought, before shaking my head.

“No. Let’s focus on the wedding. From the look of things, Heidi’s already waiting at the altar.”

We watched the monitor where it showed the ceremony taking place. However, my eyes darted toward one of the adjacent monitors, once which showed the balcony which overlooked the altar. There, a man clad in a dark jacket and a black beanie lay on his stomach with a large rifle hanging over the balcony.

“Crap!” I cursed, then got up and darted out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Oney asked.

“Sniper. Be right back.”

As I moved, I changed back into my armor as well as my helmet so as no one would see who I was. Not only that, but I alone, with my fists, was not enough to take out a sniper in the meager amount of time I had. Through the halls, into the chapel, I heard the blaring music of romantic fluff.

“I...just wanna tell you how I’m feeling...gotta make you understand…”

Right on time before the chorus dropped, I flew up and swooped down from the balcony, grabbed the man, tossed him against the wall, then snapped his twig of a rifle in half.

“What the…” He mouthed out, but before he could utter another word, I grabbed him by the back of his collar and flew off. In all the excitement, I couldn’t hear the words to the chorus, yet I knew it had to be a lovely tune. Before I headed out, all I heard was:

“Never gonna let you down…”

That thought pleased me. Because it was true, wasn’t it? I wouldn’t let a would-be assassin down until I brought the perpetrator to Tony.

Once I swooped down into the security room, I dropped him on the floor and undid my armor.

“Who the HELL is this?!” Tony balked.

“An assassin. Just as you feared.”

“That insignia...you’re one of the Baritone Boys!” Tony gasped.

I looked down and saw a bronze engraving on his jacket which had two B’s.

“Heh. That’s right. And you two won’t get any more out of me than that,” the assassin grinned and spoke in a low, dare I say, baritone voice, then reached into his pocket where I saw him hold what looked to be a white pill.

Cyanide.

He dropped it in his mouth, but before he could swallow or bite down on it, I reached my hand into his mouth and grabbed the pill out, then tossed it on the floor.

“If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who try to die to get out of their problems,” I growled.

“I should’ve known the Baritone family would want to assassinate my daughter.”

That Baritone assassin chuckled, then broke out into a hysterical laughter.

“Are you serious, my guy? You really think anyone cares about your washed up family?”

“What did you say?” It was Tony’s turn to growl.

“Our target was Prince Tenor. He’s too good for your daughter. He should’ve married Barry Baritone, but if we can’t have him...no one can.”

“Kill him!” Tony barked out. Guns from all three henchmen pointed at the Baritone assassin and I stepped in front of them before they could make a move.

“What are you doing?” Tony demanded.

“It’s one thing if he had gotten away with murdering your daughter’s husband. Then I would have killed him myself. But he failed, and for that, I believe he deserves a lighter sentence.”

“So what? You think we should just let him go?”

I shook my head.

“No. But he was about to swallow a cyanide capsule. That tells me he values the family name more than he does his own life. If you take his life from him, what punishment would that serve? If anything, you’d be doing him a favor. So instead, you should take from him what he actually values.”

“Which would be…?”

I grabbed the assassin’s jacket and tore off the insignia.

“My symbol!” He cried.

I then tore his jacket off as a whole, then released a blade from the side of my armor’s arm and tore the thing into shreds. To boot, I stamped out both of his kneecaps with a heavy stomp. He screamed in agony, but his wails fell on deaf ears.

“Toss him outside…” Tony growled.

I shook my head again.

“No. There are probably other assassins. Toss him in the middle of the aisle. But first, write on his forehead, ‘Baritone Boys suck’. That will send a message. Oh, and have security check every balcony.”

Tony nodded and I watched his henchmen carry the former Baritone Boy away while he wailed out in agony. Guy probably wasn’t going to walk again for quite a while. He’d also lose his pride, and maybe such an act would lead to the dissolution of the Baritone Boys in terms of power. I couldn’t say, as I had no knowledge of mafia politics. Even without his pride, he still had his life, and he still may have gotten off easy. The whole ordeal left a sour taste in my mouth.

“Hey Tony,” I addressed him.

“What?” He growled, though his voice quivered.

“You should let the security at the altar know to check the balconies. Order them to shoot the hands of any snipers. Disarm them. But don’t kill.”

“Never thought I’d be taking orders from a temp hire,” he remarked.

“Don’t make a habit of it. It’s just what I think you should do.”

He gave the order, and I continued watching over security.

Tigershark

When the disco music started playing back up, we turned and saw a huffing adult person enter the stage. He looked sweaty and his hair looked like a mess too. Then, the lyrics played as he galloped to the stage.

“We’re no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I. A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of, you wouldn’t get this from any other guy…”

“Wow. How romantic,” I was in awe of the music choice.

“I feel like I just got rickrolled,” Demetria groaned.

I would have told her to be quiet, but I tried to keep my focus on the blonde adult going up to the altar.

“Prince!” Cried Heidi.

“Heidi!” Prince cried out too.

What? Why didn’t they announce him? This whole thing is topsy-turvy.

Just as I thought the priest or whoever would do the speech and then they’d do the vows or whatever happens at a wedding, everyone in the audience heard a sharp zip as a metallic figure zoomed through the air, grabbed a man from the balcony, and flew off.

“Oh crap. Oh crap. This is bad. Real bad,” Demetria muttered.

“What? What now?” I asked her. There had better be a good reason for her saying such bad words. Including the word ‘bad’.

“I have to warn Remora...ugh...I didn’t think I’d ever run into her again…”

“What are you talking about?!” I demanded, but she just shook her head real fast.

“N-never mind. Let’s focus on the wedding stuff.”

Why she couldn’t just explain things...I swear, adults were useless sometimes.

“Well...that was sure something, right?” The priest chuckled. “But anyway, how about them vows, eh?”

Heidi cleared her throat, then looked at a sticky note.

“I vow to stop procrastinating. Eventually,” she muttered, “and...to memorize my vows.”

“And I vow to be your Prince,” Prince vowed. I think?

“That’s all I need from you,” Heidi said back.

Ick. I felt sick and like I was going to throw up. Too much mushy stuff.

“Hey you two,” Ray’s voice came in, “can you see if you can get this ceremony to last a little longer?”

Wow. For once Ray said something that made sense. I looked at Demetria and she chuckled this devious laugh.

“’Oh, what a beautiful wedding,’ said a bridesmaid to a waiter…’ah, but what a shame, what a shame...’” she mumbled.

“What are you singing?” I asked.

“Oh, Tigershark. Have you ever wanted to see someone crash a wedding?”

I didn’t even have to give her an answer: she already knew I’d say yes.

“Do you, Heidi Falsetto, take Prince Tenor to be your malewife?” The priest asked.

“I do,” she told him.

“And do you, Prince Tenor, take Heidi Falsetto to be your girlhusband?” The priest asked Prince now.

“For sure,” he told the priest.

“If anyone would object to this marriage, speak now or forever –” Demetria jumped out into the middle of the aisle.

“JENNA! HOW COULD YOU?!” She yelled at the top of her lungs. “I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING TOGETHER?”

Heidi and Prince looked at each other all confused, then looked at Demetria.

“Um. I swear I don’t know who this girl is,” Heidi told Prince.

“I didn’t think so. Besides, your name isn’t Jenna…” He said back.

Demetria turned to someone seated.

“Um. What’s the bride’s name?” She asked them.

“Heidi,” a mad old man told Demetria.

“Thanks,” she said to him, then looked back, “HEIDI! WERE WE JUST A FLING?”

“Sorry...um…”

I then watched security walk up to Demetria and take her away. Before she was gone, she looked over at me and winked. I looked surprised, but once she was out the door, I heard her voice in my ear.

“It’s all up to you now, kid,” she told me.

“Okay, does anyone else have any objections?” The priest asked and sounded really annoyed.

I raised my hand.

“Yes?” He called on me like I was in class and I had a question.

“I have to pee. Really bad.”

“Okay? Go?”

“Now? In my seat?”

“No! To the bathroom!”

“Oh. Right. I don’t know where it is. Can you show me?” I did a little tilting dance in my seat.

He groaned, the whole audience groaned. I just made little faces like I was trying to hold stuff in.

“Security –”

“No! They’re scary!”

“I’ll show her where the bathroom is,” Prince said instead.

“Are you sure, honey? We’ll have to delay the kiss until you get back,” Heidi asked him.

“It’s fine. It’s just down the hall.”

“Oh! Can you also wait for me to get done before doing the kiss! I don’t wanna miss anything!”

“Oh, COME ON! It’s just a kid! Why do we have to wait for just a little –!” Some mad person yelled.

“It’s fine. Everyone should have a chance to witness Heidi and I’s love,” Prince guy cut the mad person off. He stepped off the altar and walked over to me, then we exited the chapel room or whatever the place was called.

Hopefully me using the toilet gave everyone just a little more time to figure things out.

Demetria

Well, my work there was done. Guess I could kick back and hang around now. Besides, I didn’t wanna see some gross kiss between two people where only one of them was a woman. So what was I to do? Who knows? But my gut was telling me to go back to the food table and eat a bunch of veggies.

When I scrambled over there, I grabbed celery, carrots, tomatoes, and cucumbers. Nothing was off limits except for meat. Hell, I was kind of glad to be a vegetarian, as it seemed like while most of the meat had been depleted, plenty of veggies remained on the table.

“Snack attack, mofos,” I grabbed a stack of crackers and dropped them in my mouth, then released the cronch.

“Hey, it’s my good friend Demetria!” Uttered a chipper voice of someone who wasn’t my good friend. I turned and saw a hooded guy in a big jacket, lots of piercings and spiky, red hair. One eye of his is wide open, and the other was covered by his hair, though I could see something black underneath.

“Sparkledog?” I asked, surprised to see someone I never expected, nor wanted, to see again.

“Ha ha! I love that name! It’s so me!” He replied with a cheery laugh.

“Um. You’re alive.”

“Yes! Alive and as human as ever!” He grinned, then grabbed a cracker and began munching on it.

“What happened after the fight? Sunny didn’t mention you when she got back and I forgot to ask her.”

“Oh, that?” he laughed again. “Basically, she wanted to help me to a hospital or something, but I told her, ‘if I can’t make it back on my own, what good would I be?’ She said I was being ridiculous, I told her she was right, so I said that I just wanted to see what would happen if I walked on my own.”

“With one arm? Bleeding out?”

“Ha! Do you see only one arm? That’s the thing. By the time Sunny got to me, my arm wasn’t bleeding. And by the time I was left alone, my arm grew back all on its own. I never knew arms could do that, but I guess I didn’t know everything there is to know about being human!”

“Um..I don’t think arms do that? Bones, maybe…”

It was probably the baton…

“Anyway, when I got back to the underground, everyone found out I failed, and they tried to cut off my fingers but they grew back in like a day or so. So they took an ice cream scooper and scooped out my right eye. I mean, it was painful. Horrific. But, also interesting. I’ve never thought of what it would be like to see with only one eye before.”

He then lifted up the hair covering his right eye and showed a black eyepatch.

“Don’t worry, I won’t lift it!” He laughed, “I don’t think you’d like seeing a hole where an eye should be. I’ve been thinking of having it sealed, but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, either…”

I think I may have twitched and the feeling of bugs crawling on my arms took over. I flinched and reeled back.

“I’m...I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Oh, don’t be! If this scares you, you shouldn’t ever join the yakuza.”

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning to.”

“Good. I was thinking of changing my ways, too. See, this whole criminal thing has been fun, but I feel like I’ve locked myself into a corner. There’s a vast world out there. So many things to try. One thing I’ve considered is trying to be a dental assistant. What do you think?”

“I think it could be good for you,” I tried to force a smile.

“You think so?” He looked like he was about to wag his tail, except he didn’t have a tail.

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a try, I guess? Say, what ever happened to that baton? Did you ever get it removed?”

“Uh...about that,” he shuffled his feet.

“You should get it removed if you haven’t. It’s not good for you.”

“Ha! That’s kind of impossible now!” He then scratched his cheek, “you see...I’m pretty sure it’s a part of me.”

“Well, make it not a part of you. Detach it or whatever.”

“No, no,” he shook his head, “I don’t think it exists anymore, is what I’m trying to say. Or rather, maybe I am the baton now? Maybe the baton passed the baton onto me? Or something.”

My brain was gonna hurt and the worst part is, I wasn’t sure there was any way to un-hurt it.

“Well, in any case, I’m glad you’re well.”

“Me too, me too.”

“By the way, is Kei Bou your actual name?”

He burst into laughter again.

“No, no! Guess what my original name was!”

“I don’t want to.”

“I’ll give you a hint: it was either Tomomi Kumi or Hoshino Dazai.”

“Hoshino?”

“Ding-ding! Anyway, I like Sparkledog, too. I’ll be honest, there’s been a few times over the past couple weeks where I’ve asked myself, ‘who am I?’ Only to remember that you called me Sparkledog. To that, I am thankful.”

“I don’t know how I helped or why you’d forget who you were.”

“It’s not a matter of forgetting! It’s a matter of being given an identity!”

“Why can’t you carve your own?”

“That’s what I’m doing. But I think you’ve helped. I think everyone I’ve met in my life, friends and enemies alike, have helped. I’m expanding my horizons. Do you have any idea what’s out there? Have you ever thought about how you might explore a cave expecting to see a bear, only to see a goat the size of a bear? Or maybe it is a bear, but the bear is the exact size and shape of a goat. Horns included. The only way you can tell is that it still roars like one.”

“What are you getting at with this?”

“I’m just saying. There’s a lot I don’t know. Not just about the world, but being human, too. You’d think I’d know enough by now, but there’s always new things I’m discovering. Like, a few days ago I began to wonder if I’m really gay or if I just like dick, so I decided to give it a try, slept around, and I can say without a doubt...I’m gay. Dick doesn’t matter. What matters to me is whether or not they can pound me, and don’t always need a –”

“Okay, okay, I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Kidding. What really matters is that they’re a guy and that they’ve got a big heart and an open mind. That’s all I need. Maybe a good pounding too.”

“Well, I’m happy for you. Self discovery can be hard.”

“But also exciting! Anyway, I’m glad I got the connections to be invited here, because I’m gonna see if there’s any rich guys who wouldn’t mind supporting me both financially and emotionally.”

“Ha. Good luck with that. Most people here are boring. Take care, Hoshino,” I waved, then walked off.

As we went our separate ways, I heard an “oof” sound and a man cry out, “damn it, Tomomi! Watch where you’re going!”

Eh. I’m not worried about what his name is.

When I strayed away, Remora’s voice serenaded its way into my ears:

“Hey Ray. I found the place. Bad news, though: the door’s got a code. Also, once in, there are a series of locked doors. Not sure how we’ll get in. Not to mention, even if we unlock it, how are we going to avoid getting the ‘C’ word.”

Okay, so her serenade wasn’t a serenade and it wasn’t directed at me, but I still melted from hearing her again. Also, I was pretty sure the C word was ‘caught’, but don’t quote me on that one. I wasn’t 100% sure.

“Send me a picture of the panel, if you would. I doubt I’ll be able to pull myself away to unlock it, but I can probably crack it through a picture alone. As for the locks, Sunny can pick them. Now, I’m sure there’s only so much of the wedding we can stall, and they’re probably gonna wrap it up any minute now. So I’d say get over here, but try to keep a low profile. As for getting in…”

His voice cut off. A moment later, he started up again.

“Sorry. These people here have been chatting me up like crazy. Anyway, as for getting in...I don’t know. But I do know that we could use another distraction. Demetria, are you up for it?”

“Just tell me what and when,” I replied.

Great. All I amounted to was a distraction now. Well, I’d take what I could get.

Ray

All this time spent and all Sunny and I have been doing was mingling with strangers who I had no intention on making connections with. Still, everyone had their role to play. Sunny and I were to act normal, or at least act like ourselves. Soon, that would change, if only Sunny could find her chance to escape back there.

In fact, she was just about to.

“Well, that’s my cue, huh?” She winked.

“Just be careful.”

But such a chance didn’t come.

“Ray. I’m on the toilet but I don’t have to go,” Tigershark kept her voice low.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to stay there. The ceremony can finish now if you’d like. We got all we needed.”

“Phew. Thanks, Ray!” She told me, then yelled out, “HEY PRINCE! GO BACK AND KISS YOUR BRIDE!”

I chuckled. To think she would have the groom escort her to the bathroom just to stall.

“Oh, Tigershark,” Sunny joined in on the delight.

As Sunny was just about to walk off, a series of footsteps approached. We turned and saw Tony, accompanied by some tall lady with short, red hair in a tuxedo.

“There you are, Ray!” His voice boomed and he had a wide grin on him. “Didn’t think you’d make it!”

“I told you I would,” I pointed out.

“That you did. And Sunny!” He held out his hand and Sunny shook it.

“And who might be the redhead next to you?” I asked. She smiled and held out her hand. Like Sunny with Tony, I shook the lady’s hand. It was a soft grip, and I couldn’t make out much from it.

“This here?” He pointed, “that’s –”

“Ram Nose,” she introduced herself, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you as well. I’m Ray Sunshine and this is my wife, Sunny Reyes.”

“Heya!” She shook Ram’s hand.

“Ooh, tight grip,” Sunny commented.

“Heh. I’ve always been told to get a grip, and so I did.”

“She’s been helping protect my daughter. Caught a couple of assassins earlier,” Tony explained.

Assassins. Interesting.

“Aw, shucks, Tony. It was nothing. I just happened to stumble upon them,” Ram grew bashful. Or rather, she gave a decent bashful act.

How much of her is an act? I wondered. It took an actor to know an actor, and I had a fleeting suspicion something was up.

“I saw that you had a strong woman in your group and decided I wanted one too,” Tony continued.

“But Tony, I thought you only liked men,” I countered.

“I’m not talking about Sunny this time,” he shot back.

“Oh? Who are you referring to, then?” Ram looked around.

“Ray knows who, don’t you Ray? Where is she?”

This is the very thing I was hoping to avoid.

“Heh. What makes you think she’s here, Tony? She’s a solitary person,” I replied.

“Oh, trying to pull a fast one on me, are ye? I’m willing to bet half of my money and half of the don of the Tenor family’s money that she’s here.”

“Is that something you should be wagering on?” I tested.

Especially when that money’s going to go to me regardless.

“Well, whoever you’re talking about, I’d love to meet her. I think strong women are pretty cool. Especially the cold types,” Ram mentioned.

Funny you should say that.

Then, Remora’s voice came in:

“Sorry, Ray. I don’t think there’s any getting around this. I’m pretty sure they know.”

Indeed. Out of all the things…

“What about you, Ram Nose? What type of strong woman are you?” I posed as I stalled until Remora got there.

“Oh, easy. I’m tough, but fair. I also believe in equality. All things in equal measure.”

“I see,” I scratched my chin. An interesting answer. “And you believe a clear cut fifty-fifty is always viable?”

“I believe it’s a matter of give and take. Sometimes sixty, sometimes forty. But I do believe things tend to even out, yes.”

“Interesting,” I scratched my chin.

“Is she going to get here, Ray? Doesn’t she know it’s rude to keep a lady waiting,” Ram Nose tapped her foot.

“Yes, and I hear impatience is rude as well,” I countered.

Ram Nose’s smile widened. I didn’t know who she was trying to fool, but there was no way “Ram Nose” was her actual name.

“Sorry, did I miss something?” Remora approached from behind.

“Ah, is this the mystery lady?” Ram asked.

“Huh? I’m Francine,” Remora, for whatever reason, thought the normal name would help us at this point.

I went through all this trouble of picking a name, I may as well use it at least once, was probably what she was thinking.

“You are, are you?” Ram raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. I am Francine. France sing. Francing. France seen? Francine,” Remora’s palpable nervousness started to show as she shook about.

“You really are quite dashing,” Ram crooned.

“I am?”

“That’s right,” Ram laid out her hand, to which Remora looked down before shaking it, “I’d love to take you out.”

“I don’t know...”

“I’d give you what you deserve,” the intensity of her breath grew with every word.

“Thanks, but I just met you,” Remora winced, possibly at the tightness of Ram’s grip.

“Yet it feels like I’ve known you much longer than that,” a sort of scowl formed on her face even as her smile remained. It was a look which seemed to suggest something like, ‘how does it feel to be the prey?’

“R...really, I’m flattered, but I think we’re moving too fast,” Remora pulled her hand away and got serious, “besides, I think I’ll decide what I do and don’t deserve.”

“Suit yourself,” Ram Nose shrugged and turned away, “but just know I’m always around.”

“Same here. See you around, Ray,” Tony waved, then followed behind. Once they were out of sight, Remora turned to Sunny and I.

“Does anyone else get the feeling there was something else she meant by ‘take out’ and ‘give me what I deserve’?” She asked us.

“Hmm...I see where you’re coming from,” I pondered the whole exchange. Double meanings and the like.

“Do you think she’s gay?” Sunny asked.

“Really, Sunny? I might have another enemy on my hands and that’s where your mind goes?” Remora balked.

“Just saying.”

“I’ll keep you posted if I have any ideas on who she might be. In the meantime, let’s focus on the task at hand,” I tried to keep everyone back on track.

“Right. I’m going to go find Demetria,” Remora declared before walking off.

“No, no, that’s not what I’m saying,” I tried to stop her, but it was too late. In the end, I just shook my head.

“Yeah! Go show that red head you’re already taken!” Sunny cheered.

Ram Nose...Ram Nose...what an odd alias to go by.

Remora

It was always something, wasn’t it? It was never just “I’m cold, someone pass me a blanket”, there just had to be something else on top of being cold.

Really makes me wish I could come out on top for once.

Demetria wasn’t hard to spot: most of the attendees were congregated in their own circles, chatting each other up. But she stood by the punch bowl sipping fruit punch out of a wine glass. Real classy.

I motioned over to her and she jolted up upon noticing me.

“You! There you are!” Her voice was a shrill hush. “I need to warn you! You know the person I was telling you about who wants to kill you? Yeah, she’s here!”

Looks like we’re on the same page.

“I’m pretty sure I just ran into her,” I mentioned.

“Wait, what?”

“Short, red hair? About as tall as me?” I tried to work up the details, “um, more pale than me?” Not that I was pale to begin with, and so it didn’t really narrow things down to say someone was more pale than me. Still, I had to think up identifying features anyway I could.

“Oh, and has a tight grip?” I added.

“Yeah. Holy fuck.”

“Ray and I are going to try to figure out as much as we can about her. For now, I’m going to keep my distance and focus on the party. What about you? How are things going on your end?”

She took another sip of her punch and with a bored expression, replied, “fine. I’ve just been chilling around and being a distraction.”

“From the way you sound, I take it you don’t enjoy that?”

“It’s what it is. We didn’t come here to be violent, and while I have been a bit bored, it’s been a nice change of pace from the usual messes we seem to get into.”

“As long as you’re doing well, that’s what matters. You are doing well, yes?”

“How can you say I’m doing well when someone here wants to kill you?!” She near-shouted. I had to lean down and cover her mouth.

At least my enemy this time is human and not some supernatural guy. While I could be wrong and he could just be possessing her body, I didn’t notice anything to indicate that being the case. As far as things go, this should be a relief.

“Let’s not draw attention to that. It’s not a big deal.”

“NOT A BIG –” She stopped herself and let out a deep breath, then smiled and set her glass down. “Yes. You’re right. We’ll figure this out.”

“Yeah,” I smiled back, “we will.”

As corny as it sounded, I really believed that.

“Look, about…” She looked down and muttered, “that one...morning...sorry.”

“What?” I asked.

“You know. When I thought,” she shuffled her feet, “my friend, I thought she was...and I yelled and said bad things.”

THAT morning, huh? That was a tough time for all of us, if I recall.

“You’re still hung up on that?” I asked.

“What do you mean? I was mean to you, I said bad things, and I lashed out and I tried to manipulate and…” She began to pace about, which I didn’t think would help matters, but I wasn’t a gesture expert. So instead, I just ruffled her hair a bit.

“You were under a lot of stress. I forgive you. So try not to worry about it so much.”

“I just don’t want to be that way with you again. I want to be good to you. I really want this to work. This thing we got.”

“And what would ‘this thing we got’ be?”

“Like...whatever we got going on…”

Before we could bask in each other’s company and maybe figure out some things between us, I overheard a nearby conversation.

“What are you doing?” The gruff voice of Tony broke through.

“You heard the lady. She said her name was Rosie Cheeks, so I wanted to check to make sure,” came the (cheeky) response from the supposed enemy I shook hands with. I would have called her voice and presence unsettling, but social interactions with strangers tended to be unsettling in general, so she wasn’t anything special.

“Stop that,” he scolded her, “need I remind you, this is a formal event. Any other time is fine, but while you’re here, I won’t have you be rude to the guests.”

“Oh, come on. This place is filled with criminals. Feels like the least I could do is be a little rude to them.”

“Not everyone here is a criminal – some are the spouses and children of criminals. Some were invited here due to association. You don’t know everyone’s story.”

“All right, I get it. Still, such a weird name, don’t you think? ‘Rosie Cheeks’? I’ve never gotten the appeal of pun names. Not to mention, I dislike names that start with ‘R’ by default.”

I feel called out. But I’m going to be the bigger person and not react to that.

“What was that ‘Ram Nose’ business, then?”

“Ha! That? Just a bit of teasing.”

Thanks for giving yourself away. Not that it wasn’t already obvious.

As their voices became more clear, I watched them draw closer in my peripheral vision. In a rush, I turned back to face Demetria.

“She’s coming over. Quick, let’s kiss as a distraction so she won’t notice us,” I hissed out in a whisper. She turned her head to each side in a frantic motion.

“Oh, okay!” She agreed.

I held her by her waist and lifted her up until our faces met eye-to-eye and we leaned into each other as our lips pressed into each other. Our eyes closed and all I focused on was the commotion outside of us and the footsteps behind us. When I was sure this new enemy of mine had walked away, I set Demetria down.

“Hey! I’m not just some prop for you to use whenever you want!” She protested. At that same moment, I heard the sound of my (whatever the opposite of) admirer (was) approaching again with heavy, clacking footsteps.

Lather, rise, repeat.

Once again, I lifted her up, we bonked noses, but then one of us turned our head a bit, I forgot who, and we held a kiss until the mystery inconvenience passed by once more. When I set her down, I smiled.

“Yeah, you are,” I teased.

“Yeah, I am,” she nodded.

“Hey, I hope this isn’t a bad time, but you do know Sunny and I could hear everything, right?” Ray chimed in through the earphone.

“Well, pretend that you didn’t! It’s not that hard!” Demetria yelled and her face turned red.

Giggles erupted from both Sunny and Ray in such a match of pitches that I couldn’t tell who was who.

“Is there a point to you chiming in, Ray?” I didn’t see what the big deal was, nor did I see any reason why he had to comment on it.

“Yeah. There is, actually. I was thinking about the name Miss Buckthorn introduced herself as.”

“Buckthorn? I’m pretty sure that’s not the name she used.”

“Sorry. Getting a little ahead of myself. Have you heard of the ancient city of Rhamnous?”

“No. Why should I?”

“Ooh! I have!” Sunny’s gleeful voice inserted itself.

“OK. Cool. Both of you have. But I haven’t. What’s the point?”

“Rhamnous had a patron goddess, Nemesis. Heard of her?”

“I’ve heard the word, yes. I’ve also heard enemy, adversary, rival, antagonist, et cetera. I already knew she was an enemy. She made that pretty clear, Ray.”

“Yes. Which I think was why she chose that name. Someone knows her history as well.”

“Are you rubbing it in that I don’t?”

“I really feel like I should know that too...or maybe my mom does…” Demetria muttered.

“We know the ‘what’ of what she wants, yes?” He continued.

“Yes,” I sighed.

“Now we need the ‘why’, don’t we? Any ideas?”

I looked around. It must have seemed pretty suspicious having a one-sided two-way conversation.

“Yeah. I got some. Back in the back hall she almost caught me hiding. She said how I’m a bottom feeder and that her issue with me is that I’m still alive.”

“Bottom feeder, huh?”

“Look, I don’t know. It’s what I got. What about you? Any bright ideas, Mr. Sunshine?”

“Hmm...back when Tony introduced her, he mentioned she took out some assassins. She also claimed to believe in things evening themselves out. Maybe she’s some sort of assassin hunter.”

“Well, what’s she want with me, then? I’m not an assassin.”

“You’re not?”

“Come on, Ray. I was a killer for hire. Maybe you could call that a hitman. I’m not saying I was a good person, okay? Far from it. But an assassin is politically motivated. I may have killed some politicians, maybe even some world leaders, but not for some cause.”

“I know what the original definition was, but arguing semantics isn’t going to help your case. You personally may not have had a cause besides just ‘doing your job’, but the ones who hired you did. Those contracts don’t appear for no reason. In fact, maybe the fact that it wasn’t so personal to you and that you were just doing it for money makes it worse in her eyes.”

I grit my teeth.

“So an assassin hunter, huh? That’s a new one,” my tone darkened, “and she seems to know about my past as well. All I wanted to be here was Francine but instead I have to be Francassin.”

At this point I just wanna slide down and hide under the table.

“Feeling glum about this? Well, here’s another clue: apparently Tony hired her as a bodyguard to protect his daughter.”

“Ha,” I huffed, “what? Does she think I want to do you-know-what to Tony’s daughter? That’s not what I came here for. I didn’t even want to be here. Sure, my motivation for coming here is money, but not by killing people.”

Then, something that she had said earlier cropped up:

‘Stay on your best behavior and I’ll stay on mine.’ Gee. That’s reassuring.

“Ha...ha,” I gave a hollow laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Ray asked.

“I think I can keep being Francine as long as Francine’s a good girl. What do you think?”

“Well, Francine. I think you left your purse in the car,” Ray chuckled as well.

Purse equals bag. Car equals a plane.

“Ah. Right. I’ll go see our chauffeur.”

I sprinted out of the dining area, past the lobby, and out the door. Commotions and gasps rang out, but I couldn’t care less. Past the parking lot, in the nearby woods lay the clearing where Cybele’s plane rested. I gave a few pounds upon the door and waited for Cybele to open up. Just a moment later, the door squeaked open. Cybele stood, hunched, and rubbed her eyes.

“Uh...what’s up?” She yawned. “I thought I could get a nap in. Is the wedding over already?”

“Not exactly. Ray wants me to get a bag,” I explained.

“Oh, right. That. Just a sec,” she dashed over and I heard her rummage through stuff in the back with clangs made as the items fell onto the floor. She zipped over back to the door and handed me a large duffel bag.

“Ray said it’s for Tigershark,” Cybele mentioned.

“Then it must be for Tigershark,” I concurred. After thanking her, I ran back to the front door to the chateau but was stopped not by a security guard, but Ms Enemy herself.

“What do you got in that bag?” She growled. I growled as well. I really didn’t have time for such distractions.

“Wanna search it? I bet it’s got loads of weapons. I bet that’s what you’re expecting, right?” I egged her on before unzipping it. In hindsight, if there were loads of weapons, that would have been a bad look on my part. She leaned in, then stood back up and raised an eyebrow.

“Stuffed animals?” She questioned.

“Look, lady! I don’t know who you think I am, but my name is Francine and I am a very soft girl who requires lots of stuffed animals! How DARE you,” I fluttered my voice, “make fun of me! I am a rich heiress of a rollercoaster tycoon and I WILL sue! Do I make myself clear?” I stomped for added effect.

“Uh...Uh...yeah. Sure,” she stepped aside, near-speechless.

Without further ado, I trotted back inside, ready to make the delivery.

Tigershark

Did everyone forget that I could hear everything they said? That’s fine. Hearing was better than seeing and so far I’ve seen zero kisses at the wedding and I wasn’t about to start now.

But seriously, I need to get off this toilet. My leg’s got that static feeling and I can’t feel it.

“Ow, ow, ow,” I said to myself when I got up and walked out of the stall and toward the sink. Why did not feeling have to hurt so much? Not feeling should be like...not opposite of hurting, but something close to that. That tingly static feeling had a word, I just forgot it. Soon, it came back to me, though: “Numb! That’s what it’s called!”

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I didn’t have time to take in much because Demetria ran up to me right away and put her hands on my shoulders. Was she waiting for me right outside the bathroom? Could be. But that was creepy.

“There you are!” She shouted.

“What? Is something the matter?” I didn’t know why she’d want to look for me unless it was part of the plan, but Ray would have said something to all of us, right?

“It’s just that Remora picked me up and kissed me! Twice! And I haven’t even been able to kiss her once! I’d have to get a chair or something to initiate it or jump high or make her bend over! When will it be my turn?!”

Is this really what I have to deal with?

I took her arms and moved them off of my shoulders, then put my own hands on her shoulders and shook her.

“Get yourself together! We’re not here for romance, we’re here for a wedding!” I told her what was what.

“You’re so right! Weddings have nothing to do with romance! Thank you for being the voice of reason, Tigershark!” Demetria grinned and drew a big breath.

“That’s what I’m here for,” I nodded. That, and hopefully stealing from mobsters. Before I could take another step, another figure ran up to me: the one, the only, Remora.

“So...you…heard everything?” She asked while sounding short of breath.

She’s talking about the k-i-s-s-i-n-g thing, I bet.

“Yes. Twice now.”

“Oh, okay, here you go, then,” she handed me a big bag.

“Huh?” I tilted my head and shook it. “What’s this for?”

“Ray says it’s for you. Didn’t you say you heard twice?”

Huh. I must not have been paying attention.

“Mm. I see. You’re avoiding the issue,” I wasn’t about to admit I didn’t hear about the bag.

“Huh? What issue?”

“Bend over and let Demetria kiss you!” I demanded.

They both looked at each other, then at me. Demetria’s face turned red.

“What?! What are you saying?!” Demetria panicked.

“Figure it out,” I shrugged and walked off with the bag, “I’m going to go find Ray and Sunny.”

“Hey kiddo! We’re over by the hallway!” Sunny’s voice rang in my ear.

I looked around. Considering I didn’t really explore much, and for all I knew, there were a lot of hallways, that didn’t really clear things up for me.

“Warm. Warmer. To your left,” Sunny whispered.

I turned to my left and saw Sunny and Ray hanging around at each other’s side, both in their tuxedos and a sneaky smile on both of their faces.

They sure do like to copy each other, huh?

“Hey!” Sunny waved.

I ran over with the big bag and pointed at it.

“What’s this for?” I asked them.

“It’s for you, silly!” Sunny told me like it was something so obvious even though it wasn’t.

“Go on, open it up,” Ray said as he pointed to the bag.

I opened it up and was both filled with lots of joy and also lots of confusion.

“Stuffed rabbit? Stuffed bear? Stuffed elephant? Wait. Is that...a stuffed rhino?” I gasped. There were more too. Owls and little slimes and dinosaurs and monkeys. “All of these? They’re for me?”

“Well, sort of, yes,” Ray answered. “but also, think you can fit in that bag? I’m just curious, of course.”

Sunny nudged Ray.

“Of course she can fit! This bag’s really durable, too!”

“So you’re telling me…” I looked down at the bag, “I’m...going in?”

I set the bag on the floor. It did look big enough that I could fit in. I began to put one foot in, but then got nervous.

“Won’t everyone see me and find it weird?” I asked them.

“Don’t worry about that, we’ll stand in front of the bag so they won’t notice!” Sunny said to me and indeed they stepped in front of the bag in such a way that others probably wouldn’t see me.

So once I got both of my legs in, I dropped to my knees and sat, then sunk onto my back. I had to keep my knees bent just so I could continue to fit, but fit I did.

“Okay! I did it!” I cheered. It felt weird laying on top of a bunch of stuffed animals. Kinda lumpy. But also nice!

“Now, could you zip it up, Tigershark? But not all the way. I don’t want it so you can’t breathe,” Ray said real quiet to me while still standing with his back to me.

“Ray. What are you making Tigershark do?” Remora asked from the earpiece.

“He’s not making me do anything,” I whispered in the bag, “this is just fun.”

“Speaking of fun, ready for your last distraction, Demetria? Can you think of anything that will make everyone evacuate the building?” Ray asked.

“Sure thing! I can get everyone wet in no time!” Demetria said back and it was clear her idea of distraction was going to involve water.

“By wet, you mean…?” Ray began, but soon he erupted into yells. “AAA –! The sprinkler?!”

“EVERYONE! EVACUATE!” Some official security guys yelled out, and I think I heard Tony yell too. While everyone was yelling and running, I felt my heart heave as the bag lifted up and started bouncing around.

Someone’s running. Someone’s carrying me away. What if they’re bad? What can I do? Beat them up? Or should I wait?

“Hey. Psst. It’s me,” the zipper unzipped a little and I felt some drops of water sprinkle down on me, but I also saw Sunny’s bright and smiling face stare down at me.

“Sunny!” I wanted to yell, but made it more like an excited whisper.

“We’re going to that room, so just hold tight!” She told me, and I knew what room she was talking about: the money room.

As she ran through the halls, carrying me along, I thought back to my friend back at grandma and grandpa’s. My classmate:

When we all introduced ourselves in fifth grade, it was really hard standing in front of the chalkboard and watching all those desks. Everyone in it. I didn’t know what to say.

“I’m Tigershark Littlewheel. I’m new to school. I can cook and I can beat people up,” was what I told everyone. It wasn’t usual for me to get so...unexcited. And not just that, but nervous, too. None of it was like me, but there was a lot of staring. Then, when I sat at the back and she, the one who sat one desk in front of me, the one I shared a room with back at home, got up, I was even more nervous.

What will she say? Will others wonder if she’s some kind of alien? But she’s not, is she? So since she’s not, should she say she’s an alien? But then, what else can she say, because isn’t saying you’re an alien weird? Maybe interests. Maybe like I did. But even then...I could have said so much more. Why didn’t I?

“Hello. My name is Astraea Littlewheel. I am new to this ‘school’ thing as well. I hope over time that you not only see me as a friend, but also as a human. That is all,” she did her introduction, so flawlessly, too, then sat back down. I heard murmuring, but I couldn’t tell what anyone said.

“Wow, you talked just like your old self,” I whispered to Astraea. She turned to me with a blank look on her face.

“Everyone else. Do you think they’re talking about me? If they are, are they saying good things, or bad things?” She asked.

“If they’re saying bad things, I’ll beat them up!” I told her and showed my fist. She smiled, even let out a soft laugh.

“You don’t have to. I’m only wondering,” she told me.

“Maybe they’re wondering about you too,” I suggested.

“What about you? Do you think I’m human?”

“You’re not only human, but you’re also my friend! I’ve thought that since day one!”

“And if I wasn’t, would that be fine as well?”

I was startled. Not sure what to have said. Of course I knew the truth already, but still. Wasn’t what?

“Even if you weren’t human, you would still be my friend. And if you weren’t my friend, then I’m still glad I got to know you.”

She nodded. I wasn’t sure if I gave the right answer. Maybe I should have told her, “it doesn’t matter about being human, you’re real” or something else. But what I told her instead, it was still true, wasn’t it?

But knowing who she was, did she know what I was up to right now? There was a good chance that she did. So, would she approve of what Sunny and I were attempting to do? Or would she find it bad? Or would she just think of it as interesting. I knew about how she lived with Aurora and her gang for a bit and didn’t seem to judge them, though at the time, it didn’t seem like she knew what they did, either.

I still wanted to tell how much fun I’ve had. Though maybe it wasn’t so fun. Especially with all the nervousness. That’s not fun, is it? It seems like the whole month, maybe the whole last year, or the whole while, there’s been a lot of nervousness…

...But there’s been a lot of fun, too, hasn’t there?

Sunny

This was it: the final stretch. I stood at the first door and began picking the locks. Stella rose to the occasion multiple times on the way there, transforming into a whip and breaking all the security cameras in the vicinity. However, that wasn’t all. Even I knew that wouldn’t help much.

There could be hidden cameras, they could dust for fingerprints. There’s all sorts of tricks in their disposal that they can use to pin on Tigershark and I.

“Hey lil mango,” I whispered to Tigershark.

“Hmm? Is that my new nickname?” She asked.

“Sure can be! Anyway, there’s a couple of masks under the stuffed animals. One for you, one for me. Can you hand me one?”

She rummaged through the bag and within seconds, handed me a mask.

“Thanks dear!” I put on the mask while I shimmied with the lockpick. Soon, the first door was open. However, I was soon caught dead in my tracks when a second door, also locked, stood in my way. It made the code, which was already hard for Ray to crack, seem like child’s play. Just how many locked doors would we have to get through?

On the third locked door, the keyhole was being a little extra with me. I tried to be really delicate, right? Like, I always thought myself to be pretty delicate with holes, never going too hard unless I was confident I could make it work, but this one? This one was a pain in the booty.

“Come on...come on…” I tried inching, shimmying, worming it closer until I heard the click. And, well…I heard something all right. But it was more of a snap than a click. I checked and the lockpick...snapped in two.

“No! How are we supposed to get in now?!” I clutched the sides of my head and yelled. Total agony. No good, no good, no good.

I glanced to my side and noticed something faint and silver. At first my thoughts went to Stella and how maybe she was being playful, but no, that wasn’t it. Instead, it was a metallic case for a vent.

Man, why don’t they make vents bigger? I’d love to crawl in one.

Even though I couldn’t, someone else with me could. Turns out even the hardest of things could be made easier just by having a little person near you.

“Psst. Little Tiger. Can you get out of the bag and put the mask on? I’m in need of some small assistance,” I whispered over to her.

“Yes?” She sprung up out of the bag.

“Would you like to vent?” I offered.

“Oh, sure. Lately, I’ve been feeling like…” she began and as much as I wanted to hear what she’s been going through, we had a job to do at the moment.

“No, I meant, go in the vent. Over against the wall. Think you can crawl in and open the doors from the other side?”

She looked over at the vent.

“Oh! Totally!” She pulled at the metal grating, but despite how strong she was, she just couldn’t get it open.

“Here, let’s see if Stella can help,” I offered, and knelt down beside her.

“Stella?” She asked.

“Yeah! My bracelet-whip-rope friend over here! I got her recently and named her Stella! It just sounded right!”

“Hm. Okay,” was all she had to say.

Stella made a little wriggling gesture as if trying to wave to Tigershark, which I found odd, but didn’t bother to mention to the kid. After doing that, she got to work unscrewing the screws on the grating by getting thinner and spinning in place. It was as if she made herself into a screwdriver or knew exactly what I needed. When the steel grating came off, Stella shrunk back and wrapped herself around my wrist as a bracelet. I gave her a little pat to show her my thanks.

Tigershark nodded, then crawled in. There were a couple minutes of rumbling sounds, followed by fumbling and then just the overall agony of waiting. When the pressure was on, even just a minute could be an eternity that we just didn’t have the time to wait for.

Soon, however, I could breathe just the sigh of relief I needed to as I heard a door from the other side open up. Followed by another door. Followed by, at last, the door in front of me. When I saw Tigershark in the cute little ski mask, I wanted nothing more than to squeeze her tight. But now really wasn’t the time.

Instead, we walked forward toward the safe which we could both see in our grasp, just sitting there all by its lonesome.

“Just how many doors did there have to be, anyway?” I voiced my complaints.

“They probably put them here to make us go crazy,” Tigershark suggested.

“That’s about as smart of a conclusion as any I’d have come up with,” I agreed with her.

“Why do they have so much money at a wedding spot, anyway?” She then asked.

“I think it’s their families’ tradition or something. I’ve heard it said that when two mafia families get married, the heads of the family pool together money to give to the bride and groom. Or bride and bride, groom and groom, et cetera. Spouses? Spouses. Anyway, we’re not going to take all of it, just a large enough portion that it won’t look like anything was taken. So don’t worry about stealing from the newlyweds,” I explained.

“I’m not worried about that. I just hope we’ll get enough to help us.”

“You won’t,” came a snarling, weasely voice. Both Tigershark and I turned before we could even reach the safe. There stood, walking toward us with his suit and hair alike soaked, a short, thin man (though not as short as Tigershark or Demetria, but Tigershark was still growing, so she’d probably get tall in no time) with a long, curled mustache and his face all red. He held a pistol in one hand and his arm shook as he walked.

“Let me guess: Tony put you up to this? I always figured he’d screw me over. I bet this whole wedding was just a plot for him to get more money. That bastard thought he could pull a fast one on me, but I could tell something was up the moment we pooled our money together,” he snarled. Both Tigershark and I looked at each other and nodded as if to say, “let’s not tell him anything.”

“Not talking, huh?” His gaze shifted between Tigershark and I, “fine with me. This place will be your grave, anyway. I’ll be taking the money now, thank you very much.”

He continued to walk toward us.

“Stella,” I whispered, “time to do your stuff.”

Stella shot out from the bracelet and I held her in my hands as I whipped the pistol from out of the guy’s palm. He made a gasping squeak as his gun fell to the floor.

“TS, think you can figure out how to open the safe?” I turned to her.

“I can try!”

While she went over to it, the obstacle in front of me charged forth and tried to deliver a swift kick toward my face, but I blocked with my arms.

He tried kicking again and again, and I really was astonished at the apparent leg strength of such a scrawny looking fella. But I didn’t have time to marvel, as we had to kick things into gear and get going, so I grabbed his ankle right before he could bruise up my arm any more and I flipped him onto the ground.

“Bad news, Sun Bear,” Tigershark muttered while next to the safe. I wasn’t sure when we decided on code names, if we ever did, but I sure was glad we were using them now.

“What is it?” I asked, while dragging the guy by the arm toward the safe.

“It doesn’t seem to have a combination or a keyhole. There’s just a small screen thing here.”

“Ha! You fools! Thought you could rob us but you didn’t even know how our safe works? What kind of amateurs are you? It’s through a fingerprint scan only Tony or I can open!” He boasted. Now that I thought of it, he must have been the head of the Tenor family.

“Oh. Thanks for letting me know,” I blinked, then dragged his hand up to the panel.

“Wha...wha...this wasn’t what I meant! Let me go!” He protested, but the safe clicked open right away.

Inside were stacks upon stacks of bills, all with seemingly no end. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen bigger stashes in my lifetime, but still. I let go of the Tenor boss and started removing the stuffed animals from the bag. Meanwhile, Mr. Tenor over there scrambled over to his feet and was ready to scurry off. When he stood up and was about to head out, he turned to us.

“I’m going to get security and then you’re going to get arrested and then Tony will get arrested and then that money will be all mine! You hear?!” He pointed at us and shouted.

Well, crap. What could we do, exactly?

Luckily for us, we didn’t have to think about that one. Instead, we heard a loud and clear “conk” sound as a steel pipe slammed against Mr. Tenor’s head and he fell over.

“My father really is a pain in the ass…” came the soft and feminine voice of a young man and indeed he was just that: blonde, neat haired, tuxedo seemingly unaffected by the rain, his tie straightened and everything.

“Prince Tenor! What are you doing here?! Why aren’t you with your bride?!” Tigershark shouted. I wanted to scold her for being so loud, but the apparent groom just let out a giggle.

“Me? I figured a few people were still in here after the sprinklers went off, so I went to investigate. Seems my father had the same idea, but I knew he was up to trouble. I swear, it sucks being related to that guy sometimes.”

We were stunned. Stuffed animals on the floor, money in Tigershark’s hands. In other words, caught red handed no matter how you looked at it. But this Prince guy, he really didn’t seem to mind.

“Oh, don’t mind me. Take as much as you want,” he made little shooing gestures.

“Wait, really?” I couldn’t believe what I heard.

“Yeah. It’s not like we need all that money, anyway. Heidi and I will be happy enough on our own. Just...don’t take all of it. I wanna take her out somewhere nice. I was thinking Prague. What do you think?”

“Uh. How about Nepal?” I suggested.

“Ah, good choice. Anyway, I’ll cover for you guys, so hurry up and get what you’re gonna get and let’s get out of here. Oh. But leave the safe open. That way it will look like my father did it.”

“Wow, do you really hate your father that much?” I just had to open my big fat mouth rather than appreciate such a moment.

“Hate is a bit strong but...loathe, yes. He used to ridicule me over my bisexuality, and he even mocked me over the idea that I might be genderfluid. Which, mind you, I’m still not sure about, and I’d probably like to keep my name the same, but you get the idea. Plus, he’s rude to just about everyone he comes into contact with, and when we go to American restaurants, he doesn’t even tip the wait staff.”

“That’s fair,” I nodded.

Talk about a lifesaver. We got a large chunk of the money into the bottom of the bag, loaded up the stuffed animals on top, and when all was said and done, Prince and I ran out of the rooms and into the hallway while I carried the bag and Tigershark in the palm of my hand. I didn’t know how she managed to keep quiet or stay still, but she sure was a trooper. Once we made it outside and into the bright, cloudy day, a whole crowd awaited us. Along with that crowd stood Tony, who walked up to me with a grim expression.

“What were you doing in there?” He demanded.

“She was stuck in the bathroom when I found her,” Prince explained, “and from what she told me, she’s deathly afraid of sprinklers.”

“You are?” He raised an eyebrow, “the great Sunny Reyes, who has been through many tombs and death traps, afraid of sprinklers?”

“It’s true,” I pouted, “I had a traumatic experience with them when I was little. I will not elaborate.”

“I see. And what’s in the bag?” He pointed. Upon hearing that, Ray, who was in the crowd, (I did not see Remora nor Demetria, nor did I hear anything from them over the speakers) stepped forward.

“Would you like to hold it?” Ray offered.

“Indeed,” he growled. He must have thought something was up. Cautious as ever.

Upon handing the bag to him, he nearly fell over.

“Holy shit! The hell you got in this bag?” He asked.

“Why don’t you open it?” Ray offered once again.

He unzipped it, and my heart started beating faster than if I had I taken a deadly combination of cocaine and twelve shots of espresso in a sugar-filled smoothie.

“Heya!” Tigershark greeted, laying there flat on her back.

“The hell you doing in there, kid?” He took a step back and flinched.

“I like hiding in bags! It’s fun!”

“Well...you got a weird kid, Ray, Sunny. But I won’t bother you any further. Prince, congrats on marrying my daughter.”

Prince laughed into his palm, then took a bow.

After waving goodbye to everyone, the three of us walked into the clearing in the nearby woods and found Cybele’s plane parked. There, in one of the front row seats, Demetria and Remora sat, slouched down and lounging with a glass of water in their hands.

“Wow. So that’s where you two were,” I greeted.

“Yeah, we decided to take those stupid things out of our ears,” Demetria explained. “Did you get the goods?”

I set the bag down and Tigershark, was previously inside, jumped out and hopped into one of the seats.

“See for yourself,” I announced, hands on my hips and proud. Those two scurried over with such a great interest you’d think they were more in love with prizes than each other.

“Okay, everyone, fasten your seatbelts. Or don’t. I’m not your mom,” Cybele announced over the intercom, “we’re about to take off.”

She made good on her word as Ray and I almost fell over in the middle of the aisle and we all had to scramble to our seats. When we got in the air and overlooked the chateau, we all waved through the windows.

“What a rush,” I wiped off sweat from my forehead.

“Ray, when we get home, I want some ramen. I’m really hungry,” Remora demanded.

“In the mood for Japanese food, are you?” He asked. “I’m sure our new friend Hecate could make you some ramen.”

“No way! She’d overcook the noodles!” Tigershark, who seemed to have zero confidence, argued.

Before we could laugh together, we all felt a thump from the back of the plane and lurched forward.

“Uh. Guys. I don’t wanna alarm you, but there’s some kind of robot attacking us?” Cybele announced, but seemed just as confused as the rest of us.

“I’ll figure out what’s going on,” Remora growled and grabbed her rifle.

“Wait. What are you doing?!” Demetria turned and saw Remora reach for the back door.

“I don’t know what this ‘robot’ thing is, but I’ll shoot it down so we can get back home.”

When Remora opened the door and a gust of air blew in, we watched her hold tight to the hinges and aim her rifle down. However, within that same instant, before she could take a shot, she fell out. We all gasped and got up out of our seats. I was the first one over to the door and was blocking everyone from getting closer, lest they fall. Below, I could see Remora. But she wasn’t so much falling as she was grabbed by a figure clad in metallic armor, and the two seemed to wrestle for their lives, suspended in midair.

All the way below, probably five kilometers below us, was the Baltic sea. If she were to be let go or fall, it could mean the end for Remora.

#remoras full

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#remoras full