·･✯{Bio}✯･·
} {⭑˖˚ Hello everybody ◡̈ My name is Rena, but I have a whole lot of other names too, like Mamma, Wenna, Renny, and Mom.
} {⭑˖˚ I am the primary caretaker of OurStarSystem ◡̈
} {⭑˖˚ I am extremely grateful for my headmates! Thank you guys for putting in all the effort that you do. I believe in us! ♥
} {⭑˖˚ You don't have to like me if you don't want to. I understand that some people aren't looking for care, and I hope that you find whatever it is that you're out after!
·･✯{Personal Info}✯･·
} {⭑˖˚Likes: warmth, unscented candles, thick blankets, rainy weather, singing, hot chocolate, funfetti cake
} {⭑˖˚Dislikes: mud, the smell of bug spray
} {⭑˖˚Pos triggers: hugs, gifts (ones that were made, not bought)
} {⭑˖˚Neg triggers: blood, crying
Chapter 12 of TMSBimD will be going up tonight along with chapter 15 of time of our (after)lives. Probably sometime around 11pm est. Will be no chapter upload tomorrow sadly, medical stuff will have me at the hospital all day
[Authors note: This is the last PG13 chapter. Next week it gets bumped up to mature ratings...gonna be trying my hand at something new in the next chapter, fingers crossed it doesn't blow up in my face!]
Chapter summary: So, the world is ending for the third time, you finally have confirmation on your status as Five's twin, and oh look at that! Your immortal. anything else the universe wants to throw at you?
TW: death, cursing, consumption of alcohol, destruction of the universe as you know it, graphic depictions of violence
The next time you open your eyes, you’re back on the beach, except this time there’s a table, three chairs and two bowls of…something. There’s a woman sitting there, and she smiles at the two of you as you walk up to her.
“I know you!” Klaus laughs and you opt to stay silent this time. Clearly he has the lead.
“Of course you do. I’m your mother...” Wait, THAT was rachel? She then looks to you “...in-law.”
She was beautiful, in only the way someone who’s finally attained true peace can be beautiful. Long, flowing dark brown hair, a simple white dress. The exact opposite of the chaotic outfits you're so normally used to seeing on Klaus.
You blush, looking down with a smile. “It’s an honor, ma’am. Even if the circumstances aren’t the best.”
She smiles, putting a hand to her chest dramatically “Such manners! Where have you been all his life?” The two of you look over to Klaus, happily slurping on…whatever was in the bowl. “What? It’s menudo!”
“I don’t understand.” You start. “You’re his mom, right?” She nods in confirmation, and Klaus continues on after a second.
“Then how could you have died before I was born?”
“How could you have both died 73 times and come back to life?” she counters. “56 for Klaus, 13 for you, sweetie.”
“I just thought I was really clumsy.” You shrug. And in your defense, your universe didn’t have an afterlife or superpowers, or ghosts, or anything semi-interesting like that.
“Ah, that’s a trick question, cause before I met my little universe hopper here, I didn't know I was dying. I just thought I was one of those lovable rascally looney-tunes characters, hit me on the head with a hammer and I see some cartoon birds. Then pop! I get back up!”
“And now?”
Klaus frowns a bit. “I don’t know…I haven't actually thought about it yet. But I guess I'm immortal? How does that work, exactly?” You shrug. “I don’t know, but it makes sense. I mean, you died at the club in the first timeline, and I told you about ODing in the back of that ambulance in the show. You actually died in that ambulance. Straight up flatlined.” you were about to say more when -
“What’s a car-toon?” Rachel interjects and you both stare at her. Was…was she being serious? God you hope not.
“Really?” Klaus laughs sadly at that. “Oh, you're so amish!”
“Klaus!” You shoot him a glare and turn to Rachel. “I’m so sorry about him he-” wait, she’s smiling, why is she…”You were joking, weren’t you?” you smile back and laugh a little before leaning back.
He really was her son if this was her sense of humor!
“I’m kidding.” She laughs, “We have all the channels here. But mostly I watch the two of you.” She looks at you both fondly but you couldn’t help but wonder -
“Even the naughty bits?” -oh good, Klaus was on the same wavelength as you.
Seriously…she didn’t watch the naughty bits, did she? Cause there’s a few bits involving some fun positions and you know what? Best not get into it!
Rachel smiles sadly, turning to Klaus and taking his hand. “I’ve seen you mourning me, and you don’t need to. I’m… I'm at peace.” Klaus scoffs and waves his free hand at her. “Bah! Peace is overrated.”
You’re content to sit and let them talk. Klaus had a chance to reconnect with his birth family, this is something you wouldn’t interrupt for anything.
“And chaos is exhausting.” Rachel counters and you make a ‘meh’ face at that. She did have a point there. But chaos was also incredibly fun. There was a reason you, Klaus and Five were called the ultimate chaos trio.
“Only for amateurs, we-” he points between the two of you, “-are professionals, mom.” He takes her hands in between both of his, “So just tell me who it was who killed you.”
“You’re not looking for vengeance.” Rachel shakes her head, smiling sadly at him even as he tries to protest. “I’m not-”
“You’re looking for purpose. And I can't give you that.” She looks over to you, and smiles softly. “But you don’t need to keep looking, you’ve had that purpose this entire time, and never realized it.”
Klaus looks to you, and you look back. What was she talking about?
“Are…are you talking about [Y/N]?” Klaus asks, and Rachel nods her head in confirmation. “Haven’t you noticed a pull to them since you both first met? Almost magnetic?” Turning to you, she takes one of your hands and places it on his. “And haven’t you noticed a sense of peace whenever you’re together? Almost like you’ve found your missing piece of the puzzle?”
“Well, yeah.” You scoff. “But in all honesty he was my favorite character in my universe -”
“I was your favorite?” Klaus gasps and you gently shush him before continuing. “Seriously, though. You aren’t suggesting we’re…soulmates or something, are you?”
“No, god no!” Rachel laughs and you can’t help but join in with her. Oh thank god, you know you’ve been able to accept a lot of things in this place, but you draw the line at soulmates. That’s just kitschy…fanfiction…crap.
“But it makes the most sense. You’ve both been chasing towards something you’ve had this entire time. And for what it’s worth…” Rachel leans in and whispers conspiratorially, “I approve. I know I can leave him in your capable hands.”
You smile and gently take Klaus’ hand, even as your vision goes white and Rachel fades away…
Hey, yeah so fun fact: Waking up from being…you know…DEAD?
Not fun!
Waking up from being dead next to your fiance and being wrapped up in a fucking carpet?!
EVEN LESS FUN.
So when the two of you breathe again, it’s a sharp gasp, clutching at life, and screaming at the top of your lungs.
Vaguely you register Klaus, Diego and Stanley (that little shit-heel) screaming as well, but that was currently taking a backseat to the flopping and flailing the two of you were doing before falling against the elevator wall.
“I thought you said they were dead, puta!” Stanley cries out. Diego quickly cries back with “They were! And now you speak spanish!?” And now is the time to groan in pain. There’s just too much noise going on right now, can the universe just shush for five minutes?
“Stop…just stop, please. It’s too loud.” You moan, nuzzling into Klaus’ chest. He nods in agreement, “Yeah, can we turn down the volume just a smidge? Celestial comedown is a bitch.”
“Oh, this is worse than any hangover I've ever had.” You groan.
Diego kneels down to the two of you, hand on his heart and face showing some serious concern. “Jesus christ, you two scared the shit out me! I thought you were both dead.” You look at Klaus and laugh maniacally.
“Yeah.” You breathe. “That’s cause we were!”
The laughter quickly fades into tears as you and Klaus clutch each other, trying to maintain some rationality that what just happened, actually happened.
How the hell are you meant to write this one off?
“Yeah I can see that!” Diego cries out and runs a tired hand down his face. “Come on, let’s get you two out of there.”
After being let out of the carpet you and Klaus clutch each other like a lifeline the entire ride down. You have no idea where it is you’re all going, frankly you don’t even care. But you refuse to let go of each other, and when the bell dings and the doors open you both stumble out. You look like a couple of baby deer taking their first steps and you’d find it a bit hilarious if there wasn’t a hole in your head right at that moment.
“Woah, hold on there, the two of you were dead like, three minutes ago. Like dead dead.” Diego holds his hand to stop the two of you from moving forward and you roll your eyes at him.
“Well, fun fact Di, but uh, turns out we’re immortal!”
“Yeah,” Klaus adds, “It’s a thing we do now apparently.”
“Also, I'm apparently Fives' twin. So yeah, have fun unpacking that one in therapy.” You toss that information out so casually it actually takes Diego a moment to process it, blinking, before shaking his head and running back to you both.
“And look, look! It’s already healing!” Klaus points to his chest and you can already see the hole closing up. “Holy shit, what about me?” You ask and Klaus nods, gently touching your forehead. “Yeah, yeah it’s already closed up!”
“What would happen if we cut off your heads? Would there be 4 of you?” Stanley eyes you both curiously and you both subconsciously take a step back. No way you were getting anywhere near him with any sharp objects any time soon! “Stay the hell away from us Moby dick.” you were joking, but no seriously keep a safe distance of about 3 feet at all times, please.
“Stanley!” Diego scolds him before turning back to you both. “Would it?” Alright, that’s it. You need a drink…badly.
“Oh, my god. Move.” You both push him out of the way, slowly walking over to the bar where everyone was gathered. Klaus holds open the door for you to dip in and you quickly snag the bottle of whatever-the-fuck-it-was out of Five’s hand.
“Hello, brother.” You toss out. Five rolls his eyes at you. “Hello to y - did you just call me brother?” he looks over at you but has to do a double take at both you and Klaus sporting a lot of blood all over you. “What the hell happened to you two?”
“Oh, you know. Speargun to the chest -” Klaus starts and you hand him a shot of vodka before finishing the sentence for him, “-and head, no biggie.”
“No big- okay, we are SO addressing that later!” Five warns before turning back to everyone. You and Klaus just shrug cause…well, you just discovered you were essentially immortal. His threats meant little to you at this point.
“What did we miss?” Diego asks and Lila…in her oh so casual way of describing things…throws out “The universe is ending and we’re all going to die.”
You pause, a shot of jack daniels halfway to your lips. “I’m sorry, rewind that last part. The WHAT is ending?”
Somewhere below you, you could feel incoming vibrations and frown confusedly, but because you were still disoriented from the hole in your head, you weren’t sure what was going on until a massive blue wave up and passes you all. Nobody else seems to notice what’s going on, and you can only look around as everyone seems…almost frozen in time. “Wait a minute…this is the same wave as the field with the cows. What the hell is going on?” you wonder. This is getting freaky in all the wrong ways.
It lasts maybe another 15 seconds before snapping back and time restarts again, except this time you see most of the hotel lobby guests fucking MELT. Did…did nobody else see the flesh disintegrate from their bodies?! What the SHIT?!
“What the hell was that?” Diego asks and looks around, while you just grip the edges of the bar, looking frantically at everyone and everything. It was like trying to play a fucked up game of spot the difference, only more lethal.
“That was a kugel wave and judging by how freaked out Blue is over here, I'd say it’s getting worse.” Five merely rubs your shoulder and hands you another shot of jack. You take it, downing it gratefully and when you could breathe again you sputter out “Did…did NONE of you, see that massive blue wave just come up and surround us all? Or- or all the hotel lobby guests just disintegrate?! I can’t be the only one who saw that, right?” Klaus gently pulls your fingers from the bar's near-death grip and tries to rub the feeling back into them.
“Sorry, kitten, we can only feel them... and then see the bodies evaporate. You are of the lucky bloody variety to witness a wave first hand!” Lila is all smiles but you can only stare at her, blinking.
“Oh, yeah!” you retort. “Real lucky!”
“How long do we have?” Luther asks and you all look to Five as he starts trying to buy himself time to avoid a proper freakout. “Five…” you start and he looks at you, all wide eyed and more scared than he’s willing to let on. “Don’t beat around the bush with this. Straight facts. How. long. Do we have?”
Five gulps a little before looking down. “Four…maybe five days before the rest of existence is blitzed.”
From under the bar you grab Fives hand with the one Klaus wasn’t messing with and he grabs back. If the force is a bit harder than normal you don’t say anything cause for the first time this isn’t something that can be fixed. This was reality. Five has every right to be terrified. Hell you all did.
It’s quiet for a moment before Luther blurts out “We should have given them harlan.”
Wait, what? Context clues would be nice please!
“Luther…” Viktor sighs and looks down, and you and Diego look over to them “What about Harlan?” he asks. You pull your hand from Klaus’ and rub your forehead, feeling the skin begin to knot itself back together but damn it’s leaving one killer headache!
“The sparrows said if we turned him over, we could end the fighting, and then worked together to save the world.” Luther continues.
“And you believed them?” Ben scoffs and shakes his head.
“Well you weren’t so against it when you were with Jayme earlier.”
“Jayme and I only agreed because we were out-classed. Any idiot could see that!” Ben slowly stands up and walks toward Luther, glaring up at him. “Do you seriously think sparrow Ben and Zero are gonna let us go free once Harlan is theirs? No. they’re gonna find some excuse to kill us. I know it.” Ben looks down and leans over the bar. “Face it, luther. They don’t want peace. Sloane and Jayme are outliers. The rest want us dead.”
“Ben’s right.” Viktor sighs. “We tried to make peace, and then the stepsiblings from hell attacked, kidnapped the two of you, and they tried to kill us. We can’t trust them.”
You’ve been looking down this whole time, and you slowly take your hand into the pocket of your jacket. You could feel the phone and the note and you sigh before taking them out. Beside you, Five looks down and frowns at what you're holding in your hand.
“Working with them would be like trying to defuse a bomb by pouring gas on it. It’s only gonna make things burn down faster.”
“There’s something else.” you quietly announce and all eyes turn to you. “Earlier…someone slipped a note into my coat pocket. And after that, when the sparrows tried to kill us, Zero left me something. Something from my universe. Something that shouldn’t exist here.” and with that you bring your hand and gently set the items on the table. Everyone looks over it before looking at you. “What is it?” Viktor asks.
“It’s called a cellphone.” your voice is quiet and you keep your head bowed. Your grip on fives hand becomes tighter, but this time it's you doing the squeezing. “In my universe, it’s considered a means of mobile communication. But it’s also a camera, a video recorder, a computer…it’s everything you could ever need or want all in one package.”
“Well, then we can use it. Call for help or something!” Luther’s words are a cold hope and you were shaking your head before he even finished his sentence. You really don’t know how you can be so calm right now.
“Two problems with that. One: in this universe the cellphone was never invented in 1973, therefore cell towers also wouldn’t exist.” you spin the phone on the table with your finger. “These puppies require a wireless signal to maintain communication. No cell towers, no signal. Problem number two: Who would we call? Cause as far as i know, this is the only cell phone in existence. But that’s not the worst of it.” you slowly unfold the note, passing it to Five who looks at it with confusion. “I don’t get it, what am I looking at here?” he asks you.
“That was shoved into my jacket pocket just before the attack by the sparrows. I don’t know who left it but it’s three sentences, and each one is more disturbing than the last.” You take a deep breath before continuing. “Beware Project Oblivion. Zero knows more than she lets on. And the White Buffalo is the key. If any of this is ringing any bells for anyone, speak now or forever hold your peace.” you were joking but no seriously if anyone had any answers you’re all ears.
Klaus silently passes you the half empty bottle of Jack and you take a swig, already foregoing the shot glass, cause does it really fucking matter at this point? “Anyways, It’s the middle bit that has my interest. Reginald said he took me when I was a baby. But! Zero conveniently has a piece of tech that isn’t supposed to exist in this universe.”
“Which means one of them-” “-Was lying. Yeah. Me and Klaus already figured that one out right before we died.”
“I’m sorry!? Right before you what!?” You ignore Luther in favor of taking another swig and the siblings are all staring at you worriedly.
“Alright. So. What do we do? How do we fix this?” Allison walks up to the bar and places her hands on it, giving you a determined stare. You just scoff at her and shake your head. “Fix what? Allison, if you think I suddenly have all the answers again, you’re pissing up the wrong ladder. I just found out Five is my Blood brother, Klaus and I are immortal and Zero and Reginald have been lying out of their asses this entire time. Oh, and apparently all life in the universe is going bye-bye and i’m the only one who can see it happening in real fucking time. I don’t have the answers. Nobody does. I’m merely reiterating a fact that some of you aren’t getting. The sparrows - save for Jayme and Sloane - can’t be trusted.”
“So then, what you’re saying is you’re useless.” Allison's words cause you to flinch back as if struck and you clench your eyes shut, leaning into klaus. From behind you he glares at Allison and wraps his arms around you. She merely walks off again, leaning against a pillar.
“Well, there is the big glowy thing in the basement. Don’t we need that?” Everyone turns to Klaus then.
Five looks at him confusedly. “Klaus, do you know where the kugelblitz is?”
“Yeah, it’s in the old storage room where mom used to keep all her luggage. Stumbled upon it and mom when I went to talk to Reg the other day.” He clicks his fingers and points at Diego. “I already told you about it, remember?”
Diego just gapes at him for a moment. “Yeah, but you say stupid shit all the damn time!”
“Of course it appeared in the same place we did.” Five murmurs and Klaus and Diego are arguing about brains and levers in the background. You just stare at Five for a moment as he looks at you. And you mean looks at you. Examining every little detail he could find. You figure he was looking for physical similarities, eye color, nose length, that sort of thing. Everyone else has wandered for a moment and you and he are the only ones in earshot.
“What you said. About us being…blood related. That really true?” Five does this sometimes, distracts himself so his brain can figure out the main problem in the background of his mind. Focus on the subplot for a moment, let the main plot hide in recesses of his brain for a while.
Nodding you take another swig before continuing. “Klaus and I took a trip down memory lane and uh…turns out…the Reginald that adopted you, knew waaaaay more about me than he was saying and was lying out of his ass this entire time. What a shocker, huh?” you laugh bitterly.
“But the video pogo showed us…” “only showed half of what happened. It wasn’t lying, it just didn’t show everything that happened. Hard to argue with a memory when you're dead.” Five’s brain is running at 90mph, trying to make sense of this mind fuck of epic proportions.
“I don’t get it, how? Reginald never mentioned a twin…” you quickly cut him off with a scoff.
“Yeah, I’m not surprised. Mom and dad threw you to the wolves and somehow found a way to hide me over in my universe - and trust me, If I ever find out how, you’ll be the first to know.” You pause to clench and unclench the fist not holding onto Five. “Reginald…was not pleased. He sent an army to collect me. But not before showing up himself and having them shoot my best friend and myself in the damn head.” you laugh, but it’s full of scorn and derision. “No wonder I couldn’t remember those twelve hours.” you sigh and look down. Hell of a way to find out about family.
“Look, I don't want you to think I'm just info-dumping for some ulterior motive here. I just thought that you should know– deserved to know– before we all go up in smoke…quite literally in this case. Either way…i’m -” You’re interrupted by the sounds of Luther and Viktor arguing. You look at Five and he jerks his head over to the noise before hopping over the bar, yourself following his lead.
“Well he’s clearly got some kind of hold on you, stop covering for him!” Luther was shouting and you and Five made your way over to where everyone else was, silently grabbing klaus’ hand.
“Covering what? What’s going on?” Five asks and you look at Viktor as he shrinks under everyone’s gaze. “Viktor, what aren’t you telling us?” You ask and he takes a moment to regain his confidence.
“He didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
“Oh, what, like when he didn’t mean to do this?” Luther points to the nasty gash on Viktors cheek and you wince a little. Yikes, that looks like it hurts.
“Wait, Harlan did that?” Five points at the wound in concern.
“That’s it, I'm gonna end him!” Diego is pissed and rightfully so, but you get the feeling there’s more context that you’re all missing here.
“Look, I know how it looks,” Viktor starts again “but Harlan didn't ask for this. If we hadn't gone back to 1963, if I hadn't have saved him–”
“There’s a lot of “ifs’ in there, but “if’s” aren’t gonna help us now.” Ben has a point. The time for theory and debate is sadly over.
“He nearly killed Jayme and Alphonso, not you. In fact if it hadn’t been for [Y/N] we’d all be dead.”
“Please don’t drag me into this, Luth.” you groan and Luther continues as if you hadn’t interrupted him. “He’s the reason we’re in this mess, and he’s the only way out of it.”
“Luther's right.” Five looks like he hates the idea but he was quickly running out of options. “If we're gonna have an iota of a chance of getting out of this alive, we need access to the Kugelblitz.”
“And don’t try the whole ‘overpower’ idea.” You quickly shoot that thought down before it has a chance to manifest. “In case you missed it, I saved all their asses but that only happened cause they were all distracted by Harlan. Now I’m good - damn good in fact -, but I'm not good enough to overpower Zero in the slightest.”
Five nods. “And then we risk losing some of us in the process. Harlan is insignificant.”
“You told me once that no one is insignificant. We send him over there, they’ll kill him.”
“And if we don’t, they’ll kill us, and anyone who stands in their way. Which in this case literally means the entire universe. We don’t have another choice.” Your words are quiet but in the stillness of the hotel it’s like your voice has become a booming echo.
“She’s right.” Everyone turns to Lila and you're shocked to see her defending you. Why was she defending you? “What? [Y/N] is right, we are talking about one person vs billions of lives here. I mean, is this really a debate for you people?” Ah well. The defense was nice while it lasted.
“Hey, little Britain and Stranger Things? You two don’t get a vote.”
“Ex-squeeze me?” You scoff and shake your head. Unbelievable.
Beside you Klaus stiffens and glares at Viktor with some serious loathing. And wow is Five growling? Holy crap how high is your pedestal to be receiving this level of defense?
“[Y/N] deserves a vote more than anyone, Viktor. Let’s not forget how many times they’ve saved all of our asses and taken every punch, bullet, hit, and stab meant for one of us!” Five hisses out and wow you didn’t think he’d be jumping into the role of big brother this quickly. However…
You quickly raise a finger. “Uh, not to cause strife or anything, but uh, I haven’t reached the stab portion of that list yet. I’d like to avoid that if at all possible, thank you!”
Klaus pushes your finger back down gently and pats it, before adding, “Lila lives in this universe too. Besides, she’s family now. Kinda. Sorta.”
“No, no.” You add. “She’s with Di. She’s automatically part of the family now. Therefore…” You turn to glare at Viktor slightly. “...She gets a vote.”
“Mm. Thanks kittens.” Lila grins sadly at the two of you.
“I don’t give a shit about the sparrows, but I'm not gonna let scary ass grandpa finish you off.” You cough out “bullshit” under your breath, to which Diego promptly smacks the back of your head. What? It was true! He held more of a muder boner for the sparrows than anyone else in this family up until a few hours ago!
“Five days ago, he was just a little kid. And what? Now I'm supposed to just decide whether he lives or dies?”
“Yes. Yes you are, Viktor.” You nod and move to stand next to Five. “What’s the alternative? Letting him live and watching the entire universe get destroyed? Do you really want that?”
“We are down to ethical triage here.” Five’s voice is grave and while you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right. This was the exact same mindset some doctors in your universe had in regards to the pandemic. How they would lock out of the ER the less infectious patients in favor of the more serious ones, simply because they didn’t have necessary resources to treat everyone. Doctors and nurses running themselves ragged trying to help everyone they could when the fact of the matter is… “We can’t save everyone. The kindest cut wins.”
Luther walks up to Viktor. “You always wanted to be on the team.This is what it is. Saving the world means making the hard calls.”
Viktor looks down. “I hate this.” His voice is dull. Muted. And you feel for him, you really do.
“Viktor, I'm sorry. If there was another way, believe me we would have taken it. We don’t like this any more than you do.” you move to give Viktor a hug, feeling him squeeze back and bury his head in your shoulder. If a couple tears leak out, you don’t say. You can offer him some measure of quiet dignity, if nothing else.
Luther nods. “I’ll go get him.”
“Wait no.” Viktor pulls out of your hold and moves to the stairs, blocking his path. You opt to ignore the rest of the conversation in favor of moving back over to Five. “You think he’s gonna actually bring him down?”
Five scoffs but replies just as quietly. “Not a chance in hell.”
“Yeah. I figured as much.” There’s a pause where Klaus moves over to where the two of you were standing, opting to give you as much support as you needed. “You… aren’t upset at the whole…brother thing, are you? Cause it was just as much of a bombshell on me and Klaus here and i’ll be honest i -” Five never gives you a chance to finish, instead opting to slap his hand over your mouth to shut you up. He shoots you an irritated look before whispering,
“We’re blood related. Okay. I accept it. I don’t understand it, but I accept it. And at some point, when I have more than 30 seconds to breathe, I will process it and talk to you about it. But for right now, we have more pressing concerns, okay? Namely the friggin kugelblitz. That takes priority. But trust me,” with this, Five removes the hand from your mouth and sends you a small smile. “It’s not something I don't want.”
“Really?” Your voice is guarded, but hopeful.
“Really.” Five looks to the staircase then, and your eyes follow his movements. “Now can we please work on a contingency plan for when Viktor comes down without Harlan?”
[Authors note: okay, so! new series coming out next Thursday, gonna be uploaded on Thursdays once a week. Based on the Netflix series "The Sandman" By Neil Gaiman, and I will have a proper summary listed sometime later today, but the title will be "The moon shines brightest in my dreams". I'll have the first chapter posted next Thursday, along with chapter 14 of Too(A)L,]
Chapter summary: Death isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be, and memory lane isn't all that terrible...unless, of course, you happen to have really traumatic, psychologically damaging memories...oh. shit. Well, at least you had each other?
Growing up, death as a concept wasn't something you were unfamiliar with. You've seen your entire immediate family die, maybe not in person but enough to know and understand the concept. When you die, that's it. Game over. No resets, no do overs, no sweet eternal afterlife, nothing. Just the pitch blackness and an eternity of nothingness.
Yeah that may have been true in your original universe.
You wake with a gasp and immediately jerk upright, screaming. "holyshitholyshitholyshit what the FUCK just happened?!"
"Sooo…" you look over to your left and Klaus is sitting next to you, leaning on his hands and looking like he's trying to say something, but also dreading your reaction.
"Not…quite sure how to say this…but…you're…dead." Klaus sends you a sheepish smile and waves his hands a bit. "Surprise!"
WHAT.
"I'm dead?" You stare at him cause nonono you can't be DEAD. You aren't supposed to die, this doesn't just happen! You had so much shit left to do, you were at the prime of your life! "Wha…i…well what killed me?!"
"You really wanna know?"
You nod frantically. "Can't be that bad, right? I mean I don't really remember much actually."
Klaus gives you a confused look. "What do you remember?"
"Uhh…" you wrack your brain, trying to supply the info but… "we entered the white Buffalo suite…I was talking about pachinko…Stanley was…he…" and then it hits you.
That little…! "That shit-heel shot me with a speargun!"
Of all the ways to go, getting harpooned like the white whale in Moby fuckin Dick was not on your top 10. Hell, it wasn't even in your top 100!
"Yeeeep." Klaus nods, then pokes you in the forehead. "Right between the eyes. Went through you, into me." He points to the middle of his chest for reference, then frowns in thought. “Actually, that probably explains why you didn’t remember at first.”
“Oh, shit what?! Nononono not again!” You reach over and pull him to you, frantically checking his chest for holes and wounds. Finding none, you look up and see him smiling down at you.
“Why are you smiling?!” this was so not a moment to be fucking SMILING. He was DEAD.
D-E-A-D.
DEAD.
“We’re dead, babe! There’s no pain or injury here!” Klaus let’s out a little “Woo!” that quickly turns into an “Ow!” as you smack his chest, angry tears running down your face.
“That’s not the point! You’re dead. AGAIN. And I can’t turn back the clock and save you like Five and I did last time -” Your mouth closes with an audible snap and whoo boy don’t that…whatever off in the distance look lovely let’s go and -
“Whoa whoa hold up. Last time? What do you mean last time? The last time I “died” was at the club when we were looking for Luther, remember? I raked that timelines reggie over the coals and all that?” Pulling you into his lap, Klaus gives you a stern look, and this one is all seriousness.
You haven’t seen a face like that since your mental snap in the original timeline. Klaus lets out a harsh breath through his nose.
“Okay, I’ve been patient. I can understand Five being vague about your nightmares, but this? You can’t keep avoiding the subject. What specifically happened back then?”
“No.” You shake your head “I am begging you, do NOT make me say it.” Saying it makes it real. You want to live in denial a little bit longer, it’s so much sweeter than reality.
Shaking his head, Klaus scoffs.“What is so bad that it could freak you out this-”
“I WATCHED YOU ALL DIE!” You shout out and squeeze your eyes shut. Clenching your fists, you bring them up to rest on his chest and you could almost hear a pin drop with how quiet it had gotten. At this point it’s out in the open so you may as well continue.
“What?” Klaus whispers.
“I saw you…all of you…get gunned down in the barn in ‘63. The fucking Handler shot us all. Five and I were the only ones who survived and we turned back time to stop it from happening.” You hold up a hand to stop Klaus from interrupting. “Don’t ask me how, all I did was piggyback off of him.”
You have to take a deep breath to steady yourself before continuing. You know that should the two of you somehow get out of this, you are gonna be wracked with nightmares for a good long while.
“But that first time, I couldn't do anything to stop it. I just stood there, and let it happen.” You completely ignore the fact that you didn’t even realize until it was too late, in your eyes not remembering was just as bad as letting it happen.
“Yeah, but…” Klaus murmurs, “You saw it before, right? On tv? So… you knew we’d all be okay in the end.”
Is he…is he being serious right now? You look up and glare at him, angry tears in your eyes.
“There was a fucking seperation between reality and fiction, You idiot! I knew that it was actors on a set back then! This is real! Fucking! Life!” you pound his chest with every word. When will they get it? This isn’t the show anymore! These are real people, with real hopes and dreams and for a short moment you and Five watched them all get snuffed out!
“Do you seriously think I like watching terrible things happen to the people I love? Knowing full well I couldn't do anything to stop it? Just because I know the end result doesn’t make the steps to get there any less traumatic!” Your fists are trembling, whether in anger or desperation or sadness, you aren’t quite sure. Five might be the only person who understood how…terrifying it was to know the future and see the steps laid out in front of you. Every horrifying moment, and no matter how hard you try, the events play out like your interference meant next to nothing.
But the others don’t care, no. They assumed because you knew the future through the lens of a TV screen that meant that you could tell them anything, horrifying revelations be damned! Even when you ran out of knowledge, they still assumed you knew more about this universe than they did. And while you did have some damn good know-how on the ins and outs of this place, you were as clueless as the rest of them in regards to…well, everything else.
“How. many. times. Do I have to keep saying it?” You whisper. You can feel the tears sliding down your face, and you know, maybe you shouldn’t be so emotional about it. Klaus and the others, they didn’t understand, not really. And you know that if you brought it up, the others would feel bad, and then there’d be those pitying looks and god at that point you’d be better off getting sucked into a black hole.
“The show, from my point of view, is over and done. I’m in real life now. Maybe I'm in the third season, maybe this is something completely different, I don't know, and I honestly don’t fucking care!” letting out a sob on the last two words you rest your forehead on his chest. And you don’t. As far as you're aware, this is your reality now. The other universe can go eat a dick for all you care.
Klaus slowly brings his hand up and rubs your back comfortingly, frowning at your reaction. “I never realized how much this bothered you.”
“I…try not to let anyone see it. I don’t want to make them feel bad for bringing it up.” for you, bringing it up goes in one of two directions, neither of which are even semi preferable:
1. They react with anger and derision, the typical ‘oh, well you're supposed to have all the answers, you’ve had to have seen something! Quit being so useless just because you don’t know the show anymore!’ or…
2. They react with sadness and pity, something along the lines of ‘I can't believe you're as blind as the rest of us, though. It has to be like losing a power, all that knowledge and you’ve hit the end of the road. I’m so sorry!’
“I keep trying to give subtle hints, but then I forget our family - save Five - are not the brightest crayons in the box.”
“Yeah, we were well-versed in book smarts, and street smarts, but common sense is something only a select few of us picked up on.” Klaus laughs slightly, and the hand on your back pulls you in for a hug.
“I’m sorry, that you went through all that. You know if i had known i never would have brought it up.” you reach around and hug him back, nodding against his chest. “I know.” sighing, you let your arms tighten around his neck and rest your head against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry for getting upset.”
“You had every reason to. But I meant what I said earlier.” pulling you back he looks you dead in the eyes. “No more secrets. No more hiding things from each other. Even if our plate is so loaded from the buffet of life, I will take one more scoop of your problems and help you eat it.”
You merely look up and blink at him. Uh… was that meant to go somewhere? “Ummm… was…that supposed to be inspirational?”
“It was meant to be reassuring, but I think the grayscale has kinda screwed with my perception. Either way, stop taking all the burdens for yourself! You aren’t alone in this mess anymore, alright?”
“Alright.” you nod and bury your head against his shoulder, content to sit there for just a little bit longer.
You aren’t quite sure how long it’s been since the two of you ended up here, just sitting and talking in the grassy dirt area before Klaus lets out a huge groan and flops backwards.
“What?” You laugh, and in response he points to a…little girl on a bike.
“Ugh, it’s you again. Is it like…your eternal mission to annoy the ever loving crap out of me every time I end up here?”
She doesn’t say anything. Merely stares at the two of you and suddenly you’re reminded of a scene in season one, and you gasp and point to her.
“It’s you! You’re…oh my god!” and then clap your hands to your mouth, wincing at your mistake. “Sorry.”
“Oh don’t apologize to her, she’s only here to give me crap parlor tricks and existential riddles. Can’t we just…hang out here and improve our tan? I mean, you said I was pale!” Klaus waves her off like she was nothing more than an annoying fly.
Still not saying anything, the little girl keeps staring at the two of you. Okay this is getting really awkward, somebody say something please?
Klaus glares at her slightly, and huffs out a “alright well, could you tell us where we’re supposed to go at least?”
In response she merely points straight ahead, saying nothing. The two of you look at each other and stand up, about to start walking. The sound of a bell brings you both short and you look behind you to see her holding out a blue lotus flower to you, smiling.
“Um, thank…you?” you gently take the lotus and watch as she rides off away from you both, bell ringing in the distance.
“Well that was weird.” You remark and Klaus scoffs a bit in irritation. “Why do you get a flower? She just got pissy with me and said I didn't “rub her the right way.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t chew me out for dying.” You shrug and twirl the flower in your hands a little.
“Yeah, give it time. She’ll find a way.” and with that the two of you walk off in the direction given to you, fingers interlocked.
It wasn’t long before the two of you stumble on a beach, with a mausoleum right in the middle. The doors standing ominously in front of you. Something in this must be striking some sense of familiarity cause Klaus is suddenly tense beside you, and the hand you're holding starts trembling a little.
“Klaus?” you ask and his only response is to let out a deep sigh and pull open the doors.
What greets you is…something you wished had stayed deep in the recesses of your fan-addled brain.
A small child is curled up in the corner, eyes closed and you can immediately tell who it is by the hair and the uniform. “Holy shit.” You breathe.
“What kind of snuff movie is this?” Klaus moans and you turn your head to look at him incredulously. “Klaus.” you start.
“Hmm?”
“That’s you.”
Klaus looks down at the child, squinting his eyes before they light up in recognition. “Oh, yeah! It is! Hey, hang in there…little me.”
A set of footsteps behind you causes you to turn around and the two of you come upon a younger reginald, holding a stopwatch and a notebook.
“Dad.” Klaus breathes and you grit your teeth to keep from saying anything. Reginald bends down to check little Klaus’ pulse.
“Experiment number 73. Cessation of life function at 12 hours and 22 minutes. Restarting the timer to reanimation.”
That son of a bitch! “He - what the fuck! He fucking killed you?!” at least 73 times going by what he said.
Oh you thought you didn’t have it in you to hate a person as much as you did, but lo and behold! Reginald fucking Hargreeves astounds you yet again!
Klaus takes a sharp breath and stumbles backwards out the door in shock, dragging you with him.
You thought you’d come back out to the beach, but what greets you when you leave is something far…far worse…
When you open your eyes again the two of you are in a small house, the sun filtering through the lights and you can vaguely hear the sounds of traffic outside. The front door to your right is dark brown and oh, you know exactly where you are.
“I don’t remember this place.” Klaus says but you aren’t listening. The picture on the wall is just icing on the bullshit cake.
It’s you. Small little four year old you, being held up by your parents. It’s one of those fancy portraits that only parents trying really hard to show off to their family get. Overpriced, underprovided, piles of garbage that serve as a reminder that “Hey! Look at how happy we are! You know it’s a lie, we know it’s a lie, but let’s fool ourselves into thinking we have a perfect life!”
“Yeah. because it’s mine.” You sigh out. “Or at least…it used to be.”
Klaus looks up at the picture and smiles, laughing slightly. “Oh, wow. Look at how cute little you is!” your lip twitches upwards in a small smile. Leave it to him to make you feel better without even trying.
The sounds of yelling behind you bring your lips back down and you squeeze your eyes shut, curling in on yourself and afraid to turn around. “What’s going on?” Klaus looks over your shoulder to the adjoining living room
“Are you fucking kidding me?! How stupid are you?” A harsh Dublin accent greets your ears as Klaus walks into the room, silently pulling you along against your gentle pulling away because no no please i don’t want to relive this, not again.
“I’m sorry dad! I didn’t mean to! It was an accident.” little seven year old you, clad in denim shorts and all scraped knees with a green tank top starting up at your father, faceless - a facet of your life you choose to embrace. Harder to terrify yourself if you don’t recognize the face -, a broken beer bottle on the floor, alcohol ruining the carpet. You remember now. He had ordered you to grab him a beer and you accidentally tripped over your own two feet and dropped the bottle in front of him. He was holding you by the straps of your tank top and had yanked you hard enough to give you mild whiplash.
“I ask for one thing - one thing! - and you can’t even get that right! You know, when I was your age, I did everything my parents asked me to do correctly. I wasn’t a whiny little brat like you.”
You see the tears begin to well up in little you’s eyes and you can see Klaus tremble in anger. Not at you. For you. Because this is so much worse than what he could have ever imagined. He knew your childhood was shit, but you never mentioned this!
“Oh, are you gonna cry? Keep going and I will give you something to cry about!” your dad pushes you then, and he keeps pushing. And pushing. And pushing. All the while stripping you down emotionally and mentally.
“Honestly, I don't know why we ever bothered with you! We should have given you up like we did with your brother! Is that what you want? To be sent away? To some freaky mansion?”
“No, please! I’ll do better, I swear!” No don’t send me away, please don’t send me away, anything but that!
“Oh, like you swore to stop being so damn clumsy! Or to stop crying! Or to stop.” Push.
“Being.” Push.
“So god. Damn.” Push.
“USELESS!” and that last push causes you to trip behind you, falling backwards and smacking your head against the corner of the table. Your body lands in a heap and…you aren’t moving.
Or breathing for that matter.
“Wait. You…died?” Klaus looks to you in shock but you're just as confused as he is. But the pain of remembering is overwhelming your need to talk it through.
You don’t give him the opportunity to continue and start dragging him along out the front door where you're greeted by…
You and Klaus wander through the area, but honestly you’re just really confused by the whole thing. This kind of place wasn’t really your cup of tea so to speak, the noise and the people and all the heights was making you a bit uneasy. Yeah, sure you were dead and this was the afterlife, but your feelings were valid even after death!
“Alright, now this is more like it!” Klaus chuckles and pulls you through the crowd. After the last two memories, you're just happy to see him in a good mood for a fleeting moment.
“Th-this is how you spent your ni-nights as a teen?” You were still shaky after watching your seven-year-old self die, so you were desperate for any kind of distraction you could find.
“Oh, this was after I turned 18. I mean, Reggie kicked me out, I was high off my ass on several different benzo’s and at least 6 different kinds of liquor. It was quiet for the first time in years, I was living it up, babe! This was the prime of my life before I met you!”
You look towards teenage Klaus, and the first thought in your head was “wow that is some seriously atrocious hair.”
“Listen we can’t all be lucky enough to have easy access to a hair stylist, alright?” Klaus ruffles your hair and you push his hand away with a smile. Good, you’ve stopped thinking about it. Maybe now you can function like normal and nobody brings it up ever again. Ever. Never ever.
EVER.
The party-goers all start chanting “Klaus! Klaus! Klaus! Klaus!” and you watch as younger Klaus gets on the ledge of the roof.
“Uh, klaus…?”
“Yeah, I'm seeing it too.” Grimacing slightly, he adds “Oh, I think I remember how this one ends…”
“Tonight, we drink to childhood trauma!” younger klaus holds up his drink to applause and cheers…
…and then starts to stumble and fall off the ledge. “No, No! Don’t!” Klaus shouts and the two of you rush to the edge, only to hear a large CRASH and the sight of his body on the roof of some poor oldsmobile owner. You both collectively wince and the world suddenly fades to white again…
“Are you sure I can’t convince you? I know you’d make a beautiful Bridegroom. Groomsmaid? Whatever the name, you’d be beautiful!”
“Tessa, I’ve told you already, I don’t do those sorts of things. I don’t belong in the spotlight, you know that. Plus you will never catch me dead in a dress. Even if it's my own wedding day. I’d rather wear a white suit.”
Oh fuck. You remember this…vaguely. This was Tessa’s bachelorette party, or rather the outside patio of it. You and Tessa were sitting outside, drinking a bottle of champagne together. The Grass Roots “Sooner or later” played in the background and you could see the silhouettes of the other party-goers.
“Wait, this is right before you fell on me, isn’t it?” Klaus looks at younger you, red-faced and tired eyes and too-large t-shirt covering your body.
“Yep.” You sigh.
“Holy shit…you were HOT even back then!” Wait, what?
“What?” You ask incredulously. That was his biggest takeaway? Tha-that was the SAME outfit he saw on you when the two of you first met! Has he…has he had the hots for you even all the way back then?
“Hey, I mean, at least you're there. More than I can say for my family.”
“Tessa, I'm sure they’ll be there. They’re your parents, they aren’t just gonna up and ditch you like that.”
“How do you know, though?” Tessa’s voice begins to waver and the song inside fades into Shawn Mendes’ ‘If I can't have you.’ “I mean, the last time I talked to mom and dad and told them what was going on, they threatened to kick me out of the house!”
“What, for being in love?” You scoff. “That’s total bullshit! Oh so he’s a bad boy, so what? Do you love him?”
“More than anything.” Tessa breathes and younger you smiles softly. “Then being with him is worth the pain of losing them. If they can’t be happy for you, then fuck ‘em!” You raise your champagne glass in the air and Tessa does the same.
“To shitty parents! May they all burn in hell!” The two of you clink your glasses and throw the drinks back with a laugh.
“I’m surprised you haven’t found someone yet.” Tessa sighs. You shrug, “Maybe love just isn’t in the cards for me.”
“Nah.” She shakes her head and you see loose strands of hair fall into her face. You reach a hand to brush them away, but at the last minute look down and let your hand fall to your lap.
“I don’t buy that for a moment.” She continues after refilling her glass. The song “FRIENDS” by marshmallow begins playing behind you and you swear that the DJ is doing this on purpose. If Tessa notices she doesn’t say, merely takes another sip and stares at you.
“You’re loyal, kind, funny, stupidly smart where it counts, sassy as all hell. Who wouldn’t want traits like that in a partner?”
“Someone who wasn’t broken?” You scoff and refill your glass. “Face it Tessa, I'm kinda…”
“Fucked up?” Tessa finishes and you nod and point a finger at her. “Exactly! I am…so far beyond the realm of fucked up that the only person who would want to be with me, would have to be fictional!”
“Oh, my god!” She giggles. “No no no, I don’t buy it, surely there’s someone here you want to be with!”
“Well, I…” You hesitate. How would your best friend react to you wanting her?
“Yes?” Tessa leans forward and you can clearly see her cleavage leaving next to nothing to the imagination. You gulp and look away. No. This isn’t right, she’s getting married in the morning for fucks sake!
“There has been…someone…that i’ve taken an interest in…” you look down and away, sipping at your drink. Beside you, Tessa places a hand on your knee and rubs it slightly with her thumb.
“Then why haven’t you said anything to them?”
“Because they don’t really know I exist. Or rather, they have someone for themselves, and I don't want to ruin any of that.” Avicii’s ‘waiting for love’ starts playing and you wince. Man, that DJ is either really good, or really lucky and you honestly don’t know which was worse.
There’s a tense moment where you think Tessa may have figured it out. She stares at you with an indecipherable look and you can’t help but blush.
“Is it Klaus Hargreeves?” Tessa guesses with a smile.
And just like that…the spell is broken. You scoff and laugh a little. “Yeah it’s-it’s totally Klaus. I’m just gonna… mosey on in and steal him away from Dave and all that!” Better that she didn’t know. It’s safer this way. You didn’t want to get hurt, or hurt her in the process.
“Just pop open a portal to another universe, fall on top of him and wiggle your way into his heart!” The two of you laugh at the absurdity of it all. The laughter gets stronger as you both continue to think up absurd ways your life would turn out. “I bet you have powers!” Tessa gasps, “Like…Eleven from ‘Stranger Things’ powers! All telekinetic and shit! Make everyone else's powers stronger and all that!”
“Oh, shit, THAT’S what that was?” You always wondered why it was you and Klaus shared powers, or how it was that you and Five were able to time travel despite not having any temporal powers. Well, that you were aware of at least. “Power augmentation. Huh.” you shrug. “Not a bad power, all things considered.”
“Like a super charged battery.” Klaus nods beside you.
“Oh, oh! And it turns out, Five is like a father figure to me!” You cackle, Tessa slapping you on the arm. “Even better! He’s your brother!” and with that the two of you dissolve in peals of laughter, crisis of love momentarily forgotten.
Beside you Klaus is fake crying and holding you to his chest. “Oh, that’s so beautiful! Did you ever tell her you wanted to kiss her?”
“I never got the chance.” You point out to the field in front of them. “Look.”
A large whooshing noise and an eerily familiar portal open up in front you, several yards ahead. Your laughter dies almost immediately as you both look over the field in front of you.
“What the hell?” You stand and lean over the railing, as several armed men exit the portal. Along with one older gentleman wearing a monocle.
“Holy shit. Is that Reg?” Klaus breathes and you frown to yourself. “I don’t remember this bit.” You murmur. You know you were missing about 12 hours from this night. Everything after that portal opening up was still a giant blank to you. Maybe this is what really happened?
“I’m looking for the individual known as [Y/N] [L/N].” He announces and you and Tessa just stare at each other. With uneasy steps forward, you quietly announce, “what do you want with them?”
“I believe that is none of your concern, madam. Now, where is she?”
“It’s plenty of my concern when you step onto my property and start demanding things that don’t belong to you!” Tessa stands up, fists clenched.
“Uh, Tessa…” You try to pull her away to no avail. “Maybe we don’t antagonize the men with guns?” The sounds of safeties clicking off was testament to that.
“Your friend is moderately wise, girl. I suggest you heed her advice.” “Moderately?” your face wrinkles and now you’re wondering if that was meant to be a complement or an insult.
“And I suggest you get the hell off my property! You and your damn army!'' Tessa's voice starts to drawl a bit, and her anger is starting to rise, remnants of Tessa’s Texan upbringing getting the better of her.
This is not good. If you don’t diffuse the situation now, someone is liable to get shot.
“Tessa!” You shout, “This isn’t helping anyone!” Facing the man with the monocle, you eye him distrustfully. “I’m not exactly keen on giving my identity when there's a gun pointed at my best friend, Old man.”
The monocled man eyes you for a moment before seeing something he clearly was okay with, going by his posture relaxing slightly. He found what he wanted. “Fair enough. My name is Sir Reginald Hargreeves, and I've been looking for you for a very long time, Number Eight.”
Reginald makes a motion to one of the men, and without a second thought a single shot was fired.
Beside you, there was a distinct thud, and when you went to turn your face drops in horror.
Tessa, a single bullet in the head, lying dead at your feet. “Oh-oh my god!” you drop to your knees and look her over. Maybe you were just dreaming, yeah you had to be! “Tess! Tessa no!” You turn to the man and shout angrily “You didn’t need to kill her!”
“Nor did we need her alive. I’m sorry Number Eight, but we cannot have witnesses for this endeavor. Now, it’s time to cease this foolish behavior, and come with us.” Reginald starts cleaning his monocle, like committing a murder was just another thing to do on an errand run.
“Stick it up your ass! I’m not going anywhere with you after what you just did!” You turn back to Tessa and look her over, her eyes glazed over and unseeing. Slowly, you reach out and close her eyes, the last bit of respect you can offer her at this point.
You slowly stand and turn to face him, fists clenched in a rage that was surrounding your very being. Behind you, various items and patio furniture started floating above your head, and had you been looking down, you would have seen your fists and eyes glowing bright blue.
“I don’t know what possessed you to come here, or how, but I suggest you return post-haste. I have a habit of staying away from men who SLAUGHTER THE PEOPLE I CARE FOR!”
“Such insolence! I was hoping you would be different, but I can see now that even separated by universes, you and Number Five are just far too similar for your own good.” and in a much more bitter tone, adds “ I never should have allowed your mother to bring you to this place. Siblings separated by time and space will always find a way back to each other.”
Your brows furrowed in confusion. “Did he just say…?”
Klaus mirrors your expression. “I think he did.”
Younger you scoffs angrily, looking up to the sky as if it would provide some kind of answer for this growing nightmare. Frankly you’re shocked you haven’t started breaking down in tears yet.
“Oh my fucking…is this a joke? You shoot my best friend and think that I'd just go anywhere with you? You have to be out of your FUCKING mind! And on top of- on top of that, you have the nerve to spout this bullshit about me being related to Five? A fucking fictional character? Oh, what’s next? Me and Klaus are soulmates or some shit like -”
You never got to finish your sentence. A single shot rings through the air and you fall, dead. The floating items clatter noisily to the ground behind you.
Reginald sighs in exasperation. “I was truly hoping it wouldn’t have come to that. Nevertheless…” He clicks a stopwatch and announces. “Cessation of life function at 23 hours and 59 minutes. Let’s hope you fare better than Number Four did.” Looking over you one last time, he quietly orders one of the men, “grab her.”
“Sir.”
You don’t have time to even reflect on what the literal FUCK just happened before your vision fades white again…
You blink and can’t help but groan at where you ended up now. “Seriously? This place again?” You’re starting to loathe the concept of shag carpeting.
Klaus shushes you and you both watch on as Stans messes with the speargun and you instinctively move in front of Klaus, both dead and memory versions of you.
“Woah!” Stan gushes and you can see past you get nervous about that gun. And for good reason too.
“Hey, come on. Chop-chop stan. Gotta go see a man about a buffalo-”
And that’s when the speargun goes off, going right through your forehead and Klaus’ chest to land on the machine behind you both.
The two of you collectively look on in horror as your body drops to the ground, like a puppet with its strings cut, and Klaus falling backwards, using what little situational awareness he had left to grab your hand.
You didn’t realize it at the time, but looking down, your hands are still interlocked and you can’t help but gulp a little in nervousness.
“So…these weren’t near-death experiences…” Klaus starts.
“They were…actual-death experiences.” You finish and the two of you grab hold of each other’s hands in a silent comfort, afraid to look away from the bodies, even as your vision fades to white again.
[Authors note: i fully believe that if given the chance, Klaus could totally figure out how to use a cell phone in like...10 minutes. He is way smarter than people give him credit for.
Side note: would anyone be interested in a multi-chapter fic series of Netflix's "the sandman" once this series wraps up? i'm not entirely used to that style of dialogue but i'm willing to give it a shot!]
In this chapter: We gloat about our old universe, and Discover the White Buffalo Suite. And Stanley is never allowed near any projectile based weaponry ever again. never ever. EVER.
“Wait, so you’re telling me you’re actually from a different universe!? Holy shit that’s so cool!” As the day went on, you slowly found yourself opening up a little more to the little runt. Turns out, he just needed someone to treat him with a little bit of human decency. After a while you figured it was safe to let him in on the whole “alternate universe” thing you had going for you.
No way in hell were you mentioning the “tv show/comic book” bits though. That's liable to get a LOT of raised eyebrows and questions you really couldn’t answer without coming across as even more crazy than you already are.
“Oh, yeah baby. And mine was WAY better, tech-wise. We had computers that could fit in the palm of your hand, touch screen technology, smart-phones…oh god, I miss having bluetooth!” You sigh and let yourself lean on the cleaning cart Klaus was pushing down the hall, Stanley walking up beside you and listening in rapt fascination.
Okay so maybe you were a little bit tired of hiding what your universe had to offer that this one didn’t. But it wasn’t like you were going there any time soon! And besides, Klaus was always talking about how he wanted to know more about your universe and what it had going for it. So far all you had mentioned was the whole…comic/tv show thing, the covid-19 pandemic, and a sentient cheese puff being president.
“You realize babe, that everything you’re saying sounds like complete gibberish to us.” Klaus laughs and unlocks the door, letting Stan go in and start cleaning.
“Well aware of that. Do you know,” You turn to Klaus and put his hands on your waist. “How much easier your lives would be if you weren’t confined to the horrors of payphones and landlines? They’re just so…antiquated!”
Klaus laughs in shock and mild disbelief. He never pegged you as a gloater! “Oh, my god. You little minx! Are you gloating, about a place you can’t even go back to?”
You shrug. “Maybe. Maybe I'm just tired of holding it in. Maybe…I want you to be aware of how I used to live my life.” And you were tired of holding it in. Hell, you don’t even know why you kept everything bottled up like this, it’s not like there was any real reason for doing so.
Part of you wonders if maybe it was because you were trying to distance yourself from that place, that maybe you no longer needed it hanging over your head.
“Then again,” You start. “Maybe it’s because now that I no longer have that stupid show hanging over my head, i have nothing to hold me back from embracing this universe.” You raise your arms and hang them around his neck, and Klaus just tilts his head a little in contemplation.
“Yeah, but that ‘Stupid show’ brought you to me.” Klaus points out and you shrug and nod in acceptance. “Fair point.” you concede.
“Hey, what’s a cell phone?” Stan comes out and the three of you make your way to the next room on the list.
“Oh! That lil dude, is like…the ultimate in mobile communications technology!” you give a little ‘jazz hands’ for emphasis. Stan and Klaus just stare at you a moment before Stan walks off, nonplussed.
“Look if you're just gonna screw with me…” Wait, hold the fuck up! Nonononono! You were many things, but you did NOT screw with people!
You quickly run up and halt his progress. “Hang on, I'm not screwing with you! The very first cell phones were these big ass clunky brick things all the way back in the ‘70s! I used one once, couldn’t do shit with it, ‘cept bash someone over the head with it. No signal whatsoever. But in my time, by 2020?”
You pull out your cell phone you’ve been hiding in your jacket pocket. You aren’t quite sure what possessed you to show it off to Klaus and Stanley of all people, but maybe Klaus was right. Maybe you just wanted to show off and gloat for a moment.
“This bad-boy is a Samsung Galaxy A51, released in January of 2020! Eh? Eh? What do you think?”
“I think…It looks like a piece of plastic.” he deadpans and your face grows offended. How dare he! Oh, you’ll show him! You quickly hit the power button and watch as the screen lights up.
‘Holy shit it still has power!’
Well that is good news for you, because this universe does NOT have charging cables.
“It’s so much more than that, though! Look…at this!” the screen opens to the home page and you silently groan at the phone's background. “Uh, on second thought…”
You were NOT showing Klaus that photo of him in the season two promo images. It was bad enough for him to know about the season one promos, lord knows he hung THAT over your head for weeks after finding out about it. But this?
A photo of him in his longer hair, cult leader get-up from season two? Oh, Klaus would be merciless with his teasing.
“No, hold on, what was that?” Klaus leans over your shoulder to get a better look and you hold your phone away from him. “Nothing!”
“That was NOT nothing!” Stan laughs slightly and you scowl, pushing him forward. “Keep walking bub, that list ain’t even half done yet.”
Klaus quickly snatches the phone out of your hands before you have a chance to react. “Don’t be shy! Now, how do I…Oh. My. God!” He quickly looks at you, then at the phone, then back to you again. His smile was wide and his eyes were sparkling with unreserved joy. You could swear the blush on your cheeks was visible in space from how bright red it was.
This is it. This is how you die. The apocalypse doesn’t hold a candle to dying of embarrassment.
“Oh, this is waaay better than the tattoo, i am loving this!”
“Yeah, I bet you are.” You grumble and cross your arms, looking the other way. Stanley laughs a little before going into the next room, leaving you and Klaus alone.
“Oh, my dear universe hopper! Oh, if I had known you liked that outfit, I'd have kept it when we were coming back here!” Klaus tugs you closer to him and you pouted from behind him. “It wasn’t the outfit, dingus, it was you.” It was also the outfit, but mostly him.
“Awww, no need to be embarrassed around me, babe!” Klaus pulls your back to his front, swaying you side to side. Smiling slightly you lean up and peck his cheek. “Ahahaha, see? I knew you couldn’t stay mad! You love me too much for that to happen!” Klaus turns you around and holds out your phone for you to take back
Now, why don’t you show me how this works, oh techno-wizard?”
Something you discovered about Klaus when you first met was that he picked up on things really quickly. Which was great for things like, cooking, or sewing, or having sex.
It took him less than 10 minutes for him to figure out your phone’s camera roll.
God help you, you may have in fact created a monster.
“Klaus we need to get Stanley to these rooms, gimme back my phone!” Stanley just stands off to the side, rocking on his heels. You roll your eyes and nudge him forward, moving the cleaning cart yourself. If you want something done right…
“One more, just one more! These are gorgeous, how have you never showed them to me before?”
“Because I didn’t get this until today? Also, I’m not showing you my photos when more than half of them are selfies.” listen, you weren’t proud of all the quarantine selfies, but dammit you got bored locked in at home! There’s only so many times you can watch your favorite tv shows before you start going a bit stir crazy.
“Funny, then that none of them are…whatever you called them. Most of these are all outdoorsy scenic photos. Good ones too!” That’s not right. You never took scenic photos. “Hang on, what?”
Quickly reaching over and snatching the phone back, you flick through the photo reel, and your face falls deeper into confusion with every picture. “These aren’t mine.” you mutter. Half of them were of outdoor sunsets at places you had never even been to before! And the only other person that was in possession of this phone was… “That…oh my god.” You look at Klaus, “I’m such an idiot. This isn’t my phone. It’s Zero’s!”
“But… you and Zero are the same person, right? You both came from another universe, the whole TV show universe place. She’s bound to have the same phone as you!”
“Yeah, but remember what Reginald said?” The two of you think back to a couple days before when you had confronted him on why you had a doppelganger in the first place.
“You said I took you from your home, I merely did it early enough for you to never consider that universe your home to begin with.”
“If he took me when I was a baby, how is it that she has a near carbon copy of my phone?”
“One of them is probably lying then.” Klaus assumes and you sigh angrily, holding the phone against your lips, lost in thought.
“Zero definitely knows more than she’s letting on. I don’t like this.” you mutter.
“Think we should tell Five and the others?” Klaus asks and you nod in agreement. “It’s something worth bringing up at least. If it turns out to be nothing, then oh, well. No harm, no foul. But this is Reginald we’re talking about here. I wouldn’t trust that man with a cheesegrater, much less anything he says regarding our past.”
“There’s a few more things on there, should we…?” Klaus trails off, unsure of how to go on. On the one hand, this is information about your old universe that you’ve never divulged before. When will he ever get another opportunity to talk about it with you? To be this open and honest?
On the other hand…
This is clearly doing more harm than good for your own mental state. You’ve never pushed him to talk about 1968 or Dave unless he was willing, and going by the clenched fists and gritted teeth, this was hitting an extremely sore nerve. He doesn’t want to break that level of trust you have with him by forcing you to show him those photos.
In the end, you turn the phone off and place it back in your jacket pocket. The resulting silence is answer enough for the both of you.
“And that’s one more off the list! Only one more to go before I'm done with all this cleaning shit!” Stanley slams open the door, startling the both of you and snapping you out of whatever funk you were in at the moment.
“One more room huh?” You look over the list and sure enough one more room glares at you from down the hall. You look at the cleaning cart, then at Stanley. “Hey Stan, what’s your weight?”
“Like…90lbs, why?”
You pat the cleaning cart and get behind it, smiling wickedly. “Hop on.” You said. “Let’s make this last room a little more fun.”
Hmm, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, if the sounds of Klaus and Stanley screaming were any indication. Klaus had taken it upon himself to push the cleaning cart and they were both careening down the hallway, while you were running, trying to catch up with them.
“Oh, Christ.” You pant, “How did this turn into my cardio day? I’m not even dressed for it!”
You suppose this was a blessing in disguise, given that you had spent the better part of an hour lost inside your own head trying to understand what the exact hell was going on with Zero and this whole alternate universe bullshit thing. You tried to think of reasons for why she would leave this with you, but nothing concrete ever solidified. All you could assume was that there was some kind of file she wanted you to see, but you didn’t want to do anything until you saw Five again.
“Come on, schatz! Keep up!” your head snaps up as Klaus’ voice echoes and you roll your eyes, picking up the pace. “I’m gonna kill him. I swear to god I'm gonna kill him.” You mutter.
“Yeah, schatz - OW!” the sound of a smacked head could be heard echoing down the hall as you finally caught up to them
“Only I can call them that, kid.”
When you finally caught up to them you were out of breath watching as Stanley fumbled with the keys.
“Come on kid , make with the keys, chop chop!”
You looked over the list, frowning. “Hang on, this wasn’t on the list.”
“Well, then I'm not gonna clean it. However…White Buffalo…no rule saying we can’t go exploring, right?” Stanley’s smile turns devious and you can’t help but heave a sigh.
“Oh, I hate that smile.” Alright, now you were beginning to think he really was Lila’s kid. Maybe not Diegos, but definitely hers, going by that look alone. That…evil little grin only Lila could have.
“Well, I could pick the lock, but Diego took my switchblade.”
“Yeah.” You point out, scowling. “Cause you tried to pick the door to our bedroom. Diego already got an eyeful of your uncle, did you want to be added to the trauma list?”
“Oh,stand down.” Klaus grabs a swiss army knife off of the cleaning cart and starts picking the lock. “You know, I once had to pick a lock with my teeth, while partially paralyzed on quaaludes.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Oh, man, that was an evening.”
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
You stare after Klaus, jaw dropped, as he gets the door open with a “Hah! Got it!” and stumbles through, Stanley following.
“Should I be keeping a running list of all the drugs you’ve taken before you met me? Because, honestly? I feel like I should be concerned!”
“Oh, it’s fine, babe!” Klaus waves you off, reaching out to grab your hand and pull you inside.
“And really you should make a list of all the drugs I didn't take. Would save you soooo much more time.” Yeah, not exactly helping!
“Oh, my god.” you mutter and resolve to ask about it later. Instead you opted to look around the room and…wow. “It looks like a shag carpet threw up in here.” you note.
There was white shag carpeting, white shag throws on the couches, even white shag on the bedspread. You look over and gaze at the white buffalo, Klaus standing beside you.
“Man…” You whisper. “...That is freaky.”
“No kidding. Who’d want to have that staring up at them while they had sex?”
Something about this feels familiar, though. As though you’ve seen it before…
The white Buffalo is the key
Beware project Oblivion
The white buffalo is the key
Oblivion…
“Sorry, what did you say?” Klaus asks and you snap out of whatever daze you were currently in.
“What?” you ask.
“You said something about a buffalo then went dead silent. What, is it the horns? Yeah they freak me out too.” Klaus reaches out and pokes one, wincing when it pricks his finger. Sighing, you pull his hand to you and inspect it. “Careful.” You chide. “These things look sharp enough to impale a person!” Klaus just rolls his eyes at you, smiling.
“Sorry, mom.”
“That’s daddy.” You bop him on the nose with a smirk, “And don’t you forget it!”
“Woah!” Stanley cries out “They have pachinko!”
You both look over and can’t help but marvel at the…okay what is it you’re marveling at? “The 80’s called.” You quip, “They’d like their wall back. Jesus, talk about a blast from the past.”
All the pictures remind you of something you’d see on the cover of a 1980’s fashion mag, all big hats, sunglasses and vibrant colors. Or maybe a Madonna music video. The giant flamingo in the middle certainly wasn’t helping much.
“What’s pachinko?” Klaus asks and you snap your fingers over to him.
“Oh! I know this! It’s like the Japanese equivalent to casino slots, only way more heavy stakes.” You walk over and lean on the machine, tapping your knuckles on the glass. “You see, slots is a random spin of the wheel hoping that lady luck doesn’t fail. Pachinko requires more skill, you need to get the balls in the holes in just the right way to win. Kind of like…pinball I guess you could say?” You shrug. “Except it’s not. But if it helps…”
“How do you know all that?” Stanley asks.
“I took Japanese in high school. Spent a semester living over there as part of a foreign exchange program. It was nice, if a bit…conformist.” you shrug.
And it was. The uniforms, the constant need to conform lest you get ostracized, your host family giving you weird looks in the beginning cause you couldn’t use chopsticks correctly. You were 16 for crying out loud! It wasn’t as if you had much experience eating sushi before then.
“Honestly, it was Tokyo at night that made the whole experience worthwhile.” You stare at the machine, gazing at the design, and sighing wistfully. “All the lights and sounds, and the noise. And the people! Felt like you could do anything. Be anyone. Like… after dark, that’s when the real city opens its doors and the fun really starts.” The fact that you had less of a chance to get mugged over there even after midnight was an added bonus.
“That sounds so cool.” Stanley smiles and you nod your head. Looking over at Klaus you see him staring at the Buffalo, lost in thought. “Klaus?” You frown, putting your hand on his shoulder and he shakes his head suddenly, snapping himself out of whatever thought he had.
“You alright?” You ask.
“Yeah.” He breathes. “Sorry, just. Something Reg had in that study of his that’s got my mind running.”
Ignoring Stanley picking up the speargun for a moment, you look over at Klaus, then at the buffalo. “Was it the buffalo?” You guess and his head snaps over to you.
“You saw it too?”
“Saw what? No, I got this note a little bit ago-” You pull the note out and show it to him, “-no idea who wrote it, but it was in my jacket pocket and it said, ‘The white buffalo is the key.’.” pointing over to the object in question you can’t help but wonder…
“I mean, at first I didn't know what it meant but maybe this is what the note was referring to?”
“Maybe. Either way…” Klaus leaves the sentence unfinished and you put two and two together. Either way we can’t do anything about it right now.
“Yeah, fair point. Alright, let’s get Stanley out of here then and finish that list. We can look at it again later.” The two of you look over at Stanley playing with the speargun and you subtly move yourself to stand in front of Klaus protectively.
You knew Klaus could take care of himself but you were still wary of anything projectile-based going near him.
“Alright Stanley, chop-chop. We gotta see a man about a buffalo -”
That’s the last thing you hear before everything goes dark and you fall back onto the carpet with a soft thud.
Had you been more aware, you would have seen the hole in Klaus’ chest, would have seen him look at you, then the hole in him, then at the wall behind him, grunting out an “Oh…shit.” as he fell backwards next to you, spear sticking in the machine behind you both.
Had you been more aware, you would have seen Stanley’s horrified face as he drops the speargun.
“No! Uncle Klaus?! Aunt [Y/N]?!”
Had you been more aware, you would have felt the air blowing through the quarter sized hole right in the middle of your forehead and out through the back, eyes gazing lifeless in front of you.
Had you been more aware, you would have felt the last moments Klaus had before he died were of him holding onto your hand, afraid you would wake up in the void alone and scared.
Had you been even the slightest bit aware, you probably would have noticed you died.
[Authors note: be aware i am not a licensed...anything, i merely googled everything my character exhibits as personality traits. if you feel these match up with you in any way, please go see a professional to play it safe.]
In this chapter: Recapping the events of the day with Klaus, the two of you babysit Stanley while events unfold around you.
TW: cursing, alcohol consumption, mention of past drug use, mention of arson, mention of death
It was one thing to be even mildly entertaining the idea of having Five as a blood brother (never mind the implications on that line of logic). It was another to have a doppelganger of yourself in another timeline. Both were explainable. Both were understandable…if a bit odd.
Hell you could even write off the whole “Alternate universe” thing that surrounds you as freaky alien shit. Sure, why not? Weirder things have happened in your life.
But finding a piece of technology that shouldn’t exist here, that your alternate self left on purpose for you to find? Oh, no. Something isn’t adding up here.
“[Y/N].” you can vaguely hear Ben’s voice in the back of your mind, but you merely ignore it.
You turn the device over in your hands, over and over, checking it for damage. It looked fine, you know it was fine, but at this point it was more to regain some semblance of control, than anything else. So much has already been ripped from you, what else can this universe take?
“[Y/N]?” Allison sends a concerned look your way and tries to get your attention. Why are they still talking? Their voices mean nothing at this moment.
But if this exists, then that means that either Reginald or Zero was lying. About being taken, about their knowledge, everything. And as much as you’d like to say otherwise, you know that at some point you’re going to have to get answers.
One small hitch in that plan, though.
You might actually kill the old bastard if you ever saw him in person again. You already tried to do so in ‘63, and it took both Klaus and Five to hold you back and stop you. But you know that -
“[Y/N]!” Diego’s sharp call rips into your consciousness.
You snap out of whatever tangent you were on inside your head and look up to see the worried faces of Diego, Ben and Allison. “Are you alright?” She asks and damn you’re honestly shocked she’s showing concern for you given how she’s been acting lately.
“I…I um…I'm not sure? I - I - I Don’t…” your eyes dart around the room, unable to land on anything concrete. You can see Viktor talking with the old man, you see Luther holding Sloane to his chest and saying something to her, but you can’t hear them. It’s like everything is underwater and you're a million miles away all at once.
“Come on.” Diego gently takes your arm and leads you over to the check in desk where Stanley was. Briefly letting you go to check on him, you let yourself lean against the desk. At least you think you are, honestly everything feels like it’s going on automatic right now.
“Oh, man. Heavens to betsy, what did you do?! Did Viktor go full ‘Carrie’ again?!”
Klaus’ voice snaps you out of whatever kind of haze you were in and you can’t help but smile in relief at him. You quickly slip the phone in your jacket pocket while everyone else was distracted.
“We didn’t do this.” Allison jerks her head over to the old man and you slowly make your way over to where she was standing.
“Harlan?” Viktor asks and your eyes widen. Wait, that was Harlan? Little, speechless Harlan, who -
Blood dripping out of cold lips, skin like porcelain, blank unseeing eyes
“WHY DIDN’T YOU SAVE ME!?”
- You sharply inhale and shake your head, pushing those images away into the farthest corner of your mind. He’s not dead, he’s not dead, he’s not dead. Keep repeating that to yourself. You look around you and notice that Diego, Ben and Klaus were around you and Allison and you quickly latch onto Klaus’ arm, fingers interlocking. Physical reassurance. He’s not. Dead. He’s not!
“Who the hell is creepy grandpa?” Klaus whispers and you lean over to reply. “Apparently, that’s the kid Viktor rescued in Dallas.”
The others’ eyes light up in recognition. “Oh, shit!” “Shit your right!”
Ben frowns at him “but I thought Viktor got rid of all that power crap in him?” you shrug in response. “I guess something stuck around?”
You knew they were edging toward Harlan having powers still if the end scenes from season 2 were any indication, but things have gone full tilt lately and you weren’t sure what kind of powers he’d have, or if you'd ever see him again. Truth be told you had been betting on him having levitation or telekinesis, not…freaky orange whatever-the-fuck-that-was.
“What’s he doing here now, though?” Klaus wonders and Diego just frowns. “Who cares? He saved us from the sparrows.” Sorry, what? Uh, no he didn’t.
“Actually that was me.” You quietly reply and all 4 heads turn to you. “That was you?” Allison asks. You nod, looking at your sock clad feet. This whole time, and you haven’t been wearing shoes?
“Yeah. You…you didn’t feel yourselves getting pulled down and the shield covering everyone?”
“I was more concerned with not getting my brain blown up by that cubes freaky energy light.” Allison has a point there. You shrug. “Fair enough.”
Klaus just hugs you to his chest, kissing the top of your head. “Oh, look at you, my little universe hopper, getting all powerful and shit!” and you can’t help but smile and let out a tired laugh.
Diego turns to you then, and starts checking over your head. “Are you alright? You aren’t still bleeding, are you? And what was that thing in your hands earlier?”
You frown, pushing his hands away. “I’m fine, Di. Stop fussing. And that ‘thing’ isn’t important right now. I’ll talk about it once Five gets back.” You know you told him to start acting like a dad, you just didn’t think it would be with you.
It was at that moment that Sloane woke up, going into full panic mode and running upstairs. You slap Diego’s chest and point up at her. “We got a live one, Luther!” and the two of them run off, with Harlan freaking out and running the opposite direction. Viktor grabs Allison, “Um, go…go help Luther.”
“What about you?” She looks him over in concern. “I can handle it.” Viktor reassures. “Go!”
And the two of them go off in opposite directions, leaving you alone with Klaus.
Looking down at you, he frowns at your disheveled appearance. Your hair is a wreck, sweat stains and a couple of blood patches spot your torso and there's a cut lining the top of your head, dried blood staining your cheek. “Are you alright?” He asks and you just shake your head at him. “Jury’s still out on that one.” You reply, “Just…” you look up at him with a pleading look.
“Can we please go and take a nap?” You moan, and he nods before leading you upstairs and to bed. It’s been a very long day.
After your long needed nap, you went over what had happened while he was out having his “fathers day”. You could hear his voice coming from the bathroom as he towel dried his hair.
“So, essentially, everyone shot themselves in the foot, and Five is gonna kill you for letting Viktor and Allison go off and do their own thing. Meanwhile, Luther's gone full himbo - whatever that means - and you and Diego bonded while kicking the crap out of each other. Am I getting that right?”
“Yep. Pretty much.” you gaze up at the ceiling, hand in your jacket pocket and palming the cellphone inside.
“Alternatively, your alternate self is an even bigger asswipe than you initially thought and she left you technology from your old universe that shouldn’t exist here.”
“Uh-huh.” Klaus’ disappointed ‘tsk’ from the bathroom makes you smile a little.
“Aw, man! I miss all the good shit while I'm babysitting dear ol’ Reg.”
“Speaking of,” You sit up on your elbows, eyeing his reflection in the mirror. “How’d things go with you? Any answers regarding our moms?”
Klaus shakes his head sadly. “No, no real answers. Terrific Dairy-free ice cream, but no answers.” Wait. What?
“Great.” you flop back down. Klaus walks out of the bathroom, wearing that heinously bright yellow shirt and green hi-rise jeans, with boots to match. You changed out of your sweats, slipping on a white t-shirt and a pair of black leggings. For some reason you can’t seem to find your shoes but you’ve given up caring at this point.
“Apparently, the others seem to think I'm a carbon copy of Five. So if it’s any kind of consolation, if my theory turns out to be true, none of them will be shocked.” you mumble and let out an “Oof!” when Klaus flops on the bed next to you. He hums, running his fingers up and down your arm.
“I’m starting to wonder if maybe we should give this version of Reggie the benefit of the doubt.”
Quickly looking up at him, you grab his hand, stopping its ascent. “Seriously? After all the shit he’s pulled on you all growing up? He locked you in a mausoleum, Klaus. Like…a lot!”
“That was a different Reginald though! You should see this one, schatzchen! He’s way more docile, so much less of a prick!”
“Every version of Reginald is a prick. This one might be more ‘docile’ but I still wouldn’t trust him.” you mutter and Klaus just laughs and lays back, your fingers intertwined.
“Never said I trusted him, I just said he’s docile. The sparrows have him hopped up on pills for some reason. Kept muttering something about “oblivion” in his sleep? I don’t know. I was too busy watching William Shatner.”
You sit up suddenly. Oblivion? Why did that sound familiar? The note from before comes back to your mind.
“Beware Project Oblivion.” you whisper. Could it be the same…?
“What’d you say?” Klaus leans up and looks over at you, but you quickly shake your head and plaster on a smile. This is something you can worry about once Five gets back. Turning towards Klaus, you nod your head in the direction of the door.
You’re both walking down to the bar in the lobby when you hear the sounds of Diego and Stanley coming in your direction.
“You're gonna clean up every square inch of this!” Diego was saying and Klaus just looks over at you, confused.
“The kid threw a molotov and it caught one of the banners on fire.” you explained, and Klaus let’s out an ‘oh!’ of understanding. Quirking a finger, you use your powers to float a bottle of Rum and 2 glasses your way.
“But it wasn’t even my fault! It was the man, the octogenarian that did it!” Stanley cried out. You and Klaus take a seat at one of the tables and watch the show unfold, clinking your glasses together in a silent toast.
“This is better than reality TV.” Klaus laughs and takes a drink. You have to agree with him, this was some truly delicious entertainment!
“I don’t give a shit where he grew up -” Beside you, Klaus lets out a giggle and shakes his head “-you’re gonna clean. No one -”
“Yeah you’re just mad you got your ass kicked by a floating cube!” oh damn stanley! BURN!
You have to pound on your chest to stop from choking in laughter and quickly hold onto Klaus. He wasn’t fairing much better, if the laughter is any indication.
“Okay that’s it, you're grounded!” Diego looks over and scowls when he sees the two of you cackling like hyenas. “Don’t see why you two are laughing! Klaus you were conveniently with dad when all this shit went down! And Blue, just because you saved our asses doesn’t mean you can get out of babysitting duty!”
That sobers you both up real quick. “Babysitting duty?” Klaus looks at you and you cringe a bit. “I may have…volunteered us to babysit Stanley for 24 hours. No questions asked.” His mouth falls open and a scandalized gasp comes out.
“Seriously?!”
“I’m sorry! In my defense…” You try and wrack your head for some kind of excuse and draw a blank. Shit. “...okay i have no defense.”
“Exactly. No getting out of this.” Diego walks up and hauls you both on your feet before looking at Klaus. “You ask him about the mother shit?”
“Oh, yeah. No dice, he didn’t murder them. Something weird about Five's mom though, apparently she was carrying twins and one of the kids somehow survived.”
“What happened to the kid?” You ask and Klaus just shrugs. “No idea. Reg never found out what happened, and by that point he already had seven so he just gave up looking.”
Huh. That sounds… awfully convenient.
Diego seems to agree with you. “And you believed him?”
“Oh, it’s all hard to say, the sparrows got him all doped up like…well like me before I met my moon and stars!”
Diego chuckles and shakes his head. “Damn, wish we would have thought of that! Anything else?”
Klaus clicks his fingers and points at Diego, “Oh, you know the luggage room of the academy where we used to huff paint?”
“Yeah, vaguely?”
“Should I be even mildly concerned that the two of you used to huff paint? Or is that just something we’re glossing over?” They both ignore you, typical. You really need to keep a list of all the shit Klaus has done just to see if it breaks any world records.
It really wouldn’t surprise you if it did.
“Do you recall this blinding orb of light?” Okay, that’s setting off about a dozen alarm bells in your head! Diego nods, then does an about turn.
“Okay, now we’re done.” Wait! No! Hang on, not done! “Hang on, that isn’t setting off at least ONE red flag?” You cry out but noooo Diego is too damn busy talking with chet about cleaning products to give a shit!
“Oh! something else! You might know this from your comic thingy!” klaus turns to you, pointing.
“What is it?”
“Have you ever seen mom go all…Catholic, speaking in tongues, that sort of thing?”
You’re pretty sure that car crash in your head from earlier has turned into a twelve car pile up at this point. “I…well, I mean, the comics portrayed Grace as being religious, but never to that effect. Whatever this thing is that has your mom acting like an extra on the set of Indiana Jones, it’s not overly comic related. At least, it wasn’t central to the story. Sorry.” you pat his arm sympathetically as he huffs out a disappointed “Yeah, I thought as much.”
“Your punishment.” Diego’s voice brings the two of you back to reality and you turn to see him with a cart full of cleaning supplies. “And when you're done here, you're gonna clean every room on Chets list to pay for this shit, okay?” Diego suddenly grabs yours and Klaus’ arms and you have a sinking feeling you’re in for a world of mental pain.
“And your Uncle Klaus and Aunt [Y/N] are gonna watch over you!” Wait, what? Nooooo bad idea!
“Di, I agreed to babysit, not be on guard duty!” you whisper heatedly.
He just shrugs. “It’s the same thing!” You can’t help but facepalm tiredly. “It really isn’t. Like…not even close.” you mumble.
“Nooooo, why can’t you do it?” Klaus is probably more upset about it than you are, but Di isn’t budging on this one.
“Because I have to babysit Luther in case Allison pops off again, okay? Alright, you three have tons in common!”
“The hell we do!” You scoff, “Like what?”
“Yeah, like what?”
“Yeah, what she said!”
“Being a pain in my ass.” Diego quips and quickly walks away, leaving the three of you scowling.
“Oh, go eat a bag of dicks!” you shout, followed by a very venomous “You’re an asshat!” from Klaus and a “Eat shit!” from Stanley.
“I take it all back.” you mutter. Klaus stares at you from his position, leaning on the doorframe, holding a bottle of…is that mouthwash? “Take what back?”
“This is what dying of boredom actually feels like!” you cry out and flop on the bed. Without even looking you point to a spot of dust on the mirror. “Missed a spot.”
“Your face missed a spot, you don’t see me complaining.” Without even looking up you flick your wrist and a bottle of window cleaner comes up and smacks Stanley in the back of the head. “OW!”
“Yeah, I wouldn't sass my fiance when they’re like this. And anyway, I wouldn’t be complaining, if I were you! Relatively speaking, you got off easy compared to when I was your age.”
“Oh, this ought to be good. What did you do, and what was the punishment?” you were sitting up on your elbows, grinning like a fool. You loved it when he went down memory lane.
“He…gave me six months worth of laundry duty! Six months! All because i pawned one of his stupid priceless artifacts from Mexico. Well it turns out it did have a price, Reg!” Klaus looks up at the ceiling and your smile quickly turns into a confused frown…”And that price is $35 for meth, thank you very much!” Klaus glares and angrily points at the ceiling.
Oh dear. Memory lane just took a dark turn.
“Okay, that’s enough mouthwash for you, mister.” you gently take the bottle away from him and place it on the nightstand beside you, then pull him until he’s laying on the bed, head in your lap.
“And where the hell were you getting meth for only $35? I can’t even score decent weed for $50!”
“I didn’t say it was good meth.” Klaus mumbles, head buried in your lap. You just sigh and run your fingers through his curls, his purrs vibrating through your body. You can’t help but smile.
Hard to believe a long time ago you didn’t think you deserved this kind of love.
“Laundry duty doesn’t sound that bad.” Stanley muses and you just scoff at him.
“It is when you know what their brothers do into their socks!” Klaus turns his head, making a disgusted face and you giggle at him.
“Did you two get into a lot of trouble when you were my age?” from the corner of your eye you see Stanley start sneaking little trinkets into his pocket. Clever kid. Not clever enough judging by the smirk Klaus sends you, but still clever.
“Oh, not me.” You laugh and shake your head, “I was a goody two shoes. A real people pleaser. I used to bend ass over teakettle to get everyone's approval. Klaus here though, he was a real rebel!”
“Oh, yeah!” Klaus laughs and lifts himself up to give you a peck on the lips before sitting up on the bed. “Truancy, Larceny, Arsony - “
“- Arsony isn’t a real word, sweetie.” you cut in and Klaus just shrugs.
“Yeah? Tell that to my truant officer. Hell, a lot of the stuff I did wasn’t even illegal at the time. Ever heard of ‘Klaus’ law’?”
You and Stanley let out a simultaneous “No?” And Klaus just sighs and flops back down. “Oh, whatever. It doesn’t even matter, either way. Before I met bluebell over here I was just doing these things to piss off Reg, Luther, Diego, or Ben.” You silently groan and roll your eyes at the nickname. ‘Not you too!’
“Yeah, Oppositional Defiant Disorder.” Stanley points at Klaus who looks up with a raised eyebrow. He then points to you. “And yours is called Fawn response.”
“Huh?” The hell is a fawn response? Some kind of deer kink you never knew about?
“At least, that’s what my shrink calls them.” You look over at Klaus and can see the wheels turning inside his head. You have to admit…this did sound intriguing. If a bit confusing.
“Go on,” you wave your hand to continue and Stanley looks off in the distance, trying to recall the words he was told. “It’s typically associated with an argumentative, aggressive…”
“...irritable mood.”
“...irritable mood.”
“Anti-social…risk-seeking behavior and impulsivity.”
Stanley points at you, “And yours is a part of the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response. A result of complex PTSD usually associated with childhood trauma and neglect. Generally when faced with growing up in a shame based environment, and early onset…”
“Parentification.” You finish with a sigh. “Yeah.”
Yeah, that actually sounds about right, now that you think about it.
All the times you kept trying to gain everyone's approval and how upset you’d feel every time they would shut you down. The shame you felt whenever you couldn’t give someone the answer they were looking for, always denying yourself any kind of happiness with Klaus cause you were afraid of the consequences of making yourself happy, taking every punch or bullet meant for everyone else, even taking charge and always having to act like the parent of the group.
Yikes, you and Klaus really needed to see a therapist, huh?
“Suddenly everything I did two timelines ago makes a lot more sense now…” You murmur.
“Ding-dong, who’s at the door? Us.” Klaus looks over at you and interlocks your fingers together.
“You know, it feels so good to put a name to it, all the drugs and the manipulation, and our cult -”
“You had a cult?” Stanley interrupts and you can’t help but wince. You weren’t exactly proud of the whole cult thing, you were NOT in a good headspace when all that happened. You still get the shivers whenever someone mentions the words “lunar goddess” in your general direction.
“Please don’t mention that period of my life, I'm still trying to get over it.” you groan.
“It was the 60’s babe, everyone had a cult.” Klaus waves it off, hoping to distract you from reliving those memories. “But the point is, that all of that was a reaction to my father and his obscenely high expectations of me.”
“Hmm.” You hum. “And mine was more to… exist with a purpose after being cast in an unfamiliar place?”
“And then we had Ben haunting our every move…”
“Ben? You mean Uncle Ben? How’d he haunt you?” Stanley looks between the two of you in confusion. “Oh, Ben was dead for like 16 years before I brought him back to life, but that's not the weird part.” you brush off that whole can of worms, because god help you how are you meant to explain that one away?
“The weird part is that there’s another Ben and [Y/N] alive in this timeline, banging each other, and complete and total assholes! So those two are…dead to me.”
You groan in exasperation and bury your head in his chest, lightly banging your free hand on his arm. Why does everyone keep bringing it up, it’s bad enough you had to see it! You don’t want to keep thinking about it!
“Will you please stop bringing up the fact that those two are in a relationship? I’m horrified enough by it as it is!”
“But I mean…” Klaus sits up suddenly, ignoring you. You shoot him a confused look, where the hell is this going? “...If I set this room on fire…” He grits his teeth and growls the last word. Stanley looks like he’s getting more excited by the prospect, but you're just getting worried. This is pre-season one Klaus sneaking through. You thought you both put that portion of his life behind you!
“Yeah?” Stanley breathes, excited. “...Would it be fulfilling? I don’t know.” Klaus visibly deflates at the last moment and you feel bad for him, you really do. To not know what your entire purpose is supposed to be when you spent the first 30 some odd years in opposition to everything your father wanted.
“It wouldn’t be fulfilling.” You murmur and turn his head towards you. “Acting out now, lighting things on fire, it wouldn’t do you any good. But you don’t need to act out to oppose someone or get attention. You have me, I'll give you all the attention you could ever want.” Klaus smiles and leans over you, laughing slightly.
“And You’re all I'll ever need.” Klaus whispers and the two of you share a soft kiss, smiling as you both pull away. “We can start a new life, run away, travel the world, put all this bullshit behind us and have a normal-ish relationship.” Klaus places his fingers under your chin, giving you a soft smile and another kiss.
”Yeah? I think I'd like that.” You smile at him and lean in for another kiss. This one deeper and longer than the others.
There’s a jingle of car keys that shatters the moment the two were sharing and you can’t help but close your eyes and let out a sharp sigh through your nose. Every time!
“Oi!” You don’t look away from Klaus but point a finger at Stanley behind you. “Put it back!”
“Wha - How’d you know? You weren’t even looking at me!” He cries out but sets the keys down with a huff.
“I said I was a goody two shoes, I never said I was a saint. You think I don't have the ears of a bat?”
“Ah buh-buh-buh-buh-buh!” Klaus adds and points to the dressers when Stanley moves to walk away. “All of it! Yes please!”
“Oh, come on!” He starts pulling various items and laying them out on the dresser, frowning at the two of you. “I thought you guys were supposed to be the fun Aunt and Uncle!”
You both frown and look at each other. “Yeah,” Klaus breathes and laughs a little in shock “Us too.”
“Can I keep just one thing?” Stanley is pleading with you both. Klaus just shrugs his shoulders and reaches for the mouthwash, wincing when you smack the back of his hand.
Sighing, you look up at the ceiling, silently debating with yourself. Oh, what the hell, it’s not like anyone will miss them. “Fine, you can keep the panties.” Stanley smiles and lets out a little “Yes!”
“But don’t tell Diego how you got them. He’d never let me hear the end of it. And then I'd never let you hear the end of it!” Seriously, it was bad enough when he gave you shit earlier for telling Stanley about the molotovs, he finds out you let him keep a rando’s underwear?
