#reporter jon

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oh fuck i forgot this blog existed uh

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22 March - Dory: Villager Kin

On Monday, 22nd of March, certain rumors went around that Herald Reporter Dorina (Dory) is a Villager, after she professed her preference for emeralds in response to Survey 504, which surveyed the public on what gemstone they preferred best among the 20 listed choices. Besides voting for the emerald in the aforementioned survey, Dorina further expressed her admiration for the green beryl variety in the #the-hermitblr-herald channel for the public to see, saying "Emeralds are POG."

Whether the Reporter's gem preference was indicative of her supposed Villager ancestry or not, it prompted citizen Crys to theorize that that was the case, that Dorina was indeed a Villager, even going as far as pulling out an emerald of her own to try and lure Dorina. Another citizen, by the name of Roman, who shared the Reporter's preference, said about his preference of emeralds that "My gender is emeralds, can you blame me?" Citizen Spelle then further seconded Crys's accusations of Dorina being a Villager, making fun of the latter by saying "hrn", an onomatopoeia associated with the aforementioned type of entity. This then prompted the Reporter to threaten Spelle with what Reporter Jonathan would describe as 'a good ol' Caesarin' on the Ides', commonly known as a stabbing.

Several citizens, namely Harvey, Vander, and Reporter Jonathan, took turns in offering Dorina varying numbers of emeralds in exchange for certain items, mostly enchanting books of differing enchantments, all on the highest level. The reporter refused most of the offers, replying with a simple 'no <3' to all of them. Citizen Harvey suggested to disregard the idea of trading altogether, and instead suggested to rob Dorina of the enchanting books that she was suspected to have. Vander did not heed the suggestion in its entirety, instead proceeding to steal Reporter Dorina in whole. Reporter Jonathan did not follow the suggestion either, stealing Dorina's legs instead.

Reporter Dorina then turned to known murderer Yaniel 'Yandan' Danielsson, and asked the latter if what she was feeling while being called a Villager was comparable to what Danielsson feels when he's called 'Nyandan', to which Danielsson responded, "This is exactly what being called Nyandan feels like. Get fucked." Upon noticing Danielsson's presence, the citizens present at the time proceeded to do what the Hermitblr server does: collectively pat Danielsson on the head and call him a catboy, a topic that was already reported on in the last Volume.

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1 April - [OPINION] Why's it like that?

[Jon] Ba't ganon? Kung kailan kailangan ko nang matulog, doon lang nagiging makulay ang isipan ko, doon lang ako Nakakaisip Nang Malalim. Putangina naman, o,  sana Nakakaisip rin ako sa alas-singko ng hapon, imbes na sa alas-singko ng umaga. Nakakainis. Alas-singko na, kailangan ko nang matulog at hindi mag-isip, pero ayaw sumunod nitong utak ko. Night shift ka ba, pare? Di naman, diba? Matulog ka na lang. Matutulog na lang ako. Signing off.

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22 March - !kinassign

A new Carl-bot command was also added to the server on Monday, 22 March: the !kinassign command, which would randomly assign you a person from a list of Hermitcraft members (plus an additional few). In a way, it's Carl-bot-assigned kinning. How did the command come to be? Citizen Mel sends a screenshot in #quotes of them using a similar command in another server, the command being “!kinassigndsmp.”, which, as one may guess, assigns someone a random kin from the Dream SMP. Mel's result was the British Minecraft Youtuber, GeorgeNotFound. They respond with “With all due respect,", to which their friend, Seyf, replied “At least it’s not Fundy.”. Mel used the command again and was given Fundy, A Dutch Minecraft Youtuber whose skin is a fox in a Jojo suit. Mel then claimed that Carl was bullying them.

Watcher TGL then comments that the Hermitblr server should also have a kin-assigning command, but with Hermitcraft instead of the Dream SMP. Many agreed with this, and was suggested to the server by Mel as Sg. 710., which received a total of 13 upvotes. Once the command was made and implemented, people expectedly proceeded to spam the command. A few more options were then subsequently added to the command, such as NPC Grian, Helsknight, and Evil Xisuma, at the suggestions of Herald Reporter Dorina and Yaniel 'Yandan' Danielsson. There is also a small chance that the result of the command will be "Your mom" or "Mour yom". The reason for the inclusion of these two outputs has yet to be explained.

It should also be noted that the outputs of the !kinassign command are essentially random, and any resemblance to reality is merely a coincidence.

Or is it? Yeah, it is.