Hermitblr Herald

[Under construction] The official newspaper of the Hermitblr Demise Server, founded 12 June 2020. See FAQ. https://hermitblr-herald.tumblr.com/faq

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oh fuck i forgot this blog existed uh

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GOOD MORNING HERMITBLR! I'm your reporter, Juline Dorian! But you can just call me Dory!

Hope you guys are enjoying the new Tumblr of the Hermitblr Herald! If you are and you aren't on the server, you can always ask for an invite to the server! We'll welcome anyone and everyone!

Hope you guys are having a good day if not, I hope your day gets better soon! If it doesn't, don't worry, you'll have better days in the future! There's always a rainbow during a rainy day! Remember that you are always loved by many, that you are valid, you are beautiful, you are amazing, and that you deserve to have a great day! Remember to also look out for yourself, self-care, eat a snack, get some proper sleep, keep track of your work, and choose violence!!

❤🧡💛💚💙💜

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Herald Survey #590

(submitted by Dan) 590: What do you have collections of, if any? Link to survey

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8 April - Are You A !simp?

On March 29th, in the hc-memes channel, server Seeker Charlie posted an image of the three members of team ZIT pointing at the camera. Afterwards, member Zylistic drew the image as the Hermits’ personas pointing to the camera with the caption “YOU ARE SIMP” above their heads. The image was turned into a command soon thereafter, which can be used by typing !simp in a post. However, this command raises a question I’m sure many people are asking: Are you a simp?

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8 April - Roles' Reactions Reborn

As many are aware, the system of color roles on the Hermitblr server work by reacting with the corresponding emojis to the posts in the roles channel, and adding a sprinkle of bot magic. However, as time has gone on, server emojis have been both added and removed, which leaves those roles that rely on removed emojis rendered unusable by the general public. After multiple requests for otherwise unobtainable color roles, server Watcher Faust set out to solve the problem, returning successfully, with all color roles now functioning.

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8 April - A New Blue For Me And You

Many of the color roles in the Hermitblr server are named after Hermits, such as Joe Hills Blue, Tangorine, and Mumbo’s Mustache Black. The exceptions to this rule include the role Greyskin Grey, named for Demise’s dead coloration, and others named for honorary Hermits, or other Hermitcraft-related characters, such as Wormman Pink, and Evil Xisuma Red. Many of these roles share a similar history, coming about from suggestions made by server members, covering almost all of the Hermits as varying colors. So, it was quite a shock for the public to learn that amongst these roles, none were named for BDouble0. After a short discussion started by server member Fern, who suggested the role originally, on what color the role should be, with ideas such as #b00100, the role was finally decided to be made another shade of blue, with the hex code #579dff. The role, as a pun to its namesake, was called BlueDoubleO, and is now available, and popular, in the roles channel.

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8 April - April's Fools

As the month of March came to an end this week, the Hermitblr server buzzed in anticipation. And at last, on Thursday, April 1st, April Fools began. The festivities on this mischievous holiday were by no means short lived, either. Many users' nicknames were changed, such as server member Goose becoming Duck for the day. Other changes included the Watcher and Listener titles being swapped and the creation of channel #general-420. Upon the general public being asked their opinions on this holiday in Herald Survey #560, the most popular response, with 19 votes (35%), was to say they liked it. Second, with 16 votes (30%), was the response of being somewhere in between liking and disliking, with indifference coming in third at 13 votes (24%), and leaving disliking in the far last place with only 6 votes (11%).

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wait when did the herald have a tumbrl -skye

since today sjjcisjd

-jon

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1 April - [OPINION] Why's it like that?

[Jon] Ba't ganon? Kung kailan kailangan ko nang matulog, doon lang nagiging makulay ang isipan ko, doon lang ako Nakakaisip Nang Malalim. Putangina naman, o,  sana Nakakaisip rin ako sa alas-singko ng hapon, imbes na sa alas-singko ng umaga. Nakakainis. Alas-singko na, kailangan ko nang matulog at hindi mag-isip, pero ayaw sumunod nitong utak ko. Night shift ka ba, pare? Di naman, diba? Matulog ka na lang. Matutulog na lang ako. Signing off.

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1 April - Suez Canal Obstructed

On Tuesday, 23rd of March, the Suez Canal, one of the world's busiest routes for intercontinental trade, became blocked after a container vessel, the Ever Given, got lodged in the canal, disrupting international trade until it was dislodged this Monday, 29th March. The vessel reportedly drew a phallus with its trajectory before becoming stuck in the canal, and it took 14 tugboats and a high tide to dislodge the ship out of the Suez.

As the news made its way through the Internet, generating memes and other forms of humor along its way, it eventually made its way to Hermitblr, with the first mention of the topic coming from Watcher Faust on 24th March, who mentioned the circumstances of the event at the time and posted an image of the vessel stuck in the canal. The Watcher even updated his status to reflect the situation of the Ever Given, saying "Hrrrg, I’m trying to deliver cargo, but my massive, gargantuan, planetary ass cheeks are blocking the entire Suez Canal". Herald Reporter Jonathan, upon seeing the status and the image Roxy posted, accelerated his braincells to produce the four cursed words "S.S. Faust Evergreen Asscheeks". The words, despite receiving neutral reactions, were sent to the starboard, with 12 votes. As of the 1st of April, the Words are currently the only starred message that is related to the event.

After the Ever Given became unstuck on the 29th of March, at least 2 online petitions have sprung up, demanding to 'Put The Boat Back'. The two largest petitions dedicated to the cause of putting the Ever Given back in the Suez have each been signed over 2700 times. As of the 1st of April, the vessel will be headed for the Great Bitter Lake, located upstream from the Suez's southern entrance, for technical inspections.

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22 March - !kinassign

A new Carl-bot command was also added to the server on Monday, 22 March: the !kinassign command, which would randomly assign you a person from a list of Hermitcraft members (plus an additional few). In a way, it's Carl-bot-assigned kinning. How did the command come to be? Citizen Mel sends a screenshot in #quotes of them using a similar command in another server, the command being “!kinassigndsmp.”, which, as one may guess, assigns someone a random kin from the Dream SMP. Mel's result was the British Minecraft Youtuber, GeorgeNotFound. They respond with “With all due respect,", to which their friend, Seyf, replied “At least it’s not Fundy.”. Mel used the command again and was given Fundy, A Dutch Minecraft Youtuber whose skin is a fox in a Jojo suit. Mel then claimed that Carl was bullying them.

Watcher TGL then comments that the Hermitblr server should also have a kin-assigning command, but with Hermitcraft instead of the Dream SMP. Many agreed with this, and was suggested to the server by Mel as Sg. 710., which received a total of 13 upvotes. Once the command was made and implemented, people expectedly proceeded to spam the command. A few more options were then subsequently added to the command, such as NPC Grian, Helsknight, and Evil Xisuma, at the suggestions of Herald Reporter Dorina and Yaniel 'Yandan' Danielsson. There is also a small chance that the result of the command will be "Your mom" or "Mour yom". The reason for the inclusion of these two outputs has yet to be explained.

It should also be noted that the outputs of the !kinassign command are essentially random, and any resemblance to reality is merely a coincidence.

Or is it? Yeah, it is.

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22 March - Dory: Villager Kin

On Monday, 22nd of March, certain rumors went around that Herald Reporter Dorina (Dory) is a Villager, after she professed her preference for emeralds in response to Survey 504, which surveyed the public on what gemstone they preferred best among the 20 listed choices. Besides voting for the emerald in the aforementioned survey, Dorina further expressed her admiration for the green beryl variety in the #the-hermitblr-herald channel for the public to see, saying "Emeralds are POG."

Whether the Reporter's gem preference was indicative of her supposed Villager ancestry or not, it prompted citizen Crys to theorize that that was the case, that Dorina was indeed a Villager, even going as far as pulling out an emerald of her own to try and lure Dorina. Another citizen, by the name of Roman, who shared the Reporter's preference, said about his preference of emeralds that "My gender is emeralds, can you blame me?" Citizen Spelle then further seconded Crys's accusations of Dorina being a Villager, making fun of the latter by saying "hrn", an onomatopoeia associated with the aforementioned type of entity. This then prompted the Reporter to threaten Spelle with what Reporter Jonathan would describe as 'a good ol' Caesarin' on the Ides', commonly known as a stabbing.

Several citizens, namely Harvey, Vander, and Reporter Jonathan, took turns in offering Dorina varying numbers of emeralds in exchange for certain items, mostly enchanting books of differing enchantments, all on the highest level. The reporter refused most of the offers, replying with a simple 'no <3' to all of them. Citizen Harvey suggested to disregard the idea of trading altogether, and instead suggested to rob Dorina of the enchanting books that she was suspected to have. Vander did not heed the suggestion in its entirety, instead proceeding to steal Reporter Dorina in whole. Reporter Jonathan did not follow the suggestion either, stealing Dorina's legs instead.

Reporter Dorina then turned to known murderer Yaniel 'Yandan' Danielsson, and asked the latter if what she was feeling while being called a Villager was comparable to what Danielsson feels when he's called 'Nyandan', to which Danielsson responded, "This is exactly what being called Nyandan feels like. Get fucked." Upon noticing Danielsson's presence, the citizens present at the time proceeded to do what the Hermitblr server does: collectively pat Danielsson on the head and call him a catboy, a topic that was already reported on in the last Volume.

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