Hey @taylorswift! I can’t wait to see you in Melbourne and Sydney soon!
My name is Chloe, I’m 18 years old and I love Taylor Swift with all my heart.
Taylor was one of the only artists I was interested in when I was young, 7, 8, 9 etc. I would have a kids compilation CD and only play ‘You Belong With Me’ - if that gives you any indication.
I didn’t really become a ‘swiftie’ until i was 11 years old and transitioning from Primary School to High School.
I guess that maybe, she ‘showed up just in time’, because after that, I had the hardest years of my life.
I had my first panic attack, that i can remember, at 12 years old. It was terrifying, the only thing that helped me calm down was when my teacher started talking about Taylor. It’s worked ever since then.
When I was 13 years old, I was formally diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder w/panic attacks & with Major Depressive Disorder. I had started self harming everyday, and was at an all time low. I hated myself, I thought I was worthless and a waste of space. I thought everything was useless.
Then Taylor announced she was coming to Australia for the RED tour. Having missed out on the first two tours, I jumped at the chance to go.
In the weeks leading up to the concert, I managed to stay clean. The concert was the best night of my life. I ran from my seat to the B stage, and I was so close to her. I remember somehow making eye contact with her and absolutely melting.
The next few years somehow got worse. When i was 14/15 i was having panic attacks daily. I hated going to school, i hated the way I looked. I developed EDNOS due to my fluctuating eating habits and fear of gaining weight.
1989 came out, and the song Clean saved my life. I was listening to music, trying to calm myself down. I had a bottle of pills in front of me, and I was set on doing it. But then, clean came on. I broke down, I cried and cried. Taylor saved me. She saved my life. I would do anything for her to know how grateful I am.
I went to two 1989 shows in Melbourne. It was incredible. I got to see the last ever show of the tour, and got to hear fifteen live (while being 15) and Long live.
When I see Taylor on stage, it’s like its just me and her. No one else matters. She makes it feel like you two are the only people in the room and I’ve never felt like i matter, but when I’m at a Taylor concert, I do.
When I was 16, I had my lowest point. I was back to self harming every day, and withdrawing from friends and family. I had finally admitted to having been sexually abused when I was young. I had nightmares and flashbacks. Everything seemed like the world was going to end.
But Taylor was there. Her smile, her words, her songs. They were there. Every time I had a panic attack, I would go into my schools wellbeing and somehow, she was playing on the radio at that exact moment. She always showed up when I needed her.
Taylor standing up for herself in her own sexual assault trial was so inspiring for me. I wrote a long tumblr post about it, so I’ll sum it up pretty quick. I have never sobbed so much as when i read the quote “My advice is that you not blame yourself and do not accept the blame others will try to place on you. You should not be blamed for waiting 15 minutes or 15 days or 15 years to report sexual assault or harassment”. I waited 11 years to even speak about it, her words have never made me feel so seen.
I got better, I’m not perfect, but I’m a lot better. I’m now 18 years old, I haven’t had a panic attack in months, and am 23 months clean from self harm. The date of the Melbourne show (26th October) marks me being 2 years clean. I attribute quite a bit of my success in my journey to Taylor. Had she not been my best friend, big sister, and role model throughout it all, I’m not sure if I would even be here today.
I’m studying my dream course at University, a double degree of psychology/criminology and I’m working hard to get the future I didn’t think i deserved to have.
Thank you so much Taylor, for being the best friend and big sister I could ever ask for. I know you don’t know I exist, but my love for you is so, so big.
I can’t wait to see you again in Melbourne and Sydney for the rep tour, and I can’t wait to celebrate the fact that we’re both doing ‘better than we ever were’.
Taylor was, is, my constant and I can never thank her enough for what she’s done for me.
- Chloe xoxo
I’ll be in Melbourne with my little sister dressed as witches on the 26th of October! Here’s us at the 1989 tour where we were in ‘screaming colour’! (Btw she’s definitely taller than me now 😔 😂 ) @taylorswift @taylornation
I’m travelling solo for the first time to see you in Sydney @taylorswift! I used to be deep blue, but you painted me golden ✨ Forever thankful for your starry eyes sparking up my darkest nights
So, so excited to see you Taylor!
Love always, Chloe ❤️
(Twitter - @chlosreputation)
@taylorswift @taylornation
