Summary: The reader opens the wrong door after a night out, but it turns out it actually might be exactly the one they should have opened.
A/N: Part of @resanoona's #resa.3kfiestabingo. This fic fills the "Woke Up Next To Each Other" square. Thank you so much, Resa, for your input on this one, it finally got me to the finish line!
-
“Are you seriously going to try and hike in…” Stella pauses as she drunkenly squints at her phone, “In… 4 hours?” Her eyes are impossibly wide, brows the highest they can go, seemingly mind-blown that you could even think about hiking right now.
“Stellllaaaa, you’re not helping, I promised Jay we could go. He’s been needing this, and who am I if not a very very very good friend?” You shrug, huffing out a laugh as you realise just how drunk you’d gotten, the cold night air now letting it hit you.
Stella snorts, wrapping you up in a hug as she pouts affectionately, suddenly deciding she wanted to hold your face. “You are a very very very good friend.” She repeats back, breaking out into a fit of her own giggles as she practically throws you back into her embrace. You wrap your arms around each other, swaying together as the other bar-goers spill out for closing.
You feel the alcohol weigh your legs down as you drunkenly pace the sidewalk, clutching to your companion as you wait for the taxi that you and Stella had booked.
Matt had already picked up Sylvie, but you and Ms Kidd hadn't been ready to say goodnight to the party. Kelly was out of town at a firefighting conference with the chief, so your list of available drivers had been shortened significantly.
You dared not call Jay, not when you had been so enthusiastic about the hike. He had been drowning in caseloads the past month, and with it finally letting up some time out at Starved Rock - a state park not too far outside Chicago - was the answer. Fresh air, the wilderness, open water and a way to let all of that stress go.
Even more importantly, you had been rooming with Jay since your apartment got flooded months ago, and making sure he got some clear headspace was the least you could do.
The last thing you were going to do was let him know you’d made a mistake, if there was still hope of you bullshitting your way through the day, albeit extremely hungover, you’d chance it.
As you feel your adrenaline start to dwindle, you see the headlights of the taxi approaching you and Stella, thanking the deities that your ride was finally here.
The sooner you could get to bed, the better. Taking a deep breath, you detach yourself from Stella and climb into the back next to her, both of you letting out groaned laughter, a mix of exhaustion and delirium.
Once you exchange a brief conversation with the driver about your drop-off points you sit back in your seat, letting your whirring mind think about absolutely nothing.
You stroke through Stella’s wild curls, admiring your friend's beautiful face, making her giggle even more. You could be really affectionate when you were drunk. “You gonna be alright at the apartment? You can stay with me and Jay if you like, he’s got a pull-out couch or you could share with me?” You knew Stella could handle herself, but with Kelly being away you wanted to make sure.
“I’m all good, I got the key, I got painkillers and I got a big ass bed to pass out in. S’not my first rodeo… You of all people know that.” Stella gives you a look, alluding to all the time you’d spent together during your time at the fire academy, both studying and enjoying the Chicago nightlife. You had come all the way up together, eventually ending up at the same firehouse, Fifty-One.
“True, that is true.” You nod comically, squeezing Stella in another cuddle as you both sigh.
There’s a beat of silence and then Stella speaks up again, “Y/N?”
“Yeah, Stel’?” You answer quietly.
“You know you’re not gonna be able to hike, right?” You can hear the smile in her voice and you playfully smack her arm.
“Hey, that’s not very ‘best friend’ of you! Why aren’t you hyping me up?” Your face falls into grumpiness, pouting childishly.
“Sweetie, the only thing that would hype you up tomorrow would be a literal bump of cocaine.”
You start laughing again, “Hm, interesting suggestion, not really sure it’s an option given who my roommate is…Ugh, Stella, I’m such an asshole, what am I gonna do?”
“I would take painkillers, load up on some water, pass out, fake illness and hope Jay doesn’t know what time you got in.”
You scrub a hand at your face, you refuse to admit defeat, even though you knew Stella was most likely right.
“Okay, pills, water, pass out, fake a non-alcohol related illness, beg for mercy… I got it.”
Stella rubs your back, glancing out of the taxi as she sees you’ve arrived at Jay’s apartment building. “You got it, babe. Go on, good luck!” She encourages, scooting you out of the taxi as you give the door a firm slam shut, waving and blowing kisses as Stella moves on for home.
-
It takes you twice the amount of time it should have to make it to Jay’s floor, but eventually you do and as slowly and as quietly as possible you let yourself in, carefully closing and locking the door behind you.
Then, you place your bag by the couch and sit your swaying body on it, unstrapping your shoes and toeing them off as best you can, inching stealthily into the dark of the apartment. Not daring to even turn on a light.
Tip-toeing to the kitchen area for some painkillers and water, effectively taking both of those before stopping off at the bathroom for a pee. Luckily on the back of the bathroom door, your nightshirt is still hanging up, and you’re able to free yourself of your bar clothes, slipping right into the soft and comforting fabric of your tee.
As far as you can tell you’re doing an amazing job at getting to bed without Jay hearing a thing, and you can’t wait to text Stella about your phase one victory. Totally forgetting that you’d left your phone in your bag by the couch.
From the bathroom it’s on to the bedroom, slotting yourself inside and pressing the door carefully shut. Again, you don’t waste time with lights or anything else as you walk to the bed, placing your water on the bedside table without so much as clink or clank. Then, you crawl into bed, burrowing yourself under the covers. You let out a happy little sigh as your body begins to sink, feeling the plush of the pillow and the duvet supporting your body.
“Mhm, toasty.” You murmur to yourself, relishing with surprise that the bed is really warm, a stark contrast from the chill you’d come from.
It’s not even a minute before the exhaustion sets in, the cosiness and security of being home with Jay in the room next door lull you to sleep almost immediately.
-
Jay wakes up just before his 6 am alarm. Some might baulk at the idea of getting up at 6 am on their weekend off, but Jay had fallen asleep supremely early by his standards, at 10 pm. He was feeling rested and ready to enjoy the sunshine out at Starved Rock with you.
In the layers of fog, before awakeness reaches Jay, he doesn’t clock the warm weight pressed against him, nor the soft huffs of breath tickling his arm. In a tangle of his duvet and the extra blanket at the foot of the bed, it doesn’t quite register that any of the sensations on his skin are human.
He could be forgiven for not being more his usual aware self, it had been a long month, after all.
It’s not until he tries to sit up and wake up properly that he realises something is stopping him. Or rather, someone is stopping him.
“Wha-" He groggily murmurs, turning in his spot to see what was intruding on his personal space.
“Y/N?” He asks your sleeping form, not having been nearly loud enough to wake you. You’re sprawled in your spot in Jay’s bed, snoring softly, hugging loosely at his bicep which you’re using as a pillow. You’re drooling onto his arm, and Jay catches a whiff of the alcohol.
Clearly, you, Sylvie, and Stella had made a whole night of it.
He doesn’t know whether to be annoyed or amused, the overriding emotion still remaining confused. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he notes that it doesn’t feel weird you’re even in the bed at all, only strange due to the fact that it was unexpected.
Jay’s not sure what to do, he can only guess that there was little chance of waking up any time soon, so he opts for trying to extricate himself and go to the kitchen to start breakfast. First, however, he’d have to get out of your grip on him.
He tries several times to let your head fall onto the pillow and pull his arm free, but each time you groan in your sleep and hold him tighter, nuzzling into his arm. It makes him chuckle softly yet slightly nervous, he didn’t want to have to confront you on the predicament. Still in disbelief that you’d somehow come home, got undressed, put a shirt on, and got into his room, into his bed, all without his notice.
There’s one more attempt, a quick pull and slip of the arm is what Jay goes for but he jostles you perhaps too much, his heart quickening as you huff, letting out a disgruntled whine as your bleary eyes peak open to assess the disturbance.
What a nice dream. You think. You liked the dreams where Jay was more affectionate with you. You had been wrestling with your feelings of late.
“Mhm, good morning, handsome.” You mumble, trying to cuddle into him some more.
Except, unlike your dreams, you notice a distinct look of confusion and something akin to alarm when you cuddle Jay. He murmurs your name, trying not to be rude as he frees himself out of your grip.
There’s something about the action that sends adrenaline through you, swallowing hard as nerves thrum wildly. You realise that you’re warm still, Jay’s bare skin brushing yours feels too smooth, too real… too…
Oh god. No. No way.
“Jay?” You utter, much more awake now even with the light of day hurting your eyes, the resounding stab of a headache in your temple.
“Yeah, it’s me.” He answers simply, scratching at his head. He feels like he should get up, but it’s his bed you’re in.
Realisation dawns fast, and in a second you’re up and out of the bed, scrambling to the side of the room near the window, your hands in your face in a mortified fashion.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened I- I thought this was MY room! Oh, Jesus, you must think I’m such a creep.” Your hangover makes your head spin, wincing at the discomfort in your stomach. “Oh god.”
Jay blinks at your outburst, simply watching you, there’s silence.
Then, his whole body is juddering, he presses a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle his laughter but he can’t.
You scowl, now certain he’s not at all offended but rather incredibly amused by your misfortune.
“Alright, laugh it up, Chuckles. I deserve it.” You motion with your hands in encouragement, letting him get it all out as you flop into the chair by his wardrobe, covering your face again, wishing the ground would swallow you up.
It takes a minute but eventually, Jay stops, catching his breath as he looks at you.
“Hey, come here.” He calls out, watching with a smile as you peek out from your hands, waiting for some kind of telling-off. You make sure to keep looking at his beautiful face, rather than letting your eyes wander over his freckled muscular chest or his wonderfully toned arms. It wasn’t news to you that Jay was good-looking, however, you never got to see him like this, in his own space, in the haze of sleep, with a bedhead.
It oddly made the whole thing almost too intimate, a pang of sadness rippled through you as you dwelled on the thought that this wasn’t your daily routine.
“Y/N, I won’t bite.” He teases, prompting you out of your own head, you hadn’t even acknowledged Jay’s request the first time. You sceptically move towards the bed, sitting on the edge you’d stumbled out of, with caution.
You can’t bring yourself to see his face up close, yet Jay reaches forward, his fingers clasping around your arm gently, just grasping to get you to look at him.
“It’s fine.” He reassures, making sure to be more serious now, eyes focused on yours. “You suck, and you so owe me for the hike I know we’ll have to miss, but you’re fine. I know you didn’t mean to sneak in here, although I commend you on the stealthiness.”
Guilt simmers within you, even when Jay had his plans upturned, he was somehow being gracious.
You shake your head, “Jay, I’m so sorry, we can still go. It’s my own damn fault, and I don’t want you to miss out.” You sit forward, giving him your full attention.
Jay shakes his head, teasing, “No way, I’m not letting you vomit on the beauty of the state park. Seriously, we’re good. We can do it next weekend, alright? Let’s just hang out today, we can have brunch, and watch a few movies. Maybe then we can take a walk around Lincoln Park later, and grab some dinner on our way back?”
Your stomach flutters for non-alcohol-related reasons, all of that sounded amazing and you were thankful for the compromise.
“Brunch, huh? Didn’t take you for a brunch guy, Halstead. That is absolutely a day I’d like to spend with you, and I’ll pay for whatever we do,” You can’t convey enough your remorse, smiling at him gratefully. “Whatever you want, you got it.” You add.
Jay nods, grinning. “Alright, that’s settled then.” His hand is still holding onto you, his thumb caressing your skin without thought, a natural instinct that makes your insides burn.
The both of you seem to realise at the same time, small laughs between you as Jay slowly releases you without making it too awkward. You smile in reassurance, you definitely hadn’t minded the contact.
He scratches lightly at the stubble on his face, stretching out the morning kinks in his back and shoulders.
You’re suddenly very aware of the fact you’re still just loitering in Jay’s room after sneaking into his bed. Now having moved much closer again, you feel self-conscious about trying not to show how much you wanted to stay. You make your exit as smooth as possible, standing back up to take a sip from your glass of water,
“So uh, I’m gonna…go, leave you to get dressed and whatnot, and I’ll uh, try not to lose my way back to my room?” You offer a sheepish smile, starting to head towards the door,
Jay laughs, “Sounds good. It’s fine, Y/N, just an accident. No harm, no foul.”
You can feel the pain in your eyeballs that reminds you you are absolutely not ready for the day, “You are actually the best...I think I'm probably gonna get a few more hours shut-eye, see you in a bit?”
He nods, “Sure thing, see you in a bit. Take some more painkillers before you sleep."
You crack open an eye from your pained expression, "Oh you can count on it, I will."
-
Jay sits in bed still feeling thoroughly surprised by the discovery of you next to him, the way you’d so naturally held on to him, and greeted him in the haze of dreaming sleep in a way that felt comfortably intimate. It had jumbled his thoughts more than he’d let on to you.
Those moments where you’d sat back on the bed, his own urge to encourage you to stay close, to sleep some more beside him. It was a desire that felt like a snowball rolling down a hill.
“Can of worms, Halstead” Jay grumbles to himself, finally willing himself away from the bed, ultimately still missing the proximity to you in those waking moments.
He hears your bedroom door shut, knowing it was clear to head to the bathroom and let his mind unscramble under the hot spray of the shower.
-
After a brunch that you had insisted be put together by you and you alone, the both of you decided to zone out for a while and watch the first Alien movie. The movie was a classic, one you and Jay both could watch time and time again.
It was a particularly cold day, and with your body still reeling from last night’s fun, you found it hard to warm yourself up, even with a blanket and warm clothes. You had complained several times about your cold feet before Jay insisted you plop your legs across his lap, he tugged another blanket off the back of the couch and draped it across the both of you, resting his hands on your sock-clad feet. It solved the problem instantly, yet created a new one.
You were finding it harder and harder to keep the line drawn between you and him.
At around 3 pm you both agreed it was time to get fresh air and see the light of day, which meant putting an extra pair of socks on your feet before leaving, complete with a scarf, jacket and hat.
Then, you were enjoying the crisp air of a walk around Lincoln Park as suggested, walking comfortably side by side through the frosted grass and trees. The sun was shining brightly, making everything under its light glisten ethereally.
Just as you had found it harder to stop thinking of Jay in a more romantically insistent light, Jay had encountered much the same problem. Holding onto you during the film, seeing the way you instantly relaxed under his touch, and now the feeling of rightness that came with spending time with you. It made his heart and gut all too clear to ignore.
Parking yourselves on a bench opposite a view out to the city’s skyline, your legs touched as you remained close. There was a silence between you as you simply took in the world passing by, the bustle of the city distant in the tranquillity of trees and water.
Without thinking you rested your head on Jay’s shoulder, instantly freezing the second your head makes contact with him, but before you can retract and apologise, you feel Jay’s arm snugly wrap around your waist, squeezing you gently into a side hug. His own beanie-covered head resting against yours.
He glances at you with a soft smile, “Thank you for today, it was, uh, it was better than a hike.”
You feel your heart skitter, and your stomach flutters in tandem. “Really?” Your brow raises, not convinced that this slightly more tame day could beat the wilderness escape you had planned with him.
“Really.” He confirms, looking at you in a way you’ve never seen him look at you, and to see it makes your breath catch in your throat.
Seconds tick by, the birds in the park chatter and chirp around you, some of them seemingly watching to see if one of you will make the first move. The wind rustles through the branches and dwindling leaves attached, it all seems to come to standstill.
Not even other passers-by filter into your periphery as you tilt your head up to meet Jay, wrapping an arm around him in kind as you hold each other close on the bench, feeling the warmth of each other as the kiss lingers sweetly on your pressed lips.
Eventually parting for a breath, giddy smiles and low chuckles escape the both of you, knocking foreheads gently as you stay in the embrace. Naturally resuming your heads resting against one another as you continue to take in the view, sitting in the silent reassurance that you were now on the same page as each other.
After a moment, Jay moves to look at you again, a slightly more mischievous smile on his face now,
“What?” You ask, somewhat curious.
“I was just wondering if you planned on getting lost again on your way to bed tonight.”
You snort, shaking your head in amusement, “Hm, I don’t know, I mean I am likely to be sober tonight… but who knows, if I forget to put the light on, I might just get confused again.” You enjoyed this teasing immensely.
Jay is only too happy to play along, “Mhm, that would be tricky, wouldn’t it? It’s a complex hallway after all.”
“It sure is.” You muse, sharing a look with Jay that lingers, one that says… Yes, you can kiss me again.
And he does, gently cupping the back of your head as he moves in for another kiss, you sigh softly into his touch, no longer affected by the outside chill. Breaking apart and glancing to see if anybody’s offended by your little makeout.
Jay’s nose is pink in the cold, matching his lips and cheeks, breathing a little harder, “Wanna head back? We can try finding the right bed together?” It’s the corniest line he’s ever used, but he wagers it just might work for the right person, for you.
You want to laugh at the line, but honestly, you are absolutely sold by it, giggling. “It’s an investigation I’m willing to take on, Detective. Come on.”
As you take Jay’s gloved hand into yours, internally you thank your and Stella’s tenacious urge to make the most of a night out.
Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖
God - it's been eons since you sent me this ask my beaut but I'm finally covid free and hopefully getting rid of the brain fog enough to answer coherently. And tbh just remember that I still have asks to answer.
I know, I suck - i'm sorry! *hands head in shame*
But...five favorite fics that i've written? Offftttt - I've been asked this before but I can't remember what I wrote so it may be the same, it might have changed.
Life for Rent - this series took me down a path and to this day, I still love the story, the trailer the darling @evergreencowboy made for me, the song that became my official ost for it in my mind - just everything.
Hello, Sailor - this series is just fluff incarnate. I don't know why I love this so much but...I dunno. Something about it sings to me. Maybe its because it's different? No idea. aha.
Almost - It was a oneshot that stemmed from a weird dream I had, and the only way I could get it out of my head was to put it down to digital paper. And it came out better than I had hoped!
Forever and Always - It wasn't something I usually wrote, and I had a bad day and just imagined what would happen if I was in that universe with Dean and how i'd like him to comfort me. It helped.
Lights Out - A series i'm currently writing and is not finished, but I am proud of certain scenes that i've written and where its going.
Thanks for the ask beautiful! It means a lot that you've thought of me <3
Anna!!! Your writing, I'm officially obsessed!!! Sorry I took so long, I don't have a lot of energy to read long fics sometimes, but I just read We'll Always Need Each Other, and I was sucked in totally. You're amazing!!!!
resa i'm so over the moon that you like my work, I have genuinely admired your creations for so long and to know that you feel even remotely interested in MY stuff is just lovely! thank you so so much for your high praise, it means a lot coming from you! i hope to have more of We'll Always Need Each Other out this week!
Summary: Wires are crossed and assumptions are made, can the reader and Jay resolve what has been left unsaid?
A/N: I'm finally posting again, hooray! This is part of @resanoona's #resa.3kfiestabingo! I'm using this fic to fill the "Fight That Ends In A Kiss" square!
-
Oh, the blues will be blue and the jealousies green
But when love picks its shade it demands to be seen
Oh, the red strokes
Passions uncaged
Thundering moments of tenderness rage
Oh, the red strokes
Tempered and strong (Fearlessly drawn)
Burning the night like the dawn
-
The Red Strokes by Garth Brooks
-
You sit in the passenger seat of Kevin’s car on the way back to the 21st, your mind is a whir of clouded thoughts that morph from one thing to the next until you ultimately settle back on that one thing that sticks into you like the mother of all thorns.
“Hey, Y/N?” Kevin approaches gently, he and Kim had debated about it that very morning whether he should say anything at all, but given how you and Jay were bickering at the scene today, he felt it necessary to at least try and help somehow.
“Yeah, Kev?” You ask almost robotically, still transfixed to the outside world blurring at the same speed as those thoughts in your mind, your chest ached something fierce.
“You can tell me to mind my business, and I want you to know I appreciate you and respect you, but…” Kevin pauses, clicking his teeth as he hesitates to finish.
You owed Kevin this much, he was your partner now and it was important to not shut out the one person you so intrinsically relied on from day to day. The irony of that code of conduct was not lost on you, given how you and Jay treated each other at the moment. “It’s okay, Kev, you can ask whatever’s on your mind.” You sigh, smiling sadly, waiting for the words you knew might come next.
Kevin takes a breath, calculating his words carefully, “I get not challenging Voight on the change of partner, he’s got his rules and his own decisions to make. I just don’t get what’s happening to you and Halstead, right now. This isn’t you, and it sure ain’t him, you two seem to be arguing over sharing the air that you breathe”
There’s a beat of silence, and you swallow. You can tell Kevin seems to be worried he’s overstepped, but you hold out a hand with a small shake of your head.
“You’re not wrong, Kev.” You say quietly as if uttering the words would destroy the wall you'd built to keep thoughts of Jay out.
“Did you ever ask him what was on his mind?” Your partner’s tone is soft, it’s not laced with accusation, only a simple reminder of things you had ignored in cowardice and fear.
“I-... He never asked me either, Kev. He didn’t even fight it, he welcomed it, couldn’t wait to call her ‘partner’, and show her the great land of the 21st District like he was some royal prince who had found better blood to share the kingdom with.”
The lack of an answer from Kevin only makes your words feel as petulant as they had sounded and felt coming out of your mouth.
“I’m sorry, Kevin. I know, you’re right. I didn’t ask him, and he didn’t ask me. We let it go, we let each other go and now I don’t how to change that. I get so angry when I see them together. She’s an amazing detective and she’s been nothing but good to me, and yet…I can't seem to shake it. What if they’re good together, and not just at work? I’m not making a fool of myself like that, man.”
Kevin hums in thought, “I can’t prove 100% there ain’t nothing going on, Y/N. But I’ve known Jay for a while now, just like you have, and I think he’s trying real hard to not push it with you. He’s not letting go, I think he’s trying to hold on to whatever’s left and let you do what you need to do. And you can slap me for saying it, but it can’t keep on like this, Y/N, or you’re gonna lose all of it.”
The words linger in the car, and your eyes sting with the beginnings of unshed tears. Atwater wasn’t wrong on anything. You had been so busy focusing on what Jay was or wasn’t doing, that you hadn’t done anything to help this situation either.
You needed to fix it, and fast.
-
[Flashback Dream]
When Hailey Upton gets assigned to Intelligence it’s immediately easy to see why she had been handpicked by Voight. Her quick thinking, unrelenting energy and knack for being unphased by what others thought of her made for good police work. Hank had clearly thought so too, given that at the end of that first week he decided she should join Jay as the only other detective in the unit and be his partner. Instead of you.
Voight tells you and Jay in his office one morning, and more hurtful than the news itself is Jay’s lack of reaction. In fact, he seems all too happy to nod and say, “Of course, Sarge, she’ll fit right in.” This leaves you with no choice but to nod and say “Of course, Sarge.” too, even if you actually wanted to say “What the fuck, Hank?” and “What the fuck, Jay?”
Throughout the day you wait for Jay to tug you aside in the break room, or in a corridor, or strike up a conversation in the basement as you gear up for a scene, but he never does. He never tells you that he hates the decision, he never tells you that he would miss you, that he wants you.
Of course, you could have chosen to tell him first, but that felt like an unthinkable option. The vulnerability of such a situation didn’t seem possible, so when Jay’s first move still doesn’t come you tell yourself to keep your mouth shut.
She’s better than you, that’s what you decide. Your first instinct is to turn your frustration and hurt inward, you make yourself respect Voight’s decision and tell yourself that it’s what you deserve. To lose Jay is your own doing, you weren’t good enough to be Detective Halstead’s partner, whether that be personal or professional.
“It’s good to have you on board, Upton. Welcome to Intelligence.” Jay was as ever the professional, shaking Hailey’s hand as he spoke. You watched from behind your computer as he smiled at her. There was some sort of recognition or connection there as if they’d met before.
You were about to return to work, choosing to force yourself to get over the juvenile feelings of jealousy and resentment, focusing on the notes in front of you. However, from across the way, you hear those fateful words that send you right back into a spin.
“Come on, partner, let me show you the locker room.” The words flow with ease as he gestures for Hailey to go first, not even glancing at you as he walks away.
Hank seems to sense your gaze, focusing on you for a moment with eyes that are knowing, that feel somehow judging and reproachful, they seem to say “This is exactly why he’s got a new partner.” without saying anything at all.
The air leaves you a little and the sting of embarrassment knocks you for six. You were an idiot for thinking Jay really liked being your partner, and you were a bigger idiot for thinking that there was something between you and him that would somehow survive Hank’s law of no relationships. Ironic considering you and Jay seemed to be the furthest away from a relationship than you’d ever been.
You swallow the last bitter and cold drops of your coffee, losing yourself in the brightness of your screen and the dancing profiles in front of you.
Heartbreak was not on your agenda for today, no matter how much your chest hurt.
[End of Flashback Dream]
You wake up from the memories with a sharp intake of breath, the hurt in your chest proves to be in the waking world as your anxiety thuds out a wild rhythm with your heart. You're unable to stop replaying the day it had all started to turn sour.
-
Things felt particularly scary this morning, after your talk with Kevin in the car, you had decided to extend the olive branch to Jay. You felt a good portion of the responsibility for the current predicament, in the moments of clarity and hindsight you could see Jay was simply following orders and respecting the decision that had been made.
It was you that had let the jealousy consume you, it was you that had turned every action into a slight on you.
You could have just asked Jay what he thought or felt, then you would have had an answer to react to. Instead, you had let him think the worst, and he had let you run rampant with your indignation.
Today was going to be different, you were going to make sure of it.
-
Walking up the stairs to the bullpen you had coffees and pastries for everyone, spotting that you were on time but still the last to appear.
You give everyone a smile as you set down the goods, responding to the “Good morning”s and the “Hey”s you received.
You meet Jay and Hailey’s eyes, offering them the same genuine greeting, complimenting Hailey on her hoodie which really did look cosy.
You could at least commend yourself on the fact that you had never taken any of this out on her, in fact, you both got on really well. She had only the misfortune of walking into whatever was going on between you and her new partner.
“Jay, can I borrow you for a moment?” You ask as disarmingly as you can, finally striking up the courage to really look at him for more than a few seconds, mustering a smile that wasn’t so totally laced with fear or sadness.
Jay swallows, nodding, “Uh yeah, of course, Y/N. Let me just-”
It’s your miserable luck as Voight comes out of his office holding files with a look of immediacy on his face.
“We’ve got a case, and the wheels are already rolling on this one, robbery-homicide wants our help. It’s going to be undercover, got us some rich white folks getting ripped and killed in the process. Jay and Hailey will do the UC.”
All of your personal thoughts are swept by the tide of work from the minute Hank slaps the first few victim profiles on the whiteboard, along with suspects and locations.
-
The case is in full swing for most of the week, you make sure to be a partner Kevin likes having and one that he deserves. He had always been good to you ever since you were put in the unit, but especially now he had been there for you and that wasn’t something you let yourself forget. He could have easily chewed you out a few times here and there but he hadn’t, only extending you patience and understanding instead.
The real speedbump test of your sanity comes when Jay is finally put undercover with Hailey on the third day of the investigation. They were supposed to pose as a couple trying to rent a highly-priced apartment. They would meet with the realtor who was in cahoots with the suspected gang and would scope out potential locations for a robbery.
The idea was that new residents were naive enough to share secure and private information with their realtor, exchanging details about their routines and their valuables that they wouldn’t otherwise share. That information would then be passed on, and the new residents would become the next targets on the hit list.
Of course, being a couple meant Jay and Hailey were going to be doing and saying couple-y things, and that had been particularly daunting for you after weeks of concealed pining and missing your partner's proximity.
You listened on the wire with Adam and Kim in the van with you, on the monitor you could see Jay and Hailey holding hands around the tour of the apartment, discussing excitedly where they were going to put valuable pieces of art, sculptures and historical artefacts in the office space.
They would exchange doting looks and the occasional kiss, each gesture only serving to drive pressure into your forehead between your eyes. It was surely giving you a migraine.
Still, you stayed the course, you supported your team when they needed it, and you did everything you needed to put the job first. The rest of the day was spent trailing the realtor around and following their digital footprint until eventually, you realise you had caught them on a greedy day.
Jay and Hailey’s appointment with the realtor had been an information-gathering exercise, that rip wouldn’t happen for the next few days, you had expected the investigation to carry on until the week’s end, but it turned out that the gang were in a daring mood.
Keen to try a previously planned rip on a different home that same afternoon, the gang’s activity had Intelligence moving fast to the next location.
You held onto Kevin’s shoulder as you followed him down the corridor on the ground floor of a three-floor mansion that had just been renovated. The air still smelled of paint and plaster as you shuffled in the now-darkening rooms toward the back of the property where the gang’s commotion could be heard.
Your team moved in unison and unspoken communication as you, Kevin, Adam and Kim flanked either side of the property.
Jay, Hailey and Hank had moved to the back of the property, and each small team had officers from robbery-homicide with them.
It’s over almost as quickly as it starts, the open plan nature of the property and the countless windows and doors made it easy to see inside and attack from the most ideal points.
The masked figures guarding the family drop like flies as officers pick them off one-by-one. You and Kim move fast toward the twin girls in the family, untying their bonds whilst Kevin and Adam get the parents.
Behind you is the commotion of Hank, Jay and Hailey’s team taking care of the other gang members who appear from upstairs on the property.
You clutch the child in your care to you, shielding them from any wayward bullets or unseen assailants until a chorus of “Clears” is yelled out by each of the leading officers.
The smell of gunsmoke is strong, you and Kim wrap the girls in your jackets until ambos can arrive to check them out, carefully leading them to their parents who sob in relief when they see their children are okay.
You turn to Kim to check she’s all good, then you scan the room to catch the eyes of the rest of your team, glad to see that everyone was fine.
The eyes that you catch last are the green ones that make your body hot and cold, your heart constricts as it remembers the deed it’s yet to do.
Then, Hailey is in view and she’s slinging an arm over Jay’s shoulder, clearly and rightly satisfied with the results of the bust.
The eye contact between you and Jay is broken as soon as it’s even made, you watch as Jay wraps his arm around her waist, laughing at something she says.
You don’t waste any more time on the feelings that were fighting their way back to the forefront of your mind. Instead, you turn back to the others to discuss the cleanup and the procedure that follows a bust.
Unaware that those green eyes had returned to watching you as you head out to direct forensics inside.
-
It’s late in the evening when you finally have a cocktail in hand, sat next to Kim as the bustle of the bar surrounds you and your team.
Everyone from Intelligence, except for Hank, was letting the pressure of the week’s work decompress with a few rounds at Molly’s. So it wasn’t even like you were the third wheel with Jay and Hailey. Yet somehow after that moment between them back at the scene, your sour mood had returned with full force.
Once you’d changed back into civilian clothes at the District, you were back to driving yourself crazy with your own petty thoughts, wishing like hell you could just let it all go.
You had yet to even see the evidence of a relationship between them that wasn’t professional, friendly or strictly undercover related. Beyond a good rapport, sincere eye contact and the occasional hug or playful punch, there was literally nothing else to report. All things of those things you and Jay had shared at one time or another, but those small things, rightly or wrongly, had become something big to you.
You found it hard to keep that forced laughter going, found it hard to even look at Jay for longer than a few seconds. You’d caught the way his face dropped each time you made eye contact, the way he’d take a long swig of his beer to swallow down whatever was on his mind. His apparent indifference was maddening.
Everything Hailey and Jay said or did somehow affronted you, and the more you tried to get a handle on your emotions the worse it somehow felt. Kim had sensed your distracted and irritated mood, doing her resolute best to turn your attention to her, Kevin and Adam - it had little effect.
“Hey, do you need an escape route?” Kim whispered, a gentle hand on the small of your back.
This would have been the moment to call it quits and head home for some much-needed sleep; but your nerves were frayed beyond the point of salvation, frozen in your seat and doomed to stew in your own jealousy, confusion and anger.
Shaking your head at Kim with a weak smile, holding onto the tattered shreds of appearing sociable and engaged, you take another sip of your cocktail. You focus on the tangy burn of the alcohol as you hear Hailey laugh at something Jay had said.
Adam gives Kim a look, and she worries her lip between her teeth. She couldn’t see how this would end well either, but you were nothing if not stubborn.
When it came down to it, this was all about your shaken confidence and your lack of ability to make the first move. You had tried so hard to protect yourself from your feelings towards Jay that now you were staring at a possible reality that you’d driven him away altogether.
You knew deep down that Jay had never pulled away, he was only keeping a respectful distance to honour the steps away from him you had taken - Kevin had been totally right about that, you were sure. You had wanted Jay to try harder, which wasn’t fair, and you hated yourself for it.
“-and that’s when Y/N said…well, Y/N, you tell them, you can do the story justice.”
Several seconds pass when your brain offers the information that someone had been talking to you. That someone is Adam. You snap your head up from your staring at the watermarks on the table, seeing that your friends were waiting for your input with expectant, somewhat waning happy faces.
“Uh, ha, yeah. So-... actually guys, I’m sorry, I need some fresh air. Be right back, you all get a round on me.” You stand, feeling the alcohol in your legs, still mostly sober but weighed down by everything else.
You’re haphazardly fishing cash out from your pocket, passing it to Kim with a nod as you wander hurriedly towards the front door of Molly’s, the panic and upset bubbling to the surface. You don’t look back at the confused expressions or the worried murmurs between the group and some of the other patrons who knew you.
-
As soon as you’re outside you feel the embarrassment wash over you like pins and needles, the pit in your stomach feels like it could devour you from the inside out. You’re feeling childish, you’re feeling wronged, you’re feeling stupid, and you’re feeling the fire in so many directions you’re not sure where it’s going to land first.
Unfortunately for Jay, he chooses that exact moment of your conflict to try and catch up with you outside.
“Y/N? What’s going on, come on, talk to me we can’t keep doing this-”
You know it isn’t his fault and not even close to the accuracy of the situation, but your mouth doesn’t get the memo and the venom passes your lips before you can stop it.
“Talk to you, Jay? Don’t even say that to me! You don’t look at me, talk to me, or acknowledge me for weeks, and now I’m supposed to talk to you? Did you suddenly get bored of playing house with Hailey? Am I going to be the next best option, huh? I don’t think so! I’m not stupid and I’m not something you can pick and choose when the mood takes you. So just go back inside and leave me be!”
The words linger in the cold air between you and Jay. You watch his eyes harden, and his jaw becomes terse in that you’ve seen many times before. In an instant you know you’ve struck a nerve, and Jay doesn’t seem to be feeling in the mood for coddling you and your sensitivities.
As if to confirm your thoughts he scoffs, looking away for a moment before turning back to you, fire in those green eyes that makes your heart thud nervously for what was about to be dished back to you. He steps forward, pointing an accusing finger that might as well have been a knife stuck into you.
“You’ve got guts, you know that? I didn’t split us up, Y/N, that wasn’t our fault but you let it be mine! I tried hard to be patient, to be understanding, I didn’t want to be someone else’s partner either. But you know what? This isn’t fucking high school, we’re adults, and you let it become something bigger than it had to be. I wasn’t the one who pulled away, Y/N, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here and be told that I don’t give a fuck about you when it couldn’t be further from the truth!”
You stand in silence, nostrils flaring as you flounder for a fight, flight or forgive response.
Lips pressed together, looking away as you kick at the loose stones on the sidewalk. “Well, that’s great to know, great to know that I could have been something to you this whole time, and now it’s tough shit because somebody else beat me to it.”
Jay scrubs a hand over his face, moving in one stride to tilt your chin and make you look at him, the hurt still laced with anger in his tone. “I never said I was with Hailey, and that’s because I’ve never been with Hailey! What do you want me to do, Y/N? What’s it gonna take to make you see? Why the hell do you think Voight split us in the first place, or did you forget how he treats partners who get too close? Did it ever occur to you that I didn’t fight him on it because it was the truth?”
He studies you and you study back, both of you are panting from the yelling and the adrenaline surging between you. You could see that he really was upset about everything you’d put him through, and you could feel the frustration with yourself bubbling over, you had put him through hell and for what? Your wounded pride had shown itself to be quite the problem.
When you don’t speak, Jay’s nostrils flare in dismay, shaking his head, “Say something, Y/N, I can’t-”
You’re done with talking, you’re done with dancing around it all, simply grasping Jay tightly by the collar of his jacket as you tug him those last few inches until your lips are pressed desperately to his, feeling him moan with what can only be described as a growl in his throat as he kisses back, hands gripping your waist roughly as he puts all of his energy into you.
The air outside is biting, but the heat of Jay so close to you is enough to make you forget. Your clutching fingers eventually relax to rest on his shoulders and neck, pulling back to look at him with wild and worried eyes.
You wait for the anger to remain, or for him to declare it “Too little too late”, but he doesn’t. Giving you the courage to speak as you see a smile start to grace his lips, “I’m sorry, Jay. I’m so sorry for everything.”
Your thumb strokes the nape of his neck as you wait for a reaction, Jay’s hands are holding you securely, virtually pressed chest to chest in the middle of the sidewalk with the world still spinning around you. Illuminated by the streetlights and the glow of Molly’s as he studies your face.
He leans in, kissing you softer now, peppered kisses to your jaw and to your cheeks, “I appreciate you’re sorry, and I’m sorry too…but, Y/N, I don’t need you to be sorry anymore-”
There’s a slight pause that makes your heart drop, maybe he was going to reject your apology and tell you that it wasn’t going to work. What if-
Jay’s quick to fill the pause and stop your anxiety dead in its tracks. “-I just need you to be mine, if that’s what you still want too.”
Your breath is caught, and your legs are jelly with the nerves and realisation that this was actually finally happening.
The sound of a door behind you is followed by Kim’s voice, “Are you guys good?” She tests, noticing quite smugly that you’re clutching at each other.
“We’re good, Kim. Go away now, love you.” You holler, still looking at Jay in awe.
You hear Kim’s laugh and the sound of the door opening again, “Going away, love you too!” Hearing the door clunk shut as if it put you back in the safe bubble with Jay again.
“So?” Jay asks softly, waiting with bated breath.
You swallow, nodding eagerly and unashamed of that eagerness. “I want to be yours, please. If that’s what you still want.”
Jay chuckles, “It is, it really is.” He presses a kiss to your forehead, letting you fold into his embrace as you hold him tight, nestling your cheek against his chest.
“Mhm, this is nice.” You remark, shivering in Jay’s arms. Jay snorts, “It is, but how about we do it in the warmth of my apartment? Or yours?”
You hum in thought, “Yours sounds good, you still owe me a drink and takeout from our missed hangout last week.”
Jay’s eyebrows go up in a silent point being made, the reason you hadn’t met up was that you were busy sulking.
“Yeah yeah, I know, it’s my fault… But I'm still sad we missed it, your couch is bigger than mine. Takeout’s on me this time, might be some dessert in it for you.” You tease, letting that innuendo sit.
Jay nods with a grin, “Sounds like a good deal. Come on, let’s go home.”
You reach for one of Jay’s hands, another silent squeeze of apology.
He holds your hand tight as you both cross the road to get to his truck, you had hitched a ride with Kevin and didn't have your car anyway.
You make a mental note to text the others later to apologise for bailing early and taking Jay with you.
You were sure they wouldn’t mind, instead being thankful that the war was over between you, in favour of you both being annoyingly in love and mercifully quiet instead.
Fin.
A/N: Whew, I hope the ending wasn't too lame! Here's to hopefully writing more stories to see the year out!
Given that Jay could often be a light sleeper, you should have figured that even the quietest exit from the bed and the bedroom would eventually wake him up. The absence of your warmth, your comforting presence and your deep breaths beside him were the tip-off after about 20 minutes. In his sleepy haze, he had reached his arm behind him to tug you closer, yet he was met with the fading heat of your side of the bed, only soft sheets beneath his fingers.
Now a little more conscious, he slowly pushes himself up in bed, blinking for a second as he scans the room, sometimes you’d be standing by the window watching the city’s continuous activity but the illuminated spot remained vacant. Next, his eyes moved to the door to the bathroom, there was no soft glow of light peaking from under the door’s gap either.
Rubbing hands over his face and letting out a yawn, face falling into confusion he swings his legs out of bed, throwing a t-shirt in a precaution against the chill of the apartment, heading towards the door and wandering down the hallway to the lounge.
Sure enough, beyond the kitchen area and into the lounge space he could see a faint glow coming from the couch. An amused smile graces his lips, trying to make himself as obvious as possible so as not to make you jump.
As he approaches the back of the couch, he can see you’ve got a blanket wrapped loosely around your shoulders, legs crossed on the cushions as you scroll on your phone.
“Sweetheart?” Jay queries softly, wincing as you do indeed jolt at the sound of his voice, almost dropping your phone into your lap as you whip your head around.
“Jay!” You exclaim in a harsh whisper, almost pouting in offence to the scare.
Jay can’t help a small chuckle, taking in your seriously adorable scowl, dipping down to kiss the top of your head, hands settling on your shoulders as he massages for a moment.
His voice remains gentle, trying not to rattle you any further. “I’m sorry, Y/N, I really tried not to scare you… What are you doing out here, was I snoring?”
You press your lips together, hesitating on the answer before shaking your head no. Your eyes were burning from the lack of sleep, and the constant stare at your phone had really only ended up adding to your physical aches as well as your mental ones. “No, no, you weren’t.”
Jay’s face falls into a curious frown, your expression and hesitation tell him exactly why you were absent from the bed. He could see how exhausted you were, yet he knew you still had the struggle of finding rest. You had been having pretty consistent bouts of restlessness and anxiety lately, he just didn’t like to presume that’s what it was though.
He’s removing his hands from your shoulders as he comes to the front of the couch, smiling as you automatically scoot over to let him sit with you. He opens up his arms and you immediately tuck yourself into his side, humming as his arms wrap around you, shrouding you both with the blanket.
Instantly, his hand falls into your hair, stroking through slowly as he looks at you, occasionally stroking your cheek with his thumb.
“You need to talk about anything?” He asks, his body warm against yours, only amplifying how much you’d been missing it even in the small 20 minutes you were alone in the lounge.
“I-... I don’t know. It’s just the same, I feel so anxious about everything lately, constantly second-guessing myself. I just feel so much pressure to get everything right, I keep doubting my competence.”
You couldn’t exactly see him from the position you were in, but you can feel as Jay nods in understanding.
“You know how capable I think you are, Y/N, and I would help you with absolutely anything. But I understand that it doesn’t work like that… Do you a) want to talk about anything in particular b) just need company or c) want to be left alone?”
You sigh, finding yourself twisting to look at him, he’s looking at you with loving patience, a hand shifting to rest on your waist.
“I think it’s too late at night to keep mulling it over and over, I just got too deep in my own thoughts… I just want your company, and now I’m starting to realise it’s pretty damn cold out here…” You smile sheepishly, feeling remorseful that Jay had woken up for you, you were well aware of the time and the fact that Jay had to work in the next few hours.
Jay tilts his head knowingly, silently chastising you for your guilt, “You never have to be nervous about asking for what you need, honey. And I really would rather be here than find out you were sat alone feeling unsettled.”
You sigh, shaking your head as you lean in to kiss him softly, humming as he reciprocates.
“You are something, Jay Halstead.” You murmur, cupping his face as you study his kind eyes in the dimmed light.
“I’m lucky is what.” He smiles, taking your hand in his. “Shall we get back to a warm duvet now? Only if you’re ready.”
You huff a quiet laugh, “It’s okay, you can say it’s butt-ass cold out here because it is.”
Jay chuckles too, leaning in to kiss your forehead. “Let’s get out of here then.”
He takes your hand, leading you back to the bedroom as you both settle into your sides of the bed, almost instantaneously gravitating towards each other as you huddle up beneath the covers. Jay’s pulling you into his side once more, this time in the comfort of pillows and a mattress, letting you nestle comfortably on his chest as gentle fingers slip back into your hair.
It’s quiet for a moment, you simply enjoy listening to Jay’s steadily thudding heartbeat, stroking up and down his side as you find some peace in your turbulent ocean of thoughts. It’s then that you’re sure Jay can read your mind, attuned to the fact that whilst this helps it doesn’t make it all disappear. “It’s going to be alright, sweetheart. We can try and figure some things out tomorrow, if you want to? Whatever you think will help.”
You squeeze Jay a little tighter, pleased to feel the edges of sleep approach you in a way they couldn’t before. Thank you, Jay… that’s all I have to hear. I love you.”
“I love you too, I hope you get some sweet dreams, Y/N.”
Summary: Reader has a bad day, but luckily Jay Halstead is the remedy.
For @resanoona ❤❤❤
-
By the time you’ve traversed the bustle of the station nearest your neighbourhood, leaving the heat of the L-Train behind and ushered yourself into the apartment, you’re about ready for a physical and emotional meltdown. Immediately you take off your shoes and put down your keys and bag, linking your phone to the speakers in the lounge as you practically strip on the spot. Needing to be free of any confines and remnants of the day.
You slosh water from the tap into a pint glass with ice, gulping it with some painkillers, with the goal of removing the throbbing in your head. You sit on the couch in your underwear - hastily powering up the AC. Just taking some deep breaths as you close your eyes, realising in the passing minutes that listening to a ‘mellow beats’ playlist was sadly not cutting it. You feel your blood still boiling.
-
The day had started out as it apparently meant to go on, with another colleague pinning their mistake on you. Somehow in all the ‘open and non-judgemental' discussion that your workplace promoted, you had ended up being the one to be closed down and very much judged by your boss, and select colleagues alike. Such was your anger towards the end that you no longer had the will to argue your corner, lest you do something that might get you fired. You were damn good at your job, and usually very open to admitting mistakes, this is why it sent your blood pressure through the roof when you had been, for a lack of a better phrase, ‘set up’.
Lunch had been spent in the solitary company of a tree and a bin next to a bench and a less than desirable lunch you had purchased from a cafe down the street. This was where you had tried to wrangle your emotions into some kind of order and stability, hoping that your mood would ease in the homestretch to clocking out time. Normally your job was interesting, dare you even say rewarding, but today you just wanted to throttle anybody and everybody that looked your way. As was routine at lunchtime, you had fired off a few texts to your boyfriend, Jay, wishing him a good day - telling him to be safe.
Sadly, he had only time to say “Sorry babe, a case has hit. See you later tonight, love you.” before the back and forth had died. You didn’t begrudge Jay for not being able to text, you knew exactly why he couldn’t and if he was able to, he would. You just wished you and he were together doing something more fun, it wasn’t often that you felt so sour about things like this but you were quickly heading to the “so done” portion of your mood.
In an attempt to rally yourself into more positive energy, you comforted yourself with the promise of a few quick drinks with a friend after work, a chance to enjoy the sunshine and unwind with some inebriation. Then, by the time you had felt a little buzz, you could go home to your boyfriend and enjoy the rest of the evening with him.
At least, that’s how it had all been envisioned. As previously mentioned, the day had simply decided it was your turn to be dumped on.
Shortly after clocking out from work, you message your friend to check that drinks were still on. You waited 30 minutes to receive nothing, not even a ‘delivered’ sign, let alone a ‘read’ or ‘typing’. You rubbed at your temple, biting your lip as the reality was that this day was still taking a spectacular swan dive. You had no problem with changed plans, if somebody had to cancel for whatever reason you’d rather know about it than be left in the dark. Giving your friend the benefit of the doubt you send a message hoping they were ok and continued on to your shared apartment with Jay.
The streets you took to get to your neighbourhood had you go past a few bars and restaurants that were bustling with crowds of people soaking up the sun, enjoying their time with friends and family in the outdoor dining spaces. You felt your chest ache, you wished that you could have had at least that at the end of your day.
Glancing at your phone you see a message from Jay, “Hi baby, wrapping up the case already! The heat makes people stupid. Will be home right on time. Love you.”
You smile at least at that, replying with an excited emoji and a “Love you too, see you soon!” Thinking rather snidely that yes, the heat did make people stupid. You didn’t mention anything else to Jay, hoping that you would scoop yourself out of the hole before he got home.
You pass the last few bars on the sidewalk you’re on, only to feel your body struck by sheer anger as you hear an all too familiar laugh. Though you immediately try to rationalise that somebody could have the same laugh, you can’t help but seek out the sound source. Your rage is only compounded and justified when you spot your friend with a group of people you didn’t know, in a bar garden that you hadn’t planned to be at - eating and drinking without a care in the world. To only make it worse, you had managed to see them at the exact moment they looked at their phone, showed it to the group and eye-rolled with a burst of smug laughter.
Hastily you opened up the messages on your phone, to see the read double blue ticks and the “Last Seen” reading as exactly the moment you had just witnessed. Managing to move your feet again you pull your eyes away from the group and keep walking to your street, the heaviness in your chest growing by the second. Your blood pulsed in your ears and you could feel your body vibrate with upset as you let yourself into your home.
Now, you just sat staring blankly at the view out of the lounge, wondering what your next move should be. Work was probably resolved by a quiet word with your boss on Monday, but the friend thing had truly stuck a thorn in your side. There was nothing worse than being treated like you were still an unpopular teen with pointless drama and nastiness.
You take another deep breath, picking up your phone to send a blustering message before you end up backspacing until the typing bar blinked expectantly at you. You groan aloud, archiving the chat with that ‘friend’ and getting up off the couch. Jay would be home soon and you had wanted to order some good Greek food to enjoy on a relaxed Friday night, welcoming the weekend in with your boyfriend was the perfect remedy to a shitty day. People who couldn’t extend even the most basic respect didn’t deserve your time.
You pull up the ordering app as you place dishes you know Jay will enjoy into the cart, adding in a few beers and some dessert. With a satisfied hum, you choose the delivery time and press ‘order’. Deciding to wash away the heat and, hopefully, some of the bitterness with a quick cool shower whilst you wait for food and for your boyfriend.
The shower is a relaxing spot for you, no doubt, but it was also apparently the “overthink zone” as you couldn’t help replaying the day’s events over and over in your mind. You had worked yourself back up with theoretical arguments and different words said in the imagined do-over of your response to being let down and scapegoated.
Shutting the water off you quickly dry yourself off, moisturise and brush your hair through, letting it dry naturally. You finally seek out some actual clothes to wear instead of just your underwear, some pyjama shorts and a good ol’ oversized tee would do the trick.
Popping some sliders on your feet you make your way back from the bedroom, grabbing some more water for you and for Jay in the kitchen area as you carry on to the lounge. Turning on the wax burner to fill the room with a scent called “Woodland Sunshine” to try and bring some calm into the space. Feeling a little better you get comfy on the couch, excited to see Jay’s face and just generally cuddle up to him as you eat delicious food and watch whatever peaks your collective interest on TV.
You’re in the middle of a reply to a work email when you hear Jay’s key in the lock. The email had been an apology from your boss, explaining that after ‘review’ they realise that you hadn’t been the one at fault and that you would receive a face-to-face apology on Monday. That eased some of the tension in your gut, but really you had already been confident in being able to resolve that. It was the ‘other’ thing that had its claws in you.
However, Jay was home now and you were resolute in the earlier drama not ruining your evening, or your weekend. You stand up and head towards the door, matching Jay’s bright smile as he greets you.
He chuckles, noting your particular excitement to see him, the feeling was definitely mutual. “Hey, sweetheart.”
You hum, taking his keys and his jacket away from him. He had already showered and changed at work, smelling utterly divine as you nuzzled into his neck, pressing a kiss behind his ear with arms around his waist. “Hey, honey.”
You giggle a little as you hear and feel him push the door shut with his foot, walking you forward in his arms to drag you onto the couch with him.
“Mhm, this is nice, and we’re only two minutes into the evening. Who knows what will happen?” Jay grins, winking at you.
You roll your eyes with a coy smile, “Behave.”
“Oh, I’m a boy scout, haven’t you heard?” He shrugs, still smiling smugly.
You poke his chest teasingly, running a gentle hand through his hair as you look into his mischevious eyes, “Yeah yeah, well as long as we can cuddle and eat first, boy scout. And then we’ll see what the night does for us.”
“Hm, I think I can agree to that, I’m hungry as hell and I really do like this.” He compounds the point by squeezing you, tugging you into his lap as he wraps himself around you, tickling your sides.
“Jay-...Jay!” You let out undignified squeals of laughter, making his own laugh rumble through his chest against you.
After a few minutes of breathless laughter and tickling, he sets you back down beside him on the couch, tugging you into his side as you cuddle into him properly. His hand is on your hip as he presses a kiss to your head.
Sipping his water he then passes you the remote, letting you scroll through the different ‘trending’ sections and ‘recommended’ rows.
“So, how was your day?” He asks, absentmindedly drawing circles on your hip.
You hesitate, the instinct to tell him was still there, you can feel the thunder flash across your expression and you attempt to recover. “Mhm, it was alright. Nothing worth repeating.”
But you forget, Jay is literally trained to observe and to see the mood change. He raises an eyebrow, humming in thought, he looks at you as if waiting for the truth to spill out but you don’t come forth with any more information.
He looks at you with an ‘Uh-huh’ kind of expression, continuing with “Well, I don’t believe that, sweetheart,-” about to press for more information when there's a knock at the door.
You leap from the couch and head towards the door, shaking your head with a small smile and a little anxiety as he calls out “We’re gonna circle back!”
You thank the delivery driver and hand them their tip, taking the bags of food graciously you shut the door and plop them on the coffee table in front of Jay and the couch. Heading to get plates, cutlery and a bottle opener.
“God this smells good.” You hear Jay groan, rustling through the bags of food as he pulls out various containers to spread them like a banquet.
You hand him a plate and his cutlery before settling beside him, opening up the two chilled beers as you let out a content sigh. For the moment you both sit in comfortable silence, tucking into the various dishes as you watch something untaxing on the mind. This week it was ‘Iron Chef’, yet another cooking competition series, it was almost amusing to watch how quickly Jay could get sucked in by the excitement of it all.
After a few episodes, the food is gone and the beers are close to empty, you’ve got your hand on Jay’s now full stomach, giving it a little pat with a laugh as he groans. “That was so good, but now I will not be moving… right after I go pee. Sorry.” You protest teasingly, but let him get up to pee. Collecting the trash and dishes and moving them to the kitchen to be taken care of properly. As you put the last of the containers in the bin your phone vibrates from where it’s charging on the counter. You try and avoid the phone on nights with Jay, but you take a quick glance and the full remembrance of the afternoon’s anger kicks you in the gut.
Of course, your phone had chosen to give you a ‘new post’ notification from the friend that had ditched you and seemingly mocked you in front of their group. You knew better than to look, already suspecting what you’d find, but you tap anyway. The post loads and the hurt boils hot in your veins, the caption under the smiling group from earlier reads, “Fri-yay! I’m with the best people, fun in the sun until Monday comes!” Any other time you might have just laughed at the cheesy tagline and liked the post, but knowing you had been treated as a joke and totally ignored had you riled up all over again.
You practically chuck your phone back onto the counter, moving towards the dishes to start diverting your energy into something productive. Feeling the itch to comment or send a rude message growing. In your now deepening mood, you lose sight of the fact that you were clanging and crashing rather loudly in the sink, packing the dinnerware away with force.
Jay comes down the hall with a confused look, watching you angrily work. He approaches gently,
“Babe? Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just packing away.” You give him a tight-lipped smile, willing the angry tears to go back from whence they came.
“Y/N… Stop for a second, sweetheart. What’s going on?” He touches your arm softly, gently grasping you to turn and face him, his face instantly falling into worry when he sees your hurt expression.
“Y/N?” He prods again, taking a glass out of your hand to bring you closer to him, holding your hands in his as his thumbs stroke. Your resolve crumbles, falling into his embrace as you shudder with angered sniffles.
“Hey, hey… whatever it is, I’ve got you. Come on, to the couch.” He speaks softly, calming your nerves as he pulls you carefully with him, bringing you to sit beside him. He keeps a hand on your back, rubbing with gentle circles.
Jay waits, giving you the time you need to get out what you have to say. Not forcing you to say anything at all if you weren’t ready. Yet, you were ready, you were so ready to rant about the total shit show the day had been.
“I… Work was shit today, somebody got me in a mess with the boss and some other staff members… They realised it wasn’t me and they apologised via email just before you got home, so I can kinda let go of that. Lunch was bad, but whatever, we had a great dinner. But uh, before tonight, I was supposed to go for a quick drink with a friend… and they cancelled… which under normal circumstances would be fine, y’know? We’re adults, plans change or get cancelled… but yeah, she didn’t even answer my message or bother to tell me I was cancelled. So then I’m the stupid one getting worried and sending another message hoping she’s ok. But turns out I’m an idiot, and the only reason I know what happened is that I saw her at a bar with other people, and then I-... I saw her look at her phone and roll her eyes, showing her phone to everyone else, and laughing with those assholes… So I got a suspicion, I looked at our chat and I saw that she had just read my message. She was looking at my message and making me out to be some kind of desperate joke, and didn’t even bother to lie or make something up to spare me the feeling of utter rejection.”
You take a breath, Jay’s hand is still on your back but remains in contact with you, you can see the anger simmering in his eyes, biting his lip. You finish the rant,
“So just now my phone buzzed, and I normally wouldn’t get those stupid notifications but I did tonight, didn’t I? Saw her Instagram with a photo of her having a great time with her friends. Fri-yay? What bullshit.”
You take a shuddering breath, sniffing away your tears as you look at your boyfriend who’s still quiet. You feel your stomach drop,
“I’m being stupid aren’t I?” You worry your lip between your teeth, waiting for his answer.
He shakes his head, eyes wide as he realises he’s been silent too long. A gentle thumb wipes away the wetness on your cheeks,
“Are you kidding me, Y/N? God no, you are NOT being stupid. I am just… trying to not lose my rag with her. It’s not a good look for a detective of the CPD to start social media drama.”
You smile at that, cupping his check softly, “You don’t need to do anything, just this is enough. I had forgotten all about it being with you, it was just that stupid notification…” You sniff again, Jay shakes his head replaying what you had just told him. He’s pulling you into his lap, a tight embrace with soft kisses to your face, your neck, pulling away to look at you.
“They are the stupid ones, Y/N. What asshole does that? It’s not goddamn high school, and a little respect wouldn’t go amiss. I’m glad work was kinda fixed, but I wish I’d known about this sooner…”
You sigh, nodding, you know he’d want to hear about this stuff, but you didn’t like to pile on when he already had a stressful job. As if reading your mind he squeezes your hips,
“Hey, no. Telling me is not a problem, are you hearing me? You’re the love of my life, Y/N. We share it all, we help each other, it’s never a burden.”
You swallow, tears forming for an entirely different emotional range now. Gratitude, relief, adoration.
“You are too good for me, Jay Halstead.”
“I think you got that twisted, Y/N Y/L/N…” He leans in to kiss you slowly, humming happily when you relax into him, holding his shoulders, a hand stroking at the nape of his neck.
He mumbles between kisses, smiling mischievously as he lifts you up, your legs around his waist as you let out a small yelp, holding tight.
“Now that we’ve circled back to this part of our conversation from earlier, I think we should also revisit the “what else” portion of our night. Wouldn't you agree?” He asks with a wink, and you giggle, nodding enthusiastically.
“Oh absolutely, detective.” You leave teasing kisses on his neck as he walks to the bedroom, feeling butterflies moving wildly in your stomach, the hurt and anger yet again washed away by Jay’s touch, by his love, letting him distract you further as he lowers you onto the bed.
