somewhere between the lines | KNJ
⟶ title: somewhere between the lines
⟶ au: exes to lovers
⟶ trope(s): lives at the office ceo/chief
⟶ pairing: namjoon x f. Reader
⟶ genre: romance, smut, angst
⟶ rated: 18+
⟶ wc: 9.8k
⟶ dialogue prompt: “You still look beautiful in red.”
⟶ warnings: mentions of divorce and loneliness, Namjoon is a girl dad (yes i think that needs its own warning), mentions of regret, smut in the forms of: oral (male and female receiving), breast play, multiple orgasms, multiple positions, tons of kissing, tons of teasing, unprotected sex (lets be smarter than that tho), fingering, bit of an impregnating kink
⟶ summary: you can hardly wait for your date New Year’s Eve. It’s the first time you’ve felt confident enough to dress up with the intention of letting someone who isn’t your ex husband, undress you at the end of the night.
Mother Nature has other plans for you though, bringing a very unwelcome snow storm and your ex husband to your door. But perhaps this snow storm is what the two of you really needed.
A/N: hellllooooo lovelies, this fic is my contribution to the wonderful Resolution Revolution collab event hosted by Amelia @knjsnoona and Ash @jimilter! Find the masterlist for the collab here.
Is this fic a bit cheesy and unrealistic? Yes. Do we all just need that sometimes? also yes lol. Hope you’ll enjoy a bit of dad!Joon and leave me some feedback if you can!
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Six months. That’s how long it’s been since you signed your name on the dotted line of the divorce papers.
Five months since your middle daughter, HeeJin, who was named after her fathers best friend had her third birthday party, where you and Namjoon had to put on your happy faces and pretend it didn’t hurt to see each other.
Four months since your one year old daughter had her first double ear infection and Namjoon had to meet you at the hospital in the middle of the night. You argued over medical insurance and who’s fault it was that she was sick. You were both in the anger stage of dealing with the grief you felt from the divorce.
Three months since the two of you had to attend your five year old daughters play at her preschool. Both of your families were there and it was the most awkward night of your life, but the happy faces were on in full force once again and you made sure that everything went perfectly.
Two months since you stopped wondering what he was doing every night and whether he missed you as much as you missed him. If he was lying awake and losing sleep over you.
One month since it stopped feeling like there was a hole the size of your heart gaping in your chest. Time truly healed wounds but this one would never fully close. And you know it was all avoidable. It never had to come to this.
You had gotten married too soon. Too young. When you found out you were pregnant with Mi-Joon, your families insisted that marriage was the only option. And even though both of you knew it was too soon, you had agreed.
You got married as quickly as you could throw together a small ceremony for just your family. Your hands shook as you placed rings on each other’s fingers and said I do. It was terrifying and yet, something told you that maybe this would be okay. Namjoon was a good man and when your daughter was born he proved to be an exceptional father. He was made to be a father, really.
The two of you had worked so hard in college to earn degrees. You weren't expecting to get pregnant or get married so quickly after finishing. But what you expected even less, was for Namjoon to take a huge risk at starting his own company and for that company to become so incredibly successful. He was incredible, always a step ahead of his competitors and always the kindest person anyone would need to deal with.
It didn’t take long for you to get pregnant again after MiJoon was born. Namjoon’s huge success with his company allowed you to stay home and not work. That was wonderful at first, but you began to feel like you didn’t really know who you were. You didn’t feel like you were meant to just be a wife and a mother. But you did your best and found bits of happiness in your daughters and in getting to know more and more about the man you married.
But even when things seemed like they were going so well on the outside, you were so incredibly lonely on the inside. It wasn’t about you anymore.
Eventually, you started to feel like you were losing yourself. That your only identity was being a mother and that was eating away at you while Namjoon was working day and night. He was rarely home in fact, and when he was home he was cooped away in his office or on the phone. Deep down, you know that he tried, but you wanted him to try harder.
He worked hard and he was sweet to you no matter how frustrated you became. The divorce was never about you not feeling loved by him, it was about you not feeling like you could love yourself when you were with him, and he didn’t deserve that.
When your youngest baby, Sena, was born you thought maybe that was the missing piece to everything. And in a way it was. Her birth made you realize that you wanted to be more for them. You wanted to use the degree you worked so hard to earn, show your girls that their mommy was capable of anything.
Discussing your desire to start looking for a job was a touchy subject with Namjoon. He wasn’t against the idea, but in his mind it just didn’t make sense for you to do so.
It was after several months of losing that argument that you decided time apart may be what was necessary for you both to realize what you wanted. But that time apart led to the realization that things just couldnt work like this anymore. Mostly for you. Namjoon fought to keep you together until the last moment when he signed his name on the dotted line of the divorce papers, failure and regret heavy on his shoulders.
He moved out of the home the two of you had built together, saying that he wanted you to have everything.The huge house. The car he had bought for you. He wouldn’t hear any arguments about that.
What killed you both the most, was having to split your time with your daughters. Packing three little bags every week, diapers, bottles, stuffies, shoes. Sena was just now barely one, but they were all so little, you hoped they wouldn’t remember any of the bad and only remember that both of their parents tried so hard to make sure they never went without a single thing.
Now, after six months of being divorced, you had finally decided that it was okay for you to date. It had felt wrong until now, but if you were being honest, it still felt slightly wrong. But you agreed to a date with a friend of your brothers for New Year’s Eve.
“Are you going to sleep with him?” Your brother asked on FaceTime as you continued curling your hair.
“Jimin! Don’t be such a perv.” You stuck your tongue out at him before looking back at the mirror.
“It’s just a question, you prude! You haven’t gotten laid in over six months, I think it’s time to brush the cobwebs off.” Jimin smiled like the little demon that he is.
“Jesus, Jimin.” You laughed a little. “I’m not…against the idea. Just not sure I’m ready.” You stood back and adjusted your dress in the mirror.
“Because you’re still in love with Namjoon?” Jimin asked in all seriousness.
“We have three kids together, Jimin, of course there’s love there.”
“That’s not what I said, ____.” Jimin rolled his eyes and you watched him on your screen as he got up and went to look out his window. “The snow is really starting to come down. The streets are totally covered.”
“Really? It was barely coming down when I came into the bathroom.” You looked out the bathroom window and confirmed what your brother had told you. “Namjoon is supposed to pick up the girls any minute.”
“Hope he has a tank to get them back to his place. I don’t want to find out my princess nieces were in an accident.” Jimin gives you a strict look. Just as you were about to reply to him, your phone dinged with a notification. You opened the text to see it was from your date.
“Fucking perfect. He canceled.” You toss your phone onto the bathroom counter when tears start to prick your eyes.
“I’m still here, don’t toss me around like that.” Jimin's voice says from the counter.
“I’m so glad I put on all this make up and this stupid dress just to get canceled on.” You just want to rip the red silky material off and never look at it again.
“The weather is rather shitty, jahmae. You can’t blame him too much.” Jimin frowns when he sees your tears. “I’ll come over tomorrow and build a snowman with the girls okay? I’ll walk if I have to.”
“You live like 10 miles away, Jimin.” You tried not to laugh picturing your brother falling into a snowbank.
When Jimin started to talk again, your front doorbell rang, cutting him off. You sighed. Of course Namjoon was able to make it here.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, bub.” You blow a kiss to your brother and he waves as you hang up the call and make your way to the front of the house.
You smile as you pass through the living room where your three little girls are playing and watching a movie. Sena claps her chubby baby hands as MiJoon and HeeJin dance and sing along to the song on the TV.
Taking a deep breath and carefully dabbing at the tears at the corners of your eyes, you open the door to find your ex-husband on the other side, his eyes finding yours and immediately filling with concern. You stepped aside to let him in.
“What’s wrong?” He asks quietly, running his hand through his hair and knocking away the tiny white snowflakes that stuck out against his soft dark hair.
“Nothing. I’m fine.” You close the front door and walk back towards the living room, but Namjoon grabs your hand to stop you.
“You think I don’t know when you’re upset?” His fingers lace with yours in a comforting way, not holding on tightly in case you wanted to pull away.
“Just a change of plans for the night, that’s all. Come see the girls.” You squeeze his hand once and then drop it, Namjoon sighs and follows you to the living room where he can hear his girls singing and laughing.
“Daddy!” HeeJin screeches and almost knocks Sena over as she runs towards Namjoon. He smiles widely, dimples appearing in his cheeks as he drops down onto his knees to greet them.
Sena waddles her way over, laughing maniacally when she sees her daddy. Namjoon holds HeeJin with one arm and scoops Sena up with the other, kissing her baby cheeks. You loved the sight of it. The way he was so perfect with them.
“Hi daddy.” MiJoon said a little sadly. In all the commotion, you hadn’t noticed her hang back a little.
“Hello my little gongjunim, what’s the matter?” Namjoons head tilts to the side a little as he watches your oldest daughter frown.
“I don’t want to go, Daddy. I want you to stay here.” MiJoon’s little bottom lip quivers slightly as she looks between the two of you.
Your heart breaks slightly…completely, honestly. MiJoon was so smart, and as much as you had hoped that she wouldn’t catch on…wouldn’t understand just yet, she most certainly did.
“You don’t want to come to my house?” Namjoon asked, dodging a slobbery hand from Sena.
“Will mommy come to your house?” She asked.
“No, gongjunim, mommy won’t be coming to my house.”
MiJoon sniffled her nose and then ran into Namjoon’s arms between her sisters. He hugged them all to his big chest tightly, kissed their heads and then looked up at you. It was the “you did this” look. You bit your bottom lip but fresh tears rolled down your cheeks anyways.
You looked away from Namjoon and made your way over towards the window, looking out to see that several more inches of snow was sticking to the ground and roads and it was still coming down. There wasn’t a car in sight, just your neighbor shoveling his driveway for no reason at all.
“You can’t take them out on the roads like this. It’s too dangerous.” You wipe your cheeks again and turn back to face Namjoon.
“It’s my weekend with them, what do you suggest I do?” Namjoon stood up from the ground, brushing off the front of his jeans as the girls started heading back towards the living room. You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose.
“It’s too dangerous for you as well, Joon. Just stay. For tonight.” You step back into the entryway and take off your heels, tossing them in the corner by the shoe wrack.
“You’re okay with that?” He asks as you walk past him.
“Yeah. The girls will be really excited.” You give him a small smile and the two of you go into the living room after Namjoon takes off his coat and hangs it by the door.
“Is it time for us to go?” HeeJin asked.
“No baby, the roads are too dangerous, so daddy is going to stay here for tonight.” Namjoon sits on the couch and the two older girls squeal with excitement, tackling him back and laughing as he tickles them.
You smile at them, picking up Sena and resting her on your hip. She plays with the low hem of your silky dress, reminding you that you were still wearing it. Such a waste of a good dress. You hand Sena her sippy cup of milk and start to walk to the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” You hear Namjoon ask, MiJoon almost kicking him in the face as he sits up to look at you.
“To make dinner. Not sure what I have, I didn't go grocery shopping because I thought they would be at your house all weekend.” You’re already dreading trying to throw something together.
“I’ll help you. Watch the movie, okay gongjunims? We’ll have dinner soon.” Namjoon sits the older two on the couch and covers them with a blanket before following you to the kitchen, where he takes the baby from your arms.
“I think she’s finally cut all of her teeth now. Not so much drool.” You open the fridge to see what you have to make and Namjoon spins Sena around a few times before he sits her in her high chair.
“You are the princess of drool, aren’t you baby girl?” He playfully pokes her chubby cheeks and she giggles and claps her hands.
“My daddy!” Sena squealed. Always calling him ‘my daddy’ never just daddy.
“Do you still like stir fry?” You asked, rummaging through the vegetable drawer in the fridge.
“It’s only been six months, of course I like stir fry.” He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.
“It was just a question, Namjoon.” You take out some peppers, broccoli, and squash from the drawer, slamming it closed a little harder than necessary.
“I’m sorry. Sometimes you act like we’ve been split up for years. Like you don’t know anything about me anymore.” His eyebrows scrunch together and jaw sets a little tighter.
You know that he’s right. But sometimes in your mind you have been split up for years. You hated that, because you loved him so much. Love him so much. That never stopped.
“Chop these.” You say with slight annoyance, pulling a knife from the block on the counter and sitting it by the cutting board for him.
“You’re frustrating as fuck sometimes, ____.” Namjoon comes around the kitchen island to stand in front of the cutting board you had gotten out.
“Me?” You scoff. “I saw that look you gave me earlier when the girls were upset. That was a dick move if I ever saw one.” You scowl at him before turning around to the cabinet, spotting the rice on the high shelf. You reach for it to no avail, your annoyance starting to burn hot. You’re about to crawl up onto the counter when Namjoon is suddenly in your space, his body trapping you against the counter as he reaches over you and grabs the box of rice.
“What have you been doing without me around, hm?” His deep voice coats your skin like a warm breeze. Namjoon sits the rice down on the counter behind you, palms pressing to countertop on either side of your hips as he lowers his face to look at you.
You feel frozen and immediately aroused. Kim Namjoon is the only man that has a direct line to that traitorous place between your thighs. The scent of his cologne engulfs your senses and brings back so many memories. He always wore the same one, the one you bought him for your first Christmas together. You want to touch him so badly, feel his skin, run your fingers through his hair.
“I’ve been managing.” You manage to croak out, trying to keep your eyes off of his lips. The softest, most perfect lips you’ve ever felt.
“You still look beautiful in red.” Namjoon’s long fingers brush at the hem of your dress, tickling the skin of your thigh. Your breath shakes at the feeling.
“Namjoon…” Your hands ache at your sides from balling them too tightly into fists. It was taking all the restraint you had not to touch him.
“Nothing on underneath, right? You never did when you wore these little dresses…” He steps closer, his chest level with your face. It would be so easy to press your lips against it.
“Not sure that’s your business anymore…” Your heart was beating so fast you thought it might give out.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” His fingers start pushing your dress up your thighs. You should stop this. But fuck, you didn’t want to. “Who were you wearing this for?” Namjoon asked and your skin went cold again.
“I had a date.” You look up and meet his eyes, his jaw tightening again.
“And you were going on that date with no panties?” His nose came down and skimmed your forehead. “What a lucky man he would have been.”
“I wasn’t going with the intention of sleeping with him.” You breathed.
“But?” Namjoon questioned, lips brushing your temple as he spoke.
“My daddy!” Sena cried from her high chair. The two of you jumping apart at the sound of her little voice. You took a deep breath, stepping around Namjoon to see your baby.
“Yes baby, your daddy.” You look over your shoulder at him to make sure that he heard, watching one of his infuriating dimples appear when he smiles.
If he was going to do shit like this, you could as well. You weren’t going to lie and act like you didn’t want him. Thinking about Namjoon was the only way you could get yourself off when you were alone in your room or in the shower. He would make you cum so hard when you were together that you knew no one else would ever come close to making you feel that way again.
And six months with only your fingers and vibrator was enough to make you practically salivate at the sight of him chopping vegetables in your kitchen. Big biceps straining against the tight confines of the black sweater he was wearing tucked into a pair of black jeans. It looked like someone had painted them onto his ass and thighs, they were so tight.
“Does she want some of this?” Namjoon dangled a piece of broccoli between his fingers and broke you from your dirty thoughts.
“What?” You asked, clearing your throat. He smiled knowingly.
“Does Sena want some of this to gnaw on while she waits for dinner?” He repeats, bringing a few pieces over and sitting them on her high chair tray.
“Oh. Yeah.” You moved out of his way and went back to the stove to make the rice.
Namjoon finished chopping the vegetables and then went back into the living room to play with MiJoon and HeeJin while you finished cooking everything together.
When it was finished, you plated everything for the girls and for Namjoon and sat everything around the table. Something you always used to do. After it was all set, you walked to the doorway of the living room, stopping for a moment to watch as your daughters wrapped feather boas and sat pink sparkly crowns on top of their daddy’s head.
“How do I look?” Namjoon asked them in a silly voice, making the girls cackle as they fussed over him.
“You’re so beautiful, daddy!” HeeJin squealed when Namjoon tickled her sides.
“Beautiful enough for you to give me kisses, gongjunim?” He grabbed them both of them in his arms and started making goofy kissy noises while they screeched again.
“No, daddy! You should give kisses to mommy.” MiJoon put one of her hands against Namjoon’s cheek while he sat there speechless for a moment. You waited in the doorway, curious to what he might say.
“I’m not sure mommy would like that, gongjunim.” He reached up and smoothed the wild hairs on her head a few times.
“But why?” She asked. “Don’t you love mommy?”
“Of course I do. But there are different kinds of love, and mommy and I have to love each other differently now.” He pulled her in a little closer and kissed her forehead. And before she could ask anymore questions or you started to cry again, you walked into the room.
“Dinners finished. You should bring them in to eat.” Your voice was soft and a little strained, Namjoon immediately looking back at the sound.
“Alright, little gongjunims, let’s go have some food, shall we?” He stood up, taking off his boas and crowns before picking them both up in his strong arms and bouncing them playfully on each hip. He mouths the word ‘sorry’ in your direction and you smile reassuringly, letting him know everything was fine.
“I’m going to change before I eat. I’ll be right back.” You give a kiss to each of the girls in his arms before heading for your bedroom to change out of the dress you’d been wearing.
You knew he was going to follow you. You wanted him to. You could feel his eyes on you as you opened the drawers of your dresser to grab a pair of panties.
“Want to help me with this?” You said without looking behind you. You knew he would be standing in the doorway, arms over his chest as he leaned against the frame.
“If that’s what you want.” He replied, the sound of his voice making you shiver.
“Please. Can’t reach the zipper.” You tried to compose yourself, counting each step he took against the hardwood floor.
“Pity this dress didn’t have the chance to serve its purpose.” His long fingers came up to brush your hair over your shoulder.
“You don’t mean that.” You whispered, not trusting your voice at all.
“Know me so well, nae sarang.” His lips pressed to the back of your neck at your hairline while his fingers pulled the zipper down your back as slowly as he could manage. That nickname that you hadn’t heard in so long making your heart ache. My love.
“Joon…” Your hands that had been resting at your sides reach back to grip at his denim clad thighs.
“Even if it’s just for tonight…let me have you. I never asked for anything when you left…but I’m asking you now, to let me have you one last time.” His thick lips make a wet path down your neck and over your shoulder.
The want in the pit of your stomach was raging. You wanted him…needed him. But it was never going to be to be just one last time.
“Okay.” As you gave your answer he let the dress fall off of your body to pool around your ankles in a puddle of red silk, leaving you completely naked.
“After we eat dinner…get the girls ready for bed…asleep and dreaming…I’m going to take you on every surface this house has to offer. Make it impossible for any man that comes after me to make you cum…” His hands run down your sides and over your hips while his teeth nip your ear. You can’t help the moan that slips from your mouth. Namjoon chuckles quietly against your ear, his hand snaking down your front to the space between your legs.
“Shit…” Your head falls back against his shoulder as he dips one long finger between your folds.
“You’re dripping already…so fucking wet.” He practically growled in your ear. You moved your ass back to grind against his crotch but he stopped you. “Be good, nae sarang.” He playfully slapped one of your ass cheeks, stepping away from you and popping his middle finger that had been inside you into his mouth. You gasped, spinning around to look at him. He had the biggest smile on his face and you glared.
“Kim Namjoon!” You yelled, moving to smack his arm but he dodged it.
“Put your clothes on, baby. I’ll see you downstairs.” He winked and left you alone in your room to wonder what the hell had just happened.
Slightly annoyed and certainly sexually frustrated, you grab the cheekiest pair of panties you can find and head for your closet. You kneel down and start digging through a tub that you know has a few of Namjoon’s shirts that he had left behind when he moved out of the house.
You find the plain white Fear of God shirt that he always wore, you used to wear it to sleep almost every night until the last few months when you thought it was time to let it go. You packed it away, not yet having the heart to get rid of it completely.
After throwing your hair up in a claw clip, you head back downstairs. The girls are all giggling and eating their dinner while Namjoon watches them with love and adoration on his face. HeeJin uses her fork and makes airplane noises until Namjoon opens his mouth and lets her feed him. You smile and take the seat next to him, making sure the T-shirt of his that you’re wearing rides up your thighs when you cross your legs.
“Mommy?” MiJoon interrupts your thoughts.
“Yes, sweet girl?” You turn your attention to your daughter.
“Can we stay up until the clock says 12? It’s a holiday!” She drops a bite of her food onto the floor as she talks, simply ignoring it and getting another bite. One of those times you wished you would have agreed to get them a dog when Namjoon suggested it.
“That’s very late for little girls, sweetheart. I think it’s best to keep your bedtime.” You reach over and pat her head gently.
“Will daddy be gone when we wake up?” MiJoon sniffles.
“No, baby. Daddy wants to stay for breakfast, right daddy?” Your eyes meet Namjoons and he smiles.
“Of course I do.” He turns to look at the girls as they giggle happily. Namjoon raises a questioning eyebrow but you wave him off.
After you’ve all eaten dinner, the girls run back to the living room to play. Namjoon wipes Sena’s face until she starts to whine, then releases her to toddle after her sisters. You start to gather up the dishes but his presence behind you makes you pause.
“Was I not supposed to notice that this is my shirt? Or that you’re wearing the tiniest pair of panties I’ve ever seen underneath it?” You feel his fingertips ghost up the back of your thigh, almost making you drop the dishes in your hands.
“You left me naked upstairs. Two can play that game.” You grab the dishes again, standing up straight to walk past him to the sink.
“I can do those.” Namjoon says as he follows you to your destination. “You made the food after all.”
“Thanks.” You sit the dishes down in the sink and watch as Namjoon pushes up the sleeves of his soft sweater up to his elbows. You’re going to need wine for this.
You pry your eyes away from the way the veins in his arms snake under his sweater long enough to open the fridge and pull out a bottle of white wine. After grabbing a glass from the cabinet you pause and turn to your ex husband.
“Want some?” You hold up the bottle of wine and shake it gently. Namjoon smiles when he looks up to see what’s in your hand.
“That would be great.” He says, you nod, grabbing another glass from the cabinet and pouring one for each of you.
After taking a long drink from your glass, you pick up Namjoon’s glass and sit it on the side of the sink. He says a quick thank you and you move over to one of the stools at the kitchen island, crossing your legs tightly as you watch him continue to wash the dishes. Muscles of his back swimming in ripples under his fitted sweater and disappearing into the band of his jeans. God his ass looked impeccable in those jeans. You shook yourself out of it, pouring more wine into your glass and taking another gulp.
“Help me out for a second?” He says, motioning you over with his head. You stand and walk a few feet to the sink. “Hold the glass up to my mouth so I can get a drink?”
“Are you serious?” You laugh.
“Or you could transfer it from your mouth to mine?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and you pinch his side, making him laugh.
“That fucking hurt!” He laughs again.
“You deserved it! Don’t be such a perv.” You roll your eyes.
“You used to love doing that.” His smile drops, suddenly realizing what he said.
“Yeah, well, that was when we were happily married, wasn’t it?” You look away from him, taking another drink from your glass.
“Were we?” Namjoon snaps back and you glare at him. God you wanted to slap his stupid beautiful face sometimes.
“Just take a drink so I can go check on the girls.” You grab his glass off of the counter and hold it up to his mouth, a little more aggressively than necessary making him pull back slightly to eye you suspiciously.
Namjoon licks his lips quickly, but you don’t miss it, before gently putting his lips on the glass so you can tip the glass up and pour the liquid into his mouth. His eyes meet yours over the top of the glass, staring into your soul and setting it on fire. You watch as he takes one more swallow of the wine before his lips are detaching. Your breathing and his have obviously picked up in speed. You hate yourself for what you’re about to do, but you want it so badly.
The wine glasses in your hands are quickly discarded onto the counter before you practically throw yourself into Namjoons arms and crash your lips against his. Namjoon is only taken off guard momentarily, his wet hands coming out of the sink to wrap around your waist so he can kiss you back properly.
A strangled and desperate noise leaves your mouth at the first taste of his lips and Namjoon only holds you tighter against his body at the sound. It had been so long. You had missed him so much.
The kiss starts off hard and rushed, bruising lips and crashing teeth. Your arms wrap around his neck to lift yourself higher…to somehow get closer to him if it was possible. And because no one knows you better than he does, Namjoon picks you up off the ground and settles your ass onto the marble countertop, wedging his hips between your legs.
“You’re really okay with this?” He finally says into your open mouth, chasing after his lips.
“I want you.” You tangle your fingers into his soft brown hair, searching his pretty dragon eyes for signs of him feeling the same. “Isn’t this what you were talking about when we were upstairs?”
“That’s not what I asked, nae sarang.” His thumb comes up to gently play with your bottom lip for a moment.
“There’s…there’s a lot to say, Namjoon. But can’t we just have this for now? And figure the rest out later?” You wrap your legs around his waist, desperate to keep him near.
“Promise that you’ll talk to me. Promise that you won’t run away.” He pecks your lips a few times, both your eyes staying open as your lips brush.
“I promise. I want to talk.” You hope he sees and hears the truth in your eyes and your voice. You do want to talk. You want your family and your happiness back. You don’t want to give up this time. “But you have to listen to me too, Joon. When I tell you I want something, listen to me.” You cup his cheek and he kisses you again.
“What do you want right now?” He asks.
You think for a moment, before gently pushing back on Namjoon’s shoulders so that he takes a few steps away from the counter. You’re then able to hop down, and drop to your knees in front of him.
“Oh fuck.” He swallows thickly, watching your hands as they make quick work of his belt, button and zipper of his jeans. He turns his body so he can press his palms to the countertop and anchor himself in preparation for what he knows your mouth can do.
“You have to be quiet, okay?” You move up on your knees so that you can press kisses to the little strip of tummy skin exposed between his shirt and the band of his boxer briefs.
“Maybe I could be quiet if you didn’t have such a sinful mouth.” Namjoon takes a deep breath as you pull down his jeans and boxers, his very well endowed cock coming into your view. It was just as pretty as you remembered it being.
You look up through your lashes and meet his eyes, sticking out your tongue to let the head rest against it for a moment, familiarizing yourself with the taste of him again before moving to lick the entire length of him. You watch his head roll back as a deep groan leaves his mouth and his hips push forward just slightly, trying to get his cock inside the warm cavern of your mouth.
Deciding not to tease for too long, you open your mouth and take him inside, letting your saliva wet his cock as you take him deeper with each bob of your head. Namjoon’s hands grip the edge of the counter top, his shoulders hunching slightly when he begins to quietly moan.
“Baby that’s so good…” Namjoon croaks out, trying with great difficulty not to fuck into your mouth. He takes one hand off of the counter and brings it down to gently run his thumb over the apple of your cheek. “So perfect.”
You continue bobbing your head, using your tongue to swirl around the head of his cock before swallowing it all back down again. You can start to see a sheen of sweat forming on Namjoon’s forehead, but he somehow manages to rarely take his eyes off of you. Sweet praises and gentle touches to your face and hair break up the sounds of his quiet moans and heavy breathing.
“Daddy?” A sweet little voice says from the other side of the kitchen. You immediately freeze your movements and slowly remove your ex husbands cock from your mouth and cover it with your hand instead in an attempt not to laugh.
“Hi, baby girl. Are you okay?” Namjoon clears his throat, using the kitchen island to shield his bottom half from your daughter. He tries to reach for his jeans and boxers but you swat his hands away and he glares down at you before quickly looking back up.
“Where’s mommy?” You recognize the little voice as HeeJin now.
“Mommy? Oh mommy went to take out the trash.” Namjoon rests his elbows on the island and smiles sweetly. You decide to wrap your hand back around his still hard cock and stroke him languidly. Namjoon tries to take your hand away but you manage to keep up your ministrations.
“Sena needs to go to bed daddy, she being grumpy.” HeeJin says with a yawn.
“Okay gongjunim, I'll be right there.” Namjoon’s knees and voice both shake slightly when you start to lick at him again.
At that point HeeJin must have left the room because the next thing you know, Namjoon is hauling you off of your knees and pressing your front against the counter, hands wrapping around your wrists to hold them behind your back. His tall frame leans over you until your cheek is pressing to the cold counter top. Your panties must be a sopping mess at this point.
“That was so fucking cruel, baby.” Namjoons’s deep voice says into your ear, his hard cock pressing into your lower back and leaving wet patches on your tshirt.
“You handled it well.” You try to turn your head so that you can kiss him but he doesn’t let you have what you want.
“I’m trying to get my dick to calm down, nae sarang.” He presses a quick kiss to your temple and gently releases your wrists to let you stand up.
“Please?” You pout when he pulls up his underwear and jeans, buttoning them back into please on his hips.
“Let’s go get the girls ready for bed. Then I’m all yours.” He traps you between his arms, palms against the counter top again as he bends down to softly kiss your lips.
This kiss made that heavy feeling in your stomach flutter. The way it always does when he’s around. The way it does when you know you’re in love, because it’s only ever done it for him. So you kiss him back in hopes he feels that love.
“I wish it had been this way before, you know? Making dinner together…getting the girls to sleep.” You straighten out your shirt and hair when the two of you pull apart.
“I had a lot shit to figure out, ____. Find balance. Make sure my girls never needed a thing. I’m sorry it took so long and that you had to leave for me to do something about it.” He wipes his hands on a dish towel, sighing with his shoulder slumped.
“It wasn’t just you. I needed to be…me.” You stand on your tip toes and press a kiss to his cheek. “Let’s get them to bed and remind each other what we’ve been missing, okay?” You give him a soft smile and listen to him laugh quietly before he follows you to the living room.
The sight you find in the living room is nothing short of perfect. All three of the little ones have managed to curl up to each other and started to fall asleep. MiJoon is holding Sena in her lap while HeeJin lays next to them on the couch. Your eldest barely keeping her eyes open as she watches the cartoons on the TV.
“Come here, sweet girl.” You take Sena from MiJoon’s lap and cradle her sleeping body in your arms.
“Let’s get to bed, gonjunims.” Namjoon scoops up the other two, both of them laying their heads on his shoulders, little fingers gripping the back of his shirt gently.
You and Namjoon walk up the stairs together, separating when you reach the hallway where the girls' rooms are located. You head into Sena’s room, carefully placing her in her crib and covering her chubby legs with her favorite blanket. You kiss her soft hair and head towards the other bedroom where MiJoon and HeeJin are being tucked in by their daddy.
They only whine for a moment, saying they aren’t sleepy at all, before you’re giving them each a kiss and watching their eyes flutter shut and drift off into dreamland. Namjoon does the same and then quietly follows you out into the hallway.
“You okay?” He asks as he shuts the door.
“Yes. Why do you ask?” You look at him curiously.
“Just seems like something is on your mind.” He cards a hand through his hair and tilts his head as he awaits your answer.
“We never tried to do this when we were married. We gave up too easily, didn’t we?” You ask him seriously.
“I used to think that you were the only one that had given up. But I gave up too, I never should have let it happen.” His eyes plead with yours and you sigh.
“We can talk tomorrow. No more talking tonight, not about this.” You take his hand without saying anything else and lead him towards your bedroom. The bedroom the two of you used to share.
You didn’t want to think about the consequences this was going to have, you didn't want to feel anything but him. You wanted to be consumed for just a little while.
The two of you quietly enter the bedroom, not feeling the need to say anything yet. Once the door clicks shut, your mouths immediately find the others. The kisses aren’t rushed now though, these are the slow and torturous kind. The kind where his tongue slides against yours leisurely and his hands cup your jaw.
You part long enough for you to pull his shirt off his torso, tossing it away in hopes that he never finds it. Your hands search his warm skin, rediscovering all the muscles and dips and curves of his upper body. You spend a little extra time feeling the way his pecs fit into your hands, tracing his nipples and drawing out a soft groan from his mouth that was still attached to yours.
“Hitting the gym more often?” You say between kisses, Namjoon chuckles deep in his chest.
“Have to take out my frustrations somewhere.” He quickly peels away the T-shirt you had been wearing, leaving you completely naked except for your underwear.
You wondered if it was frustrations from work that he was talking about. Or maybe sexual frustrations. A small part of you hoped he hadn’t slept with anyone else but you didn’t expect him not to.
He breaks you from your wondering thoughts, grabbing you beneath your thighs with one arm while the other snakes up your back and into your hair, holding you steady so he can kiss you and walk towards the bed. You wrap your legs tightly around his waist even though you know he would never drop you.
“If you were thinking about whether or not I’ve slept with anyone else since the divorce…” He nips your bottom lip before gently tossing you back onto the bed. You bounce a few times and once you’ve settled your eyes find him immediately. “The answer is no.”
“Why?” Your voice is quiet and sweet. Namjoon kneels on the edge of the bed between your legs, picking up one of your ankles and pressing his lips to it.
“Why the fuck would I want anyone else when I’ve had you?” He made it sound so obvious. Like he couldn’t believe you had asked.
“Because I’m not yours anymore. You aren’t mine…” You watch as he picks up the other ankle and kisses it as well, your heart pounding.
“Don’t be stupid, ____. We both know neither of those things is true.” He bends over you, pressing a kiss to your chest.
“What would you think if I had slept with someone else?” You’re pushing, and you’re not sure why. Namjoon’s jaw sets tightly as he sits up to meet your eyes.
“Then I suppose I’d need to fuck away the memory of the sorry bastard. Impale you on my cock until it’s all you remember.” He whispers the last sentence in your ear, you shiver and try to close your thighs, but he doesn’t let you.
“I haven’t though. You know that I haven’t.” Your breathing becomes uneven and quick as you watch him start to kiss down your body.
He pays special attention to your hips and stomach where all of the stretch marks have formed from having three babies. Namjoon has always told you that they’re his favorite parts of you. No matter how much you hated it, he thought they were perfect.
“I know you haven’t.” His tongue drags along your hip bone. “It still turns me on so much that you’ve had my babies. That I filled you up and got you pregnant over and over.” He kisses across the marks and groans at the thought.
You knew your pussy had to be so messy and wet right now. His filthy mouth was driving you insane. It felt like you were hallucinating, you were so turned on.
“I need something…you.” You babbled, trying to sit up to get the rest of his clothes off of him. He stopped you with a gentle hand on your shoulder, lowering you back down.
“Stay put, nae sarang. Going to make you feel good, baby.” He reaches down between your legs, hooking his middle finger in the part of your panties that covered your pussy and pulled them down your legs. “Fuck you’re so wet. These panties are ruined, baby.”
“You’re taking too long, Joon. Please.” Your hands that had been gripping the sheets come up to your breasts to start playing with your nipples.
“Are you upset that you ruined your underwear?” Big hands come down to your thighs and push them apart so he can get a better look between your legs. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this wet.”
“Namjoon!” You whined and arch your back from the bed a little. He spread your thighs as wide as he could and then laid down on his stomach with his face mere inches from your aching pussy.
“Don’t worry babe, I’m ready for a taste.” His lips immediately attached to your clit and made you cry out. It had been so long since you’d felt the warmth of his mouth between your legs you almost wanted to cry.
Namjoons tongue swirled your swollen bud and licked up your arousal. He wasn’t quiet with his ministrations as he went lowered and delved his tongue inside of you, wet, filthy noises were coming from between your legs and it only got louder when he brought his fingers into the mix, pumping them rapidly into your pussy.
It felt like too much and not enough all at once. You were coming to the brink of an orgasm so quickly that your mind couldn’t keep up. It was swirling and burning and you were so completely fucked. He knew you so well, knew exactly how to get you there and exactly when to do it.
“No one else could ever make you feel like this, could they baby? They could try but you’d only be able to think about me and how well I treat this pussy.” Namjoon filled your ears with more filth between licks and sucks to your clit.
“Going to cum…” You managed to choke out.
“You’re squeezing my fingers so tight…haven’t been fucked properly in so long…can’t wait to get my cock inside you, angel.” He kept his words short but it was enough to send you hurdling over the edge and cumming all over his tongue.
Namjoon didn’t let a drop of your orgasm go to waste. He licked and sucked every inch of you until he was sure he hadn't left a trace. If this was the last time he has you, he was going to have all of you.
“Fuck that was so good.” You groaned as he climbed back over your body and kissed your lips, giving you a taste of what he’d been feasting on. “You were amazing.”
“And you still taste like heaven.” He kissed you again, sweeter this time.
“Let me ride you.” Your hands find his hair while your hips left from the bed to rub your soaking pussy lips up and down the shaft of his cock. God he was so big.
“I’d love that, baby. Come here.” He shifts from on top of you and moves up to rest his back against the headboard of the bed, pulling you over him. “Let me watch you.”
Your heart was still pounding and your mind felt fuzzy from your orgasm, but you managed to balance yourself with your hands gripping the headboard on either side of Namjoon’s head. You watch down between your legs as he situated his cock at your entrance. His other hand came to your hip to help keep you steady as you lowered yourself onto him.
You savored the way he stretched you out as you slowly took him all inside. You committed the sounds he made when your walls squeezed around him to memory. You soaked in the way his fingers dug into your hips and his thumbs drew soothing circles against your skin.
“Joon…it’s too much.” Your mind felt like it was overloading. So many emotions being tossed around by pleasure. You let your head roll back as your teeth dug into your bottom lip.
“Look at me, nae sarang. It’s not too much, it’s perfect for you. Made for you. Show me how well you can take it.” Namjoon encouragingly helped you lift your hips just a little while your head rolled forward so you could look down at him. He was so fucking beautiful.
Your fingers gripped the headboard until they began to turn white and you started to find a rhythm. After a few moments and sweet praises from Namjoon, you took your hands off the headboard and used his shoulders to balance instead. You desperately needed to touch him and feel him, something to anchor you to the earth while your mind is traveling through a universe full of ecstasy.
“Oh fuck, baby.” His big hands slid onto your back, one resting on the small of it while the other slid up to cradle the back of your head and bring your face closer to his. “That’s right angel, use my cock to get what you want.”
You moaned against his open mouth but he quickly swallowed the sounds when he attached your lips and kissed you like his life depended on it. You licked into his mouth and tasted his tongue while your hips went back and forth between bounces and drawn out swirls.
His cock twitched almost every time you came down on him and he groaned your name into your mouth. But you could tell he was getting impatient, he wanted to buck his hips up from the mattress and fuck himself deeper inside you.
“Why are you holding back?” You finally asked.
“Because I don’t want to cum yet.” He kissed you quickly before sitting up more, his back leaving the headboard. “Not done worshipping you.”
Before you could reply, you felt his cock slip from inside you and his arms wrapping around your waist as he maneuvered himself onto his knees behind you. He held you around the waist, keeping you upright and spreading your thighs over his own so that you were straddling them.
“It feels so fucking empty when you’re not inside me.” You practically whine, reaching back behind you with both arms to wrap them around his neck and press kisses to his jaw.
“I won’t make you wait.” His arm tightens around your waist to lift you over his cock, letting it situate itself at your entrance and slowly slip back inside the warmth of your pussy. Namjoon’s face nuzzles into the crook of your neck, pressing open mouth kisses to your heated skin.
Namjoon starts to gently thrust into you, letting you adjust to the position and the way he stretches you again. Both hands slide up your stomach until they reach your breasts, squeezing them in his palms and pulling at your nipples. You moaned his name over and over and laid your head back against his shoulder as he continued that torturous pace with his hips.
“Please make me cum again, Joon.” You’re past the point of trying not to beg. He chuckles into your neck, kissing across your shoulder.
“Greedy girl.” He groans when you start to move your hips with his, pulling him deeper inside. One of his hands slips between your legs and starts to play with your clit, rubbing it between his fingers while he picks up the speed of his thrusts.
The wet squelching sounds are absolutely obscene, you would be embarrassed if you were with anyone else. But no one else would ever be able to get you this wet.
Just when you’re about cum again, the small whiny noises of your baby start to come through the baby monitor sitting on your bedside table. Namjoon slows down his thrusts, but doesn’t stop completely.
“It’s okay, she’ll go back to sleep.” You turn your head around to face him and kiss his lips, begging him through the action to keep going.
“What if she’s scared?” He looks at you with seriousness in his eyes.
“Do you go in to get her every time she makes a noise at your house?” You’re far too endeared by this man right now and can’t help the small smile that pulls at your lips.
“Of course I do. She’s so little.” Namjoon kisses your shoulder, then slides a hand up the back of your neck and into your hair, angling your face back more so he can kiss you properly. “But I’m not normally balls deep inside her beautiful mommy.” His words make you giggle and kiss him again.
The two of you stay like that for a few minutes, kissing each other softly while Namjoon leisurely pumps his cock inside you. It shouldn’t be making you this drip down your thighs and onto his, but you can feel your juices doing just that.
“Going to cum, baby.” You breathe into his mouth, which makes him groan, his arms moving down to wrap around your waist and hold you tighter against him.
“Just from this?” He whispers against the shell of your ear. “Do you love my cock that much?” His hands squeeze your breasts and you’re so fucking close it physically hurts.
“Yes.” You give him the plain and simple answer. The truth. His cock twitches at your answer.
For the second time tonight, Namjoon slides his cock from inside you and moves you around until you’re lying on your back beneath him. He’s quick to spread your legs and situate himself between them, his cock sliding back in easily but still making your back arch slightly from the intrusion.
“I love you, nae sarang. I’m sorry I was such a fucking dick that picked work over you and our girls. That I didn’t listen to you when you said you wanted to start working…I’m so fucking sorry.” You can see how sincere he is, how sad he is, so you grab his face between your hands and hush him with a kiss.
“Not now, okay? Right now I just want to feel you. Tomorrow we can talk about everything else…just not now when I finally have you like this again.” Your fingers and hands find his hair, gently scratching at his scalp while his hips start to thrust again.
Namjoon smiles down at you, the kind of sincere smile that reaches his eyes and pulls the dimples into his cheeks. The best kind. Then he leans down to kiss you again while adjusting one of your legs to rest over his shoulder.
His hips rock against you and the angle he’s created makes you see stars behind your eyelids as to clench then shut. You move your hands around to his back, nails digging lightly into his skin and making pink trails down to his ass. You couldn’t wait to see them in the morning when he rolled out of your bed.
“You’re starting to squeeze me, baby. Want to be filled up?” Namjoon sits up on his knees a little, changing the angle again and making you moan loudly.
“Please. Please cum, Namjoon. I want it so bad.” You hoped you sounded somewhat sexy and not completely desperate like you felt.
“I’m so close. Fuck I’m so close.” He quickly moved your other leg over his other shoulder, picking up his pace and snapping his hips against yours. The sound of skin slapping against skin mixed together with your moans filled the room entirely.
White hot flashes of light started to burst behind your eyelids as you came, saying Namjoons name until you could no longer string together anymore words. It felt like your body had been waiting for this moment again, to feel like you were complete.
You were starting to come down and Namjoon was still pounding into you, you needed him to cum so badly, and you knew what you needed to do…wanted to do…in order to get him there.
“Joon…” You said quietly, cupping his face so his eyes would meet yours. “I love you. You can cum…I’m not going anywhere…we’ll have all the time in the world.” You smiled at him reassuringly and his hips finally stuttered as he moaned at your words.
His thrusts got sloppy and so did his kisses as he finally came, shooting rope after rope of his load inside you, painting your walls the prettiest white. His sweat covered body immediately fell limp and his head pressed against your chest.
The two of you basked in each other, soaking up the moment. You absentmindedly ran your fingers through his hair until Namjoon shifted, his softening cock sliding out of you as he flopped down next to you on the bed.
“Did Sena really go back to sleep that quickly?” He finally said, making you laugh out loud.
“You want to talk about the baby when you just finished rearranging my guts?” You turn on your side and prop yourself up on your elbow to look down at him.
“Is that what people are calling it now?” He smiles and turns to lay on his side as well, mirroring your pose.
“You’re endearing, Kim Namjoon.” The smile on your face hurts your cheeks.
“You’re beautiful, nae sarang.” He closes the small space between you and leaves a sweet kiss against your lips. “Shower?” He says between kisses. You hum in agreement.
Namjoon sits up on the bed, and the clock that sits on your bedside table comes into view, revealing that it’s 12:08pm, and officially the new year. What a way to start it, was all you could think.
“Happy new year, Joon.” You grab his hand before he can get up from the bed. He smiles and looks down at the clock as well.
“Happy new year.” He leans back to kiss you once more, before coaxing your spent body out of the bed to join him in the shower.
When the sun comes up and your babies are out of their beds, you know things will have to be discussed. What the two of you want. What you really want. How you can make things work so that all these misunderstandings and miscommunications don’t happen again. You know there’s so much to say and so much to hear. And you’ll listen, and so will he, so that you can find that place between the lines that makes sense for you both.
But until the sun comes up and a new day starts, you have now, and you have him.
tagging: @playmetheclassics cuz she said to <3
