#retired 141

[eevee-of-eternity]

Head chef Johnny gets to mouthy and frustrated, su chef Simon scruffs him and drags him to the walk in to do a little attitude adjustment.

[moody-alcoholic]

Chapter 1 - The Job.

I just don't know when to stop, if I don't have like 20 projects going at once I get bored. I waited until I had a name though, no longer will I be titling everything 'untitled XYZ fic. It was actually my fiancée who came up with the name.

Work summary: 141 retired and decided to open a delivery company. Only it's not a delivery company, it's a cover for less legal practices. Need a creepy stalker out your life? Someone owes you money? You need to disappear to a new life? Special Delivery Service has got you covered, for a reasonable fee.

Chapter Summary: 5.5k words, Simon x reader, female reader, name used: Dani (this is just personal preference, I don't like using Y/N.) You accept a job offer to work as an office admin for a commercial delivery company. Only the job is not quite as it seems and you come to learn neither are the people you work for.

CW: mentions of abusive ex, alcohol, language, flashbacks of domestic abuse.

masterlist - next

AO3 link

Enjoy <3

You see the job listing towards the bottom of the page: 

Office admin wanted! To start immediately. MUST have a background in logistics.  Send CV to: [email protected] Competitive salary. 

It was short, sweet, to the point and the most promising job posting you had seen all day. You had a background in logistics, you’d just spent the last 3 years working as a supply chain manager. Mainly it was just organising warehouse deliveries but it was experience none the less. You copy the e-mail and send the CV, with a job posting like this you didn’t expect to hear a response back for a few days.

It was already 8pm you’d been applying for jobs all day. You decided to give up for tonight, the sofa and the TV were calling you. You head into the kitchen rummaging through the fridge to see what sad meal you would cook up tonight. You pull out a box of Chinese leftovers, they still smell good. You tip them on a plate throwing it in the microwave as you pour yourself a glass of wine. Turning the TV on channel surfing when your phone starts ringing, you go to pick it up. It’s not a number you know but you swallow your nerves accepting it in case it’s about a job. 

“Hello?” You say.

“Hello is this Dani” A male voice comes through the other end.

“Yeah,” You reply feeling nervous all of a sudden, you sip the wine. 

“You applied for the office admin job?” The voice says back. You have to think for a second, he can’t mean the job you literally applied for less then 10 minutes ago. You look back over at the laptop screen the e-mail still open.

“Hello?” the voice says.

“Yes, sorry yeah, wow I didn’t expect to hear back so quickly.”

“Yeah, we need someone to start immediately, can you come down for an interview tomorrow?” 

“Sure what time?” You ask, you need this job, you need to get back on your feet. 

“I’ll message you the time, and the address.” He says, you hear noise in the background sounds like a door slamming.

“Thank you,” you say as you hear the microwave beep. 

“No problem, see you tomorrow.” He says and hangs up the phone. You take your food out the microwave and flop down on the sofa tuning into whatever soap was playing on the TV. You’re halfway through your food when you get a text with the address and a time. 10am. You copy the address and put it into google, now is a better time then ever to find out about this company. Special Delivery Service, SDS, you don’t know why that makes you chuckle, it makes you think of DFS, the sofa company. The address is close by only a few streets actually, you could walk there in about 20 minutes, that’s convenient at least. From the looks of the website it’s a commercial delivery company. ‘Discretion is our specialty’ it says as you continue reading, there is not much info just how to contact them for a quote. The pictures are mainly stock images bar the logo.

You’d never heard of them before but it’s not exactly like you’re in the market for commercial deliveries, it has good ratings though, that means something. You throw the phone to the side turning back to the TV. This was good, this is a good start it’s what you need to move on, maybe even a fresh start. It feels like the right time, newly out of toxic relationship, made redundant, all in less then a month.

Maybe you could use a nice change of pace, or maybe you would go to the interview tomorrow and it will be a complete waste of time. Either way it’s a step in the right direction and at least your mum will be happy you’ve found a job, you’re pretty sure she was dreading the thought of having to financially support you until you were back on your feet. Now you were definitely hoping the interview would will go well, the thought of having to rely on your mother to support you was the worst. You would rather ask your ex, Lord knows he owes you one. You finish the food and lounge around watching TV until you start to dose off. You peal yourself off the couch heading into bed, a good nights rest will do you good, besides you want to make a good impression tomorrow. 

—————————— 

You get to the building early, it’s sunny weather for once and you can see the large doors to the building flung open. You peak in and see delivery vans, the whole place looks like it was an ex-mechanic shop. A figure catches the corner of your eye, he’s talking to another man walking across the floor, you can’t hear what they’re saying but the shorter man seems enthusiastic about something. Before you can get a better look they disappear out of your line of sight. You look over to what you assume is the customer entrance, and walk in. There is a man sat behind the counter, he seems distracted by something angrily typing on a computer. He sighs as you reach the desk, his eyes flicking up to you, he scoots back in the chair.

“How can I help?” He asks, his demeanour changing, he’s got a nice smile. 

“I’m here for an interview,” You say suddenly feeling nervous. He nods getting up.

“Yeah of course, come through.” He says opening a hidden door in the counter and you walk though. He leads you through to the main room it still smells of fuel, this place definitely used to be a mechanic shop, you can see the covered up pits on the floor where they would access under the cars.

Your attention is drawn to the sound of laughing and you see the two men from earlier stood round a coffee machine. The taller man has his back turned to you while the shorter man is chuckling, hitting the taller man on the back. His eyes move to you, he’s fit, well built, tanned skin, he runs his hand through his slick mohawk, you could have swore he just winked at you. You turn your attention back to the man leading you as you reach a metal staircase.

The second floor-if you can even call it that-is furnished with sofa’s and a kitchenette, you can see a dart board and what looks like a pool table. Looks like a cool place to hangout. You feel bad for not asking the man his name as he leads you an office door. He knocks and you both wait. 

“Come in!” a voice calls, you think you recognise it, its the same person you spoke to on the phone yesterday. The door opens and you walk in. You look at the man sat behind the desk, he looks older then the other people you’ve seen, his beard makes him look older then you suspect for some reason, you can see the bags under his eyes like he could do with long nap.

“Thanks Kyle,” He says as you walk in. Okay, his name was Kyle you’d have to remember that. He nods leaving the room closing the door behind you. The man behind the desk gets up as you walk over to him. He comes round putting his hand out for you to shake it.

“John Price,” he says as he nods at you smiling. You nod back.

“Sit please, coffee? Tea?” He gestures to the chair and walks back round the desk. 

“I’m fine, thank you.” You look up at him smiling as you sit down. His office walls are massive windows looking down on the room below you can see people moving around now opening the back of the vans. You look back up at him as he takes a paper in his hand. 

“3 years as a supply chain manager, studied business in college, pretty impressive.” He says putting the paper back down. 

“Thank you,” you say, not that it’s really that impressive the only reason you did a business course was to make your parents happy. You had no idea what you wanted to do when you finished secondary school. 

“So do you have any experience in warehouse management?” He asks leaning forward on the desk. 

“Well at my last job towards the end, there was a lot of inventory organisation and I was pretty much left in charge of clearing the whole place out before the business went under.” You say, you’re not sure if that’s what he’s expecting, to be honest with the little research you managed to do and the vague job posting you were not sure what to expect. 

“The jobs pretty simple. There are three main aspects, the first is the most important; the clients send us a list of good they need transporting, it’ll be your job to assign it to a driver then create the invoices, paperwork, the system is already pretty automatic. A lot of it is just data entry if I’m being honest.” You smile at him as he continues, so far it seems like a pretty easy job. 

“The second part is when a client sends a special request, the system is not set up to handle them yet so they can come through as errors, with just an e-mail address attached. If you can assign them to someone great if not forward them on to me. The system will let you know if a driver has available delivery slots.” You nod as he finishes, you could handle this, data entry, assigning jobs to people, easy. 

“Sounds good so far.” You reply. He nods. 

“The last part is just your general office admin work, you’ll man the front desk, answer the phone, the boys will tell you if they need supplies ordering that kind of stuff. The hours are standard 9 to 5, 5 days a week, we’re closed Saturday Sunday.” He says spinning round in his chair and taking some paper from the printer. 

“I live close by actually it’s really convenient.” You say. 

“That’s nice, if you want the job I have a contract ready, you can start tomorrow then you’ll have the weekend off.” He says spinning back round straightening the paper out. That’s sudden, the job did say start immediately though, and you really need this job. 

“Of course, that’s great.” You say smiling, hoping he can’t see your hesitation. He pushes the stack of papers towards you, you flick through the first few pages of standard workers rights. 

“You’ll get 2 weeks paid vacation a year, sick leave and maternity leave should you need it kick in after a month of probation.” He explains, pretty standard. You flick through it to the end page with the salary break down. Holy shit! 

“The job requires a certain level of…Discretion.” He explains. “You’re compensated for the inconvenience.” 

“What like I can’t tell people were I work?” You ask confused. He looks at you like he’s trying to think of what to say. 

“We have clients who expect their information to be handled, appropriately. On top of that some of your colleagues like to keep their work and home life separate.” He says eventually, you frown. That’s strange and he didn’t answer your question. You nod like you understand though, regardless you’ll take the 'hush money.' Especially since you’ll be making more then you’ve never made for what is basically a data entry job, and maybe having to answer the phone a few times. It almost seems to good to be true. You skim over the rest of the legal jargon and company rules. 

“Any questions?” He asks as you pick up a pen, you shake your head and sign both pieces of the paper, then hand it to him. He smiles signing it too and ripping off one of the pages handing it back to you. 

“One last thing.” He says hesitating for a second. “Do you have a criminal record?” 

“No,” you shake your head. He stands nodding and you get up too, as he walks round the desk, heading for the door to his office and you follow him. 

“I’ll get one of the boys to show you round before you leave.” He says opening the door.

“MacTavish!” He calls as you follow him out the room. You watch as a man appears at the bottom of the steps, it’s the guy from earlier who was laughing. He’s defiantly good looking there’s no denying it. 

“Come show our new recruit around.” He nods coming up the stairs. 

“If you have any questions let me know and I’ll e-mail you a full copy of your contract.” John says as he puts his hand out and you shake it. 

“I will thank you,” you smile and he heads back into his office. 

“John MacTavish!” The man says extending his hand out to you, he’s got an accent for a second you look at him confused.

“Another John?” You ask as you shake his hand. 

“Aye, most people call me Johnny though.” He winks. Now you’re sure he winked at you earlier. He walks round you over to the sofa’s and the pool table. 

“This is where we chill out between deliveries, or just in general. Do you play?” He asks pointing at the pool table. 

“Once or twice, at the pub.” You say. You’re still trying to pin his accent, Welsh or Scottish? You’re too embarrassed to ask. He comes back over to you and you see he’s walking with a limp, it’s especially obvious as you follow him down the steps and he has to grip the banister for support. 

“This is were we load the vans up with anything we need, toilets over there and next to them is the store room.” He says pointing to the rooms directly under the upstairs office. There are metal shelves filled with all different kinds of things from basic office supplies to what looks like medical equipment and machinery. The store room door is the only door you’ve seen with a key-code lock on it, makes sense. There is a long table surrounded by chairs and a projector against a far wall. You look over to see another man sat at the table typing on a laptop. 

“This is Simon, Simon Riley.” Johnny says as he takes you over. He’s wearing a hoodie pulled over his head and a black surgical mask. Maybe he’s a clean freak? Or maybe this was what John meant by ‘Your colleagues like to keep their work and home life separate.’ You extend your hand out too him as you approach. 

“Nice to meet you.” You say, he looks up at you for a second. His eyes are beautiful, a dark caramel, thick eyebrows and you can see strands of blonde hair peaking out from under his hood. He shakes your hand, his grip is firm, you swallow hard. He’s giving off a different vibe then the rest of the people you’ve met so far, you almost want to run away from him. 

“Don’t worry about him he’s always grumpy in the morning.” Johnny says leaning into your ear. Simon rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to typing on the laptop. John, Johnny, Simon and Kyle, you repeat the names in your head so they’re burned into your memory. Johnny continues his tour showing you round the main floor, you were right as he explained the building used to be a mechanics until they took it over. Before that it was an abandoned munitions processing plant from the second world war. The building did look old, stylish red brick, huge arched windows that let in a lot of natural light. The doors were even old on rollers, thick and wooden. The more you looked around the more it reminded you of the old workhouses you’d seen in history books. Johnny leads you through to the lobby, the only part of the building that seems to have been renovated in the last 10 years. 

“This is Kyle Garrick, we call him Gaz.” Johnny says as Kyle stands up and you shake his hand. He’s fit too, dark skinned, short hair and he’s got a lovely smile, London accent you can tell he’s local too. 

“This will be where you work.” Johnny says pulling the chair out. 

“I’m sure Price will give you the rundown tomorrow on how the system works, we’re still working on getting it up and running properly.” Johnny says enthusiastically. You nod looking round at the desk, there is a large printer/photocopier in the corner and a plant that looks like it’s seen better days. At least the computer is up to date and honestly you can work with this. 

“So nervous for your first day?” Johnny asks as Kyle sits back down. 

“Not really.” You say smiling. 

“Good lass, that’s what we like to hear!” Johnny says patting you on the shoulder. Scottish, definitely Scottish. Kyle chuckles as he goes back to typing on the computer. You feel like now is the best time to take your leave. You thank Johnny and tell them both you’ll see them tomorrow. 

“Wait a second lass, here.” Johnny reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a business card.

“Any questions drop me a message.” He smiles. You nod pocketing the card and heading out. You look back at the building as you leave seeing Johnny wave, you wave back awkwardly. Why would anyone care about keeping there home and work life separate when you work for a simple delivery company? You think back to Simon with the mask, maybe he’s just hygienic? Regardless it was a good job, close to home and good pay. You wouldn’t have to rely on your mum or your ex to get you through the month. At least that was a weight off your shoulders.  

—————————— 

Later that evening your mother calls.

“Hey mum.” You say as you reluctantly pick up the call, not really feeling in the mood for her energetic energy, especially after Johnny’s enthusiastic tour.   

“Hey sweetie! I was just thinking about you today and I thought I would call to tell you, Anne from church has a job opening at her son’s restaurant. You know Chris? He works at that nice Italian place, well I said you were looking for a job and Anne said she would put in a good word.” You sigh as you let your mother talk. 

“It’s okay mum I got a job today actually. I went for an interview and they offered me the job on the spot.” You say.

“Oh sweetie that’s amazing where is it?” She asks, you pause, maybe telling your over sharing mother about a job you were warned required discretion was not the best idea. 

“It’s just a small firm in the city centre, they were looking for a logistical analyst.” You say lying through your teeth. 

“Oh well that sounds fancy, I hope it pays well if you’ll have to be trudging into the centre of London everyday.” You hear her chuckle.

“It does mum don’t worry, I start tomorrow actually.” 

“That’s fantastic, I’m sure you’ll do great.” 

“Thanks mum.” You say smiling. There’s a pause on the line.

“Have you spoken to Joe?” She asks, you sigh. 

“No mother I have not spoken to him since we broke up.” You reply bitterly wanting to end the conversation now.  

“He’s been asking about you, you blocked him or ignored him or something but sweetie I think you should talk to him he misses you.” You sigh, of course he’s turned on your mum, your sweet mother who couldn’t hurt a fly and always sees the best in people. Even toxic abusers. 

“I’ll think about it mum, look I have to go I have an early start tomorrow.” You say.

“Okay well get a good rest and good luck for tomorrow I love you.” She says.

“I love you too,” you reply and hang up.

That night you dream of your ex. You’re still with him trapped in the cycle of wake, make him happy, work, make him happy, sleep, repeat. The verbal abuse, the physical abuse, the days he would lock you in the bathroom for hours on end.

You took the lock off the door when he moved out. You’re not sure why it just felt like the right thing to do. You bought a deadbolt for the front door and no longer sleep with the windows open, fearing he could scale the apartment building to get to you. That’s what he does in your dreams, he gets around all the precautions you put in place. You dream of him being in your space, questioning everything you do, insisting on checking your phone and e-mails, even your work ones. Anytime a male’s name came up he would grill you about it for hours, no matter what you said it always felt like he never believed you. But then he would make you feel good, take you to the bedroom and treat you like a princess and it was like he was a different person. 

‘He’s just protective sweetie’ your mother says. ‘He loves you.’ The bruises on your arm would say otherwise, wearing turtle necks in summer became your fashion statement for at least a year. ‘He probably doesn’t mean it have you tried talking to him?’ Your brother was no better, to busy with uni to care, too much of a mans man to understand. He’s gone now though and that’s what you have to remember, it’s easier said then done. 

 —————————— 

The next morning you show up early. Your body feels heavy after the restless night. You walk in seeing John bent over Kyle’s shoulder as their looking at something on the computer behind the counter. 

“Hey, maybe you can figure this out, we’ve been trying to get these documents to copy over and it’s just not working.” Price says as he steps back you walk round watching Kyle trying to drag and drop a file into a folder. An administrative error pops up. 

“Mind if I?” You gesture for Kyle to move he holds his hands up rolling away on the chair as you try again. You’re not the most competent with computers but you could probably figure it out. You try compressing the file first then moving it and it works. 

“What did you do?” Kyle asks.

“I think the file was too big so I compressed it, do you need it sent in an e-mail?” You ask looking at John.

“Yes please if you don’t mind.” You nod. 

“Coffee?” Kyle asks as he gets up out the seat heading into the main building. 

“Yes please.” You say turning to smile at him and pulling the chair over so you can sit down. Price explains how everything works as you get situated. He shows you the documents on the computer for how to answer the phone, and deal with walk in requests. The ‘system’ they have set up for assigning deliveries is basically just a glorified spreadsheet which is good, you can work with that it’s not too far out of your comfort zone. 

“If you have any questions just call, there is a direct line to my office if you press 1 on the phone.” You nod trying to take it all in as Kyle comes back with a cup of coffee. 

“I didn’t know how you took it so I just did milk.” He says. 

“That’s fine thank you.” You reply, as he places it next to you. Then heads back. John tells you again to ask if you need anything then also leaves you too it. You’re looking through the computer making sure you defiantly understand everything when Simon and Johnny walk in. 

“Morning,” you say to them smiling.

“Morning lass, guess we didn’t scare you away yesterday!” Johnny beams, he seems to have too much energy especially compered to Simon who is still sporting his hoodie and mask combo. His eyes lock onto you as he walks through the lobby, his glare sending shivers down your spine. In a strange way, you’re not scared of him, more intrigued. He walks through the counter to the main floor without saying anything. 

“Sorry, he’s a rude bastard when he hasn’t had a coffee yet.” Johnny says.

“It’s okay,” you shake your head. You look through the window into the main floor watching Gaz open the large garage doors out to the street. 

“Hey, if we’re both around at 12 want to get lunch together? I know this great sandwich place down the road my treat!” Johnny says. You nod, he really has a way of putting you at ease with his palpable bubbly energy. 

“Right, I’ll see ya then lass,” he says and he heads through. 

The morning goes quick or maybe it’s because everything feels so new and foreign that it takes you a lot of concentration to make sure you’re doing it right. Before you even try to do anything you’re already calling John in his office about the names, instead of it being Johnny, Simon and Kyle, it’s Gaz, Soap and Ghost. Gaz you remember but the other two it’s a 50/50. John laughs and tells you Soap is Johnny and Ghost is Simon.

Each time you give them a job they stick their heads round the door to pick up the invoice, you try to make it a habit of printing it out as soon as you assign the job, so it’s ready when they come in. You purposely give Simon a job over lunch so Johnny is free, it’s a little cheeky for your first day but you wouldn’t mind spending more time with Johnny. 

When lunch comes around Johnny shows you how to set the phone to go to Price’s office and you both leave. The shop is right round the corner but by this time of the day it’s packed with people on their lunch break, you order your sandwiches to go and head back to work to eat them there. You’re both sat upstairs in on the sofa’s, it is nice up here and you can see down to the floor below you gives you something to watch while you eat. 

“How’s your first day been so far then?” Johnny asks.

“Fine, it’s just getting used to the system that might take a while.” You confess.

“Yeah, you’re doing great though, my jobs have been smooth and easy all day.” He says. You nod. 

“So how did you all meet?” You ask.

“Now that’s a story!” He says sitting up in his chair. 

“We were all military together, SAS.” He says. That explains the company name Special Delivery Service, you chuckle it’s cute, funny now you get it.

“Why’d you quit?” You ask. 

“Our time was up we chose not to re-enlist, it was Simon’s idea to start a delivery company, something easy we could do in retirement.” He says smiling at your interest. 

“Did you ever kill anyone?” You ask, but then immediately regret it, you don’t know if that’s an appropriate question to ask. Johnny just laughs.

“Someone's got to deal with the bad guys.” He says winking. 

“Don’t mean they didn’t fight back. Got a nice fucked up knee to show for it.” Johnny says slapping his left leg. That explains the limp he always has when hes walking. 

“Has John always been your boss?” You ask moving it away from killing people and being shot.

“Price, yeah he was our captain, it just felt right letting him continue to tell us what to do.” Johnny explains, chuckling. You nod listening to him talk about their life in the military, he’s careful not to go too into specifics, but enough for you to understand it seemed like it was quite a dangerous job. Johnny mentioned something about bombs at one point, that’s scary. 

“I bet you travelled a lot though?” You ask finishing your sandwich. 

“Oh yeah! That was one of the perks I guess, been all over the place, met some great people.” Johnny says naming a bunch of countries off. You watch as Simon comes back reversing the van into the bay. He jumps out and heads straight into the store room. That reminded you you needed to ask for the code. Johnny gets up checking his watch and throwing his trash in the bin. 

“Got a delivery to make, I’ll see you later.” He says heading to the stairs. You nod smiling. When you’re done you knock on John’s door before you head downstairs. 

“Come in!” He calls. You go in, for some reason you get this feeling like you’re back at school walking into a teachers office about to ask them for the key to the storage room to get more paper. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” he asks smiling, it almost immediately puts you at ease. 

“Good, I was just wondering, the store room, Johnny showed me yesterday but he didn’t give me the code.” You explain. Price nods his head. 

“You don’t need the code, it’s for the drivers only, it’s where we keep, sensitive equipment.” He explains. You nod feeling heat rush to your cheeks, maybe you should have asked Johnny instead saved yourself the embarrassment of this conversation. 

“Got it, thank you.” You nod leaving the room and closing the door behind you. What kind of sensitive equipment? You hadn’t seen anyone moving anything in or out of there, and you’re pretty sure you saw Simon go in empty handed just now. You’re just more curious then ever. You look down the steps at Simon making his way up with a mug of tea in his hand. You wait until he has reached the top of the stairs before heading down. You smile at him, you can’t tell if he’s smiling back with the mask but you’re assuming he’s not. You make your way back down as he walks into John’s office without knocking. 

The rest of the day seems to go by slower, your mind obsessing over the store room for some reason. It’s like an itch you need to scratch, you find yourself looking over to check it now and again. You get a few of those ‘special request’s’ John warned you about, you try to assign them but it doesn’t work. Clearly the system does not like it so you send them off to John. It’s almost like they’re encrypted, maybe you could figure out how to fix it and stop the system from freezing up every time it happens, a task for next week you think.

Jobs stop coming through around 3 and you spend the last few hours of your shift catching up on the other part of your admin job, then you find yourself cleaning the coffee machine. Johnny and Gaz leave early, apparently this is normal for Friday, you wish them a good weekend as they leave going out the vehicle entrance closing the garage doors behind them. You head to use the bathroom next, as you’re washing your hands you hear the door of the store room beep open and the sound of feet running in and out. You hear it open but you don’t hear it close.

You hold your breath, could it be? It’s open. You’re excited for some reason. You quickly slip out cracking the door. Sure enough the door didn’t fully close it’s stuck on the latch. Your curiosity gets the better of you, you can’t help it. You look round quickly, you don’t see anyone, you don’t hear anyone. You push the door open, it’s dark you can’t see inside. You take a step in and an automatic light flicks on. You gasp as you look around the room. It’s way bigger then you expected, so big there is enough room for a table in the middle. Each part of the wall is covered in weapons, knifes, somethings you don’t even know what they would be but they look scary.

The hairs are standing up on the back of your neck, it’s almost like your fight or flight has kicked in as your eyes widen. There are crates everywhere some open with what look like boxes of ammo. You let out a breath feeling fear rise in you, maybe it was airsoft? You move to look in one of the crates near the entrance. Nope those are real bullets. You shouldn’t have seen this you feel panic rising. This is bad and very illegal. You start to back out the room, slowly you’re trying to be as quiet as possible. Your body hits something, not something someone. You hear a sigh. 

“And what do you think you’re doing?” It’s Simon. You slowly turn his head is tilted to the side his brow creased as his gaze burns into you. Fuck.

Next

Banners by Firefly Graphics

[vixhound]

Having ‘mtf!Ghost who transitions after retirement’ thoughts

So here’s her coming out to Price

I imagine she tells Price over a smoke. They sit out on the porch of Price’s home, enjoying each other’s company in the dying light as the sun comes to rest.

It becomes a bit of tradition that Ghost pops by at least once a week to keep the old man company. They talk about anything and everything except for their time in the military.

Yes they made it out but that time brings enough darkness into their dreams. These visits are about peace and safety. No need to taint it.

Ghost drops it casually in a lapse of silence. Just a blunt

“I’m going to transition, be a woman.”

Price unfortunately for himself was puffing at his cigar when the news is dropped. He inhales the smoke, a mistake he’s not made since his first cigar, and has a horrid coughing fit.

Once it settles he can’t help but give Ghost an exasperated look.

“I know you did that on purpose you cheeky little shite.”

The smirk on her face only confirms it.

“Well, I’m happy for you. You gonna change your name then?”

“Think I’ll just go by Riley.” She shrugs and that settles it.

They go back to their night as they always do. Have a smoke, a cuppa, and he walks her to her car.

“Get home safe Riley.”

“Always, Captain.”

[moody-alcoholic]

Chapter 5 - The Bait

Summary: 5.1k words. 141 decide what they're going to do about your ex, leave it to the police or get themselves involved. Either way they're going to need your help. Also Simon has feelings...

CW: Smoking, language, abusive ex, stalking, mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of a suicide (Not reader or 141), violations of privacy, physical violence, blood, hurt/comfort, angst, mental health, mentions of trauma.

Previous - masterlist - Next AO3

Enjoy <3

She hasn’t moved from the spot at the table, her fingers still running over the photos. Simon was stood by the door waiting for Price to arrive. Simon told him not to knock, he left the door open telling him to just walk in.

As soon as he does Simon locks the door behind him. Her head snaps up to look at Price then back down to the photos. Price sighs looking at the damage to the window.

“You stayed the night?” Price asks him quietly so she can’t hear. 

“He came to her door.” Simon replies just as quiet, Price sighs.

“Not getting to lost in the mission are you?” 

“No sir.” Simon replies, it’s a lie. Simon turns to look at Price. He knows Price can tell, Price can read him like a book. Truth is he’s in way too deep, there is something about you he can’t quite put his finger on. He want’s to be around you all the time like he can’t get enough of you. Johnny would say it’s something silly like ‘it’s love at first sight.’

It’s been years since Simon has had any kind of feelings he would relate to love. Maybe that’s what this was. There was something burning inside him a need to touch you, be near you. At least at work he could avoid you, push the thoughts away focus on the job. Being here in your flat, talking, opening up, watching you sleep. It was a good feeling, a feeling that made his heart skip. Maybe Johnny was right. 

“What’s the problem?” Price asked crossing his arms looking back over at her.

“She wants to call the police.” Simon says. 

“Okay then let her.” he replies.

“Then we have to back off.” Simon says through gritted teeth. Price sighs. 

“Throwing bricks through windows this isn’t just a simple stalking problem anymore.” Simon says thinking back the colourful letter that came with the photos. Price hums, he’s thinking. 

“Don’t think a simple talk will sort this one?” He asks eventually. Simon shakes his head. It’s been a while since they’ve had such an extreme stalker case. Most of the time a stern word and a few vague threats are enough to get most people to back off. If that doesn’t work a little bit of blackmail and a few knocks to the head usually do it. This time it’s different.  

“Let her call the police, get the restraining order I’ll talk to Soap and Gaz.” Price says smiling at her as she looks at him. At least he’s trying to put her at ease. He looks round the flat one more time before going to leave. 

“Actually, you should get Gaz here to check for bugs, wouldn’t be surprised if you found some.” Shit he hadn’t even thought about that. Simon pulls his phone out to text Gaz as Price leaves. He goes back over and sits at the table. 

You watch as Simon types on his phone, he sits down looking up at you.

“What did Price want?” You ask. 

“Checking to make sure you’re okay.” Simon says putting his phone away. 

“Do you still want to call the police?” He asks, you nod reaching for your phone. Simon nods and moves to get up.

“Stay,” you say looking up at him. He must be able to see something in your eyes as he immediately sits back down.

“I’ll stay,” he says, nodding at you. You almost want to reach across and grab his hand, you swallow instead calling the non-emergency number.

It’s about another 20 minutes before two officers show up. Simon lets them in, they’re nice enough, one is a woman and that puts you at ease. You answer their questions while they collect evidence including the brick, the letter and the photos. By the time they’re done you feel drained, they talk to Simon too taking his details, witness statement.

They explain with the evidence they have they might be able to make an arrest. That makes you feel better knowing he’ll be locked up. Getting the restraining order might take some time. If he is arrested you’ll be granted an emergency one for the time being. You listen to what they’re saying and thank them when they leave. You turn back to Simon letting out a breath. The smashed window has let the cold in and you shiver. 

“You should take a nap, you look exhausted.” He says, you shake your head. There is no way you would be able to sleep now. Or at least not a sleep that won’t be riddled with nightmares. There’s a soft knock at the door. Simon is already on his feet before your head even gets a chance to look. He opens it and you see Kyle, with a laptop under his arm.

“What happened?” He asks when he sees the state of the flat. You were not looking forward to cleaning all the glass up. You stand going to the bathroom where the cleaning supplies are while Simon explains the situation to Kyle. You wonder what he’s doing here. You don’t have to wonder for long as when you come out the bathroom with a dustpan and brush Simon is already waiting for you. 

“Gaz is going to check the place for bugs, cameras, what not.” Simon says. You feel sick, you hadn’t ever thought about that, your hand grips the broom tighter. 

“D-do you think he’ll find anything?” You ask your mouth suddenly dry. Please say no. 

“I hope not,” He says his hand finding it’s way to squeeze your arm. He sounds sad about something, you look up at him. You can’t tell what he’s thinking, you like feeling his hand on you. 

“I’ll start in the bathroom.” Kyle says, Simon drops his hand. You nod at him and force a smile going over to start sweeping the glass. Simon says he’ll call a someone to replace the window, apparently he knows a guy.

The cleaning is a good distraction and Simon comes over to help finding a box for you to put the glass in. You’re on the balcony when you see Kyle come out the bedroom into the living room. You sit down on one of the patio chairs as you tip the last collection of glass in the box. You look up at Simon. 

“I could kill for a cigarette.” You say letting out a breath, Simon smiles and heads back inside. You watch as he goes over to his jacket pocket coming back out with a packet and a lighter. He smokes the same brand as you. He passes you one and you’re almost shaking trying to light it. You take a deep suck in letting the smoke warm your lungs you watch Simon light one too leaning up against the balcony wall. 

“You don’t have to stick around.” You say eventually. Simon looks at you almost like he doesn’t understand what you’re saying. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Simon asks.

“No,” you blurt out a little too quickly. You don’t want to be alone right now, not that you’ll ever admit that. 

“I mean if you have work or something.” You take another puff of the cigarette. 

“Right now this is my work.” He says looking back inside as Kyle’s walking around the room. You suddenly feel exposed being out on the balcony, the photo’s you saw earlier flashing back in your head. You rub the rest of your cigarette out on the wall and throw it in the box with glass. You want to get out of this flat even if it’s just for a few hours. 

“I think I’m going to go into work.” You say as you head for the balcony door. 

“I’ll come with you.” Simon says flicking the cigarette butt on the floor and stamping it out. 

“Gaz stay here, there’s a guy coming to fix the window in about an hour.” You hear Simon say as you go into the bedroom closing the door. You sit down on the end of your bed putting your head in your hands. You don’t want to go to work, you want to just curl up in bed and do nothing. But you need to get out this flat, even if it is just for a few hours.

 If nothing work will be a good distraction. You let yourself take a second to processes what’s happened. The brick through the window, the searching for hidden cameras. Spending the night with Simon in your flat. Your emotions are all over the place. You’re starting to feel overwhelmed. You stand up pushing the feelings away. You’ll deal with them later.

——————————

When you get to work Simon leads you straight up to John’s office. He drags you in without knocking and you stand there sheepishly not quite knowing what’s about to happen. You hear John sigh as he puts down whatever he was working on. 

“We need a plan and I want her to be involved.” Simon says. You’re taken aback by how direct he is. You try to remember what he was telling you last night about how he met them but you were so exhausted, you fell asleep after a few anecdotes. John looks over at you then back to Simon. He stands up, you feel like you can see something in his eyes. Annoyance? But not at you at Simon. 

“Come on.” He says as he walks past Simon out the office. Johnny is making his way up the stairs as you all pile out. John tells him to turn around and you’re being lead to the storeroom. You grip Simon’s shirt and he turns to look at you. 

“It’s okay,” Simon says and before you know it you’re in the room. It doesn’t look as scary as you remember. There’s a smell you can’t quite place, a smell of metal and rubber. Everyone walks over to the table in the middle as John brings a laptop over from one of the counters. 

“What’s the plan then?” John asks as he stands back folding his arms. Johnny catches your eye and smiles at you, that puts you at ease. 

“Let’s lure him out, grab him before the police do.” Simon says. 

“So the police are involved?” Johnny asks. Simon explains what happened this morning as well as the police saying they think they will have enough evidence to charge him. 

“Why not let the police just handle it?” Johnny asks looking at John, who’s still standing over the laptop with his arms crossed. 

“It’s not just a simple stalker anymore, he’s violent throwing around threats. If he get’s bail who knows what he could do.” Simon says. Johnny nods. The storeroom door opens and Kyle walks in. He looks surprised to see you in there but he comes over to the table anyway. 

“Your guy was late.” He says dropping something on the table. You don’t quite know what it is it looks like a bunch of wires. Simon picks one up in his hand you can see it’s a tiny camera. 

“Where?” You ask Kyle as he moves to put his laptop away. 

“You don’t want to know, trust me.” He says.

“I do, I want to know please.” You ask almost begging, your mind going to the worst places they could have been. The bathroom, in the shower, looking at you on the toilet. In your bedroom, watching you sleep. The thought sent shivers up your spine. You look over at Simon he’s still inspecting the camera in his hand. It’s small, they all are. 

“These two were in the bathroom, this one was in the bedroom.” Kyle says picking them up.

“That one was in the kitchen.” He says as he takes the camera from Simon’s hand. 

“Do they record?” You ask swallowing the lump away. Kyle shakes his head.

“Live feed only, and you would have to be close to access them.” Kyle explains. That’s some comfort at least. Or is it? You’ve still been spied on your privacy violated. Knowing he only had to be a wall away from you to view them. You feel sick. 

“Should we tell the police?” You ask to the room. 

“Yeah, we’ll tell them, after we’ve had a chat with him.” Simon says, he sounds angry. John sighs, you feel like they want to talk about something but they can’t with you around. Johnny seems to pick up on that too. Walking round the table to meet you. 

“C’mon lass let’s get something to eat you look like you could use it.” Johnny says, you mindlessly follow him out the room, watching Simon’s eyes dig into John like they’re mentally communicating something. 

Johnny takes you back to the same sandwich shop. You’re not hungry but you get something anyway, because if you didn’t Johnny threatened to force feed you. He leads you back to work and you both sit on the sofa’s upstairs. 

“You don’t do deliveries do you?” You ask Johnny, while you pick at the bread on your sandwich.

“Sometimes we do, we have to keep some kind of cover.” Johnny chuckles. “Cannie file our taxes as ‘blackmailed a stalker.’ Easier as ‘delivery to some office.’” 

“Is that what you do blackmail stalkers to get them to stop?” You ask before he changes the subject.

“Sometimes, sometimes we have to be a bit more aggressive.” He says taking a bite out his sandwich. 

“What kind of things do you do?” You ask. Now is the time to push him, he might give you some answers.

“Nothing you need to worry yourself with lass.” He says, you sigh. You’ve lost your chance.

“What about me?” You ask. “What would you do for my situation?” Johnny hums, he looks at you thinking for a second. 

“I would let the police deal with this one, if he’s as bad as he seems. They have enough evidence to lock him up for this. Most of the time when people come to us they’ve already been down the police route. That or they’re involved in something illegal and need, discretion.” He explains.

That was more then you were expecting, maybe they were just being open with you now. They let you in the storeroom, they let you listen on how they plan things. Maybe they trust you. Or maybe they can blackmail you into silence. 

“Seems like Simon’s taken a personal interest in your case though.” Johnny says. You frown at him. 

“What do you mean?” You ask. Johnny is about to reply when the storeroom door slams closed. You watch as Simon makes his way up the steps to you both. 

“I need to have a word with her, Price will catch you up with what you’ve missed.” Simon says gesturing for him to get out the chair. He doesn’t seem too impressed being forced to move huffing and wrapping his sandwich up. You feel nervous all of a sudden as Simon takes Johnny’s spot. 

“How's the sandwich?” He asks, casual, like they weren’t just planning on grabbing your ex, whatever that means.

“I’m not really hungry.” You say offering it to him, you’ve never seen him eat now you think about it. Only sip cups of tea, like a lot of tea. He shakes his head, you wrap it up placing it on the coffee table and scooting over to him. 

“We’ve got a plan. All you need to know about the plan is your role.” He says leaning forward. 

“My role?” You ask, trying not to sound nervous. Simon nods.

“The best way to get a stalker out is to bait them out, like what you did with your post. If we want to get him we have to move tonight. Otherwise the police will have him and we don’t know what will happen after that. The easiest way to get him out is for you to set up a meeting with him. You’ll be the bait.” He explains.

You gulp, you would have to message him, then meet him somewhere. You don’t like the sound of that, the thought of even having to do that made you feel sick. 

“You don’t have to do it, but then we’ll leave it in the police’s hands.” Simon says. 

“What do you plan on doing to him?” You force out. 

“Just a chat, like with most stalkers, they just need someone to spell it out for them.” Simon says. You don’t know if you believe him but you trust him. 

“You won’t kill him.” You ask looking directly into Simon’s eyes. He shakes his head. 

“We don’t kill people unless absolutely necessary. We’re not hitmen. If it makes you feel better the last person I killed was over a thousand miles away and I was still a soldier.” He says. You nod, that does make you feel better. You swallow your nerves looking at Simon, you trust him. 

“I’ll do it.” You say reaching for your phone. Simon smiles.       

—————————— 

You’re nervous. You trust them but you’re nervous. You’re on your second cigarette, if you have another one you might actually throw up. At least the smell will keep him away from you. You don’t know where Simon and Price are but you know Johnny is behind you round the corner of the building. He’s the closest to you, you think.

You check your phone you did say 8pm. It’s now 8:15, typical, he’s late and he’ll find some excuse where it’s some how your fault. You hear footsteps behind you. You swallow hard turning as the footsteps get closer. You can tell it’s him from the way he walks, the way he clears his throat. He’s stood a few feet in front of you. You purposely blow smoke in his face. You see a cheeky grin form on his lips, it makes you feel sick. 

“Missed me?” He asks. You take in the last puff of your cigarette and move away from the railing to the middle of the path. Just like you were told to do. Keep him in the open, don’t let yourself be cornered. 

“I don’t know if missed is the right word.” You say flicking the cigarette at his feet. He takes a step towards you. 

“Well I missed you baby.” He says, the smile still on his lips. His arms are outstretched as he takes another step towards you, you’re frozen in place. Move! Your brain is screaming at you. Move do anything don’t just stand there! Your legs are betraying you though and before you know it his hand is on your arm. You freeze tensing your arm as he grips it, his eyes are burning into you when you feel a hand on the small of your back. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Joe asks as he looks past you. His fingers digging into your arm.

“Just some guy.” It’s Johnny’s voice. It doesn’t make you relax you wish it was Simon. You want to look around for him but you don’t want give away that there are other people.  

“Is this the kind of girl you are now, sleeping with random guys? Turned into a right little slut.” Your ex spits. You try to pull your arm from him, his nails dig into your skin. He let’s go taking a step back which surprises you.

You hope it’s over that he’ll just walk away now, you couldn’t remember what was supposed to happen next. You shudder, it still feels like his hand is on your arm. You watch as he looks around almost like he thinks someone is watching him. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a gun. 

“What the fuck Joe!” You say shocked, he’s not pointing it at you, just holding it against his stomach. You feel Johnny straighten up taking his hand off your back. It’s a show of force, there is no way he would actually use it. You look past him for a second your eyes being drawn to movement. Please be Simon, or John, or Kyle.

“Maybe you should move on, leave me and my girl to sort things out.” Joe says, there is a shake in his voice, you can hear it. 

“‘Course, clearly you love her more then me.” Johnny says taking a step aside. You want to beg him not to leave. You see a shadow behind the bushes moving silently all in black. 

“How long have you know each other anyway?” Johnny asks. He’s trying to be a distraction. The shadow moves closer you try not to look so your ex won’t get suspicious. 

It happens quickly. A body pounces on your ex pinning him to the ground as he shouts. The weapon flies out his hands sliding across to your feet. Johnny picks it up unloading it. You look round as Kyle and Price make their way over. 

“He had a gun?” Kyle asked his eyes looking at you. You shake your head. You had no idea. The sound of zip-ties drags you back to your ex being hauled to his feet by Price and Simon. Simon’s wearing a mask, not the normal black surgical masks or balaclava you’ve seen him in.

This is different. It’s a skull, your hairs stand up on the back of your neck as he won’t meet your eye line. Johnny is by your side again as Kyle takes the weapon out his hand. Joe is still shouting profanities, you can see he has a bloody nose now. 

“We'll take it from here.” John says his hand landing on your shoulder making you jump. You can’t help looking at Simon, he looks scary now, it's not the Simon you know.

“Anything you want to say to him?” John asks. You look up at him not expecting him to ask you that. You don’t know what to say. You’ve dreamt of this moment, for what you would say but your mind is blank.

You look back at your ex, he looks mad, blood running down his face his hands tied behind his back. You have nothing to say to him. You shake your head. John’s hand leaves your shoulder. 

“Pathetic,” you hear your ex mutter under his breath as he spits at your feet. You don’t even register your step forward, your knee thrusting into his groin. He buckles forward groaning in pain despite Simon trying to hold him up. 

“I’m pathetic!?” You shout a wave of anger washing over you. 

“I’m pathetic? I’m sorry, I’m not the one who can’t get over the relationship! I’m not the person who beat the woman they’re supposed to love! I’m not the one who hides cameras! You’re pathetic!” You push his chest with all the strength you have left, feeling your eyes well. You turn away before they spill over. You will not let him see you cry. You don’t even remember what you said, adrenaline is pulsing through your body. You feel an arm wrap round your shoulder, as you suck in deep breaths.

“Quite a set of lungs on you there lass.” Johnny says as you wipe your eyes. It didn’t feel good why didn’t it feel good. 

“Take her home Soap, we’ll see you later.” John says and you hear them walking away. You hear Joe’s protesting. You don’t know what comes next, you don’t care, you just never want to see him again. You stand there for a few more seconds letting the adrenaline wear off as you breathe in the cold London air, but all you can smell is the river. 

“Ready to go home?” Johnny says after a few seconds. You nod and let him guide you to a car. You don’t bother asking Johnny want happens next, maybe it’s best you don’t know.      

——————————

It’s still dark out when you hear the door of your flat open and close. Johnny is gone, you see Simon now. You blink a few times trying to orient yourself reaching over for your phone to check the time. It’s almost 3am. You sit up, looking over at him, he’s standing by the door, like he wants to ask you something. You push the blanket off yourself and go up to him. 

“Did you do it? Will I never see him again?” You ask as you approach Simon. It’s dark in the flat but you can still make out his features, the living room curtains are still open so the outside light is shining on his face. 

“You’ll never see him again.” He says, almost like he’s relived too. A weight you didn’t even know you’d been carrying melts away at his words. You fling your arms round him squeezing him tight. 

“Thank you,” you whisper into his chest. He smells good, salt and gunpowder. You learned what that smell was when you were in the storeroom last. You break away realising what you’re doing. His hands rest on your shoulders and you look up at him. His eyes are shining in the light, beautiful and golden brown.

One of his hands moves to your cheek, following your jawline round to your chin. You find yourself moving closer to him, his hands are warm on your body. He leans in slightly, his arm dropping from your shoulder to your waist. You know what he wants he wants to kiss you. You don’t know if you’re ready, you don’t care, right now you want to kiss him too.

You lean in pressing your lips against his. You have to stand up on your toes to reach him properly as you push your tongue in his mouth. He lets you, moving his hand from your chin to cup your cheek. You feel your body tingle as he starts playing with your tongue his hand gripping your waist as he tries to get you to stand back down. You don’t care throwing your arms round his neck and pulling him down to you.

You moan, he tastes of ash, and something sweet. You’re not thinking, lost in a world of your own as his hands start to move round your body. You grip his neck running your fingers through his hair. One of his hands finds your waistband and his thumb slips under your shirt, the skin to skin contact makes you shudder and you pull away. His hand drops from your waist.

“What’s wrong?” He asks. You look up at him. How do you even explain it? 

“That was the best kiss I’ve had in years.” You say letting one of your hands drop from his neck to rub his cheek. 

“Too soon?” He asks. You shake your head. This is it, you’re never going to be able to have a normal relationship again. You can kiss him but you flinch at the slightest mount of physical contact. He probably just wanted to run his hand up your back? It doesn't matter your brain registered it as a threat before you can even react. 

“I’m sorry,” you say dropping your hands from his neck. 

“Want me to leave?” He asks. 

“No, stay.” You say, grabbing his shirt. Great, attachment issues too. 

“Want me to sleep on the sofa again?” He asks. You look up at him. You press your lips against his again this time his hands stay over your clothes. He breaks away first.

“I know what it’s like.” He says his voice barely a whisper. “I get what you’re feeling, you don’t have to explain it. Just tell me when to stop.” He kisses you again, a quick kiss. It still takes your breath away.

You take him by the wrists and lead him to the bedroom. You can do this at least, or you’re going to try. He stands as you do what you need to do. Rearranging the bedding, getting extra pillows and the spare duvet out the wardrobe. When you’re done you turn to him. 

“You shouldn’t sleep on the sofa it’s bad for your back.” You say leading him over to the bed.

“Believe me I’ve slept on worse.” He says smiling, that puts you at ease. You let go of his arm to climb into bed, pulling your duvet around you leaving the other half of the bed open for him. 

“Mind if I.?” He gestures to his trousers, he wants to take them off. You nod, watching as he unbuckles his belt letting them slip to the floor. It’s too dark to see anything anyway, or at least you hope so, then he won’t be able to see you blushing.

He makes sure you’re okay before moving slowly into the bed. He pulls the spare duvet over him lying on his side so you’re face to face. He reaches over slowly, his hand brushing your cheek, then your hair. His touch is gentle, soft as he tests what your limits are. 

“Want me to tell you this funny story about Johnny?” He asks. You smile nodding. “I’ll let you take the piss out of him tomorrow.” As he tells the story you close your eyes. His hand comes back periodically to brush your hair. It feels nice you let yourself enjoy it as you drift off to sleep. 

You’re woken the next morning by the ringing of the doorbell. You shoot up in bed. 

“I can get it.” You hear Simon groan. 

“No, I’ll get it.” You insist praying that Simon is right and you never need to worry about Joe again. You look through the peep-hole it’s the police officers from yesterday. You open the door.

“Morning, sorry to bother you.” The female one says. 

“It’s okay,” You respond automatically. 

“We thought you might want to know there has been an update to the investigation regarding your stalker.” You look at her confused. 

“What happened?” You ask. 

“When the officers went to arrest him this morning he was found dead in his apartment. We’re very sorry, we suspect it was a suicide.” The officer says. Your hand grips the door harder as you hear the words. 

“He was your ex-boyfriend correct?” The officer asks. You nod swallowing to get the lump away in your throat. 

“He had you written down as an emergency contact, we’ve been unable to locate his family, do you happen to have their contact information?” She asks. 

“I-I have his mothers number, just a second.” You say using all your willpower to let go of the door. You head back into the bedroom to get your phone. Simon’s back is facing you his legs swung out of the bed. You go back to the officers telling them the number. 

“If you have any questions, or anything you need to add don’t hesitate to call us.” She says smiling. You nod and thank them as they leave. You close the door behind you, slipping the deadbolt into place. Suicide. The word spins round in your head. What the hell did they do to him?

Next

Banners by Firefly Graphics

[moody-alcoholic]

Chapter 4 - The Stalker

Summary: 5.2k words. 141 learn about your stalker situation and Simon makes a plan to help, but things escalate faster then expected and you end up having to come to terms with things a lot quicker then you expect.

CW: mentions of trauma, mental health, abusive ex, stalking, talking about physical abuse, alcohol, angst, hurt/comfort (kinda).

Previous - masterlist - Next

AO3

Enjoy <3

“Let’s debrief, then maybe you will get some answers.” John says standing up straight. 

“How did the Renfolds job go?” He asks looking over at Simon. 

“Easy, needed his weapon cleaning. Built a shooting range in his basement.” Simon explains. 

“Anything we should be concerned about?” John asks. 

“Don’t think so, seems like it’s just for personal use.” Simon says. John looks down at you. 

“What do you think?” You look up at John confused. He want’s your opinion? 

“I-I don’t know, I was a bit distracted by the guns, and the shooting range.” And how good Simon looked. John nods looking over at Johnny. 

“What happened with you?” He asks. 

“Well it was all going according to plan until the supposedly empty building was no longer empty.” Johnny explained smiling.

“You were only supposed to be gathering intel how did it end in a gunfight?” John asked. 

“They didn’t take kindly to me snooping around their stuff.” Johnny says shrugging. “You should have sent Ghost in.” 

“I needed you to confirm the cargo. I gave Ghost the Renfolds job so he’d be near by.” John explained. Johnny nodded. 

“Well they’ve got enough explosives in that place to blow London to pieces.” 

“Is it secure?” John asks.

“About as secure as it can be, I found shipping manifests, I assume they’re planning on moving it when they get the chance.” Johnny explains.

“Hang on a second.” You interrupt. “You had a gunfight in a building with enough explosives to blow up London?” Simon chuckles behind you. 

“Johnny’s being dramatic. But yes unfortunately we weren’t left with much of a choice.” John says. He looks over at Johnny and Gaz for a second. 

“Johnny, and Gaz go back tomorrow secure the place then hand it over to the Met. The quicker we can get everything destroyed the better.” John says as you watch Johnny and Kyle nod. 

“The Met? As in New Scotland Yard as in the metropolitan police?” You ask. John nods. 

“It’s expensive for the Met to plan a sting, collect the legal evidence, wait for warrants. When we can just sneak in and get all the evidence they need and maybe even shut it down for them. We’re cheaper too.” John explains.

“So you work for the Met?” You ask. You hear Simon laugh again. 

“No, we don’t work for anyone, but sometimes they ask for our help and we’re usually more then happy to oblige.” 

“Besides means they turn a blind eye when we make people disappear.” Johnny laughs winking at you. You can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. There’s a few seconds of silence before everyone turns to you. 

“You said you were recommended us, why?” John asks. You suddenly feel nervous, you start rubbing your hands together. They’ve cleared up somethings now it’s your turn. 

“I have an ex.” You say looking down at the floor. Great start. 

“We broke up about a month ago, it was messy. I don’t think he’s quite over it yet.” You remember the break up. It was messy, in multiple ways. Lot’s of shouting, screaming, the police being called. You hoped it would be the last time you’d ever have to explain away bruises. You locked him out your flat and he sat outside the door begging to be let back in. How sorry he was, eventually you caved letting him fearing your neighbours would report you to the police for noise disturbance. It was the worst decision you made.

You feel a hand on your shoulder pulling you out of you head. You look up Johnny has moved closer to you. It’s Simon’s hand on your shoulder, you almost can’t believe it, he gives you a gentle squeeze. You thought he hated you. Or at the very least was annoyed by your presence. Maybe you misjudged him. 

“Is he stalking you lass?” Johnny asks. You don’t know what to say, you don’t exactly have proof just a feeling. You can’t get all worked up over a feeling. You know he’s been trying to contact you, creating accounts on social media to message you to the point where you needed to deactivate all your accounts. You know he’s been finding your number every time you change it, and you know he’s in contact with your family.

“He just won’t leave me alone. I think it’s making me paranoid. He keeps getting my number every time I change it. He managed to get a key to my flat after I kicked him out. I came home one day to find him moved back in. He..” You stop yourself. They didn’t need to know how that story ends. Simon's hand is warm on your shoulder, you don’t want it to leave. You sigh looking up. 

“I don’t have proof, if that’s you want it’s just a stupid feeling.” You say looking at John. 

“When was the last time he contacted you?” John asks.

“Saturday.” You say, John hums his eyes flick up to Simon. You look over at Johnny and Kyle, they’re leaned forward in the sofa looking at you. 

“I’m assuming this relationship was not the best?” Simon asks. You shake your head. He squeezes your shoulder again then his hand leaves. 

“C’mon, lets have a chat.” He says. You get up confused. All of a sudden he wants to talk? You follow him and he takes you into John’s office, closing the door behind you. 

“Sit,” he says pointing at the sofa in the corner of the room. He drags over one of the chairs and sits in front of you. There is a coffee table between you both, you look at him as he leans forward in the chair. 

“I thought maybe you would like some privacy.” He says. You sigh and go back to rubbing your hands. 

“Let’s start easy. What’s his name?” Simon asks. 

“Joe, Joe Sharp.” You say. 

“How long were you together?” 

“3 years, we lived together for 2, that’s when things changed when he moved in.” You say, hanging your head again. 

“Abusive?” He asks. You nod.

“Physical, verbal?” You nod again. You hear him sigh. 

“Why do you think he’s stalking you?” He asks you look up at him. His eyes are soft, kind. Even the way he’s holding his body, he’s like a different person. 

“I don’t know I think I’m just paranoid, he’s been so desperate to keep in contact with me that I think I just over think everything. I feel like I see him when I’m sure he’s not there. I feel like I’m being followed whenever I’m alone. The nightmares about him breaking into my flat don’t help.” You stop yourself. 

“It sounds stupid when I say it out loud.” 

“It’s not stupid.” Simon says. “Hey look at me.” You look up at him. 

“It’s not stupid. You would be surprised how many times people think they’re being stalked only to find out their intuition was correct.” He says. You nod. 

“First things first though we need proof.”

“I don’t have any.” You admit. He nods. 

“That’s okay, the best way to get a stalker out is to make them jealous. Do you have social media, Facebook, Instagram? Whatever one people use now-a-days.” 

“I’ve deactivated them but I can get them back.” You say reaching for your phone. He nods.

“Make a post, something along the lines of ‘I’m so happy in my new relationship.’ If you want to make it extra believable I can hold your hand you can take a picture?” He says, raising an eyebrow. You nod and he gets up moving next to you on the sofa. He lays his hand out palm up and you slip your fingers between his. His hands are big, and soft. Not what you were expecting. It sends shivers down your spine. It’s the first time you’ve held anyone's hand since your ex.

This is not the same though, this is not romantic. Why does it feel so nice though. You bring your phone up and snap the picture. Looking up at him, his eyes look deep into yours, he has such beautiful eyes. You look away taking your hand out his so you can get back to typing. You pick Instagram, it’s most likely the one he would check the most. You type it out and attach the photo. 

“Should I unblock his accounts?” You ask nervously. 

“It would be helpful, you can always block him again after.” He says. You hover over the post button. You turn to look at Simon. 

“You don’t have to do this but trust me it’s the easiest and quickest way to bait him out.” Simon says. You take a deep breath in and post it. 

“Good now we wait.” Simon says getting up. You follow putting your phone back in your pocket. 

“What do I do?” You ask. 

“Get on with your day act like everything is normal. I’ll give you my number. He tries to contact you, you think you see him, you get a feeling that he’s following you, anything. You call me immediately.” His voice is commanding, he’s looking you in the eyes. It’s not hairs standing up on the back of your neck anymore it’s a new feeling, like a warmth deep within you. You swallow hard handing him your phone so he can put his number in. You take it back putting it back in your pocket. 

“Simon, I can’t afford to hire you guys, I heard you’re pretty pricey.” You say as he turns to leave the room. 

“Don’t worry about that.” He says. That doesn't exactly put you at ease but it’s better then them demanding payment. They’re helping you, they don’t need to. Besides what if you’re wrong and it is all just your paranoid mind playing tricks on you. Then you’ve just wasted their time. You try to push the thoughts away, especially now you’ve basically just kicked the hornets nest. 

When you get back out Simon explains the situation without going into too much detail. He tells Johnny to walk you home. This time when you go to protest you’re shut down by John who insists it’s necessary. You don’t argue it’s been a long day. You let Johnny take you home, he keeps you at ease, back to his bubbly self as he spouts off more stories from his army days. He keeps your mind occupied, you’re not constantly looking over your shoulder. 

“You know you did good today. Most people would have freaked out.” Johnny says once you reach the building. 

“I don’t know if I’ve processed it really yet.” You say chuckling. He nods.

“Well you have my number if you need anything.” He says. 

“Thanks, you take care of that arm.” You say. 

“‘Cause lass it’ll be good as new by tomorrow.” He says patting you on the shoulder then turns to leave. 

—————————— 

By the evening you had calmed down and you were sat watching TV. You couldn’t help but think back to holding Simon’s hand. You find yourself opening your phone and checking the picture. It was a nice picture even though you only snapped it quickly. God were you really that lonely that holding someones hand is enough to have you craving touch. You smile anyway letting yourself enjoy the feeling. It had been a while since you could imagine yourself being touched, or held like that again, let alone falling in love. Maybe this was healing, maybe the dark thoughts bought on with receiving any amount off affection were gone. It’s not long before the peacefulness of the moment is shattered by a sharp knock at the door. You panic almost instantly, holding your breath. 

“Babe it’s me.” You freeze as he knocks again. You look down at your phone, your fingers working their way to your contact list. You can’t think. Maybe he’ll think you’re out. You crawl off the sofa to the TV and the light to turn them off as the phone rings. 

“Hello.” It’s Simon’s voice, it snaps you back into reality. You can still hear him calling at the door. You crawl into the bedroom leaning up against the bed.  

“H-He’s at my door Simon.” You say hearing your voice break. 

“Okay where are you in the living room?” He asks, you can hear keys jingling down the phone. 

“Bedroom.” You say as quiet as you can so you’re sure he won’t be able to hear you. 

“Okay, I’m on my way can you stay were you are?” He says as you hear a car door close. You’re too scared to move, even if you wanted too. 

“Yeah, I-I’m staying here.” You say. The knocking has stopped but you’re sure you can still hear his feet shuffling outside. 

“I’m going to hang up now but I’ll be there soon okay.” 

“Okay.” You reply back tears are streaming down your cheeks now. You hear the call end and you clutch the phone. 

“Baby, we need to talk. Are you seeing someone else? Is he here now?” You hear him say, there’s an edge to his voice, something you haven’t herd in ages, it’s anger. You want to scream, yell at him to go away but you’re still trying to cling on to the fact he might not know you’re in. You sit there for what feels like hours hugging your legs. Eventually after a few more pleas and knocks it goes silent and stays silent.

Your heart is pounding in your chest and you feel sick. Where is Simon? It’s hard to keep track of time. You start spiralling, thinking of the worst possible things. This was the first time he has been back to the flat since you had the locks changed. That was almost 4 weeks ago. This is the closest he has been to you since you broke up with him. It felt too close. Like not even a deadbolt on the door or changing the locks could stop him. There is another knock at the door. You freeze again almost want to scream at him to leave. Why is he here why is he back? 

“It’s me, it’s Simon.” For a second you don’t believe it what if it’s a trick? No you called him and now he’s here. You force yourself to stand up walking over to the front door still clutching your phone in your hand. You unlock the dead bolt, then the lock, then open the handle. You see him standing there, you look round there is definitely no one else around now. He steps inside and you go through your routine of closing all the locks and covering the peephole. He looks around your tiny flat then turns to you.

“You okay?” he asks. You nod, it’s a lie but you don’t care he’s here now and that makes you feel safe. 

“Did you see him?” You ask, he shakes his head. He walks around your flat quickly, looking into the bedroom then walks back over to you. 

“I’ll stay the night, if that’s alright with you?” He asks. You don’t really know how to respond to that. This is the first time you have had a man in your flat since the break up. He dropped everything to come when you needed him. You feel safe around him but you don’t know him. You want to get to know him though. And you definitely don't want to be alone. 

“You can stay.” You say, swallowing the lump in your throat. He nods. 

“You sure you’re okay?” He asks frowning. You don’t want to lie again but you weren't expecting him to ask again. Tears threaten to spill down your cheeks and you force yourself to choke them away. 

“Sit down, I’ll get you a drink.” He says, turning into your kitchen. You walk over to the couch and sit down. 

“There’s wine in the fridge.” You say. 

“Lets start with water.” He replies as you hear the tap run. You pull your legs up to your chest. Simon comes over and hands you the glass then sits on the far end of the sofa. You sip the water as you both sit in silence. 

“Did he say anything?” Simon asks. 

“Just the usual, he misses me, he’s sorry, asked if it was true that I was seeing someone.” You say taking another sip of water. You look over at Simon his eyes scanning over you. It’s starting to get dark out but you don’t want to put the lights on worried he’ll see them and come back. 

“Are you hungry?” You ask Simon. 

“I ate at home.” He says. You nod looking at yourself in the black of the TV. You reach over and turn it on to whatever mindless show you were watching before. Simon doesn't say anything sometimes you catch him looking over at you out the corner of your eye. You order some food and something for Simon too, if he wants it. Even though you’re expecting it the doorbell ringing still makes you jump.

“I got it.” Simon says and before you can protest he’s on his feet. 

“One of them is for you.” You say as he passes you the pizza boxes. 

“Thank you,” he says taking one of the boxes and going back to his spot on the sofa. You get up to the kitchen.

“Want a drink?” You ask. 

“Waters fine.” You nod even though he can’t see you. You head back to the couch with the drinks. He smiles at you when you place his drink down on the coffee table. You sit there in silence demolishing your pizza then sipping on your wine till your head starts to clear. You’re not really paying attention to what’s playing on the TV, your mind is preoccupied with the fact Simon is sat in your flat with you eating pizza. Any other situation and this could be classed as a date. The only thing missing is the cuddling and the cheesy chick-flick.

“What made you want to do this? Help me out?” You ask looking over at him. He pauses for a second like he’s thinking of what to say. 

“I don’t like abusers, especially those who don’t know when to stop.” He says turning back to the TV. Okay that’s something you have to be careful about your next questions. 

“What made you want to join the military?” You ask, that seems like a pretty easy question. 

“To do some good.” He says, you’re not sure if that’s the whole reason but hey you’re talking, he’s not shutting you down. 

“Where are you from? You’re not from London.” You say sipping your wine. 

“Manchester. Ever been?” He asks looking at you. 

“No, the furthest north I’ve been is Birmingham.” 

“That’s unfortunate.” He says, you see a little smile on his lips. 

“What about you? You lived in London all your life?” He asks. 

“Yeah, Sutton, till I moved here.” You say.

“It’s a nice place.” He says looking round the flat, it’s dark now only the TV to light up the place.

“I’m thinking of moving, when I can afford another deposit.” You say looking down at your glass of wine. 

“Why?” he asks. 

“You know, fresh start, away from-” You stop yourself drinking the last of your wine and getting up. You pick up the empty pizza boxes. Taking them into the kitchen. You don’t even hear Simon getting up off the sofa you just accidentally back into him. You can feel his chest up against your back, it’s warm, strong, you almost want him to wrap his arms around you. His hands end up on your shoulders and your breath catches in your throat.

“I’ll make sure you’re not afraid to live in your own flat. I promise.” He says, his voice low, his grip on your shoulders soft, but firm. You feel heat rushing to your cheeks, you don’t want to move there’s that feeling again the craving of physical contact. You feel safe when he’s around like you’d trust him with your life. You let out a breath as he moves his hands from your shoulders and steps back. You feel cold suddenly, a shiver runs down your spine. You turn to look at him, you meet his eye line, his eyes are soft almost glazed over as he looks at you.

“Simon, why are you helping me?” You ask again, maybe he’ll give you a different answer. His hand reaches up slowly and you almost flinch, holding your breath as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. His eyes scan your face. 

“Did he ever, hit you?” He asks quietly. You nod, not being able to bring yourself to speak. His thumb brushes your cheek. 

“Choke you?” He asks, his hand resting on your chin. You swallow hard your throat feeling suddenly constricted. 

“You don’t have to answer.” He says. You force yourself to nod. 

“You said he came back after you kicked him out. He got a key and let himself in.” He says. You nod. 

“What happened?” He says gently holding your chin so you can’t look down. You open your mouth but words don’t come out. He lets go of your chin taking a step away to give you some space. Maybe this is what you need to do, to get this off your chest. Will it make you feel better? Maybe? But Simon’s giving you the opportunity to talk. You look down at your hands, forcing yourself to hold back the tears swallowing the lump in your throat. 

“He tried to kill me.” You say finally. It doesn’t feel like a weight off your shoulders, it feels like a punch to the gut. The guilt comes next. Why didn’t you report him? Why didn’t you get a restraining order? Why did you let it happen? You feel sick, your head spinning. You look back up at Simon, there is something different in his expression now. Does he understand? Does he even care? This morning you thought he hated you, now he’s in your flat, he’s not the same Simon you met a few days ago who would barely give you the time of day.

He’s here because you called him for help. He put’s a foot forward almost like he’s trying to test if he can step closer to you. You keep still and he takes that as permission to step to you. His hand cups your face in his warm hands and you look up at him. 

“I'm doing this because you don’t deserve it, that’s why I’m helping you. The torment, the guilt, the sleepless nights. I can’t make it go away but I can try and help.” He says. A tear rolls down your cheek, he brushes it away with his thumb. 

“You sound like you know what it’s like.” You say, trying not to let your voice break. 

“I do,” He sighs, his hands dropping from your face. He turns walking back to the sofa. 

“You should take the bed, you’re bigger it’ll be more comfortable.” You say, you don’t mind sleeping on the sofa at least you’ll fit. 

“Don’t be silly this is your place, your bed.” He says sitting back down on the sofa. You walk into the bedroom brushing away the rest of the tears that managed to escape as you dig through the wardrobe for blankets and pillows. You take them back out to him and place them on the sofa. You don’t know what to say, he’s sat watching the TV, you feel tired, drained. 

“You should get some rest.” He says without looking at you. You nod, turning to head back into the bedroom. 

“If you need anything, just let me know.” You say before you go through the door closing it behind you. You let out a breath, maybe this was healing? You just don’t know it yet. You change into your PJ’s and climb into bed. You can see the moonlight peaking through the blinds lighting up the room. Simon knows what it’s like. Maybe you should have asked him about ex’s. Or maybe it wasn’t his ex. You remember the way he reacted when you asked about his family. You wonder if he still talks to them.

You turn over in the bed looking at the door. It feels weird knowing he’s on the other side. Maybe you should crack the door open, it might make you feel better. You want to feel his hands on you again, squeezing your shoulder or touching your face. He’s gentle, not want you were expecting. You let out a breath and swing your feet out the bed before your brain has really even comprehended what you’re doing. This is a bad idea. He’s a work colleague, this could ruin everything. 

“Simon.” You say as soon as you open the door. He turns to look at you. 

“Will you come lay with me?” You’ve done it now, your cheeks flood with heat as you wait for a laugh, a scoff, him to straight up tell you no.

“You want me to lay with you, in your bed?” He asks sitting forward. You nod, then immediately start regretting it.

“Forget it, it doesn’t matter I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay, I will.” He says stopping you in your tracks and standing up. You stare at him as he turns the TV off walking over to you. You watch as he pulls his boots off leaving them by the front door. 

“If it’s what you want.” He says meeting your eye line. You nod, your heart thumping in your chest. You walk back into the bedroom, and he follows.

“You want me under or on top of the covers?” He asks. You hadn’t even thought about it.

“On top.” He says watching your hesitation. He waits until you get into bed and are comfy before he sits on the other side. You lie down watching him, he’s slow as he swings his legs over almost like he’s trying not to spook you. It doesn’t feel weird. You thought it would having another man in your bed.

It was more weird seeing him in your living room for the first time then right now. Maybe you’re just used to him. Maybe you really do trust him. Maybe you judged him too harshly. He turns on his side looking at you. You move your arm  out from under the covers, you want to touch him, maybe he wouldn’t like that though. You place it down instead. 

“Do you get nightmares?” You ask. 

“All the time.” He replies.

“About your time as a soldier?” 

“And other things.” He says. You sigh. 

“Tell me about how you met Price, and Johnny and Kyle.” You see a smile form on his lips. 

“On one condition.” He says shuffling his body down so his head is level with yours. 

“What?” you ask.

“Promise me no nightmares tonight.” You chuckle. 

“I can’t control that.” 

“Promise.” He says raising an eyebrow. 

“Okay I promise.” You say sighing, even though it’s completely out of your control. His hand moves back up to your face brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“I’ll leave when you fall asleep.” He promises. You try to argue with him telling him the bed is comfier then the sofa but he won’t have it. You relent feeling tired, you try to clear your mind and not think about anything just listen to Simon talk about how he met everyone. His voice is calming, his presence puts you at ease. You wish he could stay. You don’t remember falling asleep but that night you dream about him. Good dreams, you’re on a date. Christ you’re falling for him.

—————————— 

You wake to the sun peaking through the bedroom blinds. Simon is not in the room anymore. You slip out of bed and head into the living room. He’s already awake sat at the kitchen table, flicking through a tablet. 

“Morning,” You say walking over to him. 

“Morning,” he replies turning the tablet off. 

“How long have you been awake?” You ask clicking the kettle on. 

“An hour or so.” He says, rubbing his neck.

“I told you you should have taken the bed.” You say taking out two mugs. “Tea?” 

“Please, one sugar.” He says. You think back to last night him lying in the bed with you. You could have swore you felt his hands touching you, brushing your cheek, your hair. Maybe that was just part of the dream. It was a good dream. The best dream you’ve had in months. This is the first time in years you felt safe in your own flat. The click of the kettle snaps you back to reality and you pour the tea’s bringing them over to the table. 

“What were you looking at?” You ask gesturing at the tablet.

“Today's jobs.” Oh shit work! Your head snaps round looking at the clock on the wall it’s all ready 10am. 

“Shit!” You say pushing your chair back. Simon grabs your wrist, you panic. He imminently lets go when your head snaps back to him wide eyed. 

“I called Price, told him we were taking the morning off.” You take a breath in and sit back down, sipping your tea to calm your nerves. He watches you like he’s trying to see how you’re going to react. You smile at him, letting him know you’re okay.

He picks up his mug taking a sip. You’re about to ask him what he want’s to do this morning when there is a crash in the living room. It’s so loud it makes you shriek. Your body snaps round in the chair as you look at the shattered glass now all over the living room. You go to stand up.

“Stay there.” Simon says his hand on your shoulder pushing you back down as he heads over to the balcony door. He goes out looking over the balcony up and down. Leaning round the corners. You guess he doesn't see anything, you can’t think all you can feel is your heart rapidly beating in your chest. He comes back in closing the door and walks round the flat looking for something till he finds it. He picks it up it’s a brick with a letter tied to it. He takes the letter off the brick and opens it, something falls out on the floor and he picks it up. You’re holding your breath, as Simon walks back over to you. It looks like he’s looking through a stack of photos. He places them on the table.

“Well now we have proof.” He says standing next to you as you fan the photo’s out. It’s pictures of you, from yesterday, a few days ago, when you went shopping on Sunday. There are even pictures of you inside your flat. Your head snaps to the window trying to even see where he could have even snapped them from. Panic builds inside you as you continue to look over the photos. Is this a threat? What does this mean? You look up at Simon who’s reading the letter that came with the photos. 

“What does it say?” You ask him, but you really don’t know if you want to know. 

“Let’s just say he’s not happy.” Simon says looking down at you. You didn’t even realise you are gripping his shirt. Maybe this plan was a bad idea.

Next

Banners by Firefly Graphics

[moody-alcoholic]

Chapter 2 - The Secret

AN: I gave the reader a bit of backstory here, some people are going to like it some people are not. I'm not going to be making a habit of it promise.

Summary: Simon x reader, 4.4k words. You decide to get to know your colleagues better by accepting an invitation to meet at a pub. But your mind is preoccupied by a figure from the past, and you're starting to learn everyone including you has secrets they don't want to share.

CW: alcohol, stalking, smoking, paranoia, abusive ex.

Previous - masterlist - Next

AO3

Enjoy <3

When you were a kid, about 9 years old you went over to your aunts house. It was an impromptu trip, your mother drove in the dead of night with you and your brother half asleep in the back seats. Your mother not even changing into proper clothes just pulling on a coat and rushing you into the car. When you arrive she hurried you inside and locked you in the living room with your cousins telling you, you could have the TV on as loud as you wanted just not to come upstairs. An ambulance showed up first then the police. You remember watching the flashing lights out the window. Your cousins were too young to understand what was going on, they thought it was all one big game but you understood.

Your curiosity got the better of you. You cracked open the door of the living room hearing sobs coming from upstairs, all kinds of voices. Some male some female. You closed the door behind you slowly making your way up the stairs. You remember your heart pounding in your chest. You didn’t have to make it all the way up just enough so you could see through the landing to your aunts room. The first thing you saw was blood, more blood then you think you had ever seen. Your mum rubbing your aunts back her arms also covered in blood, sobbing uncontrollably. You froze in place until your mother caught you. She gives you this look of horror, anger then screams at you to get back downstairs and not to leave the living room. You rush down back into the room closing the door behind you.

It was another hour before your mother came to take you and your brother home. She never explained what happened, and you never saw your aunt or cousins again. When you asked about them your mother told you they had moved to live in Spain, and that maybe one day when we were older we could see them again. 

You never went out of your way to see them again, or even track them down. You felt guilty for snooping when you should have just listened. Your mother didn’t need to give you the big lecture on the ‘dangers of being curious’ the nightmares you had for weeks afterwards were enough warning.

—————————— 

Simon didn’t seem mad as you followed him upstairs, he seemed more frustrated he had to do this. Like he would rather let you off this once so it was less work for him.

“Wait out here.” He says as he goes into John’s office, again without knocking. You don’t know what to say, you want to apologise but he wouldn't even let you do that. As soon as you opened your mouth he shut you down. You make your way over to the sofa’s sitting down, your leg starts bouncing nervously as you try to make excuses up in your head. It’s not worth it you were caught red handed. The sound of a door closing has your head snapping to the office but it’s still closed. You hear steps on the metal stairs then see Johnny’s head pop up. He sees you and frowns but he still has a smile on his face. 

“You’re still here lass?” He says looking at his watch and limping over to you. You nod. He must be able to pick up on your nervousness as his smile fades. 

“What happened?” He asks looking back over at John’s office for a second. 

“I did something stupid.” You say hanging your head feeling ashamed. In a way maybe it was worse telling Johnny, he’d been so kind to you now you’d broken his trust. 

“What did you accidentally kill someone?” He asks joking as he sits down next to you. “Was it Simon?” He asks nudging you.

“No. I looked in the store room, was just curious, the door wasn’t closed properly so I looked in.” You say looking up at him.

“You know what they say about curiosity?” He says leaning back on the sofa, his full smile back across his face.

“Curiosity killed the cat?” You say hoping that’s what he wants to hear. 

“Aye, but satisfaction bought it back.” He winks. That made you smile. 

“Do you think I’ll get fired?” You ask rubbing your hands together, Johnny laughs.  

“I reckon Simon’s getting more of a bollocking for leaving the door open then you’ll get fer looking.” Johnny says nudging you again. He’s making you feel less worried, you still feel like a kid who got caught doing something really bad though. The door opens and Simon and John walk out. Johnny gets to his feet walking over to them.

“What are you doing here?” Simon asks. 

“I forgot my wallet but I heard you were getting people into trouble. I had to see for myself. You went easy on him right? ‘E’s not used to being in trouble.” Johnny throws his arm over Simon’s shoulders, he has to stand on his tiptoes to reach. John just chuckles shaking his head and moves out the way.

“C’mon I’ll give you a lift home, ye can tell me how mean Price was being on the way. It’ll be just like the good ol’ days.” Johnny looks over winking at you as Simon shoves his arm off heading down the steps. John moves over to you and you stand up.

“Sit down,” he says smiling, maybe you weren't in trouble. You reluctantly agree, he sit’s in the recliner opposite you. 

“I’m not mad, you’re not in trouble.” He says, you let out a breath you didn’t even know you’d been holding. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't-” He puts his hand up stopping you. 

“It’s not a big deal. I heard Johnny told you about our past, being in the military?” He says, you nod. 

“Sometimes we get special requests. People who shoot for sport, hunting that sort of thing. The room is kept secure for obvious reasons. It’s not anything you need to concern yourself with, I deal with that side of the job.” He explains. You nod thinking back to the room, most of the weapons looked new modern, like guns you’ve seen in action movies or the type cops carry sometimes. They didn’t look like hunting rifles or sports shotguns, you don’t question it though. It’s not your place. 

“I guess I understand the discretion clause now.” You say letting a small smile come on your lips. He chuckles nodding. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” He asks. You frown.

“Nothing,” you reply, it’s true. You don’t have to be in work but you’ve made no plans. You’ll probably just spend the day at home watching TV maybe catch up on some series you’ve been putting off watching. 

“Every other Saturday we go out for drinks. You’re welcome to join us? I didn’t know if you would be interested since you only started yesterday but the invite is there.” He says getting up. 

“I’ll think about it.” You say not waning to commit to anything. John nods.

“Okay, well I’ll send you the address and if you come great if not we’ll see you Monday.” He says. 

“Thanks,” you say also getting up picking your coat off the chair. John nods heading back into the office as you make your way out through the building. You let out a big sigh of relief as you make it outside heading home. What kind of service to they provide with the weapons? Do they just sell them? That makes the most sense, I guess you would need a lot of licences for that. You don’t know anything about gun laws but you assume them being ex-military helps, maybe that’s where they got the guns from in the first place? Now this has just made you more curious, more questions, questions you don’t think you’ll ever get answers too.  

—————————— 

Saturday morning you’re still deciding if you want to go out for drinks tonight. John texted you the address and you found out through Google it’s a local pub, another place in walking distance. You text Johnny so he has your number of course the first thing he asks is if you’re coming tonight. That makes you smile. You can’t help thinking Simon is mad with you in someway? Johnny and Gaz are great, kind, smiling. Even John though he’s your boss manages to put you at ease so well. Simon has a darker presence around him, he intrigues you though, he’s on your mind more. He’s like another secret you want to crack. Maybe you’re being too nosy, probably, but you don’t care you want to know who Simon really is.

You pick up your packet of cigarettes off the table. You’ll smoke one then decide, otherwise you’re just going to ignore them which is rude. You go out onto the balcony, it’s chilly today but as soon as you light the cigarette and inhale your body begins to warm. You’re starting to relax when your phone rings you take it out, it’s a number you don’t know. You’re so close to ignoring it but you pick it up anyway. 

“Hello,” You say. There is silence on the line for a few seconds, or maybe you can hear moment you’re not sure but it makes the hairs stand up on the back of your neck.

“Hey baby, I just needed to hear your voice.” Your body freezes you don’t know what to do. It’s a voice you never hoped to hear again. You should hang up, screw that you want to throw the phone. 

“Are you there baby?” It’s like ringing in your ears, he sounds… kind, sad. Like when he treated you right, doted on you. When he would take you to bed and treat you like a princess. His voice is low almost humming in your ear, it makes your heart skip a beat.  

“H-how did you get my number?” You ask hearing your voice break. 

“I miss you baby I’m so sorry please can I see you?” It’s too much you hang up the phone. You look out the balcony. What if he’s nearby? What if he did that so he could see you? and your reaction? You take a long drag off your cigarette but it’s not calming your nerves now. You drop the rest of it on the floor rushing inside and dead-bolting the door.

Your hands are shaking when the phone rings again it’s the same number you decline and block it. Great now you’re going to have to change your number again. This will be the second time this month, you swallow hard going over to your laptop. It feels like there is a lump in your chest you can’t get rid of. You go to your phone companies website to request the number change. It’s going to take a few days to processes the request and get a new sim-card sent.

You feel better, it makes you feel better like you’re in control. From now on all unknown numbers are going to voicemail. You say to yourself trying to keep calm. You just can’t shake the feeling you’re being watched though, he knows where you live, you lived together for 2 years. You wanted to move but you didn’t have the money for a new deposit. Maybe now is a good time though. You start calculating in your head how long you would need to save to afford another deposit, by your calculations maybe in 2 months time. You want to look at flats available in your area but you’re paranoid he’s looking in on your devices. You don’t know why, maybe it’s just because he called you and your senses are on high alert but you don’t feel safe right now. You pull your phone out and text John.

I’ll be there tonight.

You want to get out of this flat, somewhere public where you can distract yourself. Besides being surrounded by hunky ex-SAS soldiers is not a bad way to spend your time if you’re feeling paranoid. You look back at your phone a text from John.

Great see you at 7.

—————————— 

You show up late to the pub, not on purpose your neighbour had stopped you in the hallway and she’s always so chatty. She was asking about the boyfriend situation too, it just made you want to get out of that building as fast as possible. You were practically running to the pub to meet them, you just needed to get out of that flat. As soon as you walk in while unzipping your coat Johnny calls you over. You smile when you see him and walk over to the table. Kyle and John are there too but you don’t see Simon. you wonder if he decided not to come after he found out you had been invited.

“What’s your poison?” Johnny asks as you hang your coat over the back of a chair.

“I can get it,” you insist. 

“Don’t be silly sit down lass it’s all going on the company card anyway.” Johnny winks at John who sighs. 

“Eh, cider, anything but beer.” You say shrugging. Although you could really do with something stronger.

Johnny goes over to the bar as you sit down. 

“Where’s Simon?” you ask realising there are 4 drinks on the table already. 

“Bathroom,” Kyle says as reaches forward and takes another sip of his drink. Before you know it Johnny is back with your drink. You thank him and he sits down next to you. It’s a few seconds later when you see Simon come out of the bathroom. He’s not wearing a mask, or his signature hoodie. You watch him as he crosses the bar back over to the table. He’s handsome, not what you expected. His hair is blonde, curly like you suspected but in the warm lights of the pub makes it look golden. He’s wearing a t-shirt and you can see his left arm is covered in tattoos.

His eyes meet yours and you look away blushing, realising you’ve been staring for way too long. You reach forward and take a long sip of your cider as he sits down. You get a better look at his tattoos before flicking your eyes over to Kyle, who has started a conversation with John you were not listening to. He’s talking about his family, from what you can understand he’s got quite a big family they all live in London. John seems to know each of them asking him how they are and if his sister has had her baby yet. The questions then turn to you. 

“You got a family?” Kyle asks. 

“My mum and brother, my dad died a few years back, heart attack.” You say trying to keep it short and sweet.

“Aw, sorry ‘bout that lass.” Johnny says nudging you.

“It’s fine,” you smile. 

“What about your brother?” Kyle asks. 

“He’s in uni studying computer science or computer engineering, something to do with computers. He’s the smart one.” You chuckle, taking another sip of your drink. 

“Johnny’s good with computers.” Kyle says. “Well kind of.” The rest of them laugh, you don’t know why it’s funny must be an inside joke. Simon doesn't say much, he listens to the conversations and inputs if people ask him things directly but he keeps quiet. Your eyes keep wondering over to him to try and read his expression, you flick your eyes away each time he looks at you feeling embarrassed for staring. 

“That’s not true Gaz.” You hear Johnny scoff you realise you haven’t been paying attention. 

“What is the deal with the nicknames?” You ask. John chuckles.

“They’re our old military nicknames, like a call-sign so we can identify each other easily.” Johnny explains. 

“What does yours mean then?” You ask Johnny. 

“See lass I was so good at my job, I used to clear buildings so fast they called me Soap.” He nudges you. 

“Clear buildings, like with enemies?” You ask, realising how little you know about anything military. 

“Yeah, or hostages, bombs you name it!” He says enthusiastically. 

“What about Ghost,” you look over at Simon. 

“He used to tell us ghost stories before bed.” Johnny said. You look over at Simon rolling his eyes. You don’t believe Johnny but you don’t question it, you finish your drink and stand up, grabbing your coat.

“Leaving already?” Johnny asks pouting. You reach into your pocket and pull out the packet of cigarettes. 

“Just a smoke.” You say smiling. Johnny sighs, he seems disappointed. 

You go out the pub cigarette already in your mouth as you stand to the side off the main pavement. You’re trying to light it, turning away from the wind as your lighter fails to spark. 

“Come on.” You mutter under your breath. You hear footsteps behind you it makes the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. You freeze trying to quickly get it lit so you can turn around. You hear the steps getting closer you turn. It’s Simon, with a cigarette hanging out his mouth. You take a deep breath out looking around quickly. You hate being this much on edge, fucking Joe, why did he have to call you

“Need a light?” He asks after lighting his own. You reach out your hand.

“Sure, thanks.” You say, lighting your cigarette and taking a deep breath in. You hand the lighter back to him. 

“I didn’t know you smoked. I thought all military guys had to be fit and healthy.” You say, you don’t know why that came across like a dig. 

“Yeah well, ex-military.” He says. You look at him, you can’t help yourself watching him more. He really is handsome, his features are being lit up by the warm glow from the pub, his strong defined muscles. Like the others but bigger, and you still can’t help being so intrigued by him. He’s such a mystery. 

“What about you, wouldn’t put you down as a smoker.” He says almost like a retaliation to your comment. 

“Yeah well, just a habit I picked up.” You say looking at the cigarette between your fingers. You weren't going to admit it was a habit you picked up a year into your relationship so you could get some alone time. Your ex hated smoking, wouldn’t even let you sit near him or touch him until you had washed your body and brushed your teeth. Smoking was your own little rebellion, regardless of the fights it bought. 

“I’m sorry about the storeroom thing I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.” You say.

“It’s alright, it was your first day. Besides nothing happened.” He replies looking down at you. His eyes look like burnt caramel in the light, not as scary as they seem to be when he covers his face. 

“So what’s the real reason? Why Ghost?” You ask. He seems to freeze for a second taking a longer puff on the cigarette. 

“Can you go invisible or something?” You joke, his expression doesn’t change. You can’t pinpoint what he’s thinking, he always looks ether bored or like he’s distracted by something way off in the distance. 

“I can do lot’s of things. Ghost is just a name.” He says, his voice cold, maybe you should drop it, but you’re too curious.

“Where you like an assassin? A ghost in the night?” you joke again, trying to get some reaction from him. He sighs. 

“You watch too many films.” He says. You sigh taking in another breath of smoke.  

“What about family, do you have any?” You ask, that’s a simple question. He looks at you again, this time his eyes turn hard, like their burning into the back of your skull. You shiver. He drops the rest of his cigarette. 

“No.” He says and heads back inside. Idiot. You say to yourself. Clearly family is a touchy subject. On the plus side at least you have learned something about him. You finish the last of your cigarette and turn to dump it in the trash. You step back out to the pavement looking down the street. You’re eyes catch something in the distance. You stop for a second craning your head to look. You blink, it looks like Joe. It’s not him you’re being paranoid. You force your body to move back inside the pub your head lingering on him for as long as it can before he leaves your line of sight. It’s not him, you’re just being paranoid. You repeat to yourself as you sit down, there is a new drink now and you happily swallow a big gulp.

The rest of the evening goes well, you feel like you’re leaning a lot about them. They share stories even Simon comes out his shell a little more to talk about past work and missions. They complain about customers, old generals and bosses. You try to remember as much of the lingo as possible so the next time they say it you’ll have a better understanding. They ask you more about you, what you want to do with life, how often do you see your family that kind of stuff. You keep your answers short and sweet happy to just listen to them talk and reminiscing, their lives were way more interesting after all.

You try to ignore the fact that you think you saw Joe, you didn’t he was too far away for you to tell. You’re just being paranoid, it’s because he called you. You remind yourself. Around 10 you decide to take your leave. Johnny gives you a hug and offers to walk you home a offer you almost accept, but politely refuse explaining you only life a few streets away. Everyone else including Simon says they’ll see you on Monday and you bid them farewell. When you step out the pub your head automatically looks down to the street you thought you saw Joe. He’s definitely not there now. You take a big breath in of cool London air and head home.

—————————— 

The trip back to your flat had you on edge, the streets were dark and almost every noise had you pulling your jacket tighter and walking faster. You almost want to kick yourself for being so paranoid, you just need to relax. He’s gone, this is the first time you’ve heard from him in almost 2 weeks. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you. When you get to the top of the stairs you bump into Alice again. 

“Back already?” She says. “I thought you’d be out all night.” 

“No, I wasn’t feeling well.” You say, hoping that will explain your current state without her prying too much. You should have known better this is Alice, the same Alice who know’s things about you before you even know them. 

“Aww, do you need anything? I have some herbal tea thats good for your stomach.” She says. 

“No thank you.” You say putting your hand on your door handle. “Hey Alice, have you seen Joe around at all, since we broke up?” She frowns for a second thinking. 

“No I don’t think so. Do you think he’s stalking you!? I knew he gave me a bad vibe.” She says sounding shocked.

“You should go to the police get a restraining order.” She says, her eyes wide, at least she’s got some juicy gossip to spread around now. She would get on well with your mum. 

“No it’s okay, I think I’m just tired.” You say, trying to believe it as the words leave your mouth. She nods smiling and you head into your flat. 

You’re sat on the sofa watching TV when there is a knock at the door. You jump, putting your glass of wine down on the coffee table and getting up. Your heart is beating in your chest, your head going to places you don’t want it to. What if it’s him? Then you ignore it, he can’t get in, you had the locks changed. You remind yourself. You look through the peephole, it’s Alice. You let out a sigh undoing the dead-bolt and unlocking the door. 

“Hey, sorry to bother you.” She says as soon as she sees you. 

“My sister, you know the one in the east-end? Well she had a problem with her ex stalking her. Anyway I spoke to her and she gave me the name of the people she used to get him to stop.” Alice hands you a piece of folded paper, you open it.

“SDS?” You say confused for a second then it hits you like a brick. No it can’t be, it must be a coincidence. 

“Yeah, Special Delivery Service, it looks like a normal delivery company but it’s not. It’s really cleaver actually. Just submit a request for a quote but select the special services option. My sisters stalker was gone within the week.” Alice says whispering like she’s sharing the worlds best kept secret. You’re just stood their with your mouth hanging open. 

“They’re really discrete, bit pricey though.” She says. You feel like all your blood is rushing to your face. You pocket the paper stepping back inside.

“T-Thank you Alice,” you say, trying to keep calm.

“No problem,” she replies as you close the door. You click the deadbolt in place. This can’t be real. You walk back over to the sofa picking up your phone and going to the website. You click the option to get a quote, it’s a standard from, wanting information like company name, address, e-mail ect.. Then you see the drop-down you press it and it lists a bunch of options but right at the bottom ‘special services.’ You click it and the page changes now there are only two boxes for e-mail and phone number and a message. 

You will be contacted with in 24 hours.

You swallow hard, thinking back to the room of weapons you saw. Alice said her sisters stalker was gone within a week does that mean he’s dead? Surly not the police would know if there was a company going around killing people. A company you now worked for. They didn’t seem like dangerous people, ex-military aside they seemed like pretty down to earth people just enjoying an easy job. You needed proof, you needed to know what was going on. You needed to get back into that store room.  

Next

Banners by Firefly Graphics

[wormwoodartemisia]

Funny Farm Life

Moodboards FFL - Masterlist

II] SOAP/JOHNNY - Into the Blue

Source/Credits below the cut

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

5 - 6 - …

1) MedievalandCeltic (Etsy) 2) game screenshot 3) Shadowofthesphinx (Etsy)/ez5857 4) TaladROD.com 5) gay0404 6) clanmactavish.org 7) hi_im_fari 8) koralie_xx 9) claymoregifts.com 10) awrsavage 12) aldrea33 14) MChloe24 15) BirgitVStore (Etsy)/gerryhudson 16) archana10dulkar 17) elliott0393 18) cocofisher 19) daimages 21) ELLE Decoration 23) buckleydiaz 24) Neil Ellice Horse Riding (Youtube) 25) IndyBelle18 26) eddymillaray 27) vera0815 28) mmmilenakkk

11, 13, 20 + 22) Kiltedyogis (Instagram)

(pinterest if not mentioned otherwise)

[moody-alcoholic]

Chapter 6 - The New Role

Name used for reader Dani, It's just personal preference I don't like using Y/N.

Summary: Simon x reader. 5.3k words. You want to be more involved with the more dangerous side of the job. Which means you and Simon are forced to talk about your feelings and what this means for you both.

CW: smoking, alcohol, vomit, mentions of past abusive relationship, implied SA (not 141), hurt/comfort, feeeelings.

AN: Don't be too put off by the content warnings this chapter is VERY fluffy, a lot of fluff and people being bad at feelings.

Previous - masterlist - Next

AO3

Enjoy <3

1 Month later.

You’re sat in John’s office. He’s looking over papers, like it’s a real performance review, for a real job you’ve been doing for the past month. He hums looking back over at you.

“So how’s it been?” He asks putting the papers down. You look at him, it’s almost like what happened a month ago was just a one time thing. You haven’t even been in the storeroom since. They still talk around jobs like it’s a real company. There was something burning inside you now. You wanted more. You wanted to be part of their world. 

“You know, good,” you say shrugging. He presses his lips together waiting for you to say more. 

“Something wrong?” He asks after a few more seconds of silence. You shake your head. How would you even ask? Maybe you could ask for another ride along. 

“The job is very easy, I could easily continue to do it no problem..” You trail off you’re not sure how to word it. 

“But?” He asks leaning forward on his desk. 

“I want to be more involved, I want to help with the special cases.” You say. He takes a big breath. 

“I know what you’re going to say. I’m not a soldier, and I’m not a ‘professional’ like you guys. But I’m discrete and loyal, and I’m good a keeping secrets.” You stop yourself realising  you’re not really saying much of anything. John frowns his gaze turning serious. 

“You don’t want to get yourself involved in this, it’s messy work.” John says, it’s almost like a warning. 

“I do I want to. I want to help people the way you helped me.” You reply quickly. 

“It’s not always that simple we can’t always help everyone.” He says leaning back in the chair. 

“Well I’d like to try at least.” You say, it sounds like a plea but you mean it. He lets out a big sigh.

“It can be dangerous you could get hurt.” You feel a pit forming in your stomach. He’s not wrong. Is it worth the risk?   

“I know.” You say keeping eye contact with him. 

“You can’t tell anyone what you do.” You nod, you haven’t been telling anyone anyway. 

“You might see and hear things you don’t like.” He says sitting up straight. You nod. The pit is not going away. You know he’s trying to get you to back down but you’re not going to. 

“I want to be involved John.” You say mustering up all the courage you have. He sighs. 

“Fine, I’ll talk to the others see what jobs are lined up.” He says closing the folder on the table. 

“Thank you I won’t let you down.” You say getting up. 

“Oh by the way, we didn’t see you for drinks last time are you coming tomorrow?” He asks. You feel like you have to make it now. 

“Yeah I’ll be there.” You say turning to walk out the door. You close it behind you giddy as you see Johnny sat over on the sofa looking at a tablet. 

“How’d it go we got you fer another month?” He asks smiling as you walk over to him. 

“Of course what would you do without me.” You joke. Sitting down next to him. He closes the tablet down. 

“Johnny where’s LT he was supposed to be back 15 minutes ago?” Kyle says from the top of the stairs. Johnny shrugs.

“Have you tried calling him?” Johnny suggests. 

“He never picks up when I call.” Kyle says coming over to sit in the recliner.

“Here use my phone.” Johnny says throwing his phone to Kyle. 

“Why do you call Simon LT? I thought is nickname was Ghost?” You ask, Johnny chuckles.

“It is. Simon used to be a lieutenant so sometimes we still call him LT.” Johnny explains. 

“What does that mean was he like a high rank or something?” You ask. You see Kyle smile.

“Kind of, he was a rank below Price, so he was the second in command.” Johnny explained. 

“I’m surprised he hasn’t talked about it before.” Kyle says pressing Johnny’s phone up to his ear.

“Si’s not one to boast, you know that Gaz.” Johnny says nudging you. You don’t talk much about his military past, he tends to stay away from it. Maybe now would be a good time to get some stories though. Your head looks up as John comes out his office.

“Where’s Simon he was supposed to be back 20 minutes ago?” John asks.

“Have you tried calling him?” Johnny says, you can’t help but chuckle. John mutters something under his breath and goes back into his office. Gaz hangs up the phone. 

“Try again he never picks up the first time.” Johnny says winking at Kyle. 

“I miss the days we could just radio each other and we would have to answer.” Kyle says sighing. 

“Ah yes Price yelling ‘how copy’ in my ear every 3 seconds is definitely something I miss.” Johnny says sarcastically. 

“So how come John doesn’t have a nickname? You just call him Price.” You ask Johnny. Kyle moves seems like Simon has picked up the phone.

“Don’t know, he’s always just been Price, or captain. Maybe you should ask him, tomorrow after a few drinks.” Johnny winks at you. You sit back on the sofa as Gaz comes back. 

“He hung up on me said Price was calling him.” Kyle says as he sits down handing the phone back to Johnny. You smile.

“What do you need him for anyway?” Johnny asks. Kyle sighs. You know that sigh its the ‘special job’ sigh. The one they think they’re so good at hiding but you’re picking up on it, on all the little mannerisms.

How Simon only picks the phone up first time if it’s John, how Johnny always asks Simon for help before Kyle, if only just to piss Simon off. Kyle and Johnny tell each other literally anything and everything unless you’ve explicitly told them not to say anything. John’s nickname might as well be dad with the amount of times they run to him with silly little problems.

You see Simon pull his van into the building. Johnny gets up going to the balcony looking down. 

“Welcome home honey, I’ve missed you so much.” Johnny coos with a high pitched voice as Simon gets out the van. You smile, Johnny will take any opportunity to wind up Simon. John walks out his office, Simon looks up at him.

“Oh honey, I can explain! He’s no one I love you baby.” Johnny says walking over to John. Gaz starts laughing. You watch as John shakes his head and Simon heads up the steps. 

“Come on we need to have a chat, all of you.” John says looking over at you. You nod getting up as everyone piles into his office. Price leans up against his desk looking at us all. 

“So Dani and I had a chat and she asked to be involved more with some of the other jobs we do.” Price says, everyone turns to look at you. The only person you want to see is Simon. Half of his face is covered by a mask so you can’t read his expression as easy. No one says anything as you feel yourself blushing.

“We’ll take it slow, she’ll follow you around see if it’s definitely something she wants to get involved in.” John explains, you smile at him as everyone turns back to look at him. 

“Simon, you’ve got the easier jobs next week. She’ll follow you till Wednesday. Until I can find a replacement you’ll have to spend Thursdays and Fridays catching up with the work you’ve missed.” You nod. Simon sighs, it’s a long sigh almost a huff almost like he’s annoyed or something. 

“Problem?” John asks looking at him. 

“No.” He replies. John nods. 

“Good okay, it’s been a good week. Don’t forget to empty the vans before you leave.” He says standing up and going round to the other side of his desk to sit down. Everyone starts getting up to leave. Simon’s eyes catch yours as he turns. You can see something in them. Is he upset? Angry? Johnny throws his arm round your shoulders. 

“Joining the big boys club now!” He says cheerfully as he leads you out. Simon heads straight down the steps your head snaps to him following him as Johnny leads you back over to the sofas.

“We’ve got to have a celebration drink!” Johnny exclaims going over to the kitchenette. 

“We’re already going out tomorrow, besides I have to drive home.” Kyle says. 

“I’ll have to pass too.” You say. You want to speak to Simon, you want to go home. 

“Party poppers the both of ya’s.” Johnny says putting the scotch back in the cupboard. 

You look down as you hear the storeroom door slam closed.   

 —————————— 

Simon doesn’t come over Friday night, and you don’t hear from him all day Saturday. You don’t know why he’s been avoiding you but you confirm with Johnny that he’s coming for drinks tonight. Maybe he’ll open up after a pint or two. You spend the day distracted, you try to convince yourself it’s not that bad.

You spent such an amazing month together and now he’s basically giving you the cold shoulder. You thought you had something special. He’s so caring, gentle, nothing like the Simon you know at work who hides his face. He’s been helping you recover, if you can even call it that. He’s there when you wake from nightmares, careful not to step out your comfort zone without asking. He understands you.

You love him.

You didn’t want to admit it, scared it would drive him away.

You realised it a few nights ago while you were curled up on the sofa watching some cheesy romantic comedy. He laughed at some stupid joke. It was the first time you’d seen him laugh, properly laugh. It made your heart flutter, you looked up at him as he stroked your arm, massive grin on his face. You almost just blurted it out right there and then.

You’re not the type of person to move on so quickly. Two months after your ex and you’re already sticking your tongue down another mans throat. At least you haven’t fucked him yet. The thought makes you shiver. Not because you don’t want to, you do. You just can’t.

When he’s around though you can’t help it, your eyes soaking up every part of him. Sometimes he sleep’s topless, you just lay there watching his chest rise and fall. You’ve made a mental note of each scar he has making up stories in your head about how he got them.

You move from the bedroom to thumb through the stack of mail that has been gathering dust over the past few days. Water bill, spam mail mostly trash. Then you see a hand written letter, the address is handwritten in beautiful calligraphy and the paper is almost shiny. You open it it’s an invitation, to Joe’s funeral. You feel sick reading over the contents of the letter.

You remember the officers coming the day you found out about his suicide. You grilled Simon about it but he wouldn’t go into details, kept telling you they just ‘ruffed him up a bit’ whatever that meant. You slide the invite back in the envelope almost wanting to will it to go away. You want to hide it, you’re not sure why, you pick your sock drawer shoving it down and to the back between your fluffy winter socks. You feel sick, now you want to get out the flat you look at the clock it’s only 6. You pull out your phone and text Johnny.

Wanna meet for that celebration drink before 7?

You don’t have to wait long.

Sure thing usual place? I’ll be there in 15.

You smile, you really need to get out of this flat.

 —————————— 

“So Simon talked to you yet?” Johnny asks winking. You and Simon haven’t really spoken about what this means, you and him, where you stand. You definitely haven’t been telling anyone.

Johnny acts like he knows, maybe he does or maybe he thinks he knows. Whatever the case whenever you two are alone he always asks about Simon and winks like you’re about to spill the dirtiest secret. 

“Why? I talk to him at work.” You say taking a big gulp of your second cider, you were drinking it like water. Anything to quell the nerves, stop your mind from racing and your hands shaking. The cigarettes you’d smoked on the walk here weren't cutting it. 

“Don’t worry ‘bout his reaction lass. He’s a grumpy sod when he want’s to be.” Johnny says sipping his beer. 

“It’s alright.” You say sighing. It’s not you miss him. 

“He’ll be over it in a week just you watch.” Johnny says. You want to believe him you want to think it’s all going to be okay. Simon does this, when he’s mad or upset about something, it’s like he reverts inwards. Doesn’t want to talk or even look at you.

There had been a few days like that over the past month. He usually just mopes around the flat limiting contact until he feels better. Or worst case he messages you to say he’s staying home. You had never been to his place you didn’t even know where he lived.

You don’t know how you would feel being in another mans flat. Maybe it was better you were always at your place. You let Johnny talk only half paying attention to what he was saying while you finished your drink. You offer to get the next round taking the empty glasses to the bar. You’re waiting for the order when you feel someone place a hand on your back. You freeze.

“Hey,” It’s Simon you relax, letting your shoulders drop. 

“Where have you been?” You ask trying not to sound mad at him. It’s nice to feel him near you again. 

“Had some thinking to do.” He says, you scoff. 

“You mad at me?” You ask as the drinks are put in front of you, you smile at the bartender paying. 

“No ‘course not.” He says. You pick the drinks up. You turn to look at him. He seems distracted about something, his eyes are soft, his expression warm in the pubs glow. It’s almost like he think’s nothing has changed over the last 48 hours and he hasn’t just been ignoring you.

You walk past him going to the table sitting down. John and Kyle are here now too taking their coats off and scooting into the booth next to Johnny. You put the drink down in front of Johnny taking a big gulp of yours. You listen to John talk as he explains something about an old General getting in contact with him about something. Simon comes back with the drinks and sits next to you.

You try to relax, you want to talk to Simon. Not here though, maybe if he could come back to yours tonight. You should have asked him at the bar. When you’re halfway finished with your cider you take your coat going out for a smoke.

You don’t know if Simon will join you but you hope he could take the hint. You’re stood off the path inhaling the smoke letting it warm your lungs. The nights are getting colder, summers coming to an end. 

“Johnny said I’ve pissed you off.” Simon says, you look over to see him lighting his cigarette. You chuckle shaking your head. 

“You haven’t pissed me off.” You say even though it comes across a little more hostile then you expected. Simon takes another step to be beside you.

“Sorry I haven’t been round.” He says. You shake your head. 

“It’s okay, I missed you.” You say nudging him. His hand wraps his hand round your waist. 

“You seemed mad about me wanting to help out with the special jobs.” You say looking up at him, he blows out a mouthful of smoke looking down at you. 

“Not mad just worried.” He says looking away. 

“I’ll be fine.” You say not really knowing what to say. You’d had a month to think about this. You’d spent all that time trying to get as much information from Simon, Johnny and Kyle. They hadn’t given you much, talking around the jobs like it’s no big deal. John said you could get hurt, but so could Johnny, or Kyle, or Simon. The thought of Simon getting hurt made your stomach knot, you didn’t want to imagine him being hurt. 

“Besides, you could get hurt as much as I could.” You say. It’s mostly a mumble, your head spinning with the alcohol. He sighs. 

“I’m trained to deal with the worse possible things. You’re not you’re just..You’re just.” He stops he’s trying to think of the words.

“What I’m just a woman? Not a soldier? Not strong enough?” You spit out. He shakes his head dropping his hand from your waist.

“You’re safe. This isn’t your life, you don’t have to worry about the bad shit we do. It’s not always easy shit like stalkers or surveillance. Sometimes-” He stops himself. Like he doesn’t want to say whats next. He steps closer to you and you turn your body so his back is facing the street. 

“Sometimes we have to get our hands dirty.” He says quietly. 

“You said you don’t kill people anymore.” You grit through your teeth, keeping your voice down. He sighs.

“Sometimes things happen, situations can change in an instant. Look what happened to Johnny when you first started. He got shot could have died.” He says. His hand moves to grip your arm like he wants to shake you and get you to listen to him.

“What do you think happened to the people shooting at him?” He asks. You hadn’t thought about it, or maybe you just didn’t want to think about it.

“You said he was shot for being stupid.” 

“He was but he was still shot. He survived because he has years of training.” Simon says. His eyes are burning into you.

“It’s not going to change my mind I already had the speech from John.” You say. Simon sighs dropping his hand from your arm.

“What did he say. It’s dangerous? You could get hurt? Clearly he didn’t try that hard.” Simon scoffs, you don’t know why you feel insulted by that. 

“I just won’t get shot at.” You say holding your hands up, you don’t know what to say to him. You know you can do this you want to try at least. Your cigarette is almost completely gone now as you flick the ash away.

“No one goes on a job planning on being shot at.” He says. “That’s not the point I don’t want you getting hurt.” You stand there looking at him as he hangs his head letting out a big sigh. 

“I don’t want you getting hurt. I can’t see you hurt…I love you too much.” You gasp, you don’t mean to you just weren't expecting that. For a second you think you’ve misheard him you’re just stood there with your mouth hung open. You had no idea he felt that way.

“Simon.” Your voice catches in your throat. You flick the cigarette butt on the floor. He shakes his head. You reach up and squeeze his arm. You want to say it too. Tell him how you really feel. You swallow getting the lump out your throat. 

“I don’t know what love feels like it’s been…Years. Whatever this is what we have, whether it’s love, I don’t know. I just, I want you so bad.” He flicks the rest of his cigarette away putting his hands on your shoulders. You look him in the eyes, they’re wide looking into you like he’s trying so hard to tell you something he cant put into words. 

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in years. I need to be around you, have you in my life. If you do this, I could lose you.” He stops it almost sounds like he’s pleading. You don’t know what to say. You feel guilty, you didn’t know how he felt maybe you should have spoken to him first. You thought if you did it could start an argument, or he would try to put you off maybe even try to get you fired. Your brain is still used to your ex, not Simon.

Simon who’s spent the last month practically living at your place, who spends as much time as possible with you and still respects your boundaries. He’s never so much as raised his voice at you for any reason, he still sleeps on the sofa when you’re having bad nights. He’s patient and kind nothing like your ex. 

“I’m sorry.” You say hanging your head. You are sorry, you mean it. He pulls you into his arms. 

“It’s okay I should have been honest, told you how I feel.” He says kissing the top of your head. You can do it you can tell him. 

“Simon.” You grip your arms round him tight, bunching his shirt up in your hands. “I think I love you too.” You feel his hands loosen on you like he wants to pull away to look at you. You grip him tight not moving. 

“Just hold me for a second.” You say into his chest. 

“Okay, I got you.” He says going back to squeezing you in his arms. It’s almost like you can feel your heartbeat in your ears thumping away from the adrenaline of telling him how you feel. It shouldn’t be this hard. You think to yourself. Maybe if he knew how fucked up you really were he wouldn’t feel this way. You close your eyes for a second breathing him in. All you can smell is cigarette smoke, you don’t care though his warmth is enough. 

“Let’s go back inside.” He says after a few more seconds. You nod even though your head is still buried in his chest. Reluctantly letting him go so you can break apart. 

“Will you stay at mine tonight?” You ask before he leads you away. 

“‘Course.” He smiles. 

 ——————————

You stay out later then you expected. Feeling like a weight has been lifted off you enjoying your time with everyone. You’re quite drunk when John finally calls it quits and everyone takes that as the cue to leave. Johnny is also pretty inebriated when he goes to get up, having to lean on Kyle for support. He’s even more unsteady on his feet then usual, hobbling around winking at everyone he bumps into. It makes you laugh, not that you’re any better having to rely on Simon to hold you up as you stumble your way out the pub.  

“You get her home and I’ll make sure, these two make it back safe.” You hear Price sigh as Simon’s hand finds your waist pulling you up against him. 

“Price, Si!” You hear Johnny shout, Simon turns and you turn with him to see Kyle doubled over vomiting into a drain. 

“It’s like Spain all over again!” Johnny rubs Kyle’s back. You feel Simon chuckle, John shakes his head going over to Johnny and Kyle.

“What happened in Spain?” You ask as you watch John help Kyle stand back up straight. 

“Johnny and Gaz went out and got drunk with some marines. They came back to the base so drunk they woke up the base commander. He was so mad he had them running laps until sunrise. Kyle must have stopped every few hundred meters to chuck his guts up.” Simon says as you turn to walk away. 

“What about you?” You ask.

“I was sleeping, peacefully I may add until Price woke me up to keep an eye on them while he got his ass handed to him by the base commander.” He chuckles and you reach your arm round his back.  

“Sounds like you had a lot of fun.” You say smiling. 

“Yeah well, there were some fun moments between missions.” He says sighing. 

“Do you miss it?” You ask. 

“Sometimes, the good doesn't always out way the bad though.” You hear him sigh again. You keep a tight hold of him as you walk back to your flat. It’s cool and the breeze makes you feel light headed. You’re stumbling over your own feet as you walk up to the first floor where your flat is. You pull your key out your pocket. Simon takes it out your hands opening the door and guiding you inside. You both kick your shoes of at the door then he sets you down on the sofa, as you hear him going into the kitchen. 

“Hey Simon?” You say leaning back. 

“Yeah?” 

“Did you really mean it? When you said you loved me.” You wait for a response not hearing anything. You don’t even hear him walk beside you as he hands you a glass of water. For how big he is he really is quiet on his feet. You take the glass sipping it as he sits down next to you. 

“‘Course I meant it.” His hand rests on your thigh. It makes you pause. You don’t remember the last time you’ve been drunk, at least this drunk. Let alone around a guy. Your ex loved you being drunk, said he made things easier. It did make things easier, it was better then being sober.   

“I meant it too.” You say to him. He smiles taking the glass from your hand and placing it on the table before you spill it. 

“I know you did.” He says squeezing your thigh. It makes you swallow hard. As you do you feel bile rising in your stomach. You don’t have much time to react as your hand slaps over your mouth. You don’t want to throw up but you can’t stop yourself rushing into the bathroom and heaving into the toilet bowl. You feel Simon’s hand on your back pulling your hair out the way into his hand. You keep throwing up in the toilet until you’re dry heaving.

You reach up pulling the flush. Simon lets go of your hair bending down in front of you passing you the glass of water. You take little sips cleaning your mouth out before gulping the rest down. You look up at him through hazy eyes as you brush your hair out your face. 

“Sorry, I haven’t drank this much in a while.” You say your throat still raw. 

“It’s okay.” He says taking the glass out your hand as you reach it out for him. He helps you to your feet as you wobble in his arms.

“Lets get you to bed.” He says. You nod blindly following him across the living room, almost tripping over the carpet. 

“You’re so drunk.” He says guiding you over the bed. You flop down not quite understanding what’s going on. You remember the vomiting, that was real, you can still taste it in your mouth. 

“Simon,” you call as you feel his hands leave your body. 

“Yeah?” he calls back. 

“Don’t sleep on the sofa it’s bad for your back.” You say. You reach under your shirt pulling off your bra flinging it across the room. 

“I won’t sleep on the sofa.” He says pulling the duvet over you. 

“Good, it’s not good for your back.” You murmur. You hear him mumble something as you grip the duvet settling down into bed. You think you hear a light switch you’re not sure, you don’t even remember falling asleep.    

—————————— 

You wake the next morning with a ringing in your head. The bedroom blinds are wide open. You don’t remember making it home, you turn over in the bed it’s empty. You’re pretty sure you remember Simon walking you home. Did he not stay the night? You get out of bed pressing on the bridge of your nose trying to get the ringing to stop.

As you walk into the living room you see Simon spread out on the couch. He’s far too big for it but you can’t help but smile as the sheet he grabbed out the wardrobe barely covers him, not leaving much to the imagination. You see his jeans bunched up on the floor and you reach down picking them up and laying them over the back of your armchair. He’s snoring softly as you make it into the kitchen.

You try to be as quiet as possible pouring yourself a glass of water and gulping it down as you take some mugs out to make tea. You try to think back to last night. You remember Simon saying he thinks he loves you. That made you smile. You remember telling him you think you love him.

It feels like you’re back in primary school when you didn’t know what love was but you had a crush on some random boy. Do you even remember what love is? Your ex said he loved you and you loved him at some point, before he moved in at least. You don’t even hear Simon coming up behind you just his hands round your waist. You reach forward and click the kettle on taking a box of teabags out. 

“You shouldn’t sleep on the sofa it’s bad for your back.” You say as he nuzzles his face into your neck. 

“You got so drunk last night.” He chuckles as he watches you spoon sugar into the mugs. 

“Yeah,” you say feeling embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I guess I just. I don’t know. I should have been more careful.” He breathes into your neck grabbing your waist and pulling you round to face him. 

“You don’t have to apologise. It was nice to see you let your hair down and relax.” He says his thumb stroking your cheek. You don’t have to apologise, even after a month you’re still reverting back to old habits. You look at him until the kettle clicks, he reaches down kissing you on the forehead. 

“You’re not still mad at me for asking to join you guys on the special jobs.” He sighs letting go of your waist siting down at the kitchen table. 

“I was never mad. Just worried.” He says. You pour the water then bring the mugs over. 

“Yeah, I know. I want to help people though, the way you guys helped me.” You say taking the milk out the fridge then going to sit opposite him. 

“I know you do. I just wish there was a safer way for you to do it then getting involved with this stuff.” He takes the milk pouring it in his cup. You sigh waiting for him to finish. You remember the conversation yesterday, with Simon and the one with John. You still wanted to do this nothing has changed.

“We get to work together, at least we’ll always be close.” You say smiling at him. He hums blowing on his tea. 

“Let’s not think about work at least not today. Let’s spend the day together we’ll do what ever you want.” You say as you watch his hand reach across the table for yours. You slip your fingers between his. 

“I love you.” He says squeezing your hand. Hearing him say it makes you smile before you even realise it. You squeeze his hand back looking into his chocolate eyes, being lit up by the morning sun. 

“I love you too.” You reply. It felt real.    

Next

Banners by Firefly Graphics