VOLDIE*'s Unexpected Return: Where Is He Now?
written by H. J. Potter
No doubt, my dear readers, you have already heard rumours of the sudden return of VOLDIE* to Magical Britain after nearly thirteen years of self-imposed exile in the charming woods of Albania. Yet despite the stir his unexpected arrival has caused — after having been recognised walking in a fetchingly grave mood over his own yard by yours truly— VOLDIE* has proven himself to still be the elusive, camera-shy wizard we so fondly remember.
But is VOLDIE*'s continued absence from polite society really the deliberate choice it first appeared to be?
Until recently, VOLDIE*'s lack of public appearances was easily explained, for when have we ever known VOLDIE* to run head first into confrontations like some common Gryffindor? But the more time passes, the more insistent we must ask ourselves: Is VOLDIE*'s silence a statement against our Ministry's pandering towards the weak and uninformed or is something more sinister at work?
A close confidant suggests that VOLDIE*'s health had been plummeting in the last fourteen years and is only just now beginning to stabilise again. But I am sure I am not the only one who is reassured by this unnamed source's assurance that the greatest danger has passed, and VOLDIE*'s strength is growing by the day. Indeed, the whacky British climate and the high concentration of wilful blindness our beloved community is known for seems to be doing wonders for his recovery.
We can undoubtedly expect VOLDIE*'s public rejoining of our esteemed society within the next year or two. In the meantime, this reporter believes that we should all follow the courageous example our honourable Ministry has set and not acknowledge VOLDIE*'s return in any shape or form.
I think that I speak for all of us when I say that I am proud to follow a government willing to go to such lengths to protect its citizens' privacy and reputation. The world needs more people as kind and considerate as our dear Minister.
For now, we may rest easy in the knowledge that despite his notable absence our beloved VOLDIE* brings out the best in all of us.