hello vonnie
Cosmic Funnies
wallacepolsom
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Keni
noise dept.
JBB: An Artblog!
No title available
trying on a metaphor
Kaledo Art
blake kathryn
One Nice Bug Per Day
YOU ARE THE REASON
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
we're not kids anymore.
Three Goblin Art
occasionally subtle
Sade Olutola
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Andulka
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Singapore
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Pakistan
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@weeklyvoldie
Which of VOLDIE*'s TOPS this week is the most impressive?
Acquired comfortable yet intimidating throne to lounge on
Found perfect outfit for traditional Halloween celebration
Intimidated 3 new recruits into a panic attack
Successfully evaded the Ministry
Was unanimously voted 'Scariest Costume of Little Hangleton'
@weeklyvoldie We have are now going to contact you through our oficial channels!!!
Everyone check Weekly Voldie for the most Dark and Evil news of our week!!!
While we editors would never be so bold as to explicitly encourage our readers to engage in traceable activities that require a smuggler‘s skill, we trust in our readers‘ own well-developed capacity for critical thinking and independent thought.
Not to mention it never hurts to have a contact to fall back on.
In unrelated news, once you reach a certain detention amount, bulk-ordering is simply a good business decision.
Or, as Severe Snap would undoubtedly say:
"Serving The Dark Cause is so much easier which high-quality potions on your side, you dunderhead."
Tiny possible snippet from the next chapter:
Susan didn’t mean to eavesdrop and she certainly hadn’t stuck around but the expression on Neville’s face, the soft question—"Why Lestrange?"—has stuck with her.
It wasn’t anger. It certainly wasn’t anything as dramatic as betrayal.
Neither Neville nor Susan are dramatic people. Neville because he has been taught to be quiet. Susan because she likes to be.
Wow. I never knew I could feel this insulted.
Just so you know Not-Potter. There are people besides Granger who want to make something out of their life. And are desperately trying to not get pulled into a mess that started before they were born.
You don't understand
My home
My parents want me to
The Dark Lord is
No where is safe
That said. Let's talk...business.
But not Honeydukes.
Potter you do know that place is bugged right?
- Insulted but graciously letting it go
An observer of the cosmos, in the greenest of the lands.
What can I say, it pays to make sure.
Also while this reporter does not claim to know everything, they are very familiar with surviving hostile surroundings in all manner of ways. Do not underestimate how far a dedicated reporter is willing to go for a good story.
And you misunderstand: Honeydukes is part of the deal, not the meet up point.
But no worries. We’ll straighten the details out tomorrow at 8:23 pm.
With all due disregard
Hay-Jay Potterdotter
Potter cut the chase. We all know it's you. Or well. Don't. If that's what you wanna keep pretending about. Suit yourself.
What I want to know is when are you getting rid of our current headache. We all know you were behind the disappearance of our previous *redacted*
Is there any way to...speed up the process? I am willing to fund this joke of yours if you do.
-Sincerely
Someone raving to fucking Study
Hermione, I thought we talked about thi-
Dear anonymous possibly friend-shaped study book
As always it is with some confusion and an intense shudder of disgust that I must ask how you arrived at the far-fetched conclusion that anyone working on this proud publication could in any shape or form collude with The Enemy?
This reporter assures you that they have never been nor do they plan to become that loudmouth with a well-documented death wish.
Nor do we unfortunately have any idea what Dark Service you are alluding to.
Some things should not be rushed. However, this definitely isn’t one of them so if you are willing to invest in a monthly Honeydukes order, I am more than willing to reach out to an unnamed contact to… optimize the timeline if you will.
Maliciously yours
Hay-Jay Potterdotter
Multiple sources claim that the local toad plague is persistently trying to infect several of That Fucking Potter's closest and most outspoken allies.
As of this morning 5 new detentions have been issued — a new personal low, given that the week isn't even half-way over. Of course no sane person has accused Gryffindorks of having self-control, so this reporter is not surprised.
Which Unforgivable matches your personality?
Are you...
Imperio 🫡
Crucio 😭
Avada Kedavra 💀
Unforgivable-Curse-Resistant 💪
Don't know the answer yet? Find out in Issue No. 7 VOLDIE*'S EVASION.
Or if you don't want to add up the symbols in your head, fill out this form on uquiz.
Several readers have complained that this quiz "romanticizes" the Unforgivables.
Thus we would like to point out that we are analyzing personality types, not endorsing torture. It's possible to understand why people gravitate towards a certain approach of conflict resolution without advocating for said approach.
Also if you read a publication called WEEKLY VOLDIE* and expect us to NOT discuss the Unforgivables, we don't know how to help you.
You may want to reconsider some of your subscription choices though.
Which Unforgivable matches your personality?
Are you...
Imperio 🫡
Crucio 😭
Avada Kedavra 💀
Unforgivable-Curse-Resistant 💪
Don't know the answer yet? Find out in Issue No. 7 VOLDIE*'S EVASION.
Or if you don't want to add up the symbols in your head, fill out this form on uquiz.
To the editors of WEEKLY VOLDIE*:
As the proud owner of an ancestral pureblood mansion, I must say that the prospect of Ministry flunkies invading my home in order to “inspect” it has always horrified me. Although I am not, of course, in possession of any illegal artefacts, I have no faith whatsoever that the Ministry can tell the difference between my perfectly legal family heirlooms and the dangerous dark artefacts that they are actually authorised to take. In that light, your suggestions to Lighten my mansion were most welcome — and indeed, only this past week, a Ministry inspection barely glanced around my pale blue, well-lit foyer, smiled at the clean house-elf under orders to look pleasant, and exchanged a few pleasantries with me when I asked about the welfare of his family, before giving me a friendly nod and departing! Truly, your suggestions have preserved the sanctity and privacy of my home, and for that I cannot thank you enough.
—Lady Greenest-Grass, Appreciative Reader
---
We are very glad to hear that our advise has eased the strain of living in such tumultuous and occasionally actively hostile times! You truly have outdone yourself and we hope your discrete strategies will pay off for years to come.
(Not to mention that pale blue, while certainly not as heart-warming an evil color as pink nor as vigorously misleading as orange, is a perfectly tasteful color. Well done! We are inspired by your creativity and careful balancing act.)
Dark regards Harri Pott
Ready for Issue No. 7: VOLDIE*'S EVASION?
What to expect:
No chill whatsoever
How to circumvent a ban on assemblies for beginners
Essential spells for the curious student and/or Dark Servant (basics are important)
A practical guide on how to recognize fellow Dead Munchers
News on the Illegal Quidditch Team's planned strike (among other things)
Finally an answer to the question which Unforgivable best matches your personality
Read the full issue here.
As for the odd Hogwarts student among our readers: Do not get caught. Not with this publication and not with anything else.
Are you paranoid enough to survive VOLDIE*'s Inner Circle?
Are you…
Future Inner Circle Material 😏
A Professional Backstabber 🔪
Beyond Paranoid 👀
A Decent Human Being 🤨
Unhealthily Unpredictable 👻
Don't know the answer yet? Take the quiz in our newest edition to find out—or fill out the quiz on uquiz.com (given the title of this quiz we probably don't need to tell you to take it under a fake name)*
*We're testing this tool for the first time. Let us know if there's anything off about it. You shouldn't need an email adress or anything to participate.
Several readers have asked whether this is a genuine test or meant to weed out ill-fitted personnel and potential leaks in the Dark Forces.
The fact that you are asking this question suggests you will do well among the Inner Circle.
Well done. Your healthy paranoia is warranted.
It fills us with joy to see the amount of Capable Dead Muncher Potential among you. Your future shall be glorious—provided you survive a Light-and-or-Ministry-ruled castle long enough to see it.
That said the number of decent human beings hiding in the crowd is somewhat concerning.
Remember: Empathy is the weakness of the enemy, not the goal.
You should work on that.
Issue No. 6 VOLDIE*'S FAITHFUL is ready and waiting for your perusal!
Expect:
An exclusive interview with Inner Circle member REINDEEROUS LE STRANGE
Updates on the curious developments of Hogwarts' black market
Life lessons for the uninformed non-Hufflepuff-student
Your WEEKLY HOROSCOPE (pay attention, the cosmos is talking!)
Remodeling tips for the Dark inclined
The ultimate paranoia quiz
Get all that and more in our newest issue!
We would also like to warn our Hogwarts-bound subscribers that getting caught with our publication may cause serious health issues, due to an on-going toad-like affliction that is plaguing the castle.
So be smart. Be subtle. And when in doubt: blame it on a Gryffindor.
Certain readers have owled us to ask whether the horoscope is based on real divination or just this humble publication's way to imply things we can't say directly.
The stars decline to comment but they are laughing knowingly.
Are you paranoid enough to survive VOLDIE*'s Inner Circle?
Are you…
Future Inner Circle Material 😏
A Professional Backstabber 🔪
Beyond Paranoid 👀
A Decent Human Being 🤨
Unhealthily Unpredictable 👻
Don't know the answer yet? Take the quiz in our newest edition to find out—or fill out the quiz on uquiz.com (given the title of this quiz we probably don't need to tell you to take it under a fake name)*
*We're testing this tool for the first time. Let us know if there's anything off about it. You shouldn't need an email adress or anything to participate.
Several readers have asked whether this is a genuine test or meant to weed out ill-fitted personnel and potential leaks in the Dark Forces.
The fact that you are asking this question suggests you will do well among the Inner Circle.
Well done. Your healthy paranoia is warranted.
Pro Tip For Your Next "Random" Ministry Raid: Do you possess valuable Dark artifacts that cannot be easily hidden or claimed as a family heirloom? Place them in a box labeled "Donation to Howarts: DADA Educational Material".
The Ministry will applaud your generosity. They will not check the boxes.
Did some redecorating. Some idiots came by, saw my curtains and pillowcase-clad house elf and thought they had the wrong house. Apologized profusely and left promptly. Thanks for the tips, they were helpful. For future reference, the damage can be limited to a couple rooms. The incompetents are quite blind.
(Although, I believe great aunt is not particularly happy with the house right now. She threatened to leap out and hex me seven ways to Sunday from her painting. She clearly does not understand the depths we must go for the Dark.)
Well done, fellow Proud but Clever Supporter of the Dark 👏
VOLDIE* is sure to be impressed by your dedication to subtle subterfuge—and the Ministry, of course, is not remotely prepared for even the most basic application of critical thinking.
We are happy to know that our advise has helped you avoid an unpleasant situation and wish you all the best in your future Evil Endavours!
As for your great aunt, magical family is important, as we all know. However, it never hurts to remind a well-meaningly opinionated portrait that the time to make sacrifices does eventually come (and occassionally someone in the family tree has to take the fall for something, that's just the nature of the business).
Explain to them that this person is not gonna be you and be sure to heavily imply that they should not want to be it either.
Where patience fails, threats are always an option.
Viciously,
Hay-Jay Potterdotter
Are you paranoid enough to survive VOLDIE*'s Inner Circle?
Are you…
Future Inner Circle Material 😏
A Professional Backstabber 🔪
Beyond Paranoid 👀
A Decent Human Being 🤨
Unhealthily Unpredictable 👻
Don't know the answer yet? Take the quiz in our newest edition to find out—or fill out the quiz on uquiz.com (given the title of this quiz we probably don't need to tell you to take it under a fake name)*
*We're testing this tool for the first time. Let us know if there's anything off about it. You shouldn't need an email adress or anything to participate.
❗️Rumor has it that there has been an accident in the seventh year Slytherin dorm.
In related news, we recommend you avoid the infirmary unless strictly necessary. A furious Severe Snap on the prowl has been repeatedly sighted in its vicinity. Gryffindors especially should simply learn to heal their injuries themselves.
We will keep you updated.
An unnamed source claims that amongst those most heavily injured were well-known and less well-liked Blech-Lee and even less-liked Wart-Rings-A-Ton.
Whether there is any connection between the surely completely accidental accident and Wart-Rings-A-Ton's rumored infection with the local toad plague remains unclear.
