Apr 30, 2022
Tears of Themis: Returner Gifts
use my code if you meet the requirements above! need some returning attorneys~ ♡
WDMJNDYKNN
please and thank you! ☆
update: my code's maxed out! thanks everyone! ✿
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from Russia
seen from Russia
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Canada
seen from Ireland
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Canada
seen from Brazil
seen from Netherlands
seen from Ireland
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from United States
Tears of Themis: Returner Gifts
use my code if you meet the requirements above! need some returning attorneys~ ♡
WDMJNDYKNN
please and thank you! ☆
update: my code's maxed out! thanks everyone! ✿
Most Returned Christmas Gifts: 2017 Edition
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Rapist!
Harvey Weinstein’s cologne for men (30% infused rose-water, 70% chloroform).
IFoam
Sprays soft layer of foam on all nearby surfaces. Great for people who are constantly dropping their IPhone.
Donald Trump’s Breath Spray
Ever wondered what the president’s breath smells like first thing in the morning? Just like it does any other time of the day, we’d bet. Regardless, this little spray bottle containing an overly accurate representation of President Trump’s breath is sure to repel even the most hardened of nighttime attackers. Also available in Steve Bannon, but please, only if you’re willing to kill someone.
Deluxe Fucks For Just Ten Bucks
Coupon book from local place in the seedy part of town; right across from that pawn shop where a bunch of gang members were supposedly being tortured and killed? Right, that place. Thought the title was charming, but on second thought, probably don’t want to actually use the coupons within. I mean, even the book had little bugs crawling on it.
DilDo Re Mi music lessons
Using sex toys to teach kids about The Sound Of Music? Thanks, but no thanks. Your brother’s presents to our kids are getting more and more weird every year. I think that we should probably not ask him over for awhile.
ExBox
Actually a fine item, but confusion led to many a Christmas morning disappointment. Not the popular video game system, but rather a large crate / cage type of box with which one can inprison their ex boyfriend / girlfriend. Here’s hoping that they come up with a more distinctive name and try again next year, as this product is definitely primed to find an appreciative audience.
Connect Four
People believed that they were purchasing the beloved classic checkers-style game, when in actuality they were buying a build your own Human Centipede Kit. Much more difficult to flush down the toilet than Sea Monkeys, so were thus returned in droves to the mall.
VooDouche
Know of any friends with, lets say, less than adequate attention to feminine hygiene? But you just can’t bring yourself to let them know? Then tackle their problem for them from afar with VooDouche! Not quite the stocking stuffer that the makers hoped, sadly.
Most Returned Christmas Gifts: 2017 Edition was originally published on Weekly Humorist
Maple Candy
Coworkers often bring
treats from their travels as gifts.
Such a “crime” I did
bringing maple candy back
to deface people’s palates.
“Christmas ungiving.” From Cartoons Magazine, 1920. This will also be of interest: The Collected Lost Meanings of Christmas.
The reason they gave us the option to return things we bought us because of shitty ex boyfriends!