(years ago a nonie asked me about matt’s feelings during this time period and i made a post about it, and then when i was stuck in the boston airport for several hours I made a twitter thread of the post. And matt jackson retweeted it. so semi-wrestler-approved meta here we go)
time to talk about Matt Jackson’s feelings!!!
so when Kenny and Kota get back to their locker room after their Honor Rising match, the young bucks are there waiting for them, right?
[ID: bucks sitting on the counter in the locker room. Nick tells Matt: “You were so aggressive out there.” End ID]
the most important thing you need to understand about the young bucks in this story is that they love Kenny Omega. For a long time he was the only person outside of their family that they truly cared about
[ID: picture of Matt saying: “We’re talking about one of my best friends, my brother, someone I literally invite to my house. [...] My son loves him. [My kids] call him “Uncle Kenny.”” End ID]
And the bucks are so loud with their love for Kenny. they’ve show it with their words and acts and touch. Seconding Kenny in matches whenever they could, caring for him after losses
[ID: gif of Kenny walking down a hallway after WK11, he says “Bucks you with me?” Nick answers “Yep.” Kenny says “Oh, thank God.” and Nick tells him “Always with you.” End ID]
betraying and murdering their closest friends when Kenny asked them to
[ID: picture of the bucks doing their cheek kisses to an unconscious adam cole whose head is being raised by an umbrella handle around his neck. it’s right after they betrayed him in ring of honor. End ID]
And how has Kenny shown his love and loyalty in return? Certainly not by performing the same acts for them.
[ID: Matt is speaking angrily to Kenny in the locker room, while Nick and Kota look between them, Kenny looks angry/confused/dismissive. Matt says: “"Let's do what's best for Kenny Omega!” Every big match, Kenny, we've been seconding you. How many big matches have you seconded for us? You're upset? No no no. IM UPSET.” End ID]
But that hasn’t mattered till now (I mean it clearly has, it’s probably been eating at Matt for years), but it didn’t matter because Matt knew Kenny loved them. And he knew that Kenny saw their acts of love and appreciated them.
But that integral fact, that crucial piece that balances their relationship and makes it work, has been missing lately.
Before the reunion Kenny told them at the WK dinner that he was feeling left out and unloved, that they weren’t doing enough for him. He blamed them for not having his back during his Jericho match (a match that happened the same night Matt was injured)
[ID: from the post-WK12 dinner. Kenny saying: “What about me getting my ass kicked by Chris Jericho? Where were any of you?” And Nick says “The ref kicked us out!” and Matt tells him “I hurt my back earlier that night, dude!” End ID]
After their tag match the first night of Sapporo when he was attacked from behind he initially blamed them, demanded why they hadn’t helped him.
[ID: gif from after Jay White attacked Kenny. Kenny leans against a turnbuckle pad and demands “Where were you?!” Matt kind of laughs and goes “Dude!” disbelievingly, and Kenny goes “He came right from behind me!” End ID]
Kenny’s angry doubt and the furious way he explained that he was feeling unloved clearly irked Matt, because as he says himself in the locker room when Kenny accuses them of not taking his calls: they’ve given Kenny everything for FOUR YEARS.
[ID: three gifs, the first showing the confrontation in the locker room, the second shows Matt ruffling Kenny’s hair during the WK11 Okada match, the last shows the bucks helping Kenny walk out of that same match. The text over the gifs says: "For the last four years we've had your back! The entire Okada trilogy! We've been there! We've pounded the mat! We've had your back! Every time you lost we carried you to the back! Every time you won we celebrated in the hotel room.” End ID]
Four years of acts and declarations and fucking bodies in their wake and Kenny never giving them the same in return, and now Kenny has the gall to say they’re not doing enough? That they weren’t there for him when he needed it?
And then suddenly here is Kota Ibushi. This guy, who Matt knows of, but doesn’t understand the importance of
[ID: gif from the GL hallway confrontation. Matt looks Kota up and down as he walks by. End ID]
because Matt may or may not get that Kenny and Kota are bfs who kiss, but he definitely doesn’t get Them
he doesn’t get the “One Brain for Two People” “The Real Kenny is Always at Kota’s Side” Your Name Soulmates-ness of it all, which is part of why he’s so upset. he thinks that the normal rules should apply to kota, but they don’t and they never will. he’s mad that Kenny has seemingly completely restructured his life around Kota, but he doesn’t understand that Kenny’s life has had Kota at its center for TEN YEARS now, that’s not a new development. it’s just that with Kota gone, Matt couldn’t see it before.
when they’re apart Kenny will always be waiting for Kota, he will always be fcked up and carved out and not himself when they’re separated. this isn’t just the reunion of two best friends or exs, this is the return of Kenny’s heart to his body, the repair of his broken wing, the setting right of what was wrong these past four years.
and Matt doesn’t get that yet, but he will.
What Matt does get is that Kota has not been at Kenny’s side, fighting his battles, acting on his love for the past 4 years.
[ID: gifs from the locker room confrontation: Matt goes “And all that time, kenny, all that time? Where was he?!” and points at Kota. End ID]
And now Kenny is choosing him over them? Fuck off.
[ID: gif of Honor Rising, as the bucks leave the ring after confronting the GLs, Matt tells Kenny “We tried to tell you! You wanted to hangout with him and talk to him instead.” End ID]
And this is all happening when Matt needs his friend the most
As Mithen put it:
“[The Bucks are] annoying forces of nature, eternal Lost Boys…Their suffering is well-deserved and fleeting, their pain is ephemeral, and they are forever, forever young bucks. That’s their story…The Bucks suffer loudly and theatrically…as if they’re winking at the audience behind the referee’s back: don’t worry, we’re not really hurt, it’s all a game.” (x)
but now Matt is injured in a way he’s never been before, and it’s terrifying.
[ID: matt is in the ring laying on the mat, holding his back in pain. Nick leans close to him and asks “Matt, are you okay?” End ID]
His back is costing them matches and titles, it’s causing him incredible pain. And it’s like Kenny hasn’t even noticed.
[ID: picture of Matt saying: “It’s like he didn’t care. It was like, “No, my problems are bigger than yours, because you’re just junior heavyweight tag team wrestler Matt Jackson. You’re fine. You’re the Young Bucks. You guys are silly, you’re funny, you’re always going to have a good time.” I feel like his problems have always been bigger than ours.” End ID]
It’s all these little hurts adding up into something that can’t be ignored. Even Kenny’s pause before apologizing when he pushed Matt at Sapporo…
[ID: from the confrontation at Sapporo, Matt sits on the ground where Kenny threw him, holding his back and staring at Kenny. Kenny rubs a hand over his face. End ID]
It’s just the limit.
And now Matt doesn’t feel like he knows Kenny at all. He doesn’t know what their friendship is anymore. Maybe they never really mattered to him at all. Maybe those acts of love were expected, instead of appreciated because Kenny saw them as his minions instead of his friends. Maybe that’s all the young bucks are to him, maybe that’s all they’ve ever been, just a junior tag team that were never really on his level anyway.
[ID: picture from the locker room argument. Nick looks fed up with the fighting. Kenny looks outraged and confused and Matt looks outraged and hurt. Matt goes: “’Junior heavyweight tag team?’ Is that all you think of us? How condescending!” End ID]
(Kenny doesn’t see them that way of course. as he says: “For too long their talents were wasted in the junior division. It always felt strange, even wrong. It was like watching Kobe Bryant play street ball or Tiger Woods competing in mini golf. The Bucks are in a league of their own.”” LINK)
And with that fundamental bedrock come unstuck, Matt’s willing to believe that Kenny is capable of anything.
When Kenny sends them a recorded apology, admitting that the bucks are the best tag team in the world (something Kota agrees with btw, ahead of their match he tells SI that the bucks “are superior as [a] tag team, but we’re superior as singles wrestlers.”)
Cody edits the apology so that it seems like Kenny was actually insulting them. Nick clocks that it’s weird but for Matt it’s just a confirmation of his worst fears.
[ID: Nick going “No, no, no. Something was off. Matt, disbelievingly “Something was off?” Nick: “It seemed like someone might’ve- must’ve tampered with the footage...” End ID]
and there’s another element too. it’s not only that Matt feels that Kota is undeserving of his current place in Kenny’s life, it’s that Matt is jealous
The bucks get interviewed by NJPW [LINK] in the lead up to the GL match and interviewer asks the bucks what they think of Kenny and Kota’s relationship
[ID: interviewer asks “What do you think about Kenny and Kota Ibushi’s relationship right now? Do you think they’re too close? Are you jealous of their friendship at all?” End ID]
and Nick says no.
[ID: Matt: “I-” Nick: “No, because they’ve always been friends.” End ID]
Nick has always accepted Kota as a part of Kenny (tho maybe he didn’t understand quite how big a part), even when they were separated, so to him, this whole thing isn’t such a change.
(and you can see that acceptance in how he reacts to Matt’s anger too. in the locker room, when Matt goes “Where was he?” Nick de-escalates and gets Matt out of there immediately)
but for Matt, things are different
[ID: gifs of Matt saying: “The three of us, we've been through so much together. So many wars, 14 hour bus rides, stuck in blizzards and typhoons. And Ibushi was just a story. He was a guy that we heard stories about. Can you even remember one day when Ibushi was around?” End ID]
the bucks’ relationship with Kenny is real and has all these moments of mutual experiences and suffering over the last four years to show for it, Kota’s relationship with Kenny was never real to Matt until now
[ID: four gifs, the first two show Matt being interviewed, in the third Kota is rescuing Kenny from Cody, and in the last Kenny presents Kota to the Honor Rising audience. Matt is saying: “You ask if there's jealousy and I want to say no, because I'm a grown man, I'm a father. I shouldn't be jealous of another man's relationship with another man- but it feels like a part of me is going, "well where were you tho, Ibushi? Where were you?” And all the sudden you’re just going to come back into this man’s life and now you’re his best friend? And you guys are going to team again like nothing ever happened?" End ID]
and of course Kota had his reasons for not being there, but those reasons don’t matter to Matt. The fact of the matter is that he wasn’t there, and Matt was, so why does Kota get to come back and be more important to Kenny than Matt is? All these things that Kenny is doing for Kota, the way he’s making Kota the center of his world? Where was even a fraction of the energy for the bucks all these years?
these feelings of jealousy mix perfectly with his fear that his love has been misplaced and unappreciated, that his friendship with Kenny was never actually equal, and his resentment at that inequality
Matt and Nick say in the njpw interview that they don’t want to hurt Kenny
but Matt’s not being completely honest. It’s not exactly that he wants to hurt Kenny (tho he does, a little), it’s more that he desperately needs his own hurt to be seen by Kenny. he wants to see Kenny’s disregard for him laid bare, he wants Kenny to hurt him in the ring where it’s clear, where Kenny will have to know he’s hurting Matt.
and it leads to one of the most Upsetting matches in pro wrestling history
it’s still Jan 28, 2018 the second night of New Beginning in Sapporo, and Cody and Hangman have just been run out of the ring by Kota. While the Golden Lovers play out their reunion, Cody takes this opportunity to pull at the frayed edges of the Elite’s bond [Post-match comments LINK, BTE ep LINK]
[ID: three gifs of the backstage comments. Matt is teary-eyed and standing supported by Nick while Cody promos at him. Cody says “Matt, are you okay? I do not understand this situation. You’ve known that guy for TEN YEARS! [then to the reporters] I appreciate you guys sticking around but this [gestures to Matt] is top priority! This is top priority! [to Nick] Let’s take care of your brother. End ID]
Pretending to care about Matt, pretending he did this to Kenny for them, playing at being concerned and compassionate
Matt is clearly distraught, he’s tearful in the post-match comments and later when the BTE guys gather in a backroom you can see him rocking back and forth trying to sooth himself while Cody goes on a tirade
[ID: the BTE guys sitting in a room. Cody is standing and speaking and gesturing. Matt is rocking back and forth and not looking at Cody. End ID]
but in spite of all Cody’s hard work, in spite of the horrible accident in the ring, the elite have not given up on each other
that night Kenny shows up at the Bucks’ hotel room, and he brings Kota with him.
[ID: four gifs. Kenny stands in front of the bucks’ hotel room door. Kota comes up beside him. Kota has like a scarf? he looks great. Then the bucks standing in their doorway, they move inviting the GLs into the room and Kenny and Kota enter. End ID]
they’re trying
(shout out to Kevin Kelly in the post Sapporo recap, saying the lovers’ relationship “certainly goes deeper and beyond friendship”)
during early February 2018 there’s kind of a holding pattern [BTE eps LINK and LINK], Cody is living his best, villainous life, feeling that all his dreams are now almost within his grasp. but he doesn’t let up on his manipulation, he knows that the bucks haven’t really given up on Kenny.
he starts pressuring them to move up to the NJPW heavyweight division (something that would put them in direct competition with the Golden Lovers) because they are “the best tag team in the world.”
[ID: picture of Cody with his arms around the bucks, saying “Think of the dream matches.” End ID]
all the other non-Cody members of BTE are conflicted and in pain, and Matt is wearing his divided loyalties on his sleeves
[ID: pictures of nick and hangman crying, and then matt looking unhappy. Matt’s shirt changes from Kenny’s BC shirt to Cody’s BC shirt. End ID]
but enough about those guys
February 2 Tokyo Sports interviews Kota Ibushi about the Golden Lovers reunion [LINK]. He clarifies that he is not part of the bullet club and will not be joining them, even tho they are now legally his stable-in-laws. When asked why he saved Kenny he answers simply, “because he’s my friend.”
“It ended once. So this isn't us picking up where we left off, it's a completely new start. I'm excited to see what we can do as a team, now both of us [are] heavyweight. I can't imagine a better tag team than us. At the same time, we spent this time apart, and did completely different things in those years. How we'll do together after that time, how well we'll gel, that's another part of it. [...] We've taken such different routes. But I think there are New Japan fans that sense a difference (in level) between us. I'm the only one that really hasn't made a mark or gotten results in New Japan. I'm not looking to Kenny for help in that regard. That's on me to rectify. Of course, I want to team with him. But I'm still a singles wrestler. I want to make my mark as a singles wrestler. As a tag [team], I'm excited to see what happens, and no doubt, cool things will happen. 2018 just got really interesting."
-Kota Ibushi, Chris Charlton translation [LINK]
just like Kenny, he’s not quite sure how this will go, but he’s committed to making it work
we get another update (Feb 13, 2018) when NJPW releases The Golden Comeback, a documentary on the GL reunion [NJPW LINK, Youtube LINK - please note that the youtube version is 15 minutes shorter and does not include most of the interview]
(Cody RTs the video and calls the GLs a “publicity stunt” saying “[Kenny’s] too selfish to love anybody” [LINK] (both bumping the docu and calling attention to the fact that the GLs are in love))
this same day Kenny likes this tweet calling Kota “that one beautiful man Kenny Omega loves unconditionally”
anyway this documentary is 30 entire minutes, and there’s just so much in it
first off, Kota makes clear before Kenny shows up that he sees this space, the private wrestling gym that he uses for practice (and has used for 10 years), as his home
[ID: picture of Kota in his personal gym. The NJPW interviewer asks “What does this place mean to you?” and Kota say “This is basically my home.” End ID]
what we’re going to witness here is a homecoming
hilariously Kota hasn’t told the NJPW film crew that Kenny is coming so they’re very surprised and confused when someone knocks on the door
[ID: gif of Kota in the doorway to his gym. He says “You’re late. Late.” Kenny laughs and replies “Sorry.” End ID]
(no big deal, just the first words we’ve heard them speak to each other in years. ‘you’re late.’ he had to wait for so long ;-; )
even more hilariously, Kota didn’t tell Kenny the film crew would be there
[ID: gif of Kenny looking around and then back to Kota and down, and he says “I thought this would be a private practice but um here we are. We have the camera crews here. [switches to Japanese] But I don't mind.” End ID]
I always wonder about this, whether he just didn’t think to tell him, or maybe he was going to if Kenny hadn’t been late, or whether it was a test, wanting to see if Kenny would still be Kenny to him in front of an audience...
but regardless of why the njpw people are there, Kenny is still Kota’s Kenny on camera. there’s a little awkwardness here and there, both of them sort of figuring out how to fall into this again, but the whole video is just filled with their soft joy and sweet giddiness at being together
[ID: gif of Kenny and Kota giggling together. End ID]
Kenny, who spent years trying to surpass Kota, switches so easily from “I” to “we,” already thinking about their future and successes as shared
one of my favorite moments is when Kenny pulls out one of Kota’s t-shirts
It’s the cutest thing in the world, the way he pulls it out, SEES WHATS IN HIS HAND and clearly gets nervous????? AND LIKE TRIES TO DROP IT ALL CASUAL???
And Kota notices immediately????
[ID: gif of Kenny looking in his bag, Kota says “Kenny...” Kenny looks up and says “Yes?” And Kota points at the shirt “Where did you get that?” End ID]
[ID: two gifs. Kenny picks up the shirt and goes “This?” Kota says “this shirt” and Kenny unfolds it and holds it up. “I brought it myself. For practice.” Kota looks at his own shirt and says “It’s my shirt!” and Kenny tells him “I wanted to dress as a team.” End ID
the “I wanted to dress as a team” and how delighted Kota is about it????
[ID: two gifs, Kenny is giggling and Kota asks “Did someone give it to you?” and Kenny tells him “I won it in an online auction.” they both crack up. End ID]
KENNY SAYING HE WON IT IN AN AUCTION AND THEM BOTH BREAKING DOWN LAUGHING???? it’s just the best
there’s all these little moments that show how much Kenny has been thinking about this, planning things out. he’s already brainstormed a new knee-based finisher, since their old finisher, the Golden Shower, is a bit more difficult now than it used to be and they need something they can do every match
(they do tease the Golden Shower during this docu and later, which makes me think they could still do it and were saving it for Something Special, but never got the chance)
and then the interview portion of the documentary begins. Kenny gives a brief account of his life and mindset since 2015, and it’s a little heartbreaking
"When Ibushi came to the ring, it was difficult at first to accept that he had noble intentions. For so long I felt so alone, that no one had the same idea of what wrestling should be. And maybe even to a degree that no one cared about me. I felt that it was just my job and my existence to give everything to wrestling. My health, my body, my soul. [...] didn't matter if I was broken."
[ID: gif of Kenny saying “And in the end to feel that someone maybe cared for me more than that...how could I turn that away?” End ID]
Kenny had just accepted that as his lot in life and then here was Kota, loving him when he had lost everything. seeing and loving Kenny the person, not The Cleaner or the Best Bout Machine
and in the face of that love Kenny couldn’t turn away forever
Kota gets asked about why he came out to help Kenny, and you can feel the years of pining in his answer, and just how badly Cody played himself by pushing Kenny into revealing how much he still cares for Kota
“Through all these years, I've always watched his matches backstage. I was watching that day. [...] Kenny did the same for me at New Years Dash. I tried to play dumb [referring to his post-match comments at NYD], but I knew what he did. Kenny...was looking out for me. It felt like the GL weren't done yet. That's what I felt that day. I was compelled to help him.”
the interviewer then asks about the choice to extend his hand after saving Kenny
[ID: the GLs sitting side by side. Kota says “It was a big deal for me. But he didn’t take my hand, at first. So, I thought maybe that it wouldn’t work out. But I didn’t want to give up so easily. I wanted to force him to acknowledge me.” End ID]
he says that he thought they could reunite "because we're the golden lovers" like it was just that simple
the way the lovers talk about each other now that they’re reunited is really something. Kenny tries to put into words what Kota is to him
"The Golden Lovers was always more than just the wrestling. That was real life. And if he just wanted to tag then that was something we would discuss in private [and then talk about to njpw] or I could make a big shpeal of it, make a big scene, give Ibushi a Bullet Club shirt, and it would be a business decision. But to me this was- this was something that had nothing to do with business. This was unrelated to Bullet Club, this was unrelated to the Elite. This was someone that I had cared about for 10 years. Someone that had helped me survive when I was in DDT. Someone that inspired me before I came to Japan.”
[ID: gif of Kenny saying “Someone who became a friend. Someone who became more than that. Sometimes in wrestling you say "business first" but this was a case when personal life was just too important to ignore.” End ID]
Kenny says that trying to change the wrestling world has been a lonely journey, "and there's not many people who can keep the pace. But Ibushi's one of them. [...] Same with the Young Bucks and that's actually why we formed the Elite. And in a way Ibushi is very much an Elite athlete, an Elite professional wrestler and I'm just happy that he's by my side.”
When asked about visiting the young bucks' hotel room, Kota says he’s “not trying to divide” Kenny and his friends. Kenny says that while Kota and the bucks might not be friends, they’re not enemies either, and that he wants badly to make things right
“I value my relationships. I don't have many real friends, but the real friends that I do have I want to cherish…we came to the room as a peace offering, and right now it's complicated, and I hope that with time we can fix that relationship.”
