#rewrite talk

[coeluvr]

Is the king still atleast nice to his son?

YES. If he wasn't that wouldn't be Luceris anymore. Trust, I didn't completely change any characters at all.

[coeluvr]

That's concerning. Like I was judging Lancelot before but could kinda.. see why? Like i hate the king but other than to us he seems like a fine person with questionable af morals but still niceish to literally anyone but us. But now I'm worried for Lancelot.

He is still niceish to Lancelot, I just think he puts the man through too much, you know? And as always, Luceris is incapable of seeing beyond himself.

[im-obsess-with-pixel-characters]

I want to talk about my rewrite so bad but I know I'm going to ramble and accidentally say something I'm not supposed to, I'm just the equivalent of Tom Holland but I am the one that leak my own things

[phantomthiefdark]

After a lot of thinking I've realized I may have to rewrite my chapters

[phantomthiefdark]

huh chapter 5 is over and like???

thoughts???:

I don’t??? really get the point of this chapter??? like were we supposed to see that Risa’s only interested in Dark??? I feel like we already Got that? like nothing really seems to come out of this chapter???

like that’s all I can really say it just seems like nothing happened other than reminding me I don’t really like, like source Emiko (or... any of the adults)

[phantomthiefdark]

okay so chapter 4 is done

thoughts:

a little upset that Risa would ask anyone to do something Very Dangerous to get her hat

that being said she was so worried and apologetic I ended up feeling bad for her

of course it Seemed like she called for Daisuke before Riku and I really don’t know how to feel about that bc like Risa that’s your sister who to my knowledge you don’t hate

I always love Wiz trying to help tbh even if he ends up being No Help At All

Dark asking Daisuke if they’re rivals is Weird to me tbh and I’m actually like Tired of manga Dark already?

are they going to get in a big fight or smth bc Daisuke talks about War Drums

Riku asking Daisuke to call her her name is a little weird to me tbh

[phantomthiefdark]

okay so chapter 3 is over

thoughts:

I mean to knock it out of the way I hate the drowning scene and I double hate the kiss

the stuff with the kiss makes a little more sense in that Riku is confused about seeing Daisuke but that’s because Daisuke actually was there?

and I’m glad it’s a little more like “that was a bad thing” but idk

it makes it sound like a sort of Jekyll and Hyde thing though as if Dark’s just some hidden part of Daisuke himself and the lines are more blurred between them than they Should be imo?

honestly I think the only part I care about is when Hiwatari cuffs Dark without him noticing and Dark’s salty about it

I also do like that Hiwatari knew that that wasn’t Daisuke but still went to go save Wiz, he’s a good kid w a messed up situation and I feel like this plays into that or whatever

the ending bit is weird? the vial of the Fallen Angel’s Love Potion (was anything IN there anyway???) being left on Riku’s bed, open, is Weird? and then Daisuke transforms bc of Riku and idk if Dark like used the love potion to make Daisuke fall in love with her or something it’s weird?

[phantomthiefdark]

alright, chapter 2? finished

thoughts?:

it feels really uneventful? it’s super boring

I don’t know if Dark telling Daisuke that they should “just become one” and saying Daisuke always wanted to be someone else is like. a Tactic to get Daisuke to evaluate himself or something but it feels really malicious and idk like are we supposed to Dislike Dark I don’t get it

who on earth is Sekimoto

idk man it just feels like nothing really happened?

it did have Dark wearing a crown and leaving a bunny for the police so that was good