Recently rewatching TWD episodes for research purposes and one aspect in Rick and Michonne’s last scene from "Conquer" [S5:16] stuck out to me. It’s an excellently crafted, wonderfully acted and deliciously revealing scene--- from Rick respecting Michonne's authority by handing over his contraband, to Michonne tossing her jacket on the bed, to the verbal confessions and promises, to the way they look at one another with such knowing and adoration but I won’t get into any much of that.
Thinking about how Rick and Michonne interact that reveals their compatibility, it's hard to deny they have a similar sense of humor. Shown with the infusion of levity into their conversations. Rick and Michonne have a lot of inside jokes because they’ve spent tons of time together. Tend to lean into situational gallows humor. It's so seamless and quick with Michonne's pithy one-liners and Rick's effortless self-defeating comments.
[See “Clear” [S3:12] for the beginnings of this development; then “A” [S4:16] (my favorite Michonne) or my previous post on “Remember” [S5:12] for examples]
In this episode, I was drawn to when Rick tries to joke about Michonne knocking him out. We know he’s “joking” because of how he immediately defends her actions, by focusing on his behavior at the beginning of the episode to Carol. Let’s not talk about my annoyance with Carol 🤨 but how Rick’s reaction is one of my favorite things about Rick and one of the best ways we express love. When we love, we think the best. We don’t jump to (negative) conclusions even if/when we don’t appreciate something or disagree. We apply what we know about someone’s character to the situation and give them the opportunity to explain (if they need to).
In that same scene with Carol, Rick also admits he needs to be honest. And while he means this in several ways (inwardly/outwardly), I eat up the fact what we see him DO [at his first opportunity 'cause, of course, he was waiting in his room to talk to her] is tell Michonne the truth. All of it. Down to his insecurities and vulnerabilities.
Rick: We lied to you because I wasn’t sure how you’d take it, what you’d do.
There’s so much in that one line. Rick taking responsibility for his actions; his deception motivated by fear. Letting Michonne know that a part of him was scared of her reaction personally, being HE shut her out purposefully. He was afraid of what her reaction would mean (can't forget his history) or how it'd influence him.
[And I love that he says this last part, not as a revelation or well kept secret but an unspoken fact.]
Also, he’s clear that making the decision to lie/keep things from her wasn’t about anyone else but himself. He was being selfish. Not only does he take the blame as the "leader" but also affirms their closeness as friends/partners. He knows his choice was about him and more importantly, them. Their relationship. Keeping secrets from Michonne, hiding things, felt wrong. And he’s acknowledging here that being secretive isn't what their relationship has been and she deserves better from him.
Michonne: You think I’d try to stop you?
Rick: Well, you did hit me over the head.
And because sharing his true feelings is a little awkward for him, (it’s also Michonne whom he has ALL the feelings for, not to mention, she has him out here thinking he's funnier than he actually is), he tries to lighten the mood. But Michonne didn't have time for that.
[And neither did I. It's too soon Rick. TOO SOON! Though I'd love to see day one of the kids deadpans, "Like that time Mom knocked you out?"].
As always, she redirects with--- "That was for you, not them." [Which, I mean--swoon]. Because she knows, like we all do, that he's only half joking. The fact Rick can make fun of himself in this way reveals a sense of understanding and safety he feels with Michonne. He trusts her, but insecurity (after years of being torn down) doesn't dissipate overnight, so he needs confirmation here. And Michonne doesn't hesitate.
Rick's emotions are pretty loud and obtrusive for such a tender-hearted, pensive man, therefore they overwhelm him often. And he's a classic suppressor, but the end of the world has made it harder for him to compartmentalize. For someone who feels so deeply, dealing with everything all the time takes its toll. His resilience and responsibilities have demanded he readjust, adapt and reform his worldview multiple times and it all comes to a head (literally) in Season 5. However, Rick begins to stabilize after that blow.
I think he sees the humor in that.
But he's also grateful (she sat with him all night), which is another reason he's in this room, confessing to Michonne. Their first scene alone together starts with Rick waking up laughing as if he's genuinely tickled. But it's a dark, cynical laugh and Michonne ends that beat reflecting back at him, not only his words but an honesty in her incredulity of his mindset.
This entire scene is Rick announcing he's finally ready to not only try but make it work. But he's specifically sharing that with Michonne because he also understands what she's done for him (getting his mind right) is invaluable and a testament to who she is (his mirror) and what she's always represented in his life (clarity and hope).
