Denial Isn’t Just a River in Egypt
This drabble is for @risquesno who requested jealous!Rick and some Rick/Morticia! Hope you like it!
Rick tapped his foot impatiently, taking yet another glance at his watch. He grumbled in annoyance as he read the green digits displayed on its screen. He’s been standing there for far too long.
When the hell is Morticia going to finish talking to that asshole…?
A school bell rang, calling the students chatting in the hallways back to their classrooms. Rick turned back to the laughing pair of teenagers. They showed no signs of ending their conversation. Morticia was leaning shyly against her locker, twirling a loose strand of her curly hair as she talked to this guy—who was he again? Jake?— and made a sad attempt to flirt with him. She was too obviously nervous, and her stutter made her words practically incomprehensible to the befuddled boy. The two shared many awkward pauses as Morticia tried to collect herself and enunciate her words more carefully.
Rick rolled his eyes when his granddaughter stumbled over empty air, her shaking legs betraying her. Now was a good time as any to interrupt their pointless conversation, he guessed. He rushed forward to catch her before she made an impact with the ground, arms already outstretched to break her fall.
Rick was beaten to the punch by Jake’s quick reflexes and close proximity to her. The boy stopped Morticia’s fall with an arm around her waist, preventing her from hitting her head on the hard tiles of the floor. They both froze for a second, staring at each other’s eyes.
“Y-y-you saved me,” Morticia breathed. “Thank you.”
Jake rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “It was no biggie. You’re welcome.”
I’m going to vomit. Rick coughed loudly, glaring at Morticia. “C’mon, w-w-we have somewhere to go, and I—UUURP—am not going to stick around and wait for your teacher to find out. I don’t have time for bailing your ass out of detention.”
His granddaughter let go of the boy, looking guilty as she walked toward Rick. “O-o-okay, Rick. Let’s go,” she said, casting a look back at Jake. The boy’s face twisted into a grimace, possibly displeased at having their conversation cut short.
“Wait,” Jake interrupted, following Moticia and grabbing her wrist. “Do you really have to leave?” he asked, giving Rick a pointed look. “I noticed you get dragged around a lot by your grandfather. You’re missing a lot of classes, you know.”
“W-w-well, I—”
Rick placed a protective hand on his granddaughter and sneered at him. “M-m-my granddaughter much more important things to do than leaUURPrn the inane drivel that your teachers spew out on a regular school day. Piss off back to class, punk.”
Jake’s brow furrowed. Shaking his head, he turned to Morticia. “Your grandpa’s really rude, ‘ticia. I guess I’ll see you later. Maybe we could hang out—”
“There will be no ‘hanging out’,” Rick interrupted angrily, grip tightening around his granddaughter. Who does this idiot think he is? “I said. Piss. The fuck. Off. W-w-we’re going to be out all day, a-a-and I don’t want you bothering Morticia when we get back. And besides, you aren’t gooOOUGHd enough for my granddaughter. Go hit on someone in your own league.” Without waiting for a reply from Jake, he steered Morticia into a portal, appearing in their empty garage.
As soon as they went through the portal, Morticia hissed in anger, ripping away Rick’s hand from her shoulder and stomping into the passenger’s side of the spaceship. She slammed the door and crossed her arms, a look of complete frustration directed at Rick.
Oh boy, here it goes. Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, sliding into the driver’s seat and fully expecting the sermon his granddaughter was about to give him.
“W-w-what was that, Rick?” she yelled as soon as Rick put the key into the ignition. “Y-y-you saw us, I could’ve had a shot with Jake! Why—why’d you have to go and blow it for me?”
“Because,” Rick replied, backing the spaceship out of the garage, “that little shit’s no good for you, Morticia, a-a-and you know it. Why go for Jake when you have literally anyone in the multiverse at your disposal? Y-y-you’re wasting your opportunities. Y-y-you’re settling for fast food i-i-in a multiversal buffet of possibilities. Have—have you seen a Globorxian, Morticia? Your sex life isn’t complete if you haven’t been with one. They literally have seven—”
“Not the point, Rick!” Morticia argued. “I-I don’t want any Globorxians or whatever weird aliens you’ve been with. I wanted Jake, and you just had to go and fuck up the best chance I’ve had in snagging him! He was the boy of my dreams, a-a-and now I’m never going to have another moment like that with him!”
“Will you stop being so fucking dramatic? I-I-I’m doing you a favor, you ingrate of a granddaughter. I know people like Jake. Y-y-you think he’ll even bother with you i-i-if he didn’t want to get in your pants? A-a-and don’t you even think about it, Morticia, I’m willing to bet my shriveled-up liver that that boy has a small cock.”
“Are you kidding me? I know Jake i-i-isn’t like that, and you know jack shit about Jake. Would you grow some balls already a-a-and tell me what your real problem with Jake is? Because frankly, Rick, I can smell your bullshit from a dozen miles away!”
“My problem,” Rick said, raising his voice to a shout, “is that Jake pisses me off! He’s so moronic and uninteresting but-but you still have a goddamn crush on him! Why the hell are you so interested? What does he haUUURPve that’s so fucking special that you talk about him 24/7!? It’s always Jake this, Jake that. I-I-I can’t even hold a conversation with you for longer than five seconds without you even mentioning him!”
His granddaughter was struck dumb by Rick’s outburst, her mouth in an open O of surprise. They drifted through space in an agonizing minute-long silence as Morticia processed Rick’s words. Rick steeled himself for the inevitable angry comeback.
Instead, she started to laugh.
“What? What’s so funny?” Rick snapped, confused by Morticia’s reaction.
“Oh my god. Oh. My. God,” she said in between chuckles, “I-I-I’d never thought I’d see the day. Rick Sanchez, The Rick Sanchez, is jealous! Holy—y-y-you’re actually jealous of me talking to Jake!”
Rick’s eyes widened. “What the—what are you— That-that’s the most idiotic—I’m not jealous!”
“Oh, Mr. Aloof. Mr. I Don’t Care About My GrandKids. I-I-I’m so uncaring, I cockblocked my granddaughter because I didn’t like her talking to her crush,” she taunted. “A-a-and then I gave her a bullshit excuse about Jake being a complete asshole, even though I’d met him less than five minutes ago—”
“Oh, fuck off, Morticia—”
Morticia wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes, then smiled at Rick. “You don’t have to be jealous, Rick. You’ll always be number one to me.”
“I-I-I don’t care whether you think I’m number—” Rick stopped short as his granddaughter scooted closer to him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. In his surprise, his hands slipped slightly from its grip on the steering wheel, the ship careening slightly to the left. Rick felt the beginnings of a blush taint his cheeks, betraying his true feelings.
His granddaughter laughed. “Don’t worry, Rick. I love you too.”
