I just need to sort of get some stuff off my chest, so... be forewarned that this is a vent.
First... I understand that I'll probably never meet or talk to sourcemates... I'm basically from such an obscure AU, I may as well not exist... I might as well be non-canon... it hurts, but I want to talk about it.
You don't know me, nobody really did. But I remember I was trans, I had to hide myself from my father. I had to lie. I had to pretend I wasn't who I was.
Of course, he found out anyways...
I still remember what he said to me when I came home that day...
Three days later, I died.
I died on the same ride that claimed the life of my boyfriend, my best friend, and all the others... I only went with him on that trip because I needed to take my mind off of the fact that I didn't have a home anymore... Mom lived several states away... and I couldn't leave Ricky, and I couldn't afford to travel...
I don't regret going... I don't regret dying.
Even before I was outed, I was his last priority. I worked to pay for my own clothes, my food... I was expected to just... be able to do that and still be a perfect student...
I couldn't... I was never "good enough" for him...
But I was somehow good enough for Ricky.
I guess he was the reason I was actually able to live as long as I did...
He saved me from myself more times than I'd like to admit... I would've been dead long before then... at MY own hands if it weren't for him.
All Ricky's out there? Thank you, I love you.
All Noel's out there? Thank you, I love you. /p
(In my canon I wouldn't have met Ricky without you.)
I miss being able to see, and hear, and hold, and kiss, and speak to, and just EXIST with you all... I miss everyone so much. I'm never going to find you again.
Although... on the bright side, my skin isn't covered in belt and bruise marks anymore... and I'm finally free.
– A Jane Doe [Ride The Cyclone] kin 🚺🎢
