Being Single = The Bees Knees!
Maybe it's because I'm slap-happy and going off of 3 hours of sleep, maybe it's because I didn't back out of watching my best friends kids at 6:30 in the morning and they turned out to be complete angels and I'm here in silence at work until 6am, maybe it's because I got to spend time with my best friend and cheer her up on her birthday, maybe it's because I'm hyped but tired off of this LipoRush pill, maybe it's because I realized that the scale at the gym is a +3 pound liar and maybe it's because I've been away from fast food for a full 5 days...
Right now, I've realized that life is good and that everything that has happened these past 2 months I wouldn't take back at all, not even the sadness, or the moment of depression. Everything good and bad happened for a reason and it's made me stronger, wiser, and closer to my friends and family. I'm learning a lot about myself and realized that I'm starting to come through more for the people that matter, and I love it.
When you lose a love, you think that your world has ended and that you aren't good enough, that everything that you thought had meaning has gone to shit, but after spending a shit load of time with my friends and family and concentrating on work, I finally took a step back and realized that the only thing I lost was a girlfriend and the stress that came along with it. I was forced to learn how to live with and by myself and I can't even lie, it was scary as shit. Now it's 2 months later and I love it. I'm not afraid to spend Saturday nights alone at home, I'm not embarrassed to go to the movies alone before work.
It's been a long time coming, but I am digging this solo stuff. I do what I want, when I want, how I want, with whoever I want. It feels great to wake up in the morning, catching up on my DVR, going to the gym for however long, come home sore, use up all the hot water, cook whatever I want for dinner and head to work. it may be monotonous but I love it. I can say that I love being single! I'm finally putting me first and everything is falling into place. To decide to put more focus on myself in the most positive way ever and not focus on how I will "be alone forever", I don't prowl the personals or look for females anymore. I'm looking at my past and learning that when I don't go desperately looking for someone to fill the void, I get more out of life.. When I do look for someone, the more lonely I get.
I do have a small confession of why I'm a little more chipper than anything right now. It's because when I got to work, I finally texted the ex back after she sent a text last night asking if I wasn't talking to her anymore. She seemed like she was genuinely worried about our lack of communication, but no worries, I still have my wall up. I asked her how she was and she said she had been stressing over money and moving.. Yeah, so, she and her kiddo are moving out soon into a 1 bedroom apartment.. I take it things aren't going so well there, and hand to God, I don't feel good about this at all. Yeah, she did me pretty rotten and this is her karma coming back, but I wouldn't wish something this bad on anyone. If her friend really was a true friend, she would've made ol' dude start chipping in on rent, but instead she'd rather see her best friend and "niece" struggle, smdh. I completely understand that I had no fault in this and it's not my worry, but I still do have a heart and do want her and her kiddo to be happy. So between me and this Tumblr, it's whatever on the payback deal. She obviously needs the money more than I do. But, if she just would've stuck by my side and saw that the living situation wasn't going to work out, I would've stayed there and stuck it out until the end of the lease and we'd move into our own place.... But if things went that way, I wouldn't have started this path of finding myself or be able to make plans to move to Atlanta.
Anyhow, I guess you can say that I'm fully appreciating everyone and everything God has put in front of me, and I'll never take any of this for granted <3