Okay, so this was spawned by that bit with Winona Ryder saying she and Keanu Reeves may have actually been married when they filmed Dracula back in the day. The idea popped into my head that it would be fun if, on some Justice League mission to an alien world, that happened to Clark and Bruce. After getting this opening scene down, however, there appears to be no feasible way to carry on with it. :(
I shall return now to fics that might actually go somewhere. :sigh:
Two Weddings and Hal Jordan's Funeral
(working title)
Ten years ago on the planet Phirocander..
Batman glowered at the attendant who approached to present him with a flower crown. “Is this really necessary?”
J’onn responded with a minute tilt of his head. “The flowers symbolize the renewal of the compact.” At least J’onn believed he had that right. The nuances of the Phirocandian language had proven a challenge to navigate.
“Fine,” Bruce grumbled. He bowed his head so the attendant could place the wreath of flowers on his cowl. The ears presented some difficulty, with the result that the wreath hung slightly askew as Bruce straightened up. Only Clark had the nerve to smile.
When another attendant approached Clark, the Man of Steel was all graciousness as he bowed his head to accept his crown of flowers.
The administrator stepped forward then, resplendent in elegant robes, and sporting a crown of leaves and berries, cradling the Book of Ceremonies with reverence. J’onn translated as the ceremony proceeded without incident, officially putting the cap on the Justice League’s pledge to bring peace between warring factions.
It was only later, when they were returning to Earth, and Adam Strange made a passing comment about the Montagues and Capulets, that doubt crept into J’onn J’onzz. A doubt that took on the density of concrete when, back on Watchtower, he ran the words of the ceremony through their translator.
Still, what were the odds the matter would ever come up?
This is what he told himself, coming to believe it as the years passed and nothing more was heard from Phirocander.
Present day, a church in Smallville…
“If anyone gathered knows why these two should not be wed,” the minister looked with smiling benediction on Clark Kent and Lana Lang, “let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”
A brief pause, during which J’onn wrestled with his conscience. If only he could be certain Ms. Lang was his friend’s true soul mate. Even so, was it his place to interfere? He suspected he had already left things far too late, and speaking up now would only cause havoc. No, he decided, best to hold his tongue and let well enough alone.
Satisfied with his decision, J’onn settled back in the pew as the minister resumed.
“Very well, then, let us continue. Clark Joseph Kent, do you take--”
The church door banged open and all heads turned to watch Hal Jordan barge down the aisle. “Stop the wedding! Clark Kent can’t marry this woman!”
“Explain yourself, young man,” the minister demanded.
“Yes,” Bruce said, an ominous note in his voice from where he stood at Clark’s shoulder, “please do.”
Hal gulped but plunged on. “Clark can’t marry Ms. Lang because he already has a spouse.”
Clark stared at him. J’onn bowed his head, feeling a headache coming on.
“I’m sorry,” Clark said with infinite patience, giving Lana Lang a reassuring smile. “Who is it I’m meant to have married?”
Hal swallowed again, followed that with a deep breath, and then, “Him.” He pointed at Bruce. “You’re already married to him.”
J’onn muttered an ancient Martian curse, and suspected even a whole crate of Oreos would not be enough to take the edge off this day.
