sending you ginormous hugs <3 you must be having the shittest time right now, but omg please don't put all of the blame on yourself, you're only making yourself feel worse. I hope things start getting better for you soon <3
I am so sorry this is late.. I haven't been in the mood for tumblr or anything and I haven't even been online since I made that post. I am really thankful for you taking time out of your day to send me this message.. Thank you so much. I feel lonely because of this even when I am with my friends.. I don't fully understand the whole situation either. Yesterday I should have felt happy but.. It just wasn't happening because of this shit. I am sorry for swearing as well, it really is disgusting and I hate swearing but I do it when I am upset. I can't help but to blame myself for the friendship falling apart as I am the one to blame after all. I started neglecting it as soon as I started drinking, having fun, gaining more friends and being more social, right? I ruined it. I can feel it; us drifting apart and becoming distant and one of these days it'll be gone. No messages back and forth anymore, just chat history and what was a really strong friendship that gradually wilted away. I really just know that it's my fault but really, I do appreciate you saying this to me. It makes me feel a bit better but I honestly just don't know what to do anymore. I don't. That's the worst part, not knowing if she wants me out of her life, if she hates me and just isn't saying it to me... She said that I don't care about her, that's untrue but she feels unwanted by me and because I have gained friends I have "other people to talk to about my problems." She told me that I made her feel like an onlooker on my life, someone to unload all of my problems onto, that must have been the worst feeling in the world and I made her feel that way. I feel like the worst fucking person in the world for that. That was never my intention but it happened. I am really just... Four months of my bullshit she has had to suffer, unnecessarily.
I am so sorry for rambling on I just.. I really am sorry for this. Thank you so much for this but I can't help but to blame myself for this. I love you bby, I hope you are having a good day and, again, I am sorry for letting this all out like this. *hugs you tightly*








