So a little over a month ago a really good friend of mine passed away. I don't understand it. I don't know if I ever will, and it hurts. My heart goes out to his sister, their parents, their family and all of his other friends. I have a hard time making it through my days so I couldn't even imagine what they could be going through. It may be a little weird that I'm coming to tumblr to vent but it's the easiest thing to do for me in a time like this. I don't want to seem like I'm bugging the family and reopening wounds, I don't even know how to approach his other friends that I don't know, every one else always has stuff going on, so right now I'm sitting here on my laptop by myself just writing about it. I wish I could have one more conversation with him, hear him yell something dumb at me to make me laugh, the random trips to the bowling alley; all the good times. All the times I went though it with my family and he listened, all the times I was struggling in school, all the times he was having a hard time. He was always someone I could go to. He cared so much about other people and I heard that from so many at his funeral. The pastor at his funeral described him as "the person who befriends the person who needs a friend. He was an encouragement for so many. I wish he could see me as the friend to him that he was to me. I know I tried but at the end of the day if he's not here does that mean I didn't try hard enough? I thought I did everything I could but now that he's gone I see all the times I was absent and could have been there. It's like when you get a test back with all the red marks and you think "damn it I knew that" and you feel so messed up because you know you really knew it and you checked it twice and you just don't know how you didn't catch it. I don't even know what I'm trying to say or where I'm going with all of this but one thing I can say is enjoy the time you have with the ones you love. Tell them you love them, tell them they are important, go out of your way for them and not just for something in return but because you genuinely care about their happiness. Just love each other and be there for people. You NEVER know what other people are going through. Be the friend to other people that you want them to be because I don't want anyone to feel the way I've felt for the past month. I lost a friend that I could always go to to tell everything to and now I'm logging onto a website to talk I'm so lost. If you see this Richard I miss you and I love you so much. Please keep watching over me bro, I know I've always got you.
