had a couple of thoughts tonight like i should go on a date with a stranger before i leave this country and make it extremely funny and then more pertinently that i really miss fandom. particularly hanging out in one fandom and just making stuff and making friends and getting to you know. change lives and be changed. im afraid my loneliness in australia has reached its zenith. this is the end of solutitude but the end of solitude by nature has to be the most miserable leg of the journey. i think i miss love and community and holding someone's hand. the other night lying awake in bed before falling asleep i thought about what my old college was like deep in winter, of hearing laughter down the hallway until 2 am every night and seeing snow outside the window and waking up to a series of routines with people i loved. even writing about it now is a hurting activity. and the time won't come back and the world must move on but oh lord has this last year been a difficult one to live. i'm looking forward to going home and making art. i'm looking forward to making art tomorrow too. i think it's time to do the important worldly things like loving and knowing and learning. lets be brave togerher
