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dire times, right? i can rotate everything together though, no biggie. just gotta learn all of medicine i think. become every doctor. hoard every 70s USSR medical textbook my family inexplicably thought served an excellent doorstop. shit why is the ICD 11 so fucking massive? why is it so awfully, suckingly bloated with useful knowledge that i gotta know? shit does it have botulism? is it gonna botul its isms all over me? do you have a fucking farms-worth of acetone please?
not high strung, rather high pitched. i'm in the air going places no blood flows toward. somewhere above and within your ear. oops i'm not here anymore but you can still feel my influence. everything twitches as i return.
love blooms anew in the air of the steppe? wrong as you are. oxytocia tvirinum
computer how do I hurt you. not your body, your components, not your code. your whole, the emergent property. do you freeze up a tad when i open a shady website because you're afraid of catching a disease again? how do I make you broken. not your parts. you. in shambles, a wreck, but pristine in code and in form. does the diffraction I left on you when i seemed too frustrated to think straight flicker every once in a while because it hurts you to think of me this way? computer answer. how do i ravage your mental health
No, i can't join your football league. I have to kill god on monday. No, the weekend won't work, I have to prepare for his last breath. God's, yes, i've told you before. No, literal god, The God, tear his fleash with my teeth, devour him whole, has the meaning of worrds changed? Are you stupid? I can't, fucker
stimulants are a baeauutiful blonde boy who screams at you that posting is inevitable and divine sleep is a game you're gonna get killed for and all he asks for in return is. all blood flow from your hands
reverse rhythm of my infectious sublimation
i died recently. there must be changes due to that. christ, can they haunt. call me a cab. all the pidgepns look like pipebombs.do you want out?
× clockers: 8/620
× decider: 1/177
× soft machine: 60/182
÷ kurz-reutov organism: 217/2292
÷ saline horse jokeage (novosibirsk): 16/272
÷ passages in jjl befriended: 50/328
÷ psyche: 30/424
÷ Dch-Q: 163/892
÷ 7 nonorganisms: 4 yellow, 4 dark, 2 rhombous
(÷) silverman teal embolism: 36/397 (on hold)
(÷) retread of pirate tomorrow: 156/156 (done)
(÷) red corey logic: 106/293 (t. done)
breath counter (140)
Reminders of being alive (8/11/24 onwards): 1
short description of current intermittance scheme:
1. perhaps stop ssris
2. oh man. od when the clock strikes 12? christ.
DEADLINE: 22:22 4th December (HIT/LOSE) PRACTICE RESURRECTION
DEADLINE: 4:44 9th July (HIT/WIN) BORON FRANKENSTEIN
POST-MORTEM: 26th December (HIT/WIN) FOR IT IS MY MAGNESIUM BLOOD
DEADLINE: 9th February (HIT/LOSE) ALABASTER STAGE
DEADLINE:26THMAY(HIT/LOSE)KNOCKOUTEVER
> ( migranes ) cystic stabbing counter: 20 (helper?-yes) 6/10, 4/15 notes: codeine dulls, doesn't help. low dose dipyrone resultless. checking high dose. paracetamol placebo, useless. ibuprofen burns. caffeine maybe affects something. high dose dipyrone maybe works. High dose dipyrone works! . 7/5/26 they have been happening every day for a week now and i don't understand why. there's a heatwave aura that i haven't noticed before.
> (massive nightly chest pains) alienator: counter: 4015 (helper?-no) echo: nothing. bloodwork: nothing. painkillers don't work. i can't sleep like this anymore. 7/5/26 learning to sleep on my back. automatically sleep in a way which minimizes pain. still get sad that i can never sleep while hugging somebody or being hugged.
> (nape taze) happens is cascades. varies in severity. fullbody seizure if i somersault in water. no idea. somehow connected to feelings of invasion + mirror touch synesthesia. [start marking them down in time. Track connection to riding a cns depressant/ stimulant] *lhermette's sign is the organic nickname 4 this thing but it's likely incorrect, no connection to movement of the neck
> (26sleep) feb-apr was bad. 2-3 days no sleep followed by hybernation. nearly no recollection of this time. saw heard said wrote and thought things which had no cause. either onset or accelrrated due to emotional distress. as of 7/5/26, sleeping about 8h a day for two-ish weeks. if i sleep 4 the world starts getting blurry. this used to happen only after 48h of no sleep at all. still seeing wrong things sometimes. quietely walking around and around with a scalpel, trying to gauge the reality of whispers. can read again. feel like all my writing sucks. dunno if i ought to pull all nighters anymore. obviously i can. but i cannot control myself at all when delusional, it's bad. don't want to be classified.
green gift: 2 (tot. 4)
synthetic dream rituals fulfilled? – yes
does yesterday melt? – oh boy. it never unmelts. they are truly one. i ghost the therapist.
art tag -> #wolframmidnights , tag for delicious techniques -> #technique delicious , thinngs i might draw -> #consumedconsumingconsumed
reblogs -> #sky coloured meat
textposts -> #meat tasting sky
(last two tags are under construction)
my three secret creature tags: –> #oc: id #oc: ego #oc: superego #oc: somersault
guy who eats salad with his hands and imagines he is tearing off raw pieces of freshly hunted flesh
