#ritz rants

[ritz-writes]

Im at the point of hate where if anyone says "larper", in any context other than actually larping or talking about how using larping as an insult is stupid, i stop listening and block the offender

[ritzy-dream-boy]

why is it that other people are allowed to tell me TO MY FACE that they don’t care about what i’m saying, or otherwise make it blatantly obvious they’re not interested (rapid subject change, ignoring me, not replying etc) but the second my replies don’t have the right tone or i say i’m bored it’s “wow it wouldn’t kill you to at least pretend to care” and “sorry i’ll stop talking” and “my bad for being excited” MOTHERFUCKER THATS WHAT IM ALWAYS DOING. I DONT GIVE A FUCK. NONE OF IT IS WHAT IM INTERESTED IN. ALL I EVER FUCKING DO IS ACT LIKE I GIVE A SHIT. THATS ALL I EVER DO. EVERY DAY. CONSTANTLY. ACTING LIKE IM INTERESTED IN IT WHEN IM NOT. BECAUSE IF I STOP THEN SUDDENLY IM THE BAD GUY. IM NOT THE PROBLEM HERE. ITS NO ONE ELSE GIVING ME THAT COURTESY. NO ONE ELSE EVEN TRIES TO ACT INTERESTED IN MY SHIT.

[ritzy-dream-boy]

long post get over it.

sometimes (most times) it really pisses me off when people are defeatist.

like. yeah your life sucks. yeah the world sucks. yeah your brain sucks and yes, everything fucking sucks so much. that is the world we live in. no one is blaming you for feeling miserable about the state of the world or about whatever trauma you have or whyever else your life sucks. no one is blaming you for feeling hopeless when the world is actively trying to kill you. no one is blaming you for being mentally ill. you’re allowed to have all of that.

but it pisses me off because at a certain point are you even fucking trying to not feel miserable? or are you just letting yourself stay in the echo chamber of your mind where you can drown in your problems because it’s easier? like are you actually trying to find hope and reasons to live? or are you just planning to stay like this forever until either something magically changes or you kill yourself about it?

i can empathise and sympathise and understand the issue because as isolating as it feels you are quite literally never alone in your problems. everyone else is also miserable about the state of the world. everyone else is also suffering. you are not the only mentally ill person ever. even if your family, your friends, your support system, the people you talk to, can’t personally relate to what you’re dealing with there’s a big fucking chance they still care and would like to know how to they can help, because that’s what friends do. you just have GOT to get over feeling like you’re a burden for struggling or for needing support or help because you are a human and humans are animals, pack animals, and it is literally in your dna to rely on other people. the people around you WANT you to talk to them.

but if you talk to them about all of this and they offer you solutions and ideas and comfort, and you STILL are telling them ‘it’s hopeless, there’s no point, i have no reason to live, nothing matters, i’m useless’ or whatever other catastrophising self hate negative thoughts that got you into this place instead of actively listening to them and at least trying to believe that they’re right and you’re wrong, the issue is you.

you can want to heal and get better and find reasons to keep going all you like, but if you don’t make the effort to internalise that and shift your fucking attitude, you’re not going to. you can’t ask people for their support and help then essentially not take it seriously and have them spend hours trying to talk self worth and hope into you when you’re being too defeatist to even listen. you are the only person who can do that, other people can just help. no one else is going to fix things for you. you have to do it yourself. being defeatist is actively detrimental to what you want, and it’s the easy way out.

it just pisses me off that people will say they want to heal and say they need help and ask for it, then not do anything to actually internalise it. yes i know self hate and low self esteem/self worth are absolute cunts to get over and work on, if it was easy i wouldn’t still be hating myself over a decade later. but if you can’t accept that it’s hard and it sucks to do, and if you can’t accept that other people are willing to help but can only do so much, then you’re not going to get anywhere. and eventually the people who are trying to help you will get fucking annoyed by the fact they keep having to go through the exact same conversation a million times over, because if they’re having to do that then you’re clearly not getting the point they’re making. they will get sick of it because it will feel like you’re not actually making any effort to listen to them and internalise what they’re saying, and it’s not their responsibility to do that or to keep doing it for you. they do it because they care. them giving up isn’t them not caring anymore, it’s them thinking that maybe there’s no point in having the same conversations over and over again because you’re not actually doing anything about your problems except having that same conversation over and over again.

you need to figure it out yourself. you need to learn your own triggers and your own coping mechanisms. you need to learn how to talk yourself out of your catastrophising and your mental illness spiralling instead of just letting it happen and getting someone else to do it for you every time. you need to figure out your own problems and solutions. it’s your responsibility. you can rely on other people for support and help, but that is not the same as actually improving. it just means you have people who care about you.

stop being fucking defeatist.

[ritz-writes]

I just want to love who I want

[ritz-writes]

ppl rlly need to learn the difference between intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts

i know most ppl arent doing it maliciously, but as someone with actual intrusive thoughts, it can be very upsetting seeing someone just like. drawing on their face and going "letting the intrusive thoughts win teehee im so silly"

no. those are impulsive thoughts. like when u see a big puddle and jump in it despite knowing ur gonna get water all over u. u do it anyway.

intrusive thoughts are not fun and they are not silly and no one wants them. they are exausting and most of us never say them out loud because of how much they disturb us

(quick reminder: you are not ur intrusive thoughts. they r just in ur head. ur not a bad person for thinking them. its okay, i promise)

so yeah. pls learn the difference

[ritz-writes]

Watched some of the debate and found out about the Supreme Court overturning Chevron, and I very much ✨️Do Not Want To Be In USAmerica Anymore✨️

[ritzcraft-blog-blog-blog]

What started this whole thing was waking up (because I swear everyone in this house has elephant feet) to this lovely conversation between three housemates before they left for work.

"Hey, what movie were we going to go see tonight?"

"Seven thirty Godzilla."

"That's right. Think we should invite Ritz?"

"She works tonight I think."

"Ah, that's right."

"She doesn't like it either. She keeps bitching about her new schedule."

"She bitches a lot. Why doesn't she just get a different job?"

"I think that's(referring to my daycare work) all she can really do."

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Why don't you come down for a day and see what it's like working where I work? It's not hard, but it's really stressful sometimes and requires a ridiculous amount of patience and tolerance. My job is not just about playing with kids all day long. My job title is "TEACHER" and you know what that fuckin means? I TEACH them things. My whole class of one year olds know a few basic hand signs, and every single one of them is more advanced speech-wise than most kids their age. I TEACH them impulse control and respect for one another's space and person. I allow them to express freedom of choice and don't judge them based on what they want to play with at dress up time. In return, every single day I walk in, I'm greeted by five adorable knee-high people who just want a hug. They do not judge me, either. No matter how much of a shitty day I'm having or what my hair or outfit looks like that day, they don't care. They just want me to break out the bubbles or sing songs or do stupid-ass impressions in silly voices. And they LOVE me for it. Do you know how good it is for the psyche to get hugs and kisses from toddlers? Cause it always makes me smile at how much they seem to adore me.

I chose my job, but in the end, my job chose me, and just because my job isn't glamorous enough for YOUR standards doesn't mean that what I do isn't important.

Stop making digs at what I chose to do as a profession. It's important. It's WAY more important than anyone thinks. And don't assume that I'm STUPID because I work with children. Clearly, they're smarter and more respectful than any of you douches I live with.

[ritzcraft-blog-blog-blog]

Today's another one of those days where I just feel down about everything that I do, whether it be at work or creatively. Something is trying to pull me down, and I'm not sure if it's because of work or because of my money situation or whatever. But I'm not letting it have me. I'm not going to give up and wallow in self-pity and whine about the reception of my work.

I'm going to keep on going. I have a full inbox of requests, a game to beat, people who are always willing to talk to me even if it's just dumb shit, and a mind full of ideas. Let's do this. Depression, you won't have me this time.