Blindly, Hopelessly, Perfectly
Poe Dameron x Reader
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Days could go by in simple, monotonous smiles. Just half smiles. Its all you could conjur in the face of blind faith; the blind faith that it could somehow end up meaning something. A few friendly flirts and corny jokes later they might.
Nothing happened. It was just routine. Just doing your job. Just.
It wasn’t enough anymore. You weren’t helpless, you couldn’t afford to be. A mechanic barely makes enough to feed themselves even highly trained ones. But you couldn’t afford to complain either. Just do your job. Just.
~~~
The nights and day merged and you couldn’t distinguish between them anymore, and your painful ignorance to self care left you plummeting. You worked hard to tick everything off your checklist but the constant need of repairs created an endless loop trapping you inside your workplace, alone and exhausted.
Proving yourself worthy of being an important and irreplaceable member of the resistance was the task you accomplished after many daunting nights with no sleep, no interaction or food. This was the price you were willing to pay.
~~~
He watched you fall, Watched your smile fall with you. The days where you couldn’t move from exhaustian and he remembers picking you up each time. Each time. A smile, a hug, a reassurance a cocky grin as you flirted back and forth, stood your ground and never ever showed that the workload got to you.
The resistance required the blind faith you were all too happy to submit to and it nearly killed you. It hurt him a lot deeper than he liked to admit. This is how he witnissed first hand your inner strength to continue with your work, realise the time and effort you put into the resistance. It took your sweat, blood and tears to make the repairs in the bloody hole the First Order ripped in the galaxy. With no recognition
And he admired you.
Then he couldn’t stand it no more, friends were supposed to help each other. Gods he hated the word friend, he wanted so much more. A time and place, a time and place.
~~~
Another dark night droned on and you took a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding after switching BB-8 back on. The little tyke rolled around you beeping with happiness and joy and childlike giddiness. You allowed yourself this one moment to just relax slightly under the workload and sit on the floor laughing at BB-8’s antics. As he whizzed around the room in glee.
He saw. He saw this wonderful miracle unfold before him. You were happy, in all his days of knowing you, you’d never been so… So content.
And it warmed his soldiers heart. He wanted- no needed more. More of this kind of happiness from you when you finally accept you’ve done a good job and relax even a little to take the mandotory time to just breath.
There was another exchange of smiles when he picked up BB-8. (A little later than the alotted time but just so he could watch you just a little longer.) BB-8 was still brimming with joy as he zoomed around poe earning a deep chuckle.
It was more than just smiles. It was a thank you. But he couldn’t hold it in anymore and he needed to give you the help you adamantly denied.
“Gods Y/n when was the last time you slept?!”
Your unsureness of answering this sudden question brought your lack of strength and the physical numbness you were enduring to the front of your mind.
The nausea caused you to almost collapsed but you steadied yourself, you could handle yourself, you were no damsel in distress and you could certainly give and take punches emotional and physical. The mantra you taught yourself repeated as it blazed through your thoughts dashing any fear and guarding yourself with relentless stubborness to back down and a cheeky grin to hide your weary soul behind.
“Two days ago. Why my caring flyboy?”
“And the last time you washed?”
“I wash every day thank you very much. I make sure to do that. What about you marblemana with the heart of stone?”
“But the last time you properly took care of yourself; ate a full meal not just scraps, had a nice long hot bath not just a cold shower to wake you up into alert mode, Slept in a bed not on the floor for a few hours? Before you joined the resistance a year ago Y/n. Surely you understand where this is leading darlin’.”
You couldn’t say anything because it was all true. You didn’t allow yourself luxiouries, you could have them later, after work finished. Work never finished and you were neck deep in seconds.
“I miss you Y/n. The person I knew on Yavin 4, the person to joke with me and teach me how to build a makeshift droid. I really do miss those moments with you Y/n and I’m sorry to be selfish but you’re gonna for once put your stubborn defences down and share a bed with me so I know where you are and you will sleep a goodnights sleep. Also, the general herself is interfering with your heavy workload and its no longer yours alone to carry which it shouldn’t have been in the first place. Come back to me Y/n. Please, I will beg if I have to and you know I will so wipe that silly grin off your face.”
“You’ll beg? I’d like to see that.”
“I bet there’s a whole lot more you’d like to see as well…”
“Oh yes. I’d like to see you try and catch me!”
Before the last word even escaped your mouth you bolted with whatever energy you had left to Poe’s quaters. Gods you were free from your loop, unburdened and refreshed with a new vigour and enthusiasm where you could see the work you’ve done and what you’ve accomplished from your small office. And for once in a very long time, you were proud.
Yes you had given in to Poe easily without a fight because you knew it would happen, sooner or later, you knew that someday someone would demand you to break out of your loop because you couldn’t do it yourself. You never had the energy to make a stand against yourself except for now. Now was where you would live, not hoping for the future and relying on hope, but also seeing the change you were making, day by day amd bask in the happiness it brought you to make a difference somewhere.
~~~
Poe couldn’t not smile at your sleeping form, the gentle dozing where you were no longer at a bittersweet war with yourself. But a peace swept over you like a cotten blanket smothering you in warmth. Gods was he lucky. You gave him hope, hope that the resistance was stronger than it had ever been with brave souls thriving.
In his smile, he knew he loved you. In fact, he knew from the moment you stepped off the lander from Yavin 4 and your first words being:
‘Well don’t just stand there you skinny boys in suits, lets get to work!’
And this time he fell, he fell in love with you and he wouldn’t ever deny it.
“And to who do I owe this pleasure of waking up to this glorious face?”
“I guess my parents for making me.”
“Smartasses get soreasses.”
“I know.”
“Oh for gods sake Poe you always lead back to sex and stop winking with that pretty little face.”
“You were the one that said it you idiot.”
“You’re the one thats holding me so tight as if I might disappear- Poe can’t breath!
I hate you.”
“And I hate you too my little frumpkin.”
“I may be little but how dare you compare me to a frumpkin.”
“I could have said my little porg but frumpkin sounded better.”
“A deadly, disease ridden plant that regurgitates its faeces on predators to eat them. Yeah cute nickname Poe.”
“I know I’m just the best boyfriend ever.”
It was out in the open and he didn’t even mean to say it, of course he wanted to but not yet. Too late now though, he’d just face the rejection and carry on. He would still be here for them always.
“You can be when you want to be my flirtatious flyboy. But I love you all the same.”
Didn’t even miss a beat and through his happpiness, they sealed it with a kiss.
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Stfu that was cute and you know it. Oooo I love it. I’m so happy now and its deadass long. Fuckin hell.
This is River, signing off.