#rizaaalyn

[escafeism]

hindi ako ang babaeng gusto mong mahalin ako ang babaeng maari mong habulin iyakan, paasahin, hamunin ngunit hindi mo kakayaning mahalin dahil hindi ako ang babae ng mga panaginip mo wala akong katulad; magugulat ka lamang sa iyong makikita at kung sa una man hindi ka na agad maniwala sa akin na hindi ko kaya magmahal, hindi ako magpapakita ng emosyon, hindi ako ang babaeng maari mong mahalin edi sige, tignan natin

simulan mo - makipagkilala ka, tanungin mo ang aking nakaraan dito palang makikita mo na ilang beses na akong nadapa, nasaktan, niloko at kung ang iniisip mo na dahil dito ay hindi na ako makikipaglaban, dito ka unang nagkamali dahil sa bawat pagsubok ko sa buhay sinisigurado ko sa'yo na ako'y laging tatayo nang may prinsipyo at dangal hindi ko babaguhin ang aking paningin upang maintindihan lang nila ang nais kong isigaw at para sa'yo, ang ibig sabihin lamang nito ay isang pagsubok "kaya kong baguhin ang isipan mo"

at tayo'y nagsama - masaya't kinilig ngunit liggo linggo na lamang ay malalaman mong lasing nanaman ako may hinalikan nanaman ako hindi ako umuwi sa piling mo at kada linggo paulit-ulit kong sasabihin na hindi na ito mauulit ngunit alam nating dalawa na ito'y isang kasinungalingan nga naman, ganun din ako noong tayo'y nagkakilala pero kala mo ako'y magbabago "hindi mo kailangan matakot sa pagmamahal"

at ngayon, parehas tayong luhaan at sugatan habang unti-unti ko nanamang itinataas ang aking bakuran gamit ang mga basag na bote ng alak at mga upos ng yosi sa aking bintana ako nanaman ang nagmukhang masama "dahil hindi ka marunong magmahal" ngunit kaya kong tiisin lahat ng sakit na ibinabato mo sa akin "dahil hindi mo kayang magpakita ng emosyon" ngunit kaya ko ibigay ang buong buhay ko sayo

pero sinabi ko na naman hindi ako para sa'yo hindi ako ang babaeng gusto mong mahalin

[chiquepea]

donna

ooh i love this name! donna is one of my fave names

amber, the salty sea spray when you’re walking along the beach on  a windy/stormy day, smooth black ink, painted rocks

(send me your name and i’ll tell you aesthetics i associate with it)

[escafeism]

1 Now that you live far away, I have no choice but to go home to my lonely room every night. My evenings are not the same without you by my side when I fall to sleep. 2 Mornings are not the same as well. When I open my eyes, I'm used to seeing you still peacefully sleeping, but now I'm greeted to the sight of a pillow. 3 I have to see you. I need to see you. 4 Your laugh sounds different over the phone. The way you talk sounds different over the phone. You sound different over the phone. Nevertheless, my heart still beats for you. 5 My thoughts keep on replaying an imagination on how it would be like when I see you again. I hope my thoughts do not fail me.

thoughts on long distance relationships (r.l)

[escafeism]

it's like there's a missing sign / plastered on my face and it's looking for you / my heart longs for your touch / and your kiss / i love you / i want you beside me right now / when you're away i feel like i'm alone and lonely / because you complete me / you give me hope and you are the piece that is missing from me / i've searched for a long time on who i was / you are the only one who made me see who i really am / i love you / whenever you're away / i feel like pluto has been taken away again / and the solar system is never the same / but the sun is always there to light my way to you / i know that my heart always leads back to you / whatever i do, you're the only one that think of / what you're doing - how you're doing - are you happy? / i love you / i love you / i'm drunk but i always wish that my drinking buddies would be you cuddling with me in a rainy season covered with a blanket and pillows scattered all around us / and i would scoot closer beside you because i don't think i can get closer than i am now / you are the epitome of my life and who i am / i wish you could describe me for who i am / but i love you so much / and i do not know what i'm talking about anymore / and all i know that it's before midnight and i love you so much / and soon it will be past midnight and everybody else would be sleeping and i will still be loving and thinking of you as i fall to sleep / and when i wake up, i know that / i love you

Drunk Text #1 (R.L)

[escafeism]

your touch, as your fingers draw a painting on my back; your kiss, as your lips press into mine ever so eagerly yet still passionate; your smile, as your face brightens up when you look at me; you make me lazy everytime you're around - i don't ever want to get up i hesitate every time i leave wishing for more time to be with you we don't need to talk; i just need to be close to you to be with you i feel everything all at once - high drunk crazy euphoria in love

you're my fix

[escafeism]

My love, I miss you more and more, and every day is worse than the last. I’m afraid, although at the same time, I’m excited. I’m happy that I’m with you. I don’t mean to be selfish, but I wish we have more time to be together in this lifetime. I want to know you better. I want to see your heart; who you are underneath the facade and the secrets. I want you to tell me stories about your childhood - the first time you realized how much you love dancing, the time you cried because you fell, the time you felt left out. I want to feel the joy of being a child again through your tales. I want to listen to you ramble about your insecurities, your issues, your troubles, and all the things that keep you up at night. Know that I will accept you with all my heart, with no judgment. I’ll try my best to make you feel that I’m always here for you, especially at times when you think that everybody else gave up on you. I want to learn about your dreams. I want to know who you think you’ll become in five years and what you want your life to be like. Don’t worry, I don’t have to be a part of it. What’s important is we’re together now. At the moment, that’s all that matters. I want to do silly things with you that we both know I would never do in a million years. You revealed the cheesy romantic in me, the side I never showed anyone else. But now that I did, I want to have couple photos, to exchange good morning texts, to introduce you as my someone special. And of course, I want to share more puns and sexual innuendoes as we go along. I want you to teach me how to play that computer game you like (and watch me kick your ass when we play) while we attempt to play my favorite console game. I want to drink and party with you more as we wait for the sunrise. We’re both fucked up like that, which is one of the things I love most about us. I love the fact that we’re not like other couples. We are extraordinary. We are us.

Letter #1 (R.L)

[escafeism]

we're fucked up kids who waste friday nights drinking until three, who flirt with random people and go to spontaneous dates, who make memories and adventures yet can't get enough of it all and maybe at some point, we were really meant to cross each other's paths even though it's not meant to last a lifetime

[escafeism]

status: getting exhausted from this thing called life