yang.ji02 i left for los angeles almost a week ago with @thejjwon, @kaisabased and @sunnyvside, but just before i had a dentist appointment and... this is the first surprise! tada! finally got rid of my braces after 2 years! there’s also another surprise but... i’m not telling you right away~
1.721 likes
sangkeumyuzu some ppl approached me today, asking where my clothes
were from. I’m so glad y’all asked =‘D
lemme give a shoutout to @thejjwon and his fabulous new clothin’ brand
“yours truly, wesley jung” he’s takin’ orders now ppl so go n’ get yerself some
of those crisp outfits!!!
#yourstrulywesleyjung #kfashion # #choiyuzu
⭐️MGA 5 EPISODE 2
↪ singing an acoustic version of birthday by rad museum ( 00:21 - 00:59 // 02:20 - 02:39 )
skill performance
outfit (minus cap), hair
tw: depressive thoughts, mention of suicide
The day I was born
Nobody knows
The day I was born
Nobody knows my birthday
I feel so blue
in that moment, jinyoung feels alone. he's surrounded by a hundred other contestants, judges, staff members, but the room could be empty and it wouldn't feel any different. as much as he tries to fit in, to get a sense of belonging, to interact with people, nothing seems to work out. he's just another head in the crowd, just another singer that no one paid attention to. just another soul that won't be remembered.
he feels nothing as so jisub prepares to announce the results. this hole inside him keeps growing and no matter what he does he can't stop it. it nobody's fault but his own, really. the world doesn't have to cater to his feelings, people just move forward and will leave him behind if he doesn't follow. he doesn't resent anyone but himself for being like this. since the day he was born, jinyoung has always felt lonely. he was not rejected, he was decently popular even, but he could never shake off this heavy, suffocating sense of emptiness.
people always get bored, then they leave.
he knows he's not as entertaining as these younger contestants clapping and cheering for everyone, laughing along and chatting whenever the stage is empty. jinyoung observes, he analyzes, a mere bystander as the rest of the world marches on. names start being called, but he doesn't expect his own to come out in the beginning. the parks are closer to the end. after showing off his versatility, he can only expect to move forward, but he might not have made any impression. there's never a safe way to tell besides having faith in his own talent. he's not surprised, however, when he hears 'park jinyoung', just as he wasn't when he got his callback audition. will this resolve fade as the show gets harder, jinyoung can't tell for now. if he's meant to go home, he'll leave quietly, without making any waves.
after filming ends and they are allowed to go home, he is probably the first to leave the set. he doesn't wait for yugyeom, as they haven't spoken all day and jinyoung isn't sure of his plans after. he is more likely to go out with his friends than go home right away, which the older understands. yugyeom is outgoing, he's social, and so enthusiastic about this competition while all jinyoung wants is to find mina. he calls his mother on the way home too, as she wanted to be the first to know if he got through. she's ecstatic, though she keeps telling him she knew he would blow them away. jinyoung's heart swells upon hearing this. she knows he worries too much, he takes after her. mina is still waiting for him when he comes back, as the supportive girlfriend she's been since the beginning. he looks at her sparkling eyes and tender smile, and he once again thinks about how he doesn't deserve her. she loves him so much, and is so caring. sometimes he feels as though he's her whole world and it used to be a lot of pressure for him, to have another person depend on him so much. but mina is even more solid than he is when the people she loves crumble down. she's a soothing presence, and the lighthouse guiding him through his inner darkness. she congratulates him, and they don't do much else beside cuddling on the couch until it's time to sleep.
the song choice appears evident as soon as birthday comes on shuffle in his playlist. he can thank yien for this one, as he never turns down his recommendations. the idol knows a lot of music jinyoung hasn't explored, or wouldn't without some guidance and he's never disappointed whenever he gets a new addition to his playlist. he relates to the lyrics a lot more than he wants to. taken literally, the singer talks about being forgotten on his own birthday, but there's a much larger meaning to it. this feeling of loneliness, of going through life backwards because it seems as though no one truly cares or pays attention. and it kills jinyoung to feel like this when he knows there are so many people who want nothing but his well-being and happiness. he should be happy, right? he should smile more, get excited more, and yet he doesn't. there's no explaining it, or if there is, he's never found it.
he goes to work that day, looking at the customers and wondering if everyone's like him. if they still feel lonely when holding their lover's hand, or hugging a friend, or smiling at a complete stranger. he mentions it to jaewon, although too vaguely enough for jaewon to really wonder what's going on underneath the surface. they jokingly talk about how much life sucks at times, and even more when you have to work at a café to pay the bills. they both aspire to much greater things, and maybe jaewon more than him has almost given up on them now. jinyoung tries to hold on, after all, he's still twenty-two years old, his life is far from being over yet.
he arrives the next week with a heavy heart, and a lump in his throat. he's been practicing all week, in between breaks at work, or in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. he feels bad letting mina hear him sing it; he knows she'll be sad that he keeps these emotions buried inside, but the sole fact that he lets her into these private, darker thoughts means that he trusts her more than he trusts most people. he lets very few people in, and the rest can only scratch the surface of his soul. whether it's a good or bad thing, jinyoung doesn't care. he wouldn't feel any less lonely with more friends.
they are once again brought in the studio where a stage awaits them, but with fewer seats this time. jinyoung looks over at yugyeom and the people by his side. he just can't bring himself to join them. yugyeom's his brother, sometimes more so than he is a friend, and so jinyoung lets him have his own friendships without intefering with that part of his life. they're so loud anyway, as are most of the contestants. it turns him off. sia gestures for him to come over to where she is sitting with a couple friends, most of them the same as last week. he decides it can't hurt to sit with at least one familiar face. as for the rest well, he could always strike a conversation if he ever feels the need to. he ends up very close to changbin, who left quite the impression last week with his self-produced rap. they both nod to each other, then nothing after that for a long time. he talks to sia briefly, too, both asking how their week has been, and he claps more loudly for her than he does other people when it's her turn to go on stage to perform.
he definitely feels lonely.
he looks around him, expression neutral, very focused on the performances but never really letting any emotion through. there's no way for the camera to capture his thoughts. in fact, he looks more like a still image than he does a living, breathing person, save for the rare blinks here and there to prove that he is, indeed, alive. the singers go first, and due to his name jinyoung is the sixteenth contestant to perform. it doesn't bother him. the placement doesn't matter, only the skill does, but there's still a feeling of restlessness as they all pass on stage, some doing amazingly well, deserving louder claps from jinyoung and some being disappointing, only earning a few spared claps.
"next up is park jinyoung, please come forward."
he breathes in, breathes out. will it be like this every week? his fate relying solely on five people who might not even grow to like him. some could say they're the most capable of judging talent but jinyoung feels otherwise. he's worth more than nods and 'thank you, you can go back to your seat's. but they're sitting up there, and he's down here.
as usual, polite park jinyoung bows to the judges and both sides of the stage where the contestants are watching him from. "i'll be singing birthday by rad museum. thank you for listening." he says.
today is not his birthday. but the feeling isn't any different. he's nobody. and they're about to get a glimpse of park jinyoung's demons.
From now on
I’m not going to meet with anyone ever
Don’t worry too much
I never die
Is it because I’m wasted?
Oh I get so drunk
I said I was leaving,
but the place I wind up is the playground by my house
the song starts very slowly, and he sings the first part acapella, hand on the microphone instead of the guitar now strapped around him. eyes closed, lips brushed against the microphone, the words come out seamlessly, gently. he means every single one of them. don't worry too much about him, he doesn't want to die. at least not anymore. he won't disappear, he won't really leave, but part of him still wishes that he did. not to get away from people, but to get away from himself, and the pressure he puts himself through each day.
The day I was born
Nobody knows
The day I was born
Nobody knows my birthday
I feel so blue
from the chorus, his fingers start to strum the chords of his guitar and jinyoung moves his head along to the beat, feeling it right to his core. it's not about how nobody knows his birthday, but more about how nobody truly knows him. and so few people really care to pry enough to see what's inside. he doesn't talk much, and they rarely ask.
he feels so blue.
Morning sunshine, so long
This city’s neon sign, so long
My life is so long
And it’s difficult
I hate this day that finds me every year
he looks at the five ceos, grooving along to the music, then closes his eyes again. it's a very intimate song, at least to him, and he hopes they'll feel just how deeply meaningful it is through the way he delivers the lines and feels every beat. it's a very different style than the one he's done last week, so they can see for themselves that he can tackle more than one style. and that he deserves more than to be put in one category.
The day I was born
Nobody knows
The day I was born
Nobody knows my birthday
I feel so blue
Nobody knows what day today was
Today’s my birthday
Feels like a waste to just let it go by
I want to party
the bridge isn't as sorrowful, there's a glimpse of hope in the way he says he doesn't want to let the day go to waste. to jinyoung, it's his whole life he wants to make worthwhile. he could accomplish great things and actually enjoy them if he just lets himself get rid of his shackles.
The day I was born
Nobody knows
The day I was born
Nobody knows my birthday
I feel so blue
the singing stops and at the same time, the music he's been playing. he takes a deep breath, giving himself a few seconds to get back to reality. he gets so involved in whatever he sings that he often ends up unable to get his mind off of these feelings for a while. he goes back to his seat and doesn't talk to anyone until after the next performance, which funnily enough happens to be junhee.
changbin speaks to him then, telling him he enjoyed his performance, to which jinyoung replies a very short "thank you, you did quite well yourself last week." it's obvious that there's a lot of awkwardness between them, not because they don't get along, but just because that's how they are. it took them everything to actually acknowledge each other and now that it's done, the conversation died as quickly as it came to life. all that's missing are these quirky edits korean shows make, of both the boys inside huge blocks of ice. that's how cold the silence feels.
jinyoung pays a special attention to yugyeom once the dancers' round begins, as while he has confidence in the younger's talent he just hopes he won't mess up. it would be such a shame if yugyeom were to go home because of a stupid mistake, and as a big brother he can't help but feel responsible for him. but thankfully he does very well, and jinyoung breathes with a little more ease once the dancer is safely back to his seat.
just like this the main event comes to an end, and they're once again met with an uncertain future in the competition.
what will he tell mina when he comes home tonight?
jun hasn’t actively participated in anything remotely idol-like since his idol days. perhaps it was out of unadmitted fright, or simply for an unwillingness to try again, only to fail in the same ways- to endure the same hurt that he once did twice over. no, park junhee has stuck to theatre and really, theatre only since then. could anyone blame him?
but eunji encourages him, and wooyoung tempts him with the idea, before inadvertently inspiring him too. if wooyoung can do it, even just to remind a company of what they lost, then he can muster up enough courage to pull off one performance.
he’s not diamond’s ace or jaq’s PJ anymore; today he is just junhee, and junhee is not exactly the go out there and show them what you’ve got all the time kind of guy. it’s natural he struggles in choosing a song- he isn’t exactly a triple threat unless he has to be- all of those skills more than a little rusty. (thank god the challenge is announced early enough for true preparation.) so he works hard, thanking above that there’s not currently any rehearsal he has to take his time- working with jaewon for the choreography, running through everything himself over and over to make sure there’s no trips, no hiccups in it- as if it were the thing his life depended on most right now.
it’s enough to give him pause though; in his groups he was always a motivator- making sure that everyone was feeling confident enough to perform or picking up slack when it was needed, taking care of members when they were sick. he doesn’t have that anymore, hasn’t had that in a while now, and the whole idol that park junhee once was in only shown in shadows now, occasional glimpses in the right moments and not much else. sure, he knew he was charming, that was obvious by many standards, but idol-worthy.. was he still after so long?
he spends a long time going back and forth on yes and no and whether or not he was really competing, if he really wanted it or if it was just to prove to himself that he somehow still had a shred of something- that all the training, the blood, sweat, and tears weren’t for nothing.
he knows in his head to channel his stage personas, but the quicker heartbeat and the way that he feels just a tiny bit faint as he prepares himself tells him that it’s real, that he’s going to perform again, and maybe it will come to him just as easily as it used to.
and he listens to that small voice instead of the louder one screaming that the people in the audience that recognize a former boygroup member would be disappointed in him now- sad to see how he’s not improved and in fact maybe gotten worse.
and still instead he channels the memories of success, of a third place on charts because that’s as high as any of their titles ever got, but it was good enough. he repeats the mantra in his head even as he’s stepping onto the stage, and his hearing deafens, and it feels like it’s all the way back in 2010, performing for the first time, the first music show, the first chance.
he finds eunji’s head in the crowd and focuses on that too- and remembers everything she’s been through to get here, for them both to get to this point in time, and how she’s here now, encouraging him in spite of the past, in spite of the fear, in spite of everything. and it clicks.
📧 :: aaaaaah really??
📧 :: that’s so freaking cool! i’m alright!
📧 :: you should rap! i’m sure they wouldn’t expect that from such a pretty girl hehe boom snatched their hearts!
SNS 〉 〉ジャウーオンちゃん 💖; i need to see your precious face again! i miss you, jaewon!! a whole bunches~ (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
SNS 〉 〉ジャウーオンちゃん 💖; ah.. me pretty? (ノ*゜▽゜*) am i really..?
SNS 〉 〉ジャウーオンちゃん 💖; i was thinking of that since it’s the best of what i can do...!!
yeji had always wanted to try painting so she had gone to this activity, however she didn’t expect to see someone she knew there... “jaewon oppa,” she looked at the male shocked as she stood next to his seat. they were painting next to each other, yeji had hoped she wouldn’t see anyone. even if she had wanted to try, she wasn’t great at drawing and she figured painting would be no different.
picking up one of her paint brushes she tilted her head slightly glancing over at him, “i didn’t know you paint oppa,” she nodded as she dipped her brush in the black paint, sliding it across the white surface, “what brings you here?” yeji conttinued to paint, not sure if she needed to make small talk but it felt weird if she didn’t.
yeji tried to measure length with the brush, attempting to look like she knew what she was doing, when she had no clue at all. the way she flipped her brush made small drops of paint splatter on her face.
jinseok wasn’t expecting to stay at the festival for long, and considering the time that he ended up getting there, it was winding down anyway. he thinks that it’s good enough though; it’s nice to have something to do after training to unwind for at least an hour or so before heading back home to get enough sleep for the next day back at royal. the weather is warmer but still brisk and jinseok has his hands shoved in his hoodie pockets as he walks around, a bright blue scarf hanging limply around his neck.
he’s walking quickly to his activity, trying to get in line before they cut it off for the evening. before he can get there though, something brightly coloured flashes by the edges of his vision. it looks a bit like his scarf, which he’s assumed has fallen so jinseok turns enough only to see the very same one wrapped around the neck of a stranger. immediately he points with a sound of surprise, a grin forming on his lips at the sight of it. “ hey - nice taste!”
