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@roanlxnds | my muse greets yours in the afterlife
He opens his eyes with a strangled gasp, both hands moving to clutch at his chest. Unsurprising, given the violence of his sudden death, and Siri’s by his side right away, crouching down. “It’s okay -- Roan. It’s okay.” It isn’t, or it isn’t from his perspective, probably, but there isn’t anything that can be done about it, not by her, nor him, nor anyone: not even the Force can stop or reverse death.
He breathes heavily for another minute, looking strangely at her, one hand still feeling his chest.
She stands, reaching a hand down to help him up. He stares at her for another few seconds before taking her hand, letting her pull him to his feet. She’ll give him a minute before expecting him to be able to wrap his head around saying anything. “I’m glad to meet you, Roan, but I am sorry it’s so soon,” she tells him, “I’d hoped it wouldn’t be for many years yet.”
“I’m dead.”
Logical first words on this side of the Force, even if somewhat clinical and blunt. It’s how Siri had been, too. “I’m sorry, yes.”
“Ferus?”
“Alive.” It’s as much as she can guarantee right now. It touches her that Roan’s first thought is of Ferus, and if she could, she’d have reassured him that Ferus would be alright. But she can’t. She can feel her former Padawan’s grief (and rage) ripping right through the Force itself, all the way even to her, here on the other side of the Force, beyond the realms of the living, it’s so great a grief. Alive is all she can say that he is right now. Adi is watching him for her, so that she can be with Roan.
“I know who you are,” he says then. “You’re Siri Tachi.”
She tosses him her crooked grin, and nods. “How’d you know?” It’s half teasing, half curious.
He laughs. Just a short, shaky laugh, like he isn’t sure yet if he even wants to laugh, but she can tell from it that he has a good laugh. She’d always loved the way Ferus lit up when Roan laughed. “Everything,” he answers. “Ferus told me everything about you. I used to look for you at the beginning of the Clone Wars, before…” He trails off for a second, and Siri considers filling in ‘before I joined the Force’ for him, but he just skips over that and continues with “Well, I knew I’d recognize you if I saw you.”
She hadn’t realized that Ferus told Roan that much -- or anything -- about her, and she can’t help but feel a little proud about it. “I’d have liked to meet you then, too,” she replies. She would have; she’d known at the time that Ferus had settled onto Bellassa, that he’d started a business with Roan, that they’d both been officers in the Bellassan army at that time. She hadn’t known that Ferus loved Roan, then; she hadn’t known that until after she’d joined the Force, and been able to see them, to feel them, together. But she’d have liked to know that sooner.
“I’d have thanked you.”
Thanked her? “What for?”
“Ferus,” he answers simply, without further explanation.
For letting him go, she understands somehow. For letting him leave, so that he could find Roan, so that he could love Roan, as the Force must have always meant for him to do. “I should be the one thanking you,” she says right back.
“What for?” He asks, just as she had.
“Ferus,” she answers, as simply as he had. It doesn’t need any further explanation. For loving him, she knows that he understands.
